The Dudeism Forum

Hey, like I had a a a question, how do we dudes abide with a family? I am the only dude in my private residence. This shit came to light and i thought it was fucking inneresting man, any advice/ new shit to be privvy to?

thankee dudes,

The D Abides

Quote from: the d on October 03, 2011, 04:44:17 PM

Hey, like I had a a a question, how do we dudes abide with a family? I am the only dude in my private residence. This shit came to light and i thought it was fucking inneresting man, any advice/ new shit to be privvy to?

Now do you mean family as in rug rats (kids of your own) or family as in relatives?

If it's rug rats I'm not really qualified to comment. I don't have any of my own. There is the "godson from hell", or the nephews and nieces, but they all tend to consider me  as the looney Uncle.

Both I guess man, I too get looked at like I have two heads or some shit, but just "being there man",seems to work. Maybe undude their undudeness down the trail? Well, this dude doesn't know....

as a paterfamilias, let me tell you children will bring out the most undudeness in you you can imagine, whether they are yours or someone elses.
young children need boundaries or else their and your life will be fucked up, since they will blame you when they are older for what ever is "wrong" with them, ..., and they will piss on your rug. 
teenagers are just unchecked agression in human shape and suggesting they chill the fuck out generally proves counter productive and gets you sleeping on the couch for a few nights away from your special lady friend!
and then you've got the whole sex education shit and the issues some people have with using the work vagina ... though i have always found the word vulva more off-putting?

We have 4 kids.
In the end you have to go with the flow.
Be Dude when you can. But you do need to be firm and consistent with kids or they get out of line.
It's kind of amazing actually. Human nature boiled down to it's elemental form.
Give em an inch and they will take an inch and a half at a time.
You gotta be constantly vigilant. It's very exhausting.

right on Bikerdude.

and D, sparking a j with the kids around is generally frowned upon

"sparking a j with the kids around is generally frowned upon"

this is true but a TRUE BUMMER, mang.
for when do i need MOST to take 'er easy and relax and take a quick toke or tow if not when my 8 year old is running around the house pretnending to be a (loud) cat of some sort with three of her cohorts in tow.

the whole parenting thing is a challenge even my well-intentioned slacker, laid back dudiness has trouble allieviating. i'm thinking my next book should be about parenting in the lebowski style but frankly, im too tired to think about it for more than a minute before i lose my train of thought.

With kids like these, eh Gary? 

I got three boys of my own.  I tell ya...  Ya buy 'em books, ya send 'em to school & they eat the teachers...  Give 'em an inch and they think they're a ruler.  They make me lose my cool often enough that I look like I need to be strapped into a huggy-suit (Straightjacket) and pumped full of thorazine at times.  I have been a full time stay-at-home-dad for the better part of the last decade and it's not been without challenges.

Oh and my wife's a cop here in CA so herbal relief is not an easy concept to wrap the ol' melon around.  She buys me a lot o' top-shelf liquor though...  Bless her heart.

Best advice I can give, man...   Find some compeers to commiserate with.  Ones that have a liquor cabinets and a patient ears.

Adapt.  Overcome.  Abide.

Take 'er easy, man.

i agree, and well said. i found myself a childless friend who has a great sense of humor, is a total dude along with her husband and once a month or so, i get away for an evening to spend at their lovely home overlooking the santa monica mountains, toking, and drinking wine and laughing to beat the band. those nights help me for weeks afterwards. its a marvelous balancer.

in parenting there is fine line of which you do not cross - you can wig out at everything or give the kids a break and keep it chilled until they really drop a clanger, but, other people may thing if you take the latter option that your kids are out of control and you are a crap parent, ... so you cant win.

what really bugs me is when people without kids compare yours to some saintly family to suggest theres something wrong with you and yours. my special lady's brother actually said this to her after the mini me was rather effervescent while on a trip to the zoo. i mean, come on !!!

ok, spleen vented, where's the J?

Thankee dudes, coments both listened to and learned from  . Even though there are times when darkness warshes over and rug pissers are everywhere, 'tis better to say "thats' just like your opinion, man", ("I'm sorry, I wasn't listening" doesn't go down too well with my little achievers!) and just be dude.

As for takin' 'er easy and abiding, y'know, it's my roll and styles have to be dug. As long as I don't end up with little reactionaries, fascists or paraquat, then I'll happily mark it 8.

well said and plotted, 'the d'.
i think those two phrases 'im sorry i wanst listening' and ' well, thats just like your opinion, man' actually are the foundation to my parenting, that sums it up.
my kid is finally old enough at 9 to understand sarcasm so when i tell her i wasn't listening she knows i really mean, 'i'm not engaging in this and creating a dialogue with you right now' and come back when i can 'hear' her i.e. when not whining, tattloing on others, talking about buying stuffed animals...

@milnie

yeah it's crazy when people who still can afford to think in terms of wishes and possibilities try to judge what's going on in a family where many issues are mostly matters of necessity and reality..