dudeism and social anxiety

[mountainDude]

Hey all--never been one to ask life advice but I figured I might as well. 

I'm 19 years-old and getting ready to start my second semester at a decent sized university (not the average demographic of someone here).  I think I've always had mild (undiagnosed) social anxiety personality disorder, but have never really been "defined" by it.  I always grew up in an environment tight-knit enough for people to realize that I have a great sense of humor and all.

(SAPD is basically excessive shyness and awkwardness in interpersonal relationships.  Think of a slightly less nervous version of the Dude's landlord.)

But my first semester of college has been a disaster socially.  For the first time in my life I feel like one of those angsty teen emo types saying "nobody gets me."  I'm not so naive that I think I'll make friends by sitting in my room, but I guess in the past I always "passively" accumulated friends without making an effort (ex. being in a small gradeschool, being on a sports team in high school).  I like having friends in my life, but the idea of going out for the sole purpose of meeting new ones sounds exhausting at best and terrifying at worst.

Now I'm expected to go out into the hallway and try to integrate into existing friend groups, who already might regard me as "that weird kid who doesn't come out of his room much."  If I want next semester to be any better than the last, I know I'll have to do this, but it's infinitely harder for someone with SAPD than you might think.

What draws me toward Dudeism is its approach to life's struggles in a laid-back, unhurried, and often humorous manner, but clearly I've been having a hard time doing so.  Anyone else here ever deal with similar life situations or have any advice for a practical course of action?  Life without people in it can be a drag.

[Brother D]

Hey man, nice to have you have you here on the lanes, grab an oat soda, bar's over there, mang.

Not sure if it helps, but try not worry about fitting in and what other dudes think, if you do, your thinking will get too uptight. So what if you hang out in your room, as long as you're happy. Being concerned with how people will react, is exactly what they'll pick up on. The key is staying positive and people will respond to that. A friendly disposition is a much better attidude, after all, "what would the dude do?". It's just like their opinion, man.

I have also felt as you do,( going from loner/ doing my own thing, to class clown and back again) and found that worrying about that shit, can consume you. You are not alone, dude, new situations sometimes make me anxious even now,( I am 38) and adapting to them and rolling with it helps me to abide. That's where dudeism helps the most, take it easy, relax, nothing is fucked here, dude.

Say Fuck it, this too will pass and remember that "sometimes you eat the bear and sometimes, the bear, well, he eats you!"

We have a nice little beach community here and will help where we can.

Take 'er easy,

Brother D.

[DaleT8]

First, I make no claims as a life expert. I've got the scars and ex-wife to prove that.

But based on my little bit of understanding of college life, I'd say look and see if the college you're at has a club related to any of your interests or hobbies. That's a likely place to find like minded people.

But that's just, like, my opinion, man.

[jgiffin]

Maybe I'm missing the quandary. This is like Fight Club - you determine your own level of participation. Do you want to be more socially involved at college? If so, okay, but don't buy-in to those rats down at the league office who tell you college is about social experiences, friendship, and rainbows. It's job-training. There's nothing wrong with getting involved. And there are a metric fuck-ton of groups to get you started. Or you could chat with someone from your classes. Or Go to a bar by yourself and hang out for two hours. You'll have met a lot of people.

If you don't want to get social, then don't. Focus on your shit and let everyone think what they want. Pro-Tip: 90% of people are self-absorbed and, therefore, not thinking about you or anyone other than themselves. 

[BikerDude]

Maybe start a Dudeism group at school?
That might put you in touch with others like yourself.
Or seek out some other group that is likely to accumulate others of similar interests.
Or just don't worry about it.
Life goes on man.

I got by in College by playing sports and by having several special lady friends over the years.
I made my own comfortable little place.

[Dudov]

Social anxiety is a bummer man and I know how you feel.

I've been suffering from it myself but you are DEFINITELY on the right path with Dudeism and this little beach community here. I've read dozens of books on the topic, tried to meditate and whatnot, and nothing has managed to help me chill out more than Dudeism. If you haven't bought it already, I really recommend buying "The Abide Guide". I read it on a weekly basis as it really helps me get back into a Dude mood when my thinking gets too uptight. Listening to dudely music also does wonders for uptightedness.

If I may give some advice, the more you try to think about it and think that you're "deficient" in some way, the more you'll get stuck in the mud. You have to drop all expectations and go with the flow. Dudeism really taught me the Golden Rule that "The less you care, the better you do". It's a difficult journey but it's well worth the struggle.

[Brother D]

Mindfulness techniques have and do help me, to paraphrase star wars," be mindful of your thoughts, they betray you". Another helpful book is Fuck it by John C Parkin.

[BikerDude]

Another helpful book is Fuck it by John C Parkin.

Oh hell yeah.
The "hill that breaths" guy.
We've viewed his thing from afar for some time.
That Dude can roll man.
The spiritual power of the "Fuck it" mantra.
Very cool man.
His website.
http://www.thefuckitlife.com/

Interviews
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfC6Z-grpQY
Hour long interview
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=brCP4VGEWK4

Not him but same idea. Inner fucking peace man.
Breathing in white light and breathing out bullshit.
Fuck yes!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTih3fwoA2I

[DaleT8]

"https://player.vimeo.com/video/132790897"

I find this one very helpful

[StAugustineDude]

I think I'll just set this one on repeat on my phone and listen to it all day at work... Nice one dude!

StAugustineDude

[mountainDude]

Thanks for all the support and advice.  I guess I knew a lot of what you all said but it's nice to have it reaffirmed.

I'll keep on abiding.

[thevideoartist]

Hey man I have social anxiety too and it seems like a similar strain to yours.  I'm not big on forging new friendships in strange locations but when relationships organically develop I'm usually considered pretty awesome and can connect with lots of different kinds of people across all walks of life.

I live in DC now which is pretty much as undude as you can get location-wise and I've been here for 5 years and didn't really talk to anyone outside of work (a similarly undude place).  Recently, especially since coming to dudism, I've realized that's totally ok man.  If you're happy with yourself then there's plenty of times where being alone can be far better than interacting with those who are obsessed with making connections only as a means to an unsatisfying end.  I would say more than anything, do what helps you take er easy, whether that's playing music or studying so you're not a nervous wreck for every test like the rest of the class, or maybe that's doing tai chi on the quad, maybe it's just laying out and staring at the sky, maybe it's staying in and binge watching a show... whatever it is you do... but always be open to new people, just like the dude.  He doesn't judge people and he's true to himself, those are the two things more than anything that attract positive people to your life and forge organically real friendships.  Think of people as far out new perspectives to explore and try and figure out what their philosophy of the world is and see if you can groove on that.

If you're not patient enough then find a thing that helps you take er easy that might be a club to join or something.  That or just find someone and tell them "Hey dude I like your style".  People are self-absorbed and there's nothing they like hearing about more than themselves so don't fight that man.  Do them a service and toss out some compliments every now and then but not to get anything in return, just to show them you're not like the other "achievers" running around with something to prove... you're the man for your time and place, aware and appreciative of your surroundings, and that's more meaningful.  College for me was a great time to get in touch with myself and who I was outside of my family and high school friends, the studies are just a side thing really... fairly irrelevant and over-priced.  Reinvent yourself into the dude you are inside and go with the flow.

Does this make sense or am I just blathering...

[resist-the-rush]

BECOME THE DUDE! I'm strongly suggesting to ya, 6 months of hardcore dudery, turning away from conflict even at the expense of ridicule, will churn and burn and you will come out the other end so laid back that you're nearly upside down But stand your ground, find yourself a solid ground of peace, and preserve it through positive action. This is you're place man, create your character because what you think is cool or what you want to be is exactly what is your true self, ((i mean i personally love heavy metal and skulls i just find safety in their ugliness, but others would say im being a try hard but in time i become what i chose to be)) Always go for a nap if you're worn down, so dude like respect. And keep in mind that you don't have to respond to everyone straight away, let it be seen where your personal and mental space stands, fear nothing if you love everything, maybe fear hatred... And you can use this piece of advice straight from my personal self:- today, yes today, i figured out how i fit in, but tomorrow, it will change a little bit, but i feel so great just knowing the sort of way i fit into this lovely world. And im 3 years older than you man, looking back at myself at 19 im pretty sure i was stuck in an acid trip :/ peace tho dude, remember that when you feel like a loner, you might just attract another loner, the deepest kindest mofo's around imo

[SagebrushSage]

*deleting old posts*

[SagebrushSage]

*deleting old posts*