Dudeventures In Alternative Living

[ZoeAbides]

I've decided to do a little blog, where I'll come back to this thread from time to time and update my experiences.

Sometimes The Bar, Whal, He Eats You

Due to some greedy human paraquats, I've become homeless.  Instead of looking for a good, strong rope and a tree I've decided to accept my current circumstance and turn it into a living Dudeist lesson.  A forced Dudevolution, if you will.  "Forced" simply meaning, I was put in this situation involuntarily, however I don't have to view it as such.  It will give me a chance to really live like the Dude, and hopefully learn to live a more Dude-like existence.

I was very lucky enough to be accepted into a women's shelter, rather than having to live on the street or out of my Dudemobile (which is only slightly more stable than the Dude's own - at least it's not on fire... yet).  I also have an awesome, very Dude-like job that I love.  I work front desk at a massage studio, so I make appointments, sell memberships, and do secretarial stuff.  The people are awesome (more on this another time, perhaps), the hours are perfect for me, and considering my last job consisted of me getting screamed at by irrational people for 8-10 hours a day, it's very low stress.  The only problem is that I don't get a ton of hours, so I don't make all that much.  Thankfully, I've gotten set up with some agencies to help me with rent, since I qualify for those programs.

Last night was my first night here, and my first time experiencing anything like this.  Intake was a whirlwind, as they were doing check-in for the gals and check-in is late on Saturdays.  I work nights and close up shop, so I got here right in the thick of it.

The 5 cent tour was more like 2 cents and a ha'penny.  I'm still learning all the rules and where everything is today.  Granted I wasn't here much today, since I had to get the last couple things out of my apartment and into storage, and turn in my keys.

One rule they have here (of which they have MANY; it's pretty restrictive for dozens of reasons) is any clothes you bring in, you have to cook in the dryer for 30 mins.  Plus, I had an actual load of laundry to do after that.  Needless to say it was about 3 am before I got to bed (which is fairly normal for me anyway, if not a bit early).  Unfortunately all the common rooms were closed up at 2 am, so I sat on the stairs, reading my Abide Guide and waited out my tumblin' tumbleweeds.

Now, I have a medical condition called Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome that won't allow me to fall asleep until anywhere between 2am-6am, and since I work nights, they're allowing me to stay up later and get up a little later than most residents here.  This may be temporary, as a doctor has to approve it, and my doctor didn't know much about it.  I also have Bipolar disorder, so screwing with my sleep is NOT a good thing.  Hopefully she's educated herself for our meeting Tuesday, because I really need that note.

Aw, Jesus!  What's That Smell?!

So I finally get to my room and I'm hit by an aromatic wall that I can only describe as "Unique".  It's not a B.O. smell, it's not a food smell, it's not sewer or poo, but I'll happily refer to it as Ass.  I'm hard pressed to figure out what it is and where (or who) it's coming from, and I don't think I really want to know.  I just know the whole place doesn't smell like that, just the room I'm assigned to.  Oh joy!  Something special just for me and my roommates.

I also get to relive the dorm experience of climbing, literally, into bed.  The top bunk.  I'm short, out of shape, and not the best climber.  I'm always worried I'm going to fall and crack my skull as I shakily climb that metal ladder blindly, while trying not to disturb my lower bunkmate or anyone else in the room.  Sometimes I pretend that I'm on Orange Is The New Black.  I just hope there's no shanking in the bathrooms.  Unfortunately one of the restrooms did have a sewer back up today though, so there's that.

Adventures In Maybesitting

Wake-up for most is 8:30 on Sundays.  I was informed that, at least for now, they'll give me until 11 am to try to get my 8 hours, if I can.  There's also a train that goes by every so often, right outside my window, that seems like it shakes the whole building.  I'm reminded of Jake and Elwood Blues at the beginning of the Blues Brothers.

<Rumble-Rumble>
Jake:  "How often does the train go by?"
<Rumble-Rumble>
Elwood: "So often you won't notice it!"

Needless to say, it was rather difficult to fall asleep, and I tossed and turned a good long time.  Eventually darkness warshes over me...

Knock-Knock-Knock "8:30 Ladies, time to get up!"  I see that someone has lovingly opened the window shades and I'm not-so-lovingly flooded with the majority of the sunshine.  I throw my meager sheet and blanket over my head and desperately try to fall back to sleep.

I CAN FLY! <thumpity-thumpity> I CAN FLY! <thumpity-thumpity> I CAN FLY! <thumpity-thumpity>

Lovely.  A young woman is letting her toddlers run rampant in our room, blithely oblivious (or just not giving a fuck) to the fact that I work nights and I'm still trying to sleep.  She doesn't bother to try to calm them down, quiet them, or take them out of the room.  By the time she does eventually leave the room with them, there's no way in hell I can get back to sleep.  I feel like I got maybe 3 or 4 hours of sleep.  Screw it.  I'm about to be broke due to a car problem, so I decide to get the hell out and have one last decent breakfast since I'm not sure when I'll get to do that again, and I need one last day of relative normalcy.

I'm trying to take it all in stride and keep abiding.  Dudely is as Dudely does.  But I can already see this may be a challenge.  Let's see if I can eat this bar.  Damned if I'm not inspired to find a new, cheap apartment as quickly as I can.

Lord, you can only imagine where it's going to go from here...

[BikerDude]

Ah fuck!
Well this sucks.
I sit here and read a well written post from an obviously intelligent person and somehow this shit fucking country .. well don't get me started.

Go to the local church of your choice and "Accept Jesus as your personal savior".
You'll probably be a Senator before you know it.
I wish there was something I could do the help.
Any Dudes run a business or something?
I work for the man every night and day.

[ZoeAbides]

I Like The Way You Work It (No Dignity!)

Breakfast and dinner is handled here at the shelter, but lunch (my breakfast) is taken care of by the Catholic run charity kitchen nearby.  It was a little bit scary, not for the teeming mass of homeless people (of which I still have to remind myself, I am one of them), but for the guy behind me in line.  Now I'm hoping he was talking about the football game tonight, but it's a little spooky when he keeps repeating "I'm gonna kill that guy.  I'm on the edge, man, I'm gonna kill him next time I see him".  You know, your usual run-of-the-mill breakfast conversation.

Anyway, I get inside un-killed, and as I'm going through the line, I get to learn the definition of "Catholic Charity".  I tell them I'm new, and the first couple people seem nice enough, explaining how things work.  Then I get to the scowling, sanctimonious drink woman.  I decide to help out since the drinks have been kind of pushed back a little out of reach and I scoot them forward with a smile. 

"ONLY ONE", she growls at me.  "You can come back and get another!"

"Yes, I know," I reply as the other two women standing next to her exclaim "She's new, she's new!"  Of course, she's within hearing distance since she's standing right next to the women who explained the rules to me.

"Yes, I know, I'm only taking one.  I'm helping you out a little so it's easier for people to reach them."

"Now that you touched them all!" the holier-than-thou bitch grumbled.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm just trying to be helpful.  I'm clean, I just showered."

Now I completely understand the rationale behind this, but would a modicum of respect and dignity be too much to ask?  Most of these people are in worse circumstances than I am, and if it felt like salt in the wound to me, I can only imagine how it must make them feel.  Did I mention I was dressed for court, so I was looking fairly nice?

Christian Charity - shitting on those less fortunate than yourself to make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.  Look at me!  I'm HELPING!  All these worthless pieces of human trash come to ME, because I'm such a righteous person!  Glory be to God!  ONLY ONE DRINK, YOU FILTHY ANIMAL!  DO NOT TOUCH!

To add insult to, well, insult, the food was absolutely horrible.  Some sort of flavorless rice mush.  If the taste didn't put you off, the texture would.  I come to find out later it was recycled from a previous meal with some canned chicken juice thrown in to make it "new".  I think I'm returning to the charity kitchen for lunch only if I'm incredibly hungry.  I was pretty hungry then, and still couldn't force myself to finish it.  At least at the shelter the food is awesome, and we eat very well.  I'm not just saying that in relativity.  The food is very, very good.  I had one of my least favorite meals for dinner, tuna casserole, and that woman worked some serious juju on it.  I cleaned my plate.

Eviction court was a breeze.  Since I had already moved out, the property managers didn't bother showing up, so the case was dismissed.  Good, I don't need an eviction on my record right now.

Most people I've met here have been great.  Very friendly, helpful even when busy, just all around good eggs.  The night shift person tonight, I've just met for the first time.  I'm giving her the benefit of doubt, but so far she's been the least helpful and accommodating person here. I can't pin her down and get a straight answer out of her.  I have a 3rd shift chore, since that's my preferred hours anyway, and I can do it anytime after 12:30 am.  I have to wipe down the baseboards, but only certain floors are done on certain days.  It's well after 1 am and I'm still trying to learn how they want me to do my assigned chore so I can get it done and get on with my night.  It's after midnight, do they want me to do the Monday floor or the Tuesday floor?

Now I'm sure that reading this, it sounds like I'm an incredibly ungrateful bitch.  Far from it, I'm extremely fortunate, and I know it.  I'm always smiling and thanking everybody, and trying to be the kindest, most grateful person on Earth.  However when I write these little blogs, I do so with a pen (or digital keyboard) full of dripping, humorous snark.  I do hope it comes across that way.  It's just my style, I have an incredibly dark sense of humor.  Plus, if I can complain with a knowing grin, then I'm not truly complaining.

Shoutout to BikerDude... I totally get what you're saying.  Thanks for reading and commiserating!

[jgiffin]

This is proving an interesting diary of sorts. I nearly typed the words "sympathy" and "unfortunate" but they do disservice to your experience and what you're gleaning from the circumstances. I'm looking forward to future entries.

Have you read Orwell's "Down and Out in Paris and London?" Fantastic diary/travelogue on his time spent, in the parlance of his times, as a tramp.

[ZoeAbides]

Thanks, jgiffin, I appreciate it!  I'm really learning a lot, and also learning a lot about myself in the process.  I'm definitely taking this opportunity to grow as a person.

I have not read that book.  I'll have to seek it out!

[Rev Nicholas Rehfeldt]

Sounds like your holding together pretty well, considering the circumstances. You hang in there, Zoe.

[ZoeAbides]

Thanks Rev. Nicholas for all the well wishes.  You all are some great dudes!

Keep Your Ugly Fuckin' Goldbrickin' Ass Out Of My Beach Community!

Oh man, they cleaned house last night.  I'm losing a few people I was starting to make friends with.  They're not so much for limber minds around here, (or at least substances to limber your mind).  They popped a drug test on lots of people, and lots of people got thrown out.  Yours Truly still has a place here, as I told them at intake that although it's been awhile since I've partaken of the green, I have enough fat and a slow enough metabolism that it would probably still show up in a piss test.  So either they're giving me enough time for it to work out of my system, or they just haven't gotten to me yet.  If it's the latter, hopefully they'll just test me for a baseline, then again down the road to make sure my levels are dropping rather than rising.

As much as I miss our wholly sacraments of a Caucasian and a good toke, I'm not risking my only place to live.  I'll limber up once I'm out on my own again, in my own place.  Weird dichotomous way to spend a birthday, though.  Have some cake, we'll sing you happy birthday, now we're kicking out your new friends a week before Thanksgiving.

Good news from the good doctor!  I'm officially fucked up!  I do indeed have DSPS, so she'll be writing them a note stating my circadian rhythm disorder along with my bipolar disorder can really mess me up, so don't screw with my sleep.  It'll be good to have in writing.  They can be a bit of fucking fascists about the rules here.  Probably best I stay a bit aloof, and quietly read my "religious tomes".  I'm just waiting for someone to ask, what the hell is that all about, anyway?  I'm not a proselytizer, but if someone seeks information, I'm happy to oblige.  Dudeism isn't for everyone, but it's certainly helping me to abide, and I think other people notice.  Who knows, maybe I'm just jerking off manually.

At least our TV Room has a rug, and it really does tie the room together.

[ZoeAbides]

Oh, Those Are Mr Lebowski's Children.  Different Mothers, Huh?

After living here awhile, I want to say that I hate kids.  This isn't exactly true.  I hate mothers who don't care for their kids.  I have never seen so many mothers who act like it's Shomer fucking Shabbos every single day!  They don't teach their children anything, they don't discipline their children, they let their children run rampant with no regard to anyone else, they certainly don't clean up after them.  They pump out as many as they can just for the benefits, I'm beginning to think.

Every morning around 6 or 7 there are kids screaming.  Literally screaming.  Moms don't give a fuck.  Squealing at octaves that Mariah Carey couldn't hit.  Moms don't give a fuck.  There are several people here working 3rd shift jobs and can only sleep in the mornings, including at least one of the mothers.  Moms don't give a fuck.

Kids getting into your shit?  Don't give a fuck.  Kids stealing your name off your bin (of which is an offense you can be written up over)?  Don't give a fuck.  Kids making messes?  Don't give a fuck.  Kids playing in the bathrooms by themselves after Children Bedtime?  Don't give a fuck.  Sick kids coughing and sneezing all over everyone and everything?  Don't give a fuck.  Kids never covering their mouths?  Don't give a fuck.  Kids not washing their grubby hands and then putting them all over communal food?  Don't give a fuck.  Kids putting dirty, food-clinging plates in with the clean dishes?  Don't give a fuck.  Getting the whole house punished and the kitchen locked down because they won't clean up after their kids (or themselves)?  Oh they'll bitch about the lockdown but as for remedying the situation to prevent it?  No fucks given.

I found one child trying to play with my Abide Guide that she dug out of my bin.  Oh HELL no!  I will not abide another Guide.  Thankfully I found it before it was destroyed.  I was sweet to the child about it and didn't say what I was thinking, however the little brat lost my bookmark upon which I had important information written.

The other day we had a mandatory meeting, of which we have two a week.  We were in the kitchen and the kids were being shuttled into the TV room (yes, the one with the only rug in the house - it really ties the room together).  Meeting was over very quickly.  The TV room was already a complete wreck.  They made no less than three announcements for the mothers to come up and clean up after their kids.  Only two moms ever responded, despite a few more angry sounding announcements.  Plus, they peed put stickers all over the rug!

Fuckin' travesty, man.

[Father Bubba]

Fuckin' eh. I have a friend that's sorta going through a situation like this. 'Cept every job he's applied to has shut him down. He's at his girlfriends house tonight, but after tonight, he isn't sure what he's doing, where he's going. It'd be nice for him to come down here, live with his dad. At least he would have a place to live. New area would give him more job opportunities. I ain't too sure he has the gas for it, though. I feel like even if you have a job, not having your own private residence is a shitty situation. But I reckon you gotta make what you can out of it. Funny how stuff works out sometimes... anyways, best of luck with this, Zoe.

[ZoeAbides]

Thankie, Father Bubba.  Much obliged.  I feel for your friend, it's extremely difficult to find a decent job in today's market.  My well wishes to him.

This Is What Happens When You Fuck A Stranger In The Ass!

Well, I finally did it.  I was unable to abide and lost my cool.  I was verrry un-dude, Dudes.  I feel a bit ashamed and defeated.  It has been building up for awhile due to lack of enough quality sleep.  My bipolar irritability and aggression (which usually does not stand) rose to an uncontrollable level and I went all Walter on another resident.

For those that don't know, I'm gay.  Yes, this lady friend digs special ladies.  I was in the TV room and a few people started what I perceived as gay bashing my fellow queer brothers.  So I snapped and started a yelling fight.  They said they didn't know, (an extremely lame excuse... as if it's okay to be a bigot when the object of your bigotry is perceived to not be around), and that I shouldn't take it personally, that it's not about me.  I was still trying to be intellectual about it (while yelling, ha, because they were yelling over me) and told them that if I had been saying something racially insensitive and it wasn't personally about them, they'd still be all up in my face about it.  I'm not sure, but I think my point still came across at least a little bit.  Not completely as they were still trying to explain away the offensive remarks.

Afterward, I saw the main offender in the kitchen and apologized for my outburst.  I'm not trying to make enemies, I'm trying to find a new home and get the hell out.  However her disrespect has been bothering a lot of residents lately, and frankly I'm glad she's leaving soon.  She tends to find many strangers in the Alps.

Welp, that wraps 'er all up.  Parts anyway.  Short post this time, my Brothers and Sisters Shamus.

Whenever we stumble and fall, each moment is a chance to begin a-dude.

[CLtheDuder]

That certainly could have been exhausting. Really dig your Dudeist way of dealing with it.

Remember... Relax...Nothing is in control.

Take er easy Dude

[jgiffin]

I'm gay.  Yes, this lady friend digs special ladies.

Jebus, the Sole Begotten Son of Binky, can take away your sins, Zoe. All you have to do is ask. Then you can be a healthy, well-adjusted, christian hypocrite like everyone else.*









*Clarification for the less-than-perceptive. This is sarcasm.

[Rev Nicholas Rehfeldt]

Thankie, Father Bubba.  Much obliged.  I feel for your friend, it's extremely difficult to find a decent job in today's market.  My well wishes to him.

This Is What Happens When You Fuck A Stranger In The Ass!

Well, I finally did it.  I was unable to abide and lost my cool.  I was verrry un-dude, Dudes.  I feel a bit ashamed and defeated.  It has been building up for awhile due to lack of enough quality sleep.  My bipolar irritability and aggression (which usually does not stand) rose to an uncontrollable level and I went all Walter on another resident.

For those that don't know, I'm gay.  Yes, this lady friend digs special ladies.  I was in the TV room and a few people started what I perceived as gay bashing my fellow queer brothers.  So I snapped and started a yelling fight.  They said they didn't know, (an extremely lame excuse... as if it's okay to be a bigot when the object of your bigotry is perceived to not be around), and that I shouldn't take it personally, that it's not about me.  I was still trying to be intellectual about it (while yelling, ha, because they were yelling over me) and told them that if I had been saying something racially insensitive and it wasn't personally about them, they'd still be all up in my face about it.  I'm not sure, but I think my point still came across at least a little bit.  Not completely as they were still trying to explain away the offensive remarks.

Afterward, I saw the main offender in the kitchen and apologized for my outburst.  I'm not trying to make enemies, I'm trying to find a new home and get the hell out.  However her disrespect has been bothering a lot of residents lately, and frankly I'm glad she's leaving soon.  She tends to find many strangers in the Alps.

Welp, that wraps 'er all up.  Parts anyway.  Short post this time, my Brothers and Sisters Shamus.

Whenever we stumble and fall, each moment is a chance to begin a-dude.

Perfectly reasonable to unleash ones inner-walter from time to time... especially when dealing with people who are human paraquats. And I think you smoothed it over in a very classy way. It's very unfortunate that people hold such narrow world views, but I tend to find it's not really worth trying to change their minds.

But ya know... it's a balance. You don't want to be all Dude all the time. Walter loses his cool a lot, but he's also capable of experincing a wide array of emotions just very intensly, including love... Just food for though, The Dude's closest relationship is a "lady friend" because of how attached he prefers to be from the world and blah blah blah I've darn talked enough.

Hang in there Zoe.

[BikerDude]

Thankie, Father Bubba.  Much obliged.  I feel for your friend, it's extremely difficult to find a decent job in today's market.  My well wishes to him.

This Is What Happens When You Fuck A Stranger In The Ass!

Well, I finally did it.  I was unable to abide and lost my cool.  I was verrry un-dude, Dudes.  I feel a bit ashamed and defeated.  It has been building up for awhile due to lack of enough quality sleep.  My bipolar irritability and aggression (which usually does not stand) rose to an uncontrollable level and I went all Walter on another resident.

For those that don't know, I'm gay.  Yes, this lady friend digs special ladies.  I was in the TV room and a few people started what I perceived as gay bashing my fellow queer brothers.  So I snapped and started a yelling fight.  They said they didn't know, (an extremely lame excuse... as if it's okay to be a bigot when the object of your bigotry is perceived to not be around), and that I shouldn't take it personally, that it's not about me.  I was still trying to be intellectual about it (while yelling, ha, because they were yelling over me) and told them that if I had been saying something racially insensitive and it wasn't personally about them, they'd still be all up in my face about it.  I'm not sure, but I think my point still came across at least a little bit.  Not completely as they were still trying to explain away the offensive remarks.

Afterward, I saw the main offender in the kitchen and apologized for my outburst.  I'm not trying to make enemies, I'm trying to find a new home and get the hell out.  However her disrespect has been bothering a lot of residents lately, and frankly I'm glad she's leaving soon.  She tends to find many strangers in the Alps.

Welp, that wraps 'er all up.  Parts anyway.  Short post this time, my Brothers and Sisters Shamus.

Whenever we stumble and fall, each moment is a chance to begin a-dude.

Be careful though.
I'm sure there are a lotta in's and out's.
Don't let people bait you.
Every place has it's little games.

[ZoeAbides]

Just Dropped In (To See What Condition My Condition Is In)

Heya Dudes.  I know it's been awhile since I've visited the communal rug.  Partly because there hasn't really been anything new to report, and partly because I've been out of data and had to wait for it to reset.  This dude has been just trying to keep on keeping on.  I have Dude days and Walter days, and the occasional Donnie day where I seem to wander into the middle of life and, er... Sorry, lost my train of thought there.  I've been moved into a new room, moved into a bottom bunk, met some people, said goodbye to some people - had ups and downs, strikes and gutters, y'know.

I appreciate your condolences and wiser-than-myself words, Dudes!  jgiffin, I see your sarcasm and raise you fatuousness. 

I have some possible good news, mixed with some sad news.  I may have found an apartment; I'm waiting to see if I pass the potential new landlord's background check, and also waiting for the obligatory apartment inspection.  If all goes well, I get to plant my rug after the first of the year.  The inspection won't even happen until the first week of January, though.  The sad part being that I have to give up the dog that's been in my family for many years.  My little buddy has been fostered by a good woman, (and thurrah), while I've been here, and I miss him, but I didn't think I'd have to say good-bye permanently.  Honestly, I really try not to think about it too much, because it hurts too badly.  Unfortunately, I have to do what I have to do, since my housing voucher from CILO expires soon.  I have to pretty much take what I can get because finding someone that will accept CILO has been very rare.  The only other apartment I found was a real hell-hole, and the apartment I applied for today is really nice.  So no Kahlua without Vodka, I'm afraid.

I could definitely use a few oat sodas, a few burgers, and some laughs.  It's very stressful here - everyone that lives here hates it.  The rules are very restrictive.  They seem to sometimes treat us like children, and other times treat us like prisoners.  And I miss my Xbox something fierce.  So I, like many here, live in a near constant state of proto-future.  Looking forward to and planning for the life outside of this, while trying to ignore or escape as much of the present as possible.  Without the aid of mind-limbering substances, I might add.  Some of us cope with that better than others, and I've seen more than a few limber minds tossed out on their cerebellums for it.

That's about all I've got for now.  It was an early and long day of meetings and I'm exhausted.  I'm thinking a nap sounds purty good right about now.  The bubble bath and zesty coitus will have to wait.  There's that proto-future rearing its head again.