The Dudeism Forum

61. Fellowship
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Coffee is served in the peaceful family restaurant,
Fellowship and Tammy are in the air, as is concern,
A word of knowledge; That wasn't her toe,
A question of wisdom; Whose toe was it, Walter?

A question of the inquirer; How the fuck should I know?
A sudden flash of insight; The nail polish, Walter,
A statement of the obvious; As if it's impossible to get some nail polish,
The deep question from the eternal tau; What about the toe?

The divine spark comes forth............FORGET ABOUT THE FUCKING TOE!
And the great eternal cycle of that which is one reveals this is a family restaurant.

The cycle is complete; I'm staying. Finishing my coffee.

62. Sin
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The Dude is the source of all things,
The treasure of the Stranger,
And the refuge of the bowler.

The parlance of our times wins honor
And a worthy fuckin' adversary wins respect,
But if a man flashes a piece on the lanes, do not abandon him;
And if a man achieves, do not take his bullshit money;
Just be calm and show accordance with The Dude.

Why is The Dude the treasure of the Stranger?
Because takes it easy.
Why is The Dude the refuge of the bowler?
Because he loves you even if you're a goddamn moron.
It is the most valuable gift.

63. Confronting Difficulty
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Practice no-action;
Attend to do-nothing;
Taste the Half-and-half,
Examine the roach,
Say "Fuck it",
Return love for hate.

Deal with hard while it is still soft;
Deal with the Big while it is yet small;

The difficult develops naturally from the easy
And the great from the small;
So The Dude, doing nothing,
Achieves.

He who finds it easy to get a toe enjoys his coffee;
He who takes things lightly, abides all things;
The Dude does not confront difficulty, and so has none.

64a. Care at the Approach
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Keep the Bowling Ball still so it is easy to grasp;
The Pins are far off so they are easy to anticipate;
What is slick is easy to roll on;
The Pins are easy to disperse.

Yet,
A ball that hooks too hard can cause a split;
A ball that slides too far can overflow into the gutter;
A journey of sixty feet begins at the spot under one's toe.

Therefore roll your way into the semis before the finals;
Knock down all the pins before you roll the ball.

64b. Care at the follow through
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He who misses, splits;
He who falters, gutters.
People often split on the verge of a strike;
Take care at the follow through as at the approach,
So that you may throw rocks.

The Dude desires no desire,
Values no valuable,
Knows no knowledge,
But shows people how to take it easy
And helps all things abide with Nature
Without being undude.

65. History
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The Stranger did not want to make the Dude wise,
But to make him confused about cuss words;
For what the fuck are you talking about?

To anger a cab driver by imparting an opinion about his music
Destroys the cab ride.
To realize that you're thinking about the case had become very uptight
Strengthens your vision.

Understanding these two scenes is understanding history;
Understanding history gives clarity of vision
By which one may see through phonies.

66. Lead by Following
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How does the river carve out the valley?
By flowing beneath it.
Thereby the river is master of the valley.

In order to master people
One must speak as a loser or a deadbeat;
So when The Dude is elevated to power
People say, ?Far out?.

In order to lead people
One must follow them;
So when The Dude isn?t listening
They keep talking, or delivering Donny?s eulogy.

Thus the abiding of The Dude does not fail,
He does not seem superior, so no one will usurp him.
He fits right in there.

67. Three Treasures
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It may seem that the Dude is a Bum;
He takes it easy, so of course he achieves nothing;
If he achieved something he would long since have rolled another game.

Yet I have three treasures which I follow and commend to you:
The first is love,
By which one abides.
The second is restraint,
By which one takes it easy.
The third is not contending,
By which one finds great dudeness.

Those who are a dam moron, but without love,
Calm, but without restraint,
Or dudelike, yet contentious,
Are entering a world of pain.

Only love conquers all and is defeated by none.
It is Nature's finest bowling ball and sharpest scissors.

68. Take it Easy, Man
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A good bowler does not use violence;
A good friend does not use anger;
A good pacifist does not use attack;
A good bowling league does not use authority;
Not contending is the best way to take it easy, man.

69. Ambush
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There is a saying among soldiers:
Fighting in the desert is much different than canopy jungle.

In this way one may deploy the ringer without losing your undies,
Reveal yourself without exposing yourself to an eight-year-old,
Assault the nihilists without grieving for Donny,
Apply force while remaining perfectly calm.

Conversely there is no bummer like getting your dick cut off;
For bush-league psych-out stuff will lose you your most valued assets.
When two equally matched forces meet next Wednesday, baby,
The bowling team that does not fuck with The Jesus will win.

70. Individuality
-----------------

The Dude's words are easy to understand
And The Dude's actions are easy to perform
But you will always ask, "What the fuck are you talking about?"

The Dude's words have logic; The Dude's actions have meaning;
You should try, like, listening, occasionally.

We are each unique; no man understands another.
Though The Dude wears a bathrobe, his heart is green, with rust coloration.

71. Undudeness
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Who knows what he knows can take it easy;
Who ignores what he ignores is a damn moron;
Who grows sick of sickness abides;
The Stranger is never sick, always sick of sickness.

(only ten more to go)


72. Diplomacy
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When strangers do not fear, they are easily fucked in the ass.

Praise their style
And they will not dislike yours too, man.
Know your average,
But do not tell it to them;
Love your rug,
But do not let them know how it tied the room together;
Reject what is yours
And accept what is theirs,
But only if it isn't during league play.

73. Your roll
--------

Who is brave and bold on Saturday may die;
Who is brave and subtle next Wednesday may live.
Which course best serves one's purpose?
Bowling favours some and destroys others.
The Dude does not know why.

Bowling does not contend, yet all things are conquered by it;
It does not ask, it knows there are rules;
It does not call, it gives you your balls back;
It does not plan, unless it's during league play.

Bowling's hands are vast, its fingers spread wide,
Yet none slip through its grasp.

      

74. Tyranny
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People do not fear paraquats, so do not threaten them with castration,
Nor split hairs.

If people feared paraquats,
And you executed all who did not like your style,
There would be no one left but you and the nihilist.
You would then have to kill him.
You would then have to cut off your own johnson.