As Dudeist priests, we may be called upon to officiate weddings from time to time, and surely there are many Dudes who would be happy to oblige. So here we’d like to provide some ground rules. This isn’t ‘Nam, after all. We’ve put together some information below to help our fellow Dudeists with their officiating duties. However, unlike some religions we have no explicit ‘rules’ concerning performing marriages, other than to keep it legal and harmless.
First let us take a look at what marriage means in the modern world. In legal terms, marriage is essentially a contract between two consenting adults for the purpose of forming a family unit, with all the benefits, conditions, and responsibilities that are included and required under the law. Of course, on a biological level, human beings often have the urge to pair bond based on attraction and affection, which may also include the urge to procreate. Additionally, there is a spiritual aspect to marriage, and this is usually viewed differently depending on which cultural system you believe in or were raised with. However, on some level, spirituality often plays a part in making a lifelong commitment. Even in secular terms, marriage is thought of as “magical” and love, “divine.” A Dudeist wedding officiant should at least contemplate these aspects before performing any marriage. We are not saying it requires a PhD in philosophy or anything like that, just some sensitive consideration.
In Dudeism we take no stand on deities or metaphysics, preferring to deal with the world as it is presented, in its own time and place. Dudeists themselves may have opinions about such things as God or gods, but Dudeism as an semi-organized worldview does not. However it is important to take the opinions and beliefs of the parties being married into account, and design the ceremony accordingly. As a Dudeist wedding officiant we have to keep an open mind and work with the couple getting married to honor their understanding of what it means to be married.
The legality of a marriage is determined by the country and/or the state the wedding takes place in, so we urge our Dudeist priests to always check with their local county clerk for verification about what is legal and required. Sometimes there may be additional paperwork that needs to be filled out for a Dudeist to perform a wedding, but most locales just require a letter of good standing. Note that Clark County, Nevada and New York City residents require additional materials.Please contact the Church of Latter-Day Dude via
ga**@du*****.com
if you have any special documentation needs.
Don’t forget that in the eyes of the state, marriage is a binding legal contract that concerns such things as finances, benefits, wills, parentage of children, and next of kin. Being married requires people to be responsible for each other, so there are obligations that will need to be fulfilled, and as a wedding officiant you should make sure that the people who intend to marry each other understand these responsibilities. As Dudeists we are not here to judge, but there are times when a Dude should not perform a marriage. For instance one of the party is not there of their own free will, as in they are being coerced. It is important that both people love and respect each other for us Dudeists to truly sanction such an arrangement.
Preparing for the wedding
Make sure your important papers are in order, this usually means having a certificate of ordination, and a letter of good standing from the governing body of the church. Check with your county clerk’s office where the wedding is to be performed to see what documents are required to register as a wedding officiant, and solemnize weddings. Make note of the process for registering the marriage after the wedding has been performed, the clerk’s office has to record the union for it to become legal. Laws vary from place to place but these documents are generally required. If you have not done so you need to ordain with the Church of Latter-Day Dude here. If required, you can order copies of your certificate of ordination with seal, and letter of good standing at our store.
Start off by talking to the couple being married, discuss the ceremony with them, and find out what they are looking for in a wedding, draw inspiration from them and their plans. There are sample Dudeist wedding ceremonies described later, but plan the wedding around the couple, make it special for their special day. Though you may be nervous about your role, remember that this is not about you. You are in service to the couple getting married. And they’re probably far more nervous than you are!
After you have taken care of the paperwork and talked to the couple, write out what you plan to say (and do). Review your speech and practice it over and over before the big day comes. This is your chance to get a feel for your own voice, how the rhythm of the ceremony might go, and to work out any tripping points in the plan. Practice will help keep the ceremony from crashing into the mountain on the wedding day.
The Wedding Ceremony
Generally wedding ceremonies can be broken down into three distinct parts, an introduction, the marriage, and finally concluding remarks. These can be further broken down into additional elements, and these elements can be arranged in whatever manner the officiant and couple to be married see fit. Beyond satisfying the law, a wedding ceremony can take nearly any form, from a simple declaration to an extravagant event. It can be spiritual and even rather religious, or on the other hand, entirely secular with no hint of religion at all. What is important is the declaration and celebration of the union being formed. That’s what a wedding ceremony is all about: announcing to the world the couple’s intent, and celebrating the occasion.
Here are some examples of the different parts that are involved in a wedding ceremony, this is just a suggested outline:
The Introduction
THE PROCESSION
This is the part of the ceremony when the music plays and the participants move to their final places for the actual ceremony. Traditionally this is when Here Comes the Bride will be played as the procession makes its way to the altar. Maybe this is something couple wants to include in their wedding plans, maybe not. As the officiant it is your job to communicate with the couple being married to find out what their wishes are. This is completely optional, no need for a procession other than for the fun and spectacle of it.
THE GREETING
This is when the officiant welcomes the attendees and announces the impending marriage, states who is getting married and provides a basic outline of the events to come. Even with the simplest ceremonies some form of greeting should be included.
OPENING REMARKS
This is where the individual creativity of the officiant comes into play. This is your chance to share the couple’s philosophy of love and marriage. Make it unique, but tailor it to the wishes of the couple as well as the setting where the wedding is being performed. While optional, it is recommended to have a few words to say at least, it really ties the ceremony together.
READING
A good time to break out the Abide Guide, the Dude De Ching, the Tao Te Ching, the Bible, some funny jokes, or any other inspirational reading you feel would be appropriate. Using quotes from meaningful literature can be a great way to provide inspiration and really tie the room together.
The Marriage
ADDRESS THE COUPLE
This where you speak directly to the couple getting married, discussing the wonder and profundity of the commitment before them. This is one of the most important days of their lives!
VOWS
This is one of the most important parts, and required as a Declaration of Intent. Traditionally the “I take this man/woman” and “I do” part of the wedding. This is not optional.
RING EXCHANGE
The couple may choose to exchange rings or gifts as symbols of their love and the union they are forming together.
CANDLE LIGHTING
Some couples like to ceremoniously light candles in honor of their new union. This option can give a spiritual vibe to even a secular wedding. Candle lighting would certainly be welcome at any Dudeist service, perhaps with whale songs playing in the background while the lighting occurs.
THE KISS
This is what everyone came for. Let the tension build a little. Though they may have done all sorts of kinky things before, this is their first kiss as a married couple, and one of the most important physical acts they will ever enjoy together.
Conclusion
CLOSING REMARKS
Another chance for you, the officiant, to blather on about marriage, love, the couple, children, laws regarding the keeping of amphibians within city limits, or whatever.
INTRODUCTION OF THE NEWLYWED COUPLE
This is one that should be included even if the ceremony is a simple one, this is the formal introduction of the newly formed union to the world.
RECEPTION
Bar’s over there. Time to celebrate the new union, so get off the stage and join the party.
AFTER THE WEDDING
“Is this your homework Larry?” Remember to file all the important papers with the clerk’s office, the marriage is not legal until you have taken care of this part of the process.
Sample Wedding Ceremony Scripts
Here are some short but sweet outlines for you to get the general idea. Some longer versions can be found in the links section at the bottom of the page.
SIMPLE VERSION
Here’s a really simplified wedding ceremony, truly barebones stuff, and basically anything less probably isn’t legal. We use terms like bride and groom in these scripts, as Dudeists we shouldn’t be uptight concerning the genders of those we are officiating for. Use the terms that are appropriate and satisfy both the local law and the wishes of the couple being married.
The officiant opens the ceremony.
Officiant: Dudes, we are gathered here today to unite _____________ and ______________ in wedded matrimony. And that’s cool, that’s cool.
The officiant addresses the groom (or wife as the case may be)
Officiant: Do you take__________________ to be your lawfully wedded wife/husband? If so please answer I do.
After the bride/groom declare their intent.
Officiant to the bride (or groom as the case may be): Do you take_____________________ to be your lawfully wedded husband/wife? If so please answer I do.
After both parties have formally declared their intent to marry, the officiant solemnizes the marriage.
Officiant: By the authority vested in me by the state of ______________, I now pronounce you Husband/Wife and Husband/Wife.
DUDEIFIED VERSION
Officiant: Dudely beloved, we have gathered here today to tangle the threads of ____________ and ___________________ as they begin to weave together the rug of marriage that will tie their lives together.
The officiant addresses the groom (or bride as the case may be)
Officiant: Dude, do you take__________________ to be your lawfully wedded wife/husband? To be your special lady/gentleman friend, to hold in abiding matrimony, and not treat each other like objects? If so please answer I do.
After the bride/groom declare their intent.
Officiant: Far out!
Officiant addresses the second party.
Officiant: Dude, do you take__________________ to be your lawfully wedded wife/husband? To be your special lady/gentleman friend, to hold in abiding matrimony, and not treat each other like objects? If so please answer I do.
Officiant: Far out!
After both parties have formally declared their intent to marry, the officiant solemnizes the marriage.
Officiant: By the authority vested in me by The Church of Latter-Day Dude, a stranger, and the state of ______________, I now pronounce you Husband/Wife and Husband/Wife. Dude and Dude, you may now seal it with a kiss, or what have you. Bar’s over there.
Checklist
Here’s a handy checklist of important information to help you cover your bases. Refer to it as often as needed as you plan to officiate a Dudetastic wedding. Remember it is up to you to satisfy the people getting married, to follow the requirements of the law, and to bring an abiding vibe to the wedding ceremony.
BEFORE THE WEDDING
• Check with city/town clerk’s office for full requirements for wedding officiants.
• Your certificate of ordination and/or letter of good standing is generally required. You can get those at our store. You may need a special version in some areas.
• Discuss the wedding with the couple and make a plan.
• Write your own ceremony, use one of ours, or any other appropriate script.
THE WEDDING
• Have a plan, a script, and stay limber.
• Have the couple make a declaration of intent, the vows.
• Introduce the new married couple to the world.
AFTER THE WEDDING
• Gather the necessary signatures, the couple, you, and two witnesses.
• Complete the rest of the required paper work.
• File the important papers with the city/town clerk’s office.
• Party
Whelp that about wraps ‘er up Dude. Go forth and help some folks get hitched. It is up to you to use your Dudeness to help perpetuate this whole durned human comedy we call love and marriage.
Wedding Officiant Course
Reverend Gary has put together his own free and comprehensive Dudeist Wedding Officiant Course. Check it out!
Links
There’s a wealth of information at our forum.
Here are some sample ceremonies from our forum:
A slightly more traditional ceremony
A blended family Dudeist ceremony
Dudeist wedding ceremony
Article about a Dudeist Wedding Ceremony
More ceremonies and advice, from the Dudespaper:
A sample ceremony by the Arch-Dudeship
Article (with video of ceremony) by the Dudely Lama
Article by Rev. Eric Gamlem
