Good copy of the Tao te Ching, very Dude book, has been floatin round in the old internet's head. Thought I'd share it with you.
It's NEAR the In-And-Out Burger.
http://mars.superlink.net/~fsu/tao2.html (http://mars.superlink.net/~fsu/tao2.html)
I have a fun idea... Rewrite the Tao Te Ching in Lebowskian language, or nomenclature, or what-have-you in the parlance of our times. I'm sure someone is already working on it, but here's verse 1 to get the ball rolling:
Dude!
The dude that can be known is not dude.
The substance of the World is only a name for Abiding.
"Take it easy man" is all that exists and may exist;
Bowling is only a map of what exists and may exist.
One experiences without Self or enters a World of pain,
And experiences with complicated cases to understand the World.
The two experiences like the style of the other;
They are distinct only within the Bar.
Sometimes you eat the Bar and sometimes he eats you
Which is infinitely greater and more subtle than the fucking TOE!
2. Qualities
------------
When the dude is recognized in the World
undudeness has been learned;
When taken it easy is recognized in the World
Unchecked Aggression has been learned.
In this way:
Amateurs and Achievers are abstracted from growth;
Complex and Simple are abstracted from progress;
Foot and line are abstracted from position;
Reactionaries and Pacifists are abstracted from control;
Strikes and gutters are abstracted from harmony;
Ups and downs are abstracted from sequence.
The stranger controls without authority,
And teaches without cuss words;
He lets all things take'er easy,
Watches the semis, but does not interfere,
Drinks sarsaparilla without demanding,
And Abides.
3. Control
----------
This is not nam, so following the rules prevents cheating
Not parking in a handicap spot prevents theft
Not flaunting beauty prevents coitus
So the stranger controls people by:
Digging their style,
Listening to their stories,
Telling them to take'er easy,
And strengthening their morale in the finals.
If people lack new shit that has come to light
The crafty among them split hairs;
If no action is taken
The rug will have piss on it.
DirtDude--
You should think about submitting these to the Dudespaper.
4. Properties of The Dude
--------------------
Let me tell you somethin' about The Dude.
Doin' a J, he would never dream of taking your bullshit money;
You cannot cut off his Johnson, though you throw a marmot into his bath;
His mind is limber, and he fits right in there;
What the fuck you you talking about?
I lost my train of thought there!
5. Nihilists
---------
Nihilists are not kind;
They treat all things impartially.
The Stranger is not kind,
He treats all people impartially.
Nihilists are like a bellows
Empty, yet full of hot air,
The more they threaten, the more cowardly they seem;
The stranger draws upon Tao in the same way
But cannot be exhausted.
Thats fucking interesting, thats fucking interesting man.
Keep up the good work, I'll award you 10,000 Dude points if you do the whole thing,
6. Bunny
Like a nympho stepmother, she has to feed the monkey.
She is strongly vaginal, but makes no art
Only beaver pictures
The Dude still jerks off manually
And he will find a cash machine.
7. Self
-------
Bowling is everlasting because it does not have a Self.
In this way the dude:
Serves his Self last and finds it served first;
Sees his ball as accidental and finds it endures through strikes and gutters.
Because he does not go over the line, he is content.
Quote from: SmokeytheBuddha on January 07, 2009, 08:18:31 AM
DirtDude--
You should think about submitting these to the Dudespaper.
Yo Smokey, Fortunately I've been adhering to a pretty strict, uh, drug regimen to keep my mind, you know, limber, so maybe we can get all 81 versus done before submitting to the dudespaper.
fucking fabulous stuff, man. the dudespaper will be honored to publish them when you're ready.
the dirt dude rules the earth!
8. Kahlua
-----------
The man for his time and place
Takes it easy, and is calmer than you are,
Knowing the rug-peers did not do this,
Like Lenin said.
So The Dude:
In dwelling where it's already the tenth,
In driving with rust coloration,
In helping her conceive,
In taking any rug in the house,
In going to the In-and-Out Burger on Camrose,
In not rolling on Shabbos,
In liking your style too, man;
You don't have the girl, dipshit, we know you never did.
and digby's kid too. A+
9. Unchecked Aggression
---------
Forget about the toe and finish you coffee;
Hate the fuckin' Eagles and get thrown out of the cab;
Piss on the rug and you're in a world of pain;
Step over the line and you must mark it zero;
Say "Fuck it" and abiding is acheived -
This is the way of The Dude.
Quote from: forumdude on January 11, 2009, 11:32:01 AM
and digby's kid too. A+
Thanks, man... just publish at your leisure, and we'll keep plugging away until all 81 are done
56
Who understands does not preach;
Who preaches does not understand the new shit that will come to light.
Reserve your judgments and words;
Smooth differences and take it easy;
Keep your mind limber and simplify your purpose;
Accept the world.
Then,
League play and Vietnam,
Profit and loss,
Bagmen and Pornographers,
Will not affect you;
The world will accept you.
11. Wealth and Worth
--------------------
Twenty Grand, man, when the beeper beeps;
Because there is no literal connection.
Dirty undies, the Whites;
Because the ringer cannot look empty.
Just slip the rent under my door;
Because this is a private residence, man.
Thus it's the foundation's money,
Your Father doesn't have any.
10. Dudeness
--------
Embracing in abiding, you become embraced.
Supple, breathing gently, you can roll a strike.
Clearing your mustache, you become clear.
Nurturing your beloved, you can take it easy.
Opening your heart, you become tied together.
Abiding with the World, you embrace the eternal dude.
Bowling and abiding,
Creating caucasians but not owning a rug,
Giving without demanding ransom,
Controlling without being a real reactionary,
This is dudeness.
Quote from: forumdude on January 10, 2009, 07:42:53 PM
fucking fabulous stuff, man. the dudespaper will be honored to publish them when you're ready.
the dirt dude rules the earth!
thanks dude! I see you understand the dirt metaphor... the earth is made of dirt and the world abides.
For anyone who wants to join in writing dudeisms: digbys kid and I have just been copying the text from a verse at http://mars.superlink.net/~fsu/tao2.html (http://mars.superlink.net/~fsu/tao2.html), pasting it into a reply, and then altering a few words to keep up with the parlance of the dude. Loosely try to keep it in order so it is easier to tie together.
hey digbys kid, what do you think of
The Dude Tai Chi-ng - A Book of Dudeisms?
12. Beverages
---------------
Too much Kahlua blinds the vodka
Too much vodka deafens the milk
Too much milk dulls the beverage
Too much beverage maddens the mind
Too much coitus tears the heart.
An oat soda provides for the belly, not for the senses;
It helps to let go of sensation and simply abide.
13. The Bar
-----------
The Stranger said: "I like your style dude;
Sometimes you eat the bar and sometimes the bar, wal, he eats you."
"I like your style dude"
He takes it easy, and you know that he will.
"Sometimes you eat the bar and sometimes the bar, wal, he eats you."
For, without the Bar, neither fortune nor disaster can befall.
Therefore:
He who regards the World as the Bar is able to abide with the World;
He who loves the World as the Bar is able to nurture his dudeness.
Quote from: digbys kid on January 12, 2009, 06:25:15 PM
11. Wealth and Worth
--------------------
Twenty Grand, man, when the beeper beeps;
Because there is no literal connection.
Dirty undies, the Whites;
Because the ringer cannot look empty.
Just slip the rent under my door;
Because this is a private residence, man.
Thus it?s the foundation?s money,
Your Father doesn?t have any.
digbys kid... I just want to say that, on a personal level, I'm a really big fan of this dudeism. Verse 11 looked difficult man
14. anxiety
The dude said: "You can?t be worried about that shit;
Yeah I gotta rash."
"Would you just take it easy, man!?
For you are not wrong you?r just an asshole.
"The ringer cannot look empty"
For, with the whites, they will not receive the money.
Therefore:
He who belives in nothing is exhausted;
He who abides the carpet pissers is able to be house broken.
oops that was 13 didn't mean to step on any toes sorry Dirt Dude :'(
Quote from: Lone dude on January 12, 2009, 09:43:50 PM
oops that was 13 didn't mean to step on any toes sorry Dirt Dude :'(
there's no line in the sand here dude. There can be multiple dudeisms for a verse, and we can just let the editors at dudespaper worry about all the strands and what-have-you when they tie it together.
14. The Continuity of the Dude
-------------------------
Looked at but cannot be seen - it is a worthy fucking adversary;
Listened to but cannot be heard - it is stonewalling little brat;
Grasped at but cannot be touched - it floats off in the distance;
These depthless things evade proper nomenclature,
And blend into a complicated case.
In its rising new shit comes to light,
In its falling darkness washes over,
A continuous blathering beyond description,
Drawing a line in the sand,
It does not split hairs,
It is a ringer for a ringer,
Its name has no literal connection,
Westward the wagons,
Across the sands of time.
Abide the past, and abide the present;
In this way you know the continuity of the Dude,
Thanks for the props, Dirt Dude! Your stuff is great too, especially the most recent ones, which I looked at and found very, very challenging.
As a title, I like the Tao Dude Ching, which I believe translates as "The Book of the Dude's Way".
15. The Bowling Team
--------------
The Bowlers had understanding
So profound
That you?re out of your element.
Because you are not hip to all this new shit,
I can only describe their appearance:
Good men and thorough, they aren?t rolling out of here naked,
Brilliant, like a Swiss fucking watch,
Dark, like a steer?s tuckus on a moonless prairie night,
Genuine, like someone who gives a shit about the rules,
Empty, like a Folger?s Can,
Opaque, like a White Russian.
He who can take it easy while the pins fall,
And abide until the mind is limber
Does not seek fulfillment in the square community
And makes the Finals.
Quote from: digbys kid on January 13, 2009, 01:55:49 PM
Thanks for the props, Dirt Dude! Your stuff is great too, especially the most recent ones, which I looked at and found very, very challenging.
As a title, I like the Tao Dude Ching, which I believe translates as "The Book of the Dude's Way".
"Tao Dude Ching". That's awesome.
And those are good verses, Walter.
Quote from: digbys kid on January 13, 2009, 01:55:49 PM
Thanks for the props, Dirt Dude! Your stuff is great too, especially the most recent ones, which I looked at and found very, very challenging.
As a title, I like the Tao Dude Ching, which I believe translates as "The Book of the Dude's Way".
Tao Dude Ching is way better. I was trying to make a Tai Chi connection, but I didn't even think about translation.
Some versus a definitely more difficult than others to put into dudespeak nomenclature. The dude is strong with you
16. Carpet Tai Chi
-----------------------
Mix the holy beverage;
Embrace the rug that ties the room together.
Your arms and legs will rise and move;
Then return to rest.
All while sipping a caucasian
You will be taking it easy.
Take'er easy and abide;
It is the way of the Dude,
A string of ups and downs; strikes and gutters.
Understanding the Stranger brings enlightenment,
Do you have to use so many curse words?
Who listens to Sounds of Nature - Whale Songs becomes all-cherishing;
Being all-cherishing while he baths;
Being impartial though this is a private residence;
Being magnanimous he smokes a roach in the tub;
Being part of Nature he becomes one with the eternal dude;
Being one with Tao he can become privy to all the new shit:
Though his drink will decay, his mind will be limber.
17. Achievers
----------
The best Achievers are scarcely known by their subjects;
The next best are paid or compensated;
The next are bums;
The next human paraquats:
They have no faith in the Dude,
So their subjects become undude to them.
When the best achievers achieve their purpose,
Their subjects claim everything is tied together.
Quote from: DirtDude on January 14, 2009, 04:09:40 AM
17. Achievers
----------
The best Achievers are scarcely known by their subjects;
The next best are paid or compensated;
The next are bums;
The next human paraquats:
They have no faith in the Dude,
So their subjects become undude to them.
When the best achievers achieve their purpose,
Their subjects claim everything is tied together.
that is really good...
Really good shit guys, keep it coming!
18
When Dudeness is forgotten
League bylaws and rules arise;
Then wisdom and sagacity are born
Along with pieces on the lanes.
When family relationships dissolve
Then respect and car theft arise;
When a nation crashes into the mountain
Then loyalty and patriotism are born.
19. Simplicity
--------------
If they had 3000 years of beautiful tradition
Then would be living in the past;
If they were experts
Then they could fix the cable;
If they had leads
Then they would be working in shifts;
But The Dude can't do that
It fucks up the plan.
That's what you pay me for:
Blow on her toes,
Don't say peep while I'm doin business,
Shut the fuck up, Donny,
Take 'er easy.
20. Oneness
I know nossing and nossing troubles me.
I see no difference between strikes and gutters.
I see no difference between feminists and reactionaries.
I do not fear the nihilists in the night.
The people are merry as if at Jackie's garden party
Or playing in semi's at springtime;
But I am tranquil and abiding,
Like a newborn before it learns to smile,
Limber, with no uptight thinking.
The people have enough and more to spare,
But I have nossing,
And my heart is foolish,
Muddled and cloudy.
The people are bright and certain,
Where I am confused and blathering;
The people are clever and wise,
Where I throw out a ringer for a ringer,
Aimless as a wave drifting over the pacific ocean,
Attached to nothing.
The people are busy with purpose,
Where I am unimportant and lazy.
I am apart from all other people
Yet I am sustained by the Universe, their mother.
Nice job on #20 Laughing Dude. That is a tough one.
The dudes at the Brotherhood Shamus should like this one:
21. Expressions
----------------------
Love is expressed by coitus.
The special lady is evasive and intangible
Her art has been commended as being strongly vaginal;
Which bothers some men
The word itself makes some men uncomfortable;
Vagina.
But expresses all sensation.
They don't like hearing it and find it difficult to say.
Without batting an eye a man will refer to his dick or his rod or his Johnson.
Johnson?
Don't be fatuous, Jeffrey.
22. Abide and Take it Easy
-----------------------------
Abide and you become whole,
Bowl and you straighten,
Empty and you refill,
Drink and you renew,
Walter and you achieve,
Forget about the fucking toe.
The Stranger accepts the World
As the World accepts the Dude;
He's got the whole cowboy thing going on, so is clearly seen,
Does not go over the line, so next frame,
Does not overreact, so is calm,
Does not stonewall, so excels,
Does not curse, so no one curses against him.
The Stranger said, "Take it easy, Dude--I know that you will.",
Yeah man. Well, you know, the Dude abides.
23. Blathering
------------------
The Stranger has introduced him enough:
The tumbleweeds do not last long,
Nor does The Dude.
If The Stranger's words do not last
Why should those of man, man?
To follow The Dude, become The Dude; The Dude will accept you.
To bowl, become bowling; bowling will accept you.
To lose The Dude, fuck off DaFino; fucking off will accept you.
You must roll in order to be rolled.
Mind if I do a J?
24. Tumbleweeds
----------
If your toe goes over the line, that's a foul;
If you mark that frame an eight, you're entering a world of pain.
If you you flash a piece out on the lanes, it will be taken away from you and stuck up your ass, and the fucking trigger will be pulled til it goes "click".
If you fuck with the G-sus; you are nobody.
If you don't calm down, you will be asked to leave;
If you don't have a fucking hostage, there is no ransom.
These behaviors are drags and bummers,
Disgusting things avoided by the Dude.
25. Infinities.
--------------------
Before the bowler rolls
There is mystery:
Silent, pinless,
Oil, boards,
Foul lines and balls,
The lanes of the World.
I do not know his name, so I call him dude;
I do not know his average, so I call it frame by frame.
Playing frame by frame, I can bowl forever
Bowling forever, I return to takin' it easy.
The Stranger follows the way of the World;
The World follows the way of Nature;
Nature follows the way of the Dude;
The Dude is the way.
The eternal dude is infinite,
Therefore Nature is infinite,
Therefore the World is infinite,
Therefore the Stranger is infinite.
There are four more detectives working on the case,
They got us working in shifts.
26. Calmer than you are
--------
Gravity is not exactly a lightweight,
Calm, the master of reaction
So Walter should not act lightly or be a reactionary.
Acting lightly, he loses touch with the Rules,
Acting like a reactionary, he waves a gun around.
The Stranger journeys all day without losing control;
Surrounded by desirable things, he is calm and orders a sarsaparilla.
27. Attention
-------------
A good bowler leaves no pins standing
A good tenant leaves the rent under my door
A good husband leaves the toilet seat down
A good ringer leaves not looking empty
A good nihilist leaves the cable unfixed
So the Dude digs your style
And says, "Fuck it."
He accepts everything
And says, "I'm sorry, I wasn't listening."
He bathes with humpback whale songs.
So Walter must guide Donny,
For the Donny will ride the waves and the ocean breeze.
If Walter is not respected
Or no one gives a shit about the rules
You will enter a world of pain, unless you mark it zero.
That's your answer for everything.
Man, this are great! ;D
Some amazing, inspirational stuff... Very enlightening without being fatuous
28. Being the lady friend
--------------------
Knowing the dude, being the lady friend
Being the lane through which roles the Ball,
One embraces unfailing Love
And again roles a strike.
Knowing the new shit that has come to light, being the darkness that warshes over,
Being the Ball,
One becomes unerring Love
And returns to dudeness.
Knowing honor, being perfectly calm,
Being the gutter for the Ball,
Love suffices,
And one is as an unmixed drink.
When drinks are mixed they become beverages.
Used by the dude, beverages keep his mind limber;
So a good dude wastes little.
29. Undudeness
-------------
Those who wish to threaten the Dude
Because they want the money
Cannot succeed.
The World is shaped by taking it easy;
It cannot be shaped by undudeness.
If one tries to shape it, one crashes the plane into the mountain;
If one tries to possess the briefcase, one loses the briefcase.
Therefore:
Sometimes we roll strikes,
And sometimes we roll gutters.
Sometimes there are downs
And sometimes there are ups.
Sometimes people are reactionaries
And sometimes they are pacifists.
Sometimes you get to the finals
And sometimes you get a crack on the jaw.
The Stranger is not extreme, extravagant, or complacent.
30. Aggression
------------
Powerful men are well advised not to use aggression,
For aggression cannot go unchecked;
Tumbleweeds blow wherever a line is drawn in the sand,
Across this line you do not.
Walter is well advised
To achieve nothing more than his orders,
No matter where there is a literal connection or not;
To follow the rules
But not glory, boast or be proud;
To do what determines who enters the next round-robin,
But not by buddies dieing face down in the muck;
For even the worthiest fuckin' adversary will weaken with time,
And then its aggression will be checked.
31. The Undude
---------------------
Goons are tools, violent, not a golfer;
The Dude will not employ them.
His purpose is recreation;
Their purpose is rug-peeing.
Nihilists are tools, violent, techno-pop;
He plays Autobahn when all else is fuckin' Eagles,
For he ist ein expehrt,
And fixes her cable.
For who demands the fucking money
Will fuck you in the ass;
And who fucks you in the ass
Will have toes and ears severed.
Walter will go to Ralph's
And a Folger's can will be emptied.
32. Leads
---------
The Dude has no true definition.
Like Creedence, it has no use;
It's like Lenin said,
I am the Walrus,
In harmony with The Dude,
Just as sweet rain falls
Needing no Oat Soda
To slake the thirst
Of the person who will benefit.
When The Dude is called Jeffery,
Jeffery is not the name of The Dude;
One should not keep marmots
As it ain't legal either;
Instead let The Dude flow through Jeffery into Maude
As it increases the chances of conception.
A personal favorite...
33. Virtue
----------
Who understands the Dude is learned;
Who understands the Stranger is enlightened.
Who conquers the Pins has strength;
Who conquers the Self abides.
Who is abided has riches;
Who is determined to make the finals has purpose.
Who maintains his rug will be long tied-together.
Who maintains his dudeness will live long after death.
34. The Dude Favors No One
----------------------
Infinite, The Dude chills everywhere, tasting the half-and-half,
Watching the Cycle, inhaling to the tiniest roach,
Claiming nothing in return.
He abides all things,
Though he does not control them;
He has no intention,
So he seems like a loser,
Someone the square community wouldn't give a shit about.
He is the substance of all things;
Whether in Malibu or near the In-and-Out Burger;
He has no exception,
So he fits right in there.
Because he favors no finite thing,
The Dude is infinite.
35. Pacifism
---------
The Dude lacks a job and business papers;
He can neither be hired nor fired,
Yet his services are always sought.
If you offer the fuckin' Eagles and Pigs-in-Blanket
Pederasts may stop with you;
But if you accord with The Dude
The Strangers of the World will like your style
In bathtubs, thorough doctors, bowling teams, and peace.
36. Under the Influence
-------------
To be under the influence, first cause the mind to expand;
To reduce someone's undudeness, first tell them to take it easy;
To see someone's toe go over the line, first yell, "OVER THE LINE!";
To take eight pins, first enter a world of pain.
This is the subtlety by which the weak overcome the strong,
For people should not act undude;
And Strangers should not use too many curse words.
37. Shut the Fuck Up Donny!
----------------------
The Dude does not act, yet leaves nothing undone.
If the Stranger understands this
All the dudes of the World naturally flourish;
Flourishing, they are constrained by Nuhseen.
The Dude does not possess desire;
All he ever wanted was his rug back, it really tied the room together,
And so the whole World may be tied together.
38. Religion
------------
The abiding do not act.
The vaginal artists act without self-interest;
The nihilists act to serve self-interest;
The camel-fuckers act to reproduce self-interest.
For when The Dude is lost, there is Jeff;
When Jeff is lost, there is Walter;
When Walter is lost, there is Donny;
And when Donny is lost, you need to brush him off you clothes.
Known pornographers are not easily uprooted;
Beliefs in nohsing are not easily released;
So wanting the fucking money is the condition your condition is in.
Ethos is the end of taking it easy,
The beginning of confusion;
The rules are hope and fear,
You're out of your element.
The Dude's mind is kept limber, he wasn't listening;
He dwells in the rug, not Pasadena or Malibu;
He accepts the rash, and tests the creamer.
39. Wholeness
-------------
In the early '90s all things were whole:
All the sky was clear,
All the earth was stable,
All the mountains were strong,
All the riverbeds were full,
All of nature was alive,
And The Dude abided.
But without a limber mind, the sky tears;
Without stability, you're in a world of pain;
Without strength, buddies die face down in the muck;
Without creamer, the Russian is black;
Without life, the Folger's is empty;
And without abiding, even The Dude wanders.
So The Dude depends upon the bowling team,
Brandt kisses your ass;
And The Dude call himself unemployed, a loser,
To attract those who would exploit him.
Wholeness needs no half-and-half.
So there is Jeffery in The Dude,
And The Dude in Jeffery;
Rather than charge a thousand dollars,
You should go find a cash machine.
Nice job on 38 & 39 digbys kid. I almost tried to tackle those, but my mind was not nearly limber enough, and my thinking became way too uptight. Those versus were definitely not push-overs
40. Application of Bowling
----------------------
The motion of the Ball is smooth;
The use of the Ball is to fuck the pins in the ass;
All bowling is made of Tao,
And Tao is made of nothing.
41. Dudeism
----------
When the strong learn Dudeism, they practice it diligently;
When the average learn Dudeism, they practice it sometimes;
When the weak learn Dudeism, they laugh out loud;
Those who do not take it easy do not learn at all.
Therefore it is said:
Who understands the Dude seems foolish;
Who progresses in Dudeism seems to fail;
Who follows the Dude seems to wander.
So the greatest force appears to be a pushover;
The brightest pin appears colored;
The richest goldbricker appears incomplete;
The strongest Lebowski appears meek;
The most beautiful porn star appears fickle;
So the rug, perfected, has no corner;
Art, perfected, has no vagina;
Coitus, perfected, has no climax;
Form, perfected, has no style.
So the Dude can not be sensed or known:
He transmits sensation and transcends knowledge.
Halfway there dudes...
We're going to have to get some dudeist artists to come up with some Zen scenery or something for each verse.
The Tao Dude Ching - A book of Dudeisms and what-have-you
Is this a--what day is this?
42. Harmony
-----------
The Dude wears a robe;
The robe is worn at Ralph's;
Ralph's has the half-and-half;
Half-and-half makes a good caucasian;
All things begin with The Dude and end with a buzz,
But it is Ralph's that brings harmony.
As others teach, I teach,
"Those without a Ralph's card cannot write a check";
This is my teacher.
43. Overcoming the Impossible
-----------------------------
The loser overcomes the achiever;
The bum penetrates the heiress;
Therefore I value taking it easy.
Speaking without knowing
What the fuck you are talking about,
Action without work,
Are understood by no one.
44. Abidement
---------------
Next Frame or Self: which is dearer?
Self or the fucking money: which is more valuable?
Compensation or loss: which is more painful?
Great coitus incurs great expense,
And great wealth incurs great goldbricking,
But great abidement incurs no loss.
Therefore:
He who knows when to take it easy
Does not enter into a world of pain,
And may long Abide.
There is deep breathing as the lane is approached.
I roll my ball into the tau of the pins.
Self, pins, lane and ball are revealed as one and breached.
This is not Nam.
Those are the fucking rules.
All is marked zero.
Fuck it.
I like your style digitalbuddha, we'll have to call that verse #1 in the Tao Te Bowling and What-Have-You
45. Shut the Fuck Up Donny
---------
Being perfectly calm seems imperfect,
But does not wave a gun around;
A reasonable allowance seems empty,
But does not mean he's fucking loaded.
The truth is it's the foundations money;
He has no real money of his own;
Father's weakness is his vanity, hence the slut.
Though yoga increases the chance of conception,
Taking it easy overcomes desire;
So shut the fuck up Donny.
46. Desire
----------
When the World does not abide with Tao,
Reactionaries throw the coffee mugs;
When the World abides with Tao,
Veterans stay and finish their coffee.
There is no greater undudeness than desire;
There is no greater misery than a pissed-on rug;
There is no greater ailment than greed;
But one who abides to abide
May always abide.
47. Knowledge and Experience
----------------------------
Without taking off your robe
You know the whole World.
Without taking off your sunglasses
You see the color of the sky.
The more undudeness you experience,
The less dudeness you know.
The stranger wanders without knowing,
Looks without seeing,
Achieves without acting.
Quote from: DirtDude on February 23, 2009, 11:35:09 PM
I like your style digitalbuddha, we'll have to call that verse #1 in the Tao Te Bowling and What-Have-You
Thanks man, I dig your style too, got that whole dude thing going on. Totally unspoiled.
48. Knowledge
-------------
The follower of knowledge acquires as much as he can every day;
The follower of The Dude can't be worried about that shit.
By bowling and weed he reaches a state of inaction
Wherein he does nothing, leaves nothing undone,
"Aix chaim he", Dude, as the ex used to say.
To conquer the World, take it easy;
If you must do something,
Do a J, and let the World conquer itself.
49. The Worlds of Others
------------------------
The Dude does not distinguish between Lenin and Lennon;
Therefore those who will benefit are the Walrus.
He is good to those who are a Lebowski;
He is also good to those who are a Lebowski;
For Lebowski is the name.
He trusts those who are wrong;
He also trusts those who are not wrong, but are assholes;
For love is trust.
He is in harmony with the World;
So he abides in the Worlds of others.
Mark it, Dude.
50. Life and Death
------------------
Death enters life as the cable gets fixed.
The limits of the Man in Me:
Thirty years of idealism;
Thirty years of nihilism;
Thirty years in between, to abide;
So death and life reproduce themselves,
A zesty enterprise.
He who would piss on a rug
Will not meet marmots or Treehorns in beach communities,
Nor four more detectives on the case.
So the Treehorn finds no place for his smut,
The marmot no bathtub,
The detective no leads;
So death finds no place to enter his life.
Aitz chaim he - translation: It's the tree of life!
What would the Dudeist practice of Kabbalah be called? Hmm, there's something to roll around in ol'duder's head for a while.
Nice stuff little Larry, er, digbys kid
51. Love
--------
The Dude abides us,
Maude nurtures us,
Walter shapes us,
Donny in a Folger's can completes us.
We abide and honor The Dude;
For abiding and honoring of The Dude
Are performed by being alive.
The Dude abides us,
Abiding nurtures, develops, cares for,
Shelters, comforts, and slips the rent under the door for us.
Bowling without controlling,
Riding without the fuckin' Eagles,
Siring without parenting,
Being called a jerkoff without listening,
This is abiding.
52. Prior Restraint
-------------
The origins of the Dude are his mother;
Know the Dude, and you understand Abiding;
Know abiding, and you embrace the World,
Who shall not perish when you die.
Reserve your words and keep your voices down
And you maintain your dudeness;
Draw conclusions and cross the line
And your dudenss is lost.
They send us a toe,
We're supposed to shit ourselves with fear;
Oh please dear!
For your information;
The Supreme Court has roundly rejected prior restraint!
53. Distractions
----------------
With but a small understanding
One may follow The Dude like the 404,
Fearing only the wooden bridge;
Following instructions is easy,
But beating the truth out of nihilists is also easy.
A swiss fucking watch.
When Pasadena is kept up
The valley is left to tumbleweeds
And lanes are empty.
Wearing purple jumpsuits,
Recording German techno-pop,
Fucking a stranger in the ass,
Keeping amphibious rodents within the city limits -
These are the ways of theft
And deviation from The Dude.
54. Mark it, Dude
--------------
The Dude does not think of The Dude
For this reason is he abides;
He does nothing,
Yet leaves nothing undone.
Nihilists want that fucking money,
For this reason they are cowards;
They always act,
Yet gets nossing done.
Nurture love in the Self, and love will be genuine;
Nurture love in the family, and love will be abundant;
Nurture love in the bowling team, and love will make the finals;
Nurture love in the culture, and love will leave the Creedence;
Nurture love in the World, and love will be ubiquitous.
Therefore:
Know a person by their love;
Know a family by its love;
Know a bowling team by its love;
Know a culture by its love;
Know the World by its love.
How can I know the love of the World?
By knowing The Dude.
** The dude in the ball......................
Enlightenment is like the dude reflected on the bowling lane thus polished.
The dude does not cross over the line, nor are the rules broken.
Although the lane is long and great,
The dude is reflected even in a single ball a mere eight inches wide.
The whole dude and the bowling alley
Are reflected in one bowling ball.......life is marked eight. Next frame.
** Raw...............
Who is painting raw?
Your physical being hovers over,
The dude is splashed from atop.
Then what does beaver mean?
Strive to find out.
Put aside your lady friend,
Give up all coitus (fuck that shit, man).
Just get rid of the notion of strongly vaginal.
Help her conceive, man.
* Training..................
Blowing on toenails is not punishment,
it's training. Cash machine wisdom.
55. Love and Nature
-------------------
Who is filled with love is like a dude.
Marmots will not impress him;
Pomeranians will not lick him;
Nihilists will not cut off his johnson.
His belly is soft, yet his sinews are supple,
So he rolls a strike;
He has no wife, you see no ring on his finger,
So the toilet seat is up;
He sings the theme to "Branded" in a Malibu patrol car
And his harmony is perfect.
To approach The Dude is to know harmony;
To acheive The Dude is to be enlightened;
But to surpass The Dude is to enter a world of pain
For emotion will burst the lungs
And exhaustion will age the heart;
The toe that goes over the line
Marks it zero.
56. Impartiality.
-----------------
He who knows does not blabber;
He who blabbers should shut the fuck up.
Reserve your judgments and keep your voice down;
Keep your mind limber and simplify your purpose;
Be humble as earth and a part of the Dude.
In this way
Friendship and aggression,
Profit and loss,
Strikes and gutters,
Will not affect you.
The impartial Dude is of most benefit to the World.
57. Government
--------------
A bowling league is best governed by innocence;
A war is best waged by unchecked aggression;
The World is best controlled by taking it easy;
Why?
Because:
The more property and goldbrickers there are,
The more the bums lose;
The more guns and knives that are waved around,
The more league bylaws are violated;
The more strongly vaginal arts and sciences there are,
The more feminism prevails;
The more rules and regulations there are,
The more crossing over the line there is.
Therefore the stranger says:
I take it easy, and the people like their style;
I wage no aggression, and the people become mellow;
I transact no business, and the people become fucking loaded;
I have no desire, and the people become innocent.
58. Be Forgiving
----------------
When the Dude is lazy and blunt
The people are kind and cool;
When Walter is efficient and severe
The people are stonewalling and deceitful.
Undudeness may yield happiness;
Happiness may conceal Undudeness.
Who can say which will be for the best?
Nothing is to the fucking point.
Honesty is ever compromised;
Kindness is ever seduced;
Men have been like this for generations.
So the Stranger is firm but not cutting,
Polite but not cussing,
Straight but not uncowboy,
Brilliant but not confusing.
25 sacred steps to achieve Zen Dudeism...................
1. Always help your lady friend conceive.
2. Visit the cash machine once a week.
3. Slow down once in a while and blow on the fairer sex's toes, ignoring of course any close by floating nihilists.
4. Never carry your own rug you get from the old man
5. Do not do what your parents did and get a job.
6. Always stop by and use the John...if you're in the neighborhood.
7. Never fear a flashback.
8. Contemplate and explore your natural hatred of the Eagles.
9. Have fun, pull your shorts down once in a while.
10. Sing in your car as you bang on the hood.
11. Safeguard your business papers.
12. Forget about the fucking toe, even those with nail polish.
13. Speak the truth no matter at all times: "You're not wrong, Walter, you're just an asshole."
14. Recognize when something is just like an opinion, man.
15. Look for the person who benefits.
16. Never be a park ranger.
17. Acknowledge a nice marmot when you see one.
18. Never fear ashes in your face.
19. Always look again, its down there somewhere.
20. Remember, the toilet seat is best left up.
21. Give thanks for your beeper.
22. Remember, its Smokey and just a game, man.
23. This is not Nam, care about the fucking rules.
24. Always say thank you Donny.
25. Never forget that sometimes the bar eats you; best to say fuck it.
.............master the above, and you will always abide.
Bonus steps..............take time to give notes, and never ask if the boys in the crime lab have any leads, never roll out naked, and always recognize separate incidences.
59. Restraint
-------------
Solve a complicated case
As you would smoke a J.
When directing men to a purpose
The sage tells them not to fuck around;
Restraint allows time to prepare and strengthen,
To bowl and to bathe,
To build loving relationships,
To help her conceive;
With sufficient Kahlua and love all resistance is overcome;
When all resistance is overcome one abides.
Who can abide is able to direct men
And they all remain under the influence.
Deeply rooted and limber minded,
His vision lives on even after the last strike is rolled.
* Western version...
I'm the dude
Therefore I am
* Eastern version...
There is dudeness
(If you're into the whole brevity thing)
60. Words
------------
Because the stranger Abides, his Words do not bother some men;
It is not that they lose their dudeness
But that they do not bother some men;
Because they do not bother some men
He does not bother:
Because his Words do not bother,
All his conversations with people are dudely.
61. Fellowship
------------
Coffee is served in the peaceful family restaurant,
Fellowship and Tammy are in the air, as is concern,
A word of knowledge; That wasn't her toe,
A question of wisdom; Whose toe was it, Walter?
A question of the inquirer; How the fuck should I know?
A sudden flash of insight; The nail polish, Walter,
A statement of the obvious; As if it's impossible to get some nail polish,
The deep question from the eternal tau; What about the toe?
The divine spark comes forth............FORGET ABOUT THE FUCKING TOE!
And the great eternal cycle of that which is one reveals this is a family restaurant.
The cycle is complete; I'm staying. Finishing my coffee.
62. Sin
-------
The Dude is the source of all things,
The treasure of the Stranger,
And the refuge of the bowler.
The parlance of our times wins honor
And a worthy fuckin' adversary wins respect,
But if a man flashes a piece on the lanes, do not abandon him;
And if a man achieves, do not take his bullshit money;
Just be calm and show accordance with The Dude.
Why is The Dude the treasure of the Stranger?
Because takes it easy.
Why is The Dude the refuge of the bowler?
Because he loves you even if you're a goddamn moron.
It is the most valuable gift.
63. Confronting Difficulty
-----------------------
Practice no-action;
Attend to do-nothing;
Taste the Half-and-half,
Examine the roach,
Say "Fuck it",
Return love for hate.
Deal with hard while it is still soft;
Deal with the Big while it is yet small;
The difficult develops naturally from the easy
And the great from the small;
So The Dude, doing nothing,
Achieves.
He who finds it easy to get a toe enjoys his coffee;
He who takes things lightly, abides all things;
The Dude does not confront difficulty, and so has none.
64a. Care at the Approach
--------------------------
Keep the Bowling Ball still so it is easy to grasp;
The Pins are far off so they are easy to anticipate;
What is slick is easy to roll on;
The Pins are easy to disperse.
Yet,
A ball that hooks too hard can cause a split;
A ball that slides too far can overflow into the gutter;
A journey of sixty feet begins at the spot under one's toe.
Therefore roll your way into the semis before the finals;
Knock down all the pins before you roll the ball.
64b. Care at the follow through
--------------------
He who misses, splits;
He who falters, gutters.
People often split on the verge of a strike;
Take care at the follow through as at the approach,
So that you may throw rocks.
The Dude desires no desire,
Values no valuable,
Knows no knowledge,
But shows people how to take it easy
And helps all things abide with Nature
Without being undude.
65. History
-------------------------
The Stranger did not want to make the Dude wise,
But to make him confused about cuss words;
For what the fuck are you talking about?
To anger a cab driver by imparting an opinion about his music
Destroys the cab ride.
To realize that you're thinking about the case had become very uptight
Strengthens your vision.
Understanding these two scenes is understanding history;
Understanding history gives clarity of vision
By which one may see through phonies.
66. Lead by Following
---------------------
How does the river carve out the valley?
By flowing beneath it.
Thereby the river is master of the valley.
In order to master people
One must speak as a loser or a deadbeat;
So when The Dude is elevated to power
People say, ?Far out?.
In order to lead people
One must follow them;
So when The Dude isn?t listening
They keep talking, or delivering Donny?s eulogy.
Thus the abiding of The Dude does not fail,
He does not seem superior, so no one will usurp him.
He fits right in there.
67. Three Treasures
-------------------
It may seem that the Dude is a Bum;
He takes it easy, so of course he achieves nothing;
If he achieved something he would long since have rolled another game.
Yet I have three treasures which I follow and commend to you:
The first is love,
By which one abides.
The second is restraint,
By which one takes it easy.
The third is not contending,
By which one finds great dudeness.
Those who are a dam moron, but without love,
Calm, but without restraint,
Or dudelike, yet contentious,
Are entering a world of pain.
Only love conquers all and is defeated by none.
It is Nature's finest bowling ball and sharpest scissors.
68. Take it Easy, Man
-------------
A good bowler does not use violence;
A good friend does not use anger;
A good pacifist does not use attack;
A good bowling league does not use authority;
Not contending is the best way to take it easy, man.
69. Ambush
----------
There is a saying among soldiers:
Fighting in the desert is much different than canopy jungle.
In this way one may deploy the ringer without losing your undies,
Reveal yourself without exposing yourself to an eight-year-old,
Assault the nihilists without grieving for Donny,
Apply force while remaining perfectly calm.
Conversely there is no bummer like getting your dick cut off;
For bush-league psych-out stuff will lose you your most valued assets.
When two equally matched forces meet next Wednesday, baby,
The bowling team that does not fuck with The Jesus will win.
70. Individuality
-----------------
The Dude's words are easy to understand
And The Dude's actions are easy to perform
But you will always ask, "What the fuck are you talking about?"
The Dude's words have logic; The Dude's actions have meaning;
You should try, like, listening, occasionally.
We are each unique; no man understands another.
Though The Dude wears a bathrobe, his heart is green, with rust coloration.
71. Undudeness
------------
Who knows what he knows can take it easy;
Who ignores what he ignores is a damn moron;
Who grows sick of sickness abides;
The Stranger is never sick, always sick of sickness.
(only ten more to go)
72. Diplomacy
-------------
When strangers do not fear, they are easily fucked in the ass.
Praise their style
And they will not dislike yours too, man.
Know your average,
But do not tell it to them;
Love your rug,
But do not let them know how it tied the room together;
Reject what is yours
And accept what is theirs,
But only if it isn't during league play.
73. Your roll
--------
Who is brave and bold on Saturday may die;
Who is brave and subtle next Wednesday may live.
Which course best serves one's purpose?
Bowling favours some and destroys others.
The Dude does not know why.
Bowling does not contend, yet all things are conquered by it;
It does not ask, it knows there are rules;
It does not call, it gives you your balls back;
It does not plan, unless it's during league play.
Bowling's hands are vast, its fingers spread wide,
Yet none slip through its grasp.
74. Tyranny
-----------
People do not fear paraquats, so do not threaten them with castration,
Nor split hairs.
If people feared paraquats,
And you executed all who did not like your style,
There would be no one left but you and the nihilist.
You would then have to kill him.
You would then have to cut off your own johnson.
It is interesting to realize how limber the mind must be in order to translate a translation of the words of Lao Tzu into a proper nomenclature that relates to dudeism and the Dude--or basically Big Lebowski quotes and what-have-you.
When the oil patterns of life are not conducive to a certain regimen that keeps the mind limber, one may find himself being forced to remain uptight in order to roll strikes. It is important to always remember that life is all about strikes and gutters, ups and downs. These seemingly opposite situations are often dictated not by the bowler, but by the maintenance man and the machine that sprays the oil on the lane which is to be rolled on. Sometimes the bowler can roll a smooth and mellow ball which flows like Caucasians ordered from Gary's bar, but sometimes the oil pattern of the lane requires a fast and tight ball that feels as rough as the hell of a Causation mixed by Jackie Treehorn.
Wal, I lost m'train of thought here. But--aw hell, I done innerduced this enough. What I'm trying to say here is that sometimes... one's mind is just not limber enough to feel far-out about the Tao Dude Ching, but seasons change and so do minds... and oil patters. Sometimes it just don't feel right when you don't hear whale songs in yer head. Just remember that the Way of the Dude flows much like a round spinning object across a lane of smooth oily wood, with gutters on each side, into a geometrical formation of other round, and awkwardly shaped objects. Sometimes all the influential forces align for a perfect strike in the pocket, and sometimes... well, you know. That being said, I think we can get this durned dudeist comedy perputatin' down through the generations, westward the wagons, across the sands a time until-- aw, look at me, I'm ramblin' again. Wal, uh hope you folks enjoyed yourselves.
75. Extremis
------------
If rulers take too much Fucking Money
People rapidly become goldbrickers;
If rulers soil too many rugs
People easily feel they should be compensated;
If rulers take too much happiness.
People gladly become undude.
By not interfering the Stranger improves the people's dudeness.
76. Flexibility
---------------
A dudeist's heart is soft and tender,
A nihilist's heart is hard and stiff.
Plants and animals, in life, are far-out and mellow;
In death, smoke and ash.
So softness and tenderness are attributes of dudeism,
And hardness and stiffness, attributes of aggression.
Just as bush league psych-out stuff don't fool Jesus
So a worthy adversary will meet defeat;
Walter does not roll on Shabbas; he has buddies who died face down in the muck
While those who take it easy dance on the breeze above.
I really admire your dedication to this modest task which is you're charge Dirtdude. I'd help you get to 81, but I'm an amateur at this.
77. Balance
-----------
Is the movement of Nature not unlike bowling?
The fuckin' ball is heavy;
You don't let your toe slip over the line;
A graceful release, anticipation, and a noisy set of collisions.
Mark it eight, Dude.
The Dude's way decreases those who have more than they need
And increases those who need more than they have.
It is not so with Jeffery Lebowski, the other Jeffery Lebowski.
He decreases those who are looking for a handout
And increases those whose allowance is ample.
The Dude abides regardless of personal reward or recognition;
To benefit the World is to benefit The Dude, man.
Your roll.
78. Accept Abiding
-------------------------
Nothing in the World takes it easier than water;
Nor can anything better overcome the uptight.
Just as the easy overcomes the uptight,
The bums may overcome the gold brickers;
Yet they do not.
The Stranger says:
"I like your style dude;
Just one thing, Dude. D'ya have to use s'many cuss words?",
The fuck is he talking about?
79. Reconciliation
------------------
When conflict is reconciled, some what-have-yous remain;
How are you gonna keep 'em down on the farm?
The Dude just wanted his rug back
And this guy peed on it;
For love seeks harmony
Where justice seeks compensation.
The Stranger said: "He fits right in there;
And I'm talkin' about The Dude here."
80. Dudetopia
----------
Imagine that there is a small bowling alley with few people;
Who have a hundred strikes more than a perfect game;
Who love bowling and do not wander far;
Who own many balls but use only one;
Who own guns but do not threaten for marking that frame an eight;
Who like your style but use no cuss words;
Who mix drinks well, dress comfortably, dwell where a rug really ties the room together
And do Tai Chi in their living room,
But live within a bungalow.
People in such a place would be very dude.
It only took 6 months, but this was a pretty complicated case man...
Go ahead and finish it up for us digbys. I can't wait to see the images that the Dudespaper adds to each verse or dudeism or chapter or what-have-you.
Thanks Dirt Dude! And Forumdude (The Dudely Lama)!
When this thing is published, I'm going to have to call my accountant, as it will surely kick me up into a higher tax bracket.
Helping to write this was far fucking out, man. Who wants to start on the Bhagadude Gita?
81. The Dude
------------
It's like what Lenin said;
I am the walrus;
She didn't even kidnap herself;
Her life is in your hands;
The Dude minds;
Therefore the assholes shouldn't say peep.
The Dude does not want to scam anybody, man;
But the more he does for others the more he is satisfied;
And the more he gutters the more he strikes.
The best way is to benefit all and harm none;
So The Dude achieves while being a bum,
Somebody the square community couldn't give a shit about.
Will you just take it easy?
Well it looks like we made it to the finals!! I sure enjoyed this here case, and it was great being compeers with ya digby's kid.
As for the Bhagadude Gita, that's around 700 versus, so we'll need a few more dudes and... well maybe we could pool our resources--trade information--professional courtesy--compeers, you know--
Thanks Dudes! It's been fun!
great work fellas. we got four more officers down at the lab working in shifts getting the whole thing to the finals. hopefully it will be posted soon.
fabulous stuff, man.
*__*
sitting in amazement...
ps: count me in on a Gita redo!
Hey Dudes,
We're proud to announce that the Tao Dude Ching is officially on line! Still needs a little editing and tweaking and I'd like to change the title page image so that the Chinese dude in the picture looks a little more Lebowski. But all in all I think it looks pretty groovy and reads great.
http://dudeism.com/tao - the link is now on all the pages as well and I'm going to post a Dudespaper article about it very soon.
If you see any errors, or things that should be changed, let us know via the contact page: http://dudeism.com/contact.html.
If you'd like to discuss the work in any way, please do so at the new forum board dedicated to this:
http://dudeism.com/smf/index.php?board=38.0
Thanks a million to all of you, especially Dirt Dude and Digby's Kid. Fabulous stuff, man.