Dude is cited by the police....bummer man

[Turtle]

I was having a beer down by the water when a group of cops on bikes pulled up and next thing I know I have a friggin court date in August at 8:30 in the morning on the other side of town and i'm broke and dont drive.....fuckin bummer man. Uggh.

[DigitalBuddha]

I was having a beer down by the water when a group of cops on bikes pulled up and next thing I know I have a friggin court date in August at 8:30 in the morning on the other side of town and i'm broke and dont drive.....fuckin bummer man. Uggh.

This aggression will not stand, man! Fucking nazis, nothing ever changes.

[Turtle]

I'm really bummed out, I mean its been a long time (over a decade?) since I had any run in with police, sure there was the time a couple months ago, when the cop tried to stop me for riding my bicycle on the sidewalk, but he was on foot and easily outrun since i was on a bike. 

The beer was sitting on the edge of the river, and i should have just knocked it in the river as soon as I saw the cops but i didnt.

The bummer is the whole ridiculous concept that there were bars all along the street and if i was a mere few hundred feet over and inside one of the bars, i could drink a beer in the open with no problems. But I was outside the bar (trying to save money) and so now I was written up for what is checked off as a "Criminal" citation.

The whole lack of logic, the fact that this is just another reminder that we live in a world run by force and not reason. That a simple technicality of where you stand in space while you drink a beer can make you a criminal or not a criminal. Just the whole goddamn ridiculousness of the system that we take so seriously, THAT has me bummed man, and the fact that I am NOT more powerful than it, I am NOT smarter, I am NOT able to live without being subject to it.

I know many people have much worse problems and things to deal with than a citation for drinking a beer in public, I know its just the stress talking, so I'm sorry for bitching, just a bummer man.

[Andrea D.]

Fucking fascist! Never change.
In the following picture a bunch of real reactionaries from my country.

[Turtle]

Its like high school on a world-sized level.

Bullies. Eight-year-olds.

[Turtle]

http://www.benfrank.net/nuke/ftaa112003/Police_Brutality_in_Miami.html

[DigitalBuddha]

When you stand before the fucking judge, T-dude, use the words of the dude and the flick...

I know my rights, man, you fucking fascist. You real reactionary. Ahhh, you got an Kahlua? Oh yeah, far fucking out, man. Look, let me explain something. I'm not the Judge; you're the Judge. I'm the Turtle. So that's  what  you  call me. That, or Turtler. His Turtleness. Or El Turtlerino, if, you know, you're not into the whole brevity thing. So Judge, you fucks got any leads? I mean are you gonna find these cops? Well, okay, you're not privy to all the new shit, so uh, you know, but that's what you pay me for. Speaking of which, would it be possible for me to get my twenty grand in cash?  I gotta check this with my accountant of course, but my concern is that, you know, it could bump me into a higher tax. Judge, I mean, is this your homework you fucking brat?! Come on, sir, no one is gonna cut my dick off. Get a job, sir, the bum judges will always lose! You hear me your honor, THE BUMS WILL ALWAYS LOSE!! You want a beer?  I can get you a beer, believe me.  There are ways, Judge.  You don't wanna know about it, believe me. Shut the fuck up and mark it eight, you pederast!

I see you rolled your way into the court room.  Deos mio, Judge. Seamus and me, we're gonna fuck you up. Let me tell you something, Judge bendeco.  You pull any your crazy shit with me, you flash a piece out on the court room, I'll take it away from you and stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger til it goes "click". You said it, Judge.  Nobody fucks with the Jesus.


By the time you have dropped all of that shit on the judge, the crazy fuck will probably forget what the hell you are in court for and drop the charges.

Its worth a try 

[Turtle]

K i got it dbuddha, printed it out and folded it up with the citation, i'll let u know how it goes....

[SmokeytheBuddha]

K i got it dbuddha, printed it out and folded it up with the citation, i'll let u know how it goes....

You might want to pass this by Ron Kuby first, though.

[DigitalBuddha]

K i got it dbuddha, printed it out and folded it up with the citation, i'll let u know how it goes....

Report back to us when you are done. Your life in your hands, dude. Your life is in your hands.

Also, dude...beer is not the preferred nomenclature, "oat soda," please.

Hey, I gotta an idea...tell the judge that it was an oat soda, NOT a beer.

"Judge, lets not forget, LETS NOT FORGET,  it was an oat soda, NOT a beer.

[Turtle]

Dbuddha, would you be available to come down in person to represent me?
Also, don't forget the uzi. We can't roll into that courtroom naked.

[Garheart]

I could see the Oat Soda defense working.

Or show him that you're an ordained minister in the latter-day church of the dude and hope that he is a member of the religion.

[DigitalBuddha]

I could see the Oat Soda defense working.

Or show him that you're an ordained minister in the latter-day church of the dude and hope that he is a member of the religion.

Yeah, great idea, Turtle could tell the judge...that fucking human paraquat, that strumpet, that nazi behind the bench...that drinking an oat soda on the beach at night was part of the religion of Dudeism and that doing so was a sacrament and therefore protected by the US Constitution. Turtle knows his rights, man. This aggression will not stand, man!

The judge... how do you pled, Turtle?

Turtle... Let me tell you something, bendeco...All you needed was a sap to pin it on, and you'd just met me.  You thought, hey, a deadbeat, a loser, someone the square community won't give a shit about. BUT NO, The Turtle abides, It's all over, man!  We call your fucking bluff!

The judge... Did the cops pee on your rug?

Turtle...They peed on my rug. And we're talking about unchecked aggression here, man.

The judge... Across this line you do not...?

Turtle... Fucking a, mind if I burn a J?

The judge... They peed on the Turtle's rug.

Turtle... Life does not stop and start at your convenience, you miserable piece of shit. This Cop who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill so what the fuck are you talking about?

The judge... Turtle is awarded 20 Grand, man.

Turtle... I dig the way you do business, judge.

DigitalBuddha... My point, Turtle, is why should we settle for twenty grand when we can keep the entire million.  Am I wrong?

Turtle... I'm just gonna go find a cash machine, later judge.............

The judge...Case closed, fuck it, I'm going bowling.

...........Fucking Judge--that creep can roll, man--

[DigitalBuddha]

Dbuddha, would you be available to come down in person to represent me?
Also, don't forget the uzi. We can't roll into that courtroom naked.

Your wheel, Turtle!  I'm rolling out! Your wheel!  At fifteen em-pee-aitch I roll out!  I double back, grab the judge and beat it out of him!

[SmokeytheBuddha]

I could see the Oat Soda defense working.

Or show him that you're an ordained minister in the latter-day church of the dude and hope that he is a member of the religion.

Yeah, great idea, Turtle could tell the judge...that fucking human paraquat, that strumpet, that nazi behind the bench...that drinking an oat soda on the beach at night was part of the religion of Dudeism and that doing so was a sacrament and therefore protected by the US Constitution. Turtle knows his rights, man. This aggression will not stand, man!

Fuckin A, man. The Supreme Court has roundly rejected prior restraint!