Dudeism Wedding Ceremony

[NOLA Dude]

Hey Dudes,

So, I'm an ordained minister of this here church and a lawyer in New Orleans.  Friends of mine have asked me to perform their wedding ceremony, which I have never done, and I'm also not married.  So I don't have a super lot of insight into that whole institution, but they're not looking for 1st corinthians, or they wouldn't have asked me (like, they told me this).  So they want a low-key, dude-like ceremony.  Anybody done this before?  Anyone have any good advice?  They're great people and I love them, so I don't really want to fuck up their big day.  Any advice is welcome.

Many thanks and much love,
NOLA Dude

[Masked Dude]

I haven't done them in Louisiana, but the one I did last month was a low-key event. I had about a day and a half notice, and it was in the apartment of the bride's mother. (Known the family for years.)

I think it helps that you know them. You'll probably still be nervous as hell.

I can offer any help if you need it. I'll check over RS 9:204, but I'm sure you already know that.

[NOLA Dude]

Thanks.  I feel pretty good about the law side of it (and I have another lawyer-friend who's done it here, so I'll get the rundown from him to make sure they've got a valid marriage license), but I'm more curious about the ceremony.  Again, I've never been married, and I'm currently single, so me talking a lot about love is going to ring pretty hollow.  I'm just wondering if you took any inspiration from the movie or the surrounding philosophy and incorporated into what you said?  Did you just talk about what you know of the couple personally?  I've got some time, but I feel like I need a central theme or thesis before I can really try to start putting something together.  I just know they want something brief, and relaxed, and I want to say something a little worthwhile so I don't completely embarrass myself.  I think it's going to be a decent-sized event.

[DigitalBuddha]

Hey Dudes,

So, I'm an ordained minister of this here church and a lawyer in New Orleans.  Friends of mine have asked me to perform their wedding ceremony, which I have never done, and I'm also not married.  So I don't have a super lot of insight into that whole institution, but they're not looking for 1st corinthians, or they wouldn't have asked me (like, they told me this).  So they want a low-key, dude-like ceremony.  Anybody done this before?  Anyone have any good advice?  They're great people and I love them, so I don't really want to fuck up their big day.  Any advice is welcome.

Many thanks and much love,
NOLA Dude

Welcome to the party, dude! Nice to have you here. bars' over there. Abide!

[Masked Dude]

I'm single forever, so I know what you mean. For the ceremony itself, I wrote them with input from the bride's mother. I used generic vows (nothing overtly religious) I got from a few sources.

I would have preferred to have written them 100% myself, but I was pressed for time. I wanted to make sure I had them in my head. I printed them out, got a cheapo portfolio (the three-pronged ones we used in school), printed them out in a slightly larger font, and used that. It looked good from their view, since it opened like a book.

I had known the bride & mom for a while, so I knew they didn't want anything super religious. They wouldn't have me asked me if they did.   The mom gave her away. They were traditional in the sense they wanted the bride to be given away, but Dad wasn't going to do that. (Long story. He stood in the back.)

So for me, I asked myself (and then the mom) things like this:

Do you know them well enough to know basically what they want? (You seem to have this.)

How religious or secular do they want it? That is, do you/they want to discuss love and togetherness, or should it be that their god(s) brought them together?

Will Mom or Dad give anyone away?

Do they want to say any vows to each other?

In the case of same-sex marriage, what's the order of rings? For me, it was male-female, so traditionally she receives the ring first.

If you'd like, I can send you what I used. It would have to wait until tomorrow, as I'm on my tablet and not my laptop. I gave them my hard copies, but I still have the document.

I asked myself other questions, so I should make a list of them all, huh?

[Masked Dude]

Forgot this:

For me the central theme was one of being together, ups and downs, good and bad, rich and poor, gold and shit. I didn't put the last one in, though.

This couple was one with a daughter from her previous boyfriend and the almost-born twins they were having. So for them, it was a merging of families. He was there for the daughter, even changing diapers.

The general idea was that being together is good. They have been and promised to be each other's go-to person in this crazy-ass world.

No, I never married, but we can all get behind having someone who promises to be there no matter what.

[jgiffin]

Forgot this:

For me the central theme was one of being together, ups and downs, good and bad, rich and poor, gold and shit. I didn't put the last one in, though.

This couple was one with a daughter from her previous boyfriend and the almost-born twins they were having. So for them, it was a merging of families. He was there for the daughter, even changing diapers.

The general idea was that being together is good. They have been and promised to be each other's go-to person in this crazy-ass world.

No, I never married, but we can all get behind having someone who promises to be there no matter what.

I think you hit it on the head: it's about the couple, not the officiant.

Stick with that, keep to it, and - when in doubt - refer back to it, and you should be good.

[Brother D]

Forgot this:

For me the central theme was one of being together, ups and downs, good and bad, rich and poor, gold and shit. I didn't put the last one in, though.

This couple was one with a daughter from her previous boyfriend and the almost-born twins they were having. So for them, it was a merging of families. He was there for the daughter, even changing diapers.

The general idea was that being together is good. They have been and promised to be each other's go-to person in this crazy-ass world.

No, I never married, but we can all get behind having someone who promises to be there no matter what.

I think you hit it on the head: it's about the couple, not the officiant.

Stick with that, keep to it, and - when in doubt - refer back to it, and you should be good.

I am gonna be wedding/ signing over to my special lady in june,  although not a dudeist thing (am in uk), we will do something more "us" later in the year, like a hand fasting or something. I will try to put something dudely in my vows (despite her protest), because it fits right in to how I feel. It took a woman like her kind, to find, the man in me.

Abidingly,
Brother D.

[Masked Dude]

I think you hit it on the head: it's about the couple, not the officiant.

Stick with that, keep to it, and - when in doubt - refer back to it, and you should be good.

Dude.

[ZoeAbides]

I'd talk with the couple and see what they want.  Holding a rehearsal isn't a bad idea.  Search Google for "how to officiate a wedding", you'll find all sorts of websites with ideas.  This is how one couple did it...

https://youtu.be/KQTK1mXUfKY

[NOLA Dude]

Forgot this:

For me the central theme was one of being together, ups and downs, good and bad, rich and poor, gold and shit. I didn't put the last one in, though.

This couple was one with a daughter from her previous boyfriend and the almost-born twins they were having. So for them, it was a merging of families. He was there for the daughter, even changing diapers.

The general idea was that being together is good. They have been and promised to be each other's go-to person in this crazy-ass world.

No, I never married, but we can all get behind having someone who promises to be there no matter what.

I think you hit it on the head: it's about the couple, not the officiant.

Stick with that, keep to it, and - when in doubt - refer back to it, and you should be good.

Really good advice.  Thanks.  That will be my mantra.

[NOLA Dude]

Forgot this:

For me the central theme was one of being together, ups and downs, good and bad, rich and poor, gold and shit. I didn't put the last one in, though.

This couple was one with a daughter from her previous boyfriend and the almost-born twins they were having. So for them, it was a merging of families. He was there for the daughter, even changing diapers.

The general idea was that being together is good. They have been and promised to be each other's go-to person in this crazy-ass world.

No, I never married, but we can all get behind having someone who promises to be there no matter what.

I think you hit it on the head: it's about the couple, not the officiant.

Stick with that, keep to it, and - when in doubt - refer back to it, and you should be good.

Thanks.  I was going to try to come up with something in the vein of togetherness, company, someone to go bowling with... something.

[NOLA Dude]

I'd talk with the couple and see what they want.  Holding a rehearsal isn't a bad idea.  Search Google for "how to officiate a wedding", you'll find all sorts of websites with ideas.  This is how one couple did it...

Dude.  This is a great link and event.  Thanks.  A lot of inspiration here.