In the beginning Dude created...............

[DigitalBuddha]

So I was thinking what the bible would sound like if you replaced "God" with "Dude" given any God who could create the "heavens and the earth" would have to pretty damn Dude like.

New International Dude Version

Genesis 1, The Beginning

1 In the beginning The Dude created the heavens and the earth. And The Dude said "nice pad I created here, completely unspoiled."

2 Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness warshed over the surface of the deep, darker'n a black steer's tookus on a moonless prairie night. There was no bottom and the Spirit of The Dude was hovering over the waters.

3 And The Dude said, "Let there be light," and there was light. And The Dude said "mind if I light J?"

4 The Dude saw that the light was good, and He separated the light from the darkness and then got himself and JC a lane.

5 The Dude called the light "day," and the darkness he called "night." Far out. And there was evening, and there was morning, the first day. And The Dude said "mark it eight!"

6 And The Dude said, "Let there be an expanse between the waters to separate water from water." And the Dude said of the waters "Mr. Treehorn draws a lot of water in this town, Lebowski. You don't draw shit."

7 So The Dude made the expanse and separated the water under the expanse from the water above it. And it was so.

8 The Dude called the expanse "sky." And there was evening, and there was morning?the second day.

9 And The Dude said, "Let the water under the sky be gathered to one place, and let dry ground appear." And it was so.

10 The Dude called the dry ground "land," and the gathered waters he called "seas." And The Dude saw that it was far out.

11 Then The Dude said, "Let the land produce vegetation: seed-bearing plants and trees on the land that bear fruit with seed in it, according to their various kinds." And it was so because this is not Nam, those are the fucking rules.

12 The land produced vegetation: plants bearing seed according to their kinds and trees bearing fruit with seed in it according to their kinds. And The Dude saw that it was good.

13 And there was evening, and there was morning, the third day.

14 And The Dude said, "Let there be lights in the expanse of the sky to separate the day from the night, and let them serve as signs to mark seasons and days and years, and The Dude marked it eight again.

15 And let them be lights in the expanse of the sky to give light on the earth." And it was so.

16 The Dude made two great lights, the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars.

17 The Dude set them in the expanse of the sky to give light on the earth,

18 to govern the day and the night, and to separate light from darkness. And The Dude saw that it was good.

19 And there was evening, and there was morning, the fourth day.

20 And The Dude said, "Let the water teem with living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth across the expanse of the sky."

21 So The Dude created the great creatures of the sea and every living and moving thing with which the water teems, according to their kinds, and every winged bird according to its kind. And The Dude saw that it was good.

22 The Dude blessed them and said, "Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the water in the seas, and let the birds increase on the earth."

23 And there was evening, and there was morning, the fifth day.

24 And The Dude said, "Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds: livestock, creatures that move along the ground, and wild animals, each according to its kind." And it was so.

25 The Dude made the wild animals according to their kinds, the livestock according to their kinds, and all the creatures that move along the ground according to their kinds. And The Dude saw that it was good.

26 Then The Dude said, "Let us make another dude in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground, and the local bowling alley"

27 So The Dude created another dude in his own image, in the image of The Dude he created him;male and female he created them. Then The Dude said to himself ".....and Dude, male and female is not the preferred nomenclature; dude and dudette, please."

28 The Dude blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; Adam, get busy and help your lady friend, Eve, conceive, man! Fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground." Fucking eh!

29 Then The Dude said, "I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food in this family restaurant.

30 And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds of the air and all the creatures that move on the ground, everything that has the breath of life in it I give every green plant for food." And it was so.

31 The Dude saw all that he had made, and it was very good. The Dude said of himself, "I And let me tell you something: I dig your work. Playing one side against the other--in bed with everybody--fabulous stuff, man."

And there was evening, and there was morning?the sixth day.

[andy]

1 In the beginning The Dude created the heavens and the earth.

The Dude is not a creator. He is a borrower, an appreciator, an illuminator. Nor actor nor director nor composer, he might have run a spotlight.

[Andrea D.]

Hey D.B i think you was smoking some very good quality "Jays" man.

[DigitalBuddha]

Hey D.B i think you was smoking some very good quality "Jays" man.

You know it, smokin' Tai Stick  

[SmokeytheBuddha]

Sounds like that would be too exhausting for the Dude, man. 

[greatspiritmonk]

Nice work, I dig your style man. Even if I think that the Dude could have been more a kind of consultant. You know, the one who doesn't work too hard but knows how to fit things in their right time and place.

Oh s**t can it be that the one who does actually the job was the Stranger?

Or can it simply be that yesterday I drunk too much beer?

[Rev.Wendy aka The Dude a-Rides]

I thought that was Far Out. Add a few more Dudeisms in there and you've got yourself a swiss watch article, man.

[Tedsville]

Far out man, i would do the entire bible, but 1) most of its boring bullshit and 2) i have much more important things like bowling and doing not much

[not_exactly_a_lightweight]

Thats a nice story, did you make that all up?
But I must tell you it takes a long time to read. Like, get to the point, man.
What is your fucking point?

[DigitalBuddha]

Thats a nice story, did you make that all up?
But I must tell you it takes a long time to read. Like, get to the point, man.
What is your fucking point?

My point, dude, There's no fucking reason--here's my point, Dude--there's no fucking reason--huh.....fuck, lost mha train of thought here. Huh? No! What the fuck are you talking--I'm not--we're talking about unchecked aggression here--

[DigitalBuddha]

Sounds like that would be too exhausting for the Dude, man.  

That 's why the dude rested on the seventh day, man, and placed his dudeism wisdom in the mouth of Walter his prophet...........



Saturday is shabbas.  Jewish day of rest.  Means I don't work, I don't drive a car, I don't fucking ride in a car, I don't handle money, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shit don't fucking roll!

[not_exactly_a_lightweight]

Doesnt the week start on Monday?

Is this a ... what day is it?

[DigitalBuddha]

Doesnt the week start on Monday?

Is this a ... what day is it?

What day is it? New Years Eve.......TIME TO PARTY!!!! ......mind if I burn a J?  

[HnauHnakrapunt]

Nice idea but I think it is a bit too formal and complicated for the Dude as it is now. Keep it simple.