The Dudeism Forum

Hey, Dudes. Couldn't really find a good spot to put this, so I figured id put it here. I have this friend (more like a brother) who I've known for a good long while. He's never seen TBL, but I have told him about it, and also Dudeism. He seems to like the idea of not worrying and taking it easy, but there is only one problem; He can be a bit of a racist. I still like the guy, but I dont really care for when he uses an inappropriate nomenclature. I've never called him out on it, but I just know its pretty un-dude. Just posting it here to see what you guys think, and maybe you can help out some. Take 'er easy.

I can't abide racism, but my advise is to live and let live. Racism is just like his opinion, man. Perhaps it's just his inner Walter he is dealing with, and in time will see the error of his undude ways.

That's just like my opinion, man.

Quote from: DigitalBuddha on February 01, 2015, 05:55:09 PM
I can't abide racism, but my advise is to live and let live. Racism is just like his opinion, man. Perhaps it's just his inner Walter he is dealing with, and in time will see the error of his undude ways.

That's just like my opinion, man.

I'd just point out to him that if he's serious about taking up the dudely ways, racism isn't a part of it (it creates an "us and them" mentality, which is pretty uptight imo) but that he's free to do as he wishes, since it's just, like, your opinion man and he's always free to do as he wishes.

When you say your friend is "more like a brother", it implies a close relationship.  Assuming this is mutual, I would think you could discuss this issue with him (as long as it's done in a non-hostile manner and doesn't sound like you're condemning him for his opinions) and let him know it makes you uncomfortable.  You might not be able to change his opinions, but making him aware that you don't like it could lead to him not using such nomenclature, and/or stop expressing those opinions, in your presence.

You say he's "a bit of a racist" and uses "inappropriate nomenclature." There's a difference between: (1) being a racist; and (2) whether from habit, custom, or environmental/geographical influences, employing manners of speech, terms, or references which other individuals choose to criticize or feel insulted by. Here's a simple test to see which one we're talking about.

Does your buddy think certain other races are inferior, subject to scorn, dangerous to society, and should be repressed and/or subjugated? Dude is a racist. You're not likely to change him over a couple oat sodas and a powerpoint presentation on getting along.

Does your buddy not keep his "Al Sharpton Manual of Non-Offensive Terminology and Methods of Corporate Extortion" up to date? Well, he's perhaps old, maybe careless, likely politically incorrect, and probably harmless. Let him know when you think he's over the line - otherwise, it's his roll, dude.

I tend to think the latter instances say more about the purportedly aggrieved people than the "racists," but that's just me.

Racism is complex. Just look at Walter the defender of the Chinaman while nonchalantly using the term "towel head".
Generally the roots of racism are generational. And environmental.
If he's a righteous Dude he can over come it.
Often there is a sort of posing nature to the use of racist terms in an offhand way.
Like calling people "fags" while not generally being particularly homophobic.
It's less an intellectual choice than a style for some people.

Some really good advice here dudes.
I will share my experiences with a similar situation. I have an older brother who can be a little bit racist at times. We grew up in a semi rural area, and his buddies were of the hee haw big pickup truck type. Most of those guys were major racists from what I remember...
Anyway, fast forward and we're adults with respectable careers. My brother, who's a smart man, drops the N bomb on me and my girlfriend while sitting at a bar one night. He was referring to an artist who had taken the time to draw our caricatures while we were sitting there drinking and laughing. He says "man, that N can draw!!"
I was not only angry at how unintelligent he sounded but also embarrassed.
I don't think the man heard him, but it was still very unDude!
So being that he and I are close, I called him on it. He understood my point and agreed it was wrong to say.

My point is this- I didn't try to change his views on race, I merely explained my take on using such words, and how dangerous it can be to label people. Maybe you can use a similar approach and have some good come from the discussion.

Good luck dude.

Quote from: Judd Dude on February 04, 2015, 09:49:09 AM
..while sitting at a bar one night...

Houston, I think we have identified the problem.

I gotta a rash...

A little philosophy, a little humor:

They Might Be Giants - Your Racist Friend
http://youtu.be/lHxEnQZi3Ow