Baptism to be performed in a bowling alley or somewhere else.
Get a baby bathtub surrounded by candles and whale songs playing.
Brothers and Sisters Shamuses, we’re here today to celebrate the beginning of the trail of a new Achiever.
We do this with the presence of his parents and those who will be on her/his side along the trail.
To parents:
Are you the parents of this Achiever?
Answer: Yes! Yes!
What’s her/his name?
__________
Do you promise to help her/him to keep her/his mind limber?
Yes! Yes!
Do you promise to help her/him to take it easy?
Yes! Yes!
Do you promise to help her/him to abide?
Yes! Yes!
Do you promise to feed her/his monkey until she/he will be able to feed it by herself/himself?
Yes! Yes!
Will you be on her/his side when she/he’ll leave her/his homework in a stranger’s car?
Yes! Yes!
Who do you choose within your Brotherhood Shamus to help you going with her/him along the trail teaching her/him the rules of the Cosmic Bowling and to not go over the line and to respect others’ rugs?
___________ (godfather)
To godfather: Put the Achiever on the little rug you brought for her/him.
________ (godfather) gives to _________(Achiever) her/his first rug; may it tie her/his life together.
The Priest now takes a drop of water from the baby’s bathtub and marks a lazy 8 on his forehead saying “Tattoo it on your forehead!” and everyone answers “Mark it 8 Dude!”
Now ________ (godfather) throw for her/him a ball, and wheter a strike or a gutter it doesn’t matter as it’a just a game, and not even a League Game.
May ______ (Achiever) have more strikes than gutters, and you know where we go from here.
“Let’s welcome _________, our new Little Lebowski Urban Achiever; and proud we are of all of them.”
Everyone: “Thurrah!”
