Good Tao Dude

DirtDude · January 14, 2009, 12:27:41 AM

Quote from: digbys kid on January 13, 2009, 01:55:49 PM
Thanks for the props, Dirt Dude! Your stuff is great too, especially the most recent ones, which I looked at and found very, very challenging.

As a title, I like the Tao Dude Ching, which I believe translates as "The Book of the Dude's Way".

Tao Dude Ching is way better. I was trying to make a Tai Chi connection, but I didn't even think about translation.

Some versus a definitely more difficult than others to put into dudespeak nomenclature. The dude is strong with you

DirtDude · January 14, 2009, 04:03:43 AM

16. Carpet Tai Chi
-----------------------

Mix the holy beverage;
Embrace the rug that ties the room together.
Your arms and legs will rise and move;
Then return to rest.
All while sipping a caucasian
You will be taking it easy.

Take'er easy and abide;
It is the way of the Dude,
A string of ups and downs; strikes and gutters.
Understanding the Stranger brings enlightenment,
Do you have to use so many curse words?

Who listens to Sounds of Nature - Whale Songs becomes all-cherishing;
Being all-cherishing while he baths;
Being impartial though this is a private residence;
Being magnanimous he smokes a roach in the tub;
Being part of Nature he becomes one with the eternal dude;
Being one with Tao he can become privy to all the new shit:
Though his drink will decay, his mind will be limber.

DirtDude · January 14, 2009, 04:09:40 AM

17. Achievers
----------

The best Achievers are scarcely known by their subjects;
The next best are paid or compensated;
The next are bums;
The next human paraquats:
They have no faith in the Dude,
So their subjects become undude to them.

When the best achievers achieve their purpose,
Their subjects claim everything is tied together.

digbys kid · January 14, 2009, 11:49:51 AM

Quote from: DirtDude on January 14, 2009, 04:09:40 AM
17. Achievers
----------

The best Achievers are scarcely known by their subjects;
The next best are paid or compensated;
The next are bums;
The next human paraquats:
They have no faith in the Dude,
So their subjects become undude to them.

When the best achievers achieve their purpose,
Their subjects claim everything is tied together.

that is really good...

Laughing Dude · January 14, 2009, 11:56:28 AM

Really good shit guys, keep it coming!

Laughing Dude · January 14, 2009, 12:03:40 PM

18

When Dudeness is forgotten
League bylaws and rules arise;
Then wisdom and sagacity are born
Along with pieces on the lanes.

When family relationships dissolve
Then respect and car theft arise;
When a nation crashes into the mountain
Then loyalty and patriotism are born.

digbys kid · January 14, 2009, 03:07:55 PM

19. Simplicity
--------------

If they had 3000 years of beautiful tradition
Then would be living in the past;
If they were experts
Then they could fix the cable;
If they had leads
Then they would be working in shifts;
But The Dude can't do that
It fucks up the plan.

That's what you pay me for:
Blow on her toes,
Don't say peep while I'm doin business,
Shut the fuck up, Donny,
Take 'er easy.

Laughing Dude · January 14, 2009, 04:24:02 PM

20. Oneness

I know nossing and nossing troubles me.
I see no difference between strikes and gutters.
I see no difference between feminists and reactionaries.
I do not fear the nihilists in the night.

The people are merry as if at Jackie's garden party
Or playing in semi's at springtime;
But I am tranquil and abiding,
Like a newborn before it learns to smile,
Limber, with no uptight thinking.

The people have enough and more to spare,
But I have nossing,
And my heart is foolish,
Muddled and cloudy.

The people are bright and certain,
Where I am confused and blathering;
The people are clever and wise,
Where I throw out a ringer for a ringer,
Aimless as a wave drifting over the pacific ocean,
Attached to nothing.

The people are busy with purpose,
Where I am unimportant and lazy.
I am apart from all other people
Yet I am sustained by the Universe, their mother.

DirtDude · January 17, 2009, 03:30:51 PM

Nice job on #20 Laughing Dude. That is a tough one.

The dudes at the Brotherhood Shamus should like this one:

21. Expressions
----------------------

Love is expressed by coitus.

The special lady is evasive and intangible
Her art has been commended as being strongly vaginal;
Which bothers some men
The word itself makes some men uncomfortable;
Vagina.
But expresses all sensation.

They don't like hearing it and find it difficult to say.
Without batting an eye a man will refer to his dick or his rod or his Johnson.
Johnson?
Don't be fatuous, Jeffrey.

DirtDude · January 17, 2009, 03:55:11 PM

22. Abide and Take it Easy
-----------------------------

Abide and you become whole,
Bowl and you straighten,
Empty and you refill,
Drink and you renew,
Walter and you achieve,
Forget about the fucking toe.

The Stranger accepts the World
As the World accepts the Dude;
He's got the whole cowboy thing going on, so is clearly seen,
Does not go over the line, so next frame,
Does not overreact, so is calm,
Does not stonewall, so excels,
Does not curse, so no one curses against him.

The Stranger said, "Take it easy, Dude--I know that you will.",
Yeah man. Well, you know, the Dude abides.

digbys kid · January 17, 2009, 08:09:19 PM

23. Blathering
------------------

The Stranger has introduced him enough:
The tumbleweeds do not last long,
Nor does The Dude.
If The Stranger's words do not last
Why should those of man, man?

To follow The Dude, become The Dude; The Dude will accept you.
To bowl, become bowling; bowling will accept you.
To lose The Dude, fuck off DaFino; fucking off will accept you.
You must roll in order to be rolled.
Mind if I do a J?

DirtDude · January 19, 2009, 06:23:56 PM

24. Tumbleweeds
----------

If your toe goes over the line, that's a foul;
If you mark that frame an eight, you're entering a world of pain.
If you you flash a piece out on the lanes, it will be taken away from you and stuck up your ass, and the fucking trigger will be pulled til it goes "click".
If you fuck with the G-sus; you are nobody.
If you don't calm down, you will be asked to leave;
If you don't have a fucking hostage, there is no ransom.
These behaviors are drags and bummers,
Disgusting things avoided by the Dude.

DirtDude · January 23, 2009, 01:02:02 AM

25. Infinities.
--------------------

Before the bowler rolls
There is mystery:
Silent, pinless,
Oil, boards,
Foul lines and balls,
The lanes of the World.
I do not know his name, so I call him dude;
I do not know his average, so I call it frame by frame.

Playing frame by frame, I can bowl forever
Bowling forever, I return to takin' it easy.

The Stranger follows the way of the World;
The World follows the way of Nature;
Nature follows the way of the Dude;
The Dude is the way.

The eternal dude is infinite,
Therefore Nature is infinite,
Therefore the World is infinite,
Therefore the Stranger is infinite.
There are four more detectives working on the case,
They got us working in shifts.

DirtDude · January 23, 2009, 01:13:38 AM

26. Calmer than you are
--------

Gravity is not exactly a lightweight,
Calm, the master of reaction

So Walter should not act lightly or be a reactionary.
Acting lightly, he loses touch with the Rules,
Acting like a reactionary, he waves a gun around.

The Stranger journeys all day without losing control;
Surrounded by desirable things, he is calm and orders a sarsaparilla.

digbys kid · January 23, 2009, 12:39:32 PM

27. Attention
-------------

A good bowler leaves no pins standing
A good tenant leaves the rent under my door
A good husband leaves the toilet seat down
A good ringer leaves not looking empty
A good nihilist leaves the cable unfixed

So the Dude digs your style
And says, "Fuck it."
He accepts everything
And says, "I'm sorry, I wasn't listening."
He bathes with humpback whale songs.

So Walter must guide Donny,
For the Donny will ride the waves and the ocean breeze.
If Walter is not respected
Or no one gives a shit about the rules
You will enter a world of pain, unless you mark it zero.
That's your answer for everything.