The Little Lebowski!

[cckeiser]

Scene 15:
(Curiouser and Curiouser)


We enter the scene with a panoramic fly over of a long stretch of road running along a very large lake. There are trees lining the road along open fields with a few very old looking houses here and there. The view sweeps in to catch up to a long black limo. As we catch up to the limo we see the plate number J2L 4685 and the Lebowski all seeing eye on a small emblem stuck to the trunk. We enter through the back window. Geoff and Uncle Leo are sitting next to each other in the back seat. The driver is separated from the passengers by a glass partition which is now closed. Geoff is nibbling on a Liege waffle they bought at a stand at the air port as Uncle Leo is looking out the window and gesturing with his hand to indicate the vast area they are driving though. He explains where they are and where they are heading.

   Uncle Leo: What we are driving through now was once all Lebowski farmland as far as the eye can see. Way back when...this was all Hemp fields for miles and miles. That was our business back then...how our family first got started, and how we made our first fortune. But that was a very long time ago. Long before this area was really settled. The Lebowski ancestors where here close to 3000 years ago when this whole place was not much more than wilderness.
   Great grandfather Oliver will fill you in on as much of our history as you care to hear, and then some. I made this trip with my father when I was about your age. All the Lebowski children have made this trip at one time or another for many generations. It's sort of like our Right of Passage.
   If you are to take your rightful place in our Family, you must first be presented to our Patriarch and learn the family history. Great grandfather Oliver is the oldest living Lebowski and the head of the family. Great grandfather Oliver was, and still is, a very powerful man. He made a great fortune for this family and help to make it the great power it is today.
   Please Princess, be mindful of your great grandfather Oliver. He may be old, but he is still very sharp and deserving of our respect.

All this time Geoff is just looking around and enjoying her Liege waffle. She is only half listening to Uncle Leo as he rambles on about great grandfather Oliver and the Lebowski estates they are passing through as they head to their ancestral home deep in the country side on the outskirts of Braslaw Belarus.

   Geoff finishing her waffle: Say Unck, you got anything to drink in that bar over there? Something other than alcohol I could drink?
   
   Uncle Leo: Sure do Princess, what would you like. (Uncle Leo, not caring for her given name, always calls Geoff "Princess")

   Geoff: You got any good sarsaparilla? I always liked sarsaparilla, but it's got to be a good one.
   On hearing this uncle Leo is taken aback for a moment and shoots Geoff a puzzled look. Geoff is just looking at him with no sign she has any clue to the meaning of what she has just stated.
   
   Uncle Leo: Well Princess, it just so happens we have a large stock of Sioux City Sarsaparilla on hand. Will that do?


   To which Geoff nods enthusiastically while saying "Yeah, that's a good one"! Thank you Unck!?
   
   Uncle Leo while opening and handing her the bottle with a big smile: Well, I can see you and great grandfather Oliver are going to get along just fine. He is very partial to Sioux City Sarsaparilla himself. He very seldom touches alcohol. This is one of his limos we are in and he keeps the bar well stocked with his favorite Sioux City Sarsaparilla!

While Geoff was sipping her sarsaparilla and uncle Leo was talking, the limo slowed on the road and made a left turn into a one lane driveway that ran a few hundred feet along a tree line drive with open fields on either side. The driveway led to a two story white farm house with a barn behind and several out buildings in between and on the side. The whole place looked very well kept and manicured.

   Geoff: Is this our house?

   Uncle Leo: No Princess, this is just the gate house that hides the road to the estate. We are very private people Princess. We do not wish to advertize our wealth or our whereabouts. Great wealth creates great thieves, and great power creates powerful enemies. Though it is better to travel the middle road, it is not always possible; especially for a Lebowski.

   Geoff: So we don't want people to know how rich we are, or where we live? That sounds a bit paranoid to me Unck. What good is having all this money if we cannot enjoy it? Are we "On the Run" or something?

   Uncle Leo: We enjoy our wealth Princess, we are just not ostentatious about it. We try not to be conspicuous, having learned by past mistakes to keep our wealth uncertain from thieves and our whereabouts in doubt from our enemies. As I am sure your great grandfather Oliver will tell you, there is only one purpose of great wealth like ours, and that is to create even greater wealth. Otherwise, why bother at all?

   Geoff: Yeah Unck, that's a good question; why bother at all?

   Uncle Leo: Yes Princess a good question indeed, and that is why you are now going to meet your great grandfather Oliver.  He will explain the Family Curse to you and the reason we are who we are. It's a long story and no one can tell it better than your great grand papa Oliver!

   Geoff: A "Family Curse"? Damn Unck, this is getting curiouser and curiouser!  You don't eat your children do you? I think I'll just hang on to this bottle just in case!

   Uncle Leo with a big chuckle: No Princess, we do not eat our children.
   Then with a wink uncle Leo adds smiling: Well not recently anyway!
   You have nothing to fear Princess, nothing at all. In fact, from the stories the family has heard about you, I would say it is safe to say your great grandfather Oliver and the staff are more afraid of you than you are of them! Your reputation has preceded you. And yes Princess, the estate has broadband.
   If you are going to take a sarsaparilla bottle with you...better make it a full one! Your great uncle Oliver will love you for it I'm sure! His doctors have him on a reduced sugar intake and his Sioux City Sarsaparilla is on the restricted list. But you will have to sneak it past the staff first.

   Geoff: Yep Unck, definitely curiouser and curiouser!

The limo makes its way pass the old farm house then around the old barn to a gated road hidden behind the barn leading back through an ancient thicket of very old trees growing straight and tall.
The road snakes its way through the thicket that opens into a meticulous cobblestoned courtyard leading to a very old rambling two story Tutor. The limo stops at a vine covered large stone veranda where the Housekeeper is waiting to escort Geoff and Uncle Leo into the foyer. The limo driver pops the trunk and carries the luggage to the step of the veranda where two other men pick them up to carry inside. Inside there are two maids waiting to escort them to their rooms. With some little instructions from Uncle Leo as to which bags belong to whom they are each led up a stone staircase and down a hall way to the open doors of their separate apartments. One across from the other.
All of this seems to Geoff to be accomplished almost silently. She had been expecting to see her great grandfather Oliver right off, so this has set her back a little. Looking around to see if she could catch sight of great grandfather Oliver, she gets distracted. There is just too much for her to see to pay much attention to conversation she only catches snatches of what is being said. She remembers being introduced to the Housekeep, Valentina. She seemed pleasant enough and very pretty for a housekeep, but she also seemed very workman like and efficient. No messing around with that one! Valentina did seem very pleased to see uncle Leo though. Almost sure uncle Leo called her Val! Very familiar!
Hmmm, about the right age? Maybe... just maybe?
Yep, definitely Curiouser and Curiouser!

[The Lennon]

Scene 16:

Maurice!

We transition to see The Dude and Walter in a holding cell sitting together. There is a toilet on the side of the cell that doesn't look like it's been cleaned in a while. Walter takes a deep breath, and both of them are staring on a strange looking green and brown smudge on the ground.
We hear a television in the background, shooting noises ensue from the small speakers, the television looks like it's from the early 90's small for travel. The sound is a bit nerve wracking.

   Walter: Well Dude, we'll get out of this.

The Dude puts his sunglasses on and stands up, he stretches and walks over to the wall, he lightly bangs his head on it.

   We hear a man?s voice coming from the next room: Hey man, I didn't do nothin'! Get yo hands off me!

A guard comes out of the corner pulling an African American man in his mid 20's and puts him into the cell. The man walks over to the toilet and kicks it.

The new guy: Shit man, I got shit on my new shoes! Shit!

The man walks over and sit next to Walter.

   Walter: What are you in for?

   The new guy: Nothin', I didn't do nothin!

   The Dude: Yeah man, neither did we...

   The new guy: What are your names?

   The Dude: I'm Dude, he's Walter.

   The new guy: Dude? What kind of a name is that?

The man stands up and walks over to The Dude.

   The Dude: Well whatever nomenclature you prefer, Duder, or El Duderino,..

   The new guy: Dude huh? I like that, and you're Walter.

The man points at Walter extending his arm.

   Walter: That's right.

   The new guy: That's cool, my names Maurice, it's nice to meet you gentlemen.

   The Dude: Nice to meet you too man.
   
   Maurice: So what are you gentleman in for?

The Dude and Walter explain to him what happened.

   Maurice: Damn, that beats the hell out of my story.

   The Dude: What happened?

   Maurice: My girl friend lives in Malibu and took my dog, so I went over to her place to get him back. Can you believe it, she called the police on me! Says I was trespassing or some shit!

We screen to the heights of Malibu, Maurice is banging on the door of an expensive multi-million dollar house.

   Maurice: Terra! *bang**bang**bang* let me in!
   
   Terra: *From inside the house* You can't afford to pamper your dog, he'll be much happier with me.
   
   Maurice: *bang**bang**bang* Come on Terra, Please! Rex is all I got!
   
   Terra: if you don't go away I'm calling the police!

   Maurice: Terra Baby don't do me like that! Come on!
   
   Terra: Get your ass off of my porch, you don't live here anymore!
   
   Maurice: *bang**bang*
   
   Terra: ....... The police have been called!
   
   Maurice: I aint leaving until I get my dog back!

We shift back to the cell.

   Maurice: And that's how I got here.
   
   The Dude: Sound familiar Walter.
   
   Walter: I don't know what you're talking about dude, the relationship with my ex was never like that.
   
   The Dude: Yeah, she only had you take care of her dog every time she left the house
   
   Walter: Dude we've been over this before that dog had papers, rest its soul.

   Maurice: Ohhhhh Rex! Come back to me!!

The man gets on the floor and begins banging his arms on the cold pavement, tears flow down his eyes. The Dude walks over to him and gets on his knees and pats Maurice on the back.

   The Dude: I'm sorry it happened man...

Maurice sits up and hugs the Dude, still balling.

   Maurice: *sniff* I've had him since he was a puppy, I love him so much!
   
   The Dude: *hugging and patting him on the back* Relax man, it'll work out.

The security guard walks in, takes one look and then walks out.

The sheriff walks in.

   Sheriff: Alright boys you have bail, you can thank Jackie Treehorn. Get out.
   
   Walter: Can he come with us? *pointing to Maurice*,
   
   Sheriff: Yeah, just hurry up and get the hell out of here, I don't want to see you fucks causing trouble again or I'll personally have you incarcerated in State.

   The Dude: Yeah whatever man.

The three of them leave the cell. The Dude invites Maurice to the bowling alley and they continue on route.

[cckeiser]

Scene 17:
(Great Grand Papa Oliver and the Lebowski Curse)

The scene opens with a door being opened by Valentina letting Geoff into the master bedroom of her great grandfather Oliver. Oliver is sitting up in bed with a bandage on his forehead.

   Valentina explains: Your uncle had another car accident yesterday; that is why he was not there to welcome you. His doctors say it is ok now. He is well enough for you to visit for a little while. Please do not over tire him. He needs his rest.

Valentina gently ushers Geoff into the room, checks on Oliver and leaves.


   Great Grandpapa Oliver in his deep slow Texas drawl: Howdy thar little lady! I've been waitin' quite a passel to make your acquaintance! I must say, you don't look near as frightening as the stories we hear tell. You ain't gonna shive that bottle of sarsaparilla at me are ya? That's a good one, and it would be a real shame to see it go to waste!

   Geoff: Texas?! My great grandpapa Oliver is a Texan? Well I'll be....gosh no grand papa, this is for you. Uncle Leo had me sneak it in for you...said it's your favorite...mine too.
   You're not as scary as your stories either...you're kinda cute actually...for an old dude.

   Great grandpapa Oliver: Why Thankee Princess, you're not bad on the eyes yourself for a young un. I'll take that there sarsaparilla thankee. I owe you one for that...and Leopold to I guess...darn doctors. Don't tell Valentina you gave it to me...she'd have both our hides.

   Geoff: So what's an old Texas Coyote like you doing hold up in an estate in Belarus? They run out of cows in Texas?

   Great grandpapa Oliver: No darlin'...oil...and excuses. Plum ran out of excuses to stay. Texas born and bred, but pretty much traveled all over the world...more than once... business interest to tend to. Gotta keep an eye on things from time to time. That's Leopold's job now. Me...I'm just takin' er easy and brushin' up on family history...darn interestin' too. But that's why you're here now...ain't it? Yep that's me now...the family historian.
   Say...you know how to drive a car?

   Geoff: Yeah, I'm not supposed to, but I can drive. I don't have a licence though...not old enough.
   
   Great grandpapa Oliver: So how old are you now...15?
   
   Geoff: 16...I turned 16 in June...June 21st.

   Great grandpapa Oliver: Yeah, that's right. I remember now...92 wasn't it? Ya know I was in LA back in 91 when Maude and your father "The Dude" first got together. Yep, Leo called to tell me Maude found us another Lebowski. Had to check it out for myself...I dug his style back then. We ran a DNA test just to make sure, and your mother insisted on a STD test for the obvious reasons. Turned out he was a Lebowski! A darn mystery how your father slipped under our radar all those years. Yep, a real mystery. But than he was a laid back sort a fella, not complicated... didn't exactly call attention to himself...so he just dropped right off the radar.

   Geoff: "Laid back"! You mean "Stoned" don't you? Yes, I heard all about Father...a real throwback to the 60s. Still is. Ha, "laid back"! That's a good one grand pop.

   Oliver, snickering: hee hee, well you're a pistol alright, yep...like your style too. We're going to get along just fine little lady...just fine...sassy as that thar sarsaparilla..and just as sweet ya are!
   Say,...is Leopold still here? He gone yet? Now there's a real prig for you...no fun...no fun at all. Even as a kid he wasn't any fun...all business...he got the Curse real bad.  I had it too...guess I still do, but it's not so bad anymore. Could say I satisfied my curse so now it pretty much lets me alone...most times.

   Geoff: What Curse? What is this Lebowski Curse you and uncle Leo keep talking about? Am I cursed? We all turn into Texans when we get your age?

   Oliver: Leopold didn't tell you? Your Mother never mentioned why your grand pappy was the shit head he was? No one Ever told you about The Curse? Now that's just not right...neglectful that is...down right neglectful.
   Well we're going to set that straight...right now!

   Since as long as anyone can remember; and that's a very long time, we Lebowski's have been cursed with an obsession with money...not our own money...other people's money. Don't matter how much we got...it's never enough. We gotta have it all. If someone else has some...we want it. Drives us crazy tryin' to get it too. No satisfying our Monkey till we have it all! Every bit of it...everything... the Whole darn World. We are obsessed with owning it All!
   That's the real Lebowski Curse.
   And then thar's the flip side of the curse...your daddy has that part...no ambition at all...none, nada. Yep, thar's been a few "Dudes" in the Lebowski line...going all the way back over 2000 years ago to the original 5 Families. Back when this here whole area was still a wilderness surrounding a little village called Lebow. That's where our name comes from, the village we settled in...actually, the village we settled. It was just the 5 families...got together to scratch out a living off the land. Stuck together too...inter-married and took the name of the land. Pretty much still do the same...keeping the blood line pure...keeping our fortune in the family the best we can. Yep...all Lebowski's for thousands of years.

   In fact the very first records are all full of the very first Lebowski with the flip side of the curse...no ambition at all...yeah, the first "Dude"!
   
   Now this here story I'm about to tell ya was written down over 2000 years ago. It was written in the old Greek language, then into Russian, and finally 300 years ago into English. The original records still survive...they are kept in a sealed vault hidden away someplace safe. One day I'll take you there and you can see them for yourself...really somethin' to look at.
   
   We begin our story with the five families...and the Lebowski Curse.

   The five families were mostly farmers scratching a living from the fertile ground left behind by the receding lakes. They were very good at it too...mostly 'cause the soil was so darn good. They grew everything they needed and then some. The extra they traded and bartered. They had a lot of extra and their wealth began to grow. What they really grew well for trading was Hemp. It grew like weeds in the fertile soil and was used for everything from making rope to cloth and rugs and food and even medicine. Hemp is nature's greatest gift to mankind. Too bad the USA government outlawed it...could have made a fortune...the country wouldn't be so far in debt as they are now.
   And then there's the other kind of hemp, the mystical kind, the smoking kind, the marijuana kind. A different kind of nature's gift. That was always in very High demand. There were a lot of Mystics back then...just as there are now...a whole lot of mystics. The 5 Families made a fortune trading in both, and life became a whole lot easier for them and their numbers began to grow...almost as fast as the hemp. They intermarried and because of their wealth, kept to themselves, never trusting outsiders. They built up and out till the five houses became a small village.
   Before too long word got out about our soil and others came looking to settle and farm this very fertile land. The five families would not have it. They could not stand to have anyone else competing with them on what they considered their land. One way or another they bartered, bought, bribed, or otherwise cheated anyway they could to drive all competition off their land and out of the village. Just plum ran off a few who wouldn't take the hint.
   It is said that one day they ran off a witch who cast the curse saying no Lebowski would ever have peace as long as another living soul owned a penny...we have been cursed ever since.
   Me...I think it was the inbreeding. They weren't careful enough as to who was hooking up with whom. There were some real tragedies way back when...some not that long ago too.

   Now not all Lebowskis suffer from the curse...our women folk seem to be spared for the most part, but every now and again one will get slapped real hard. It's mostly the men folk...some more than others,..and it can show up differently depending on the linage. Some are driven into business and use cunning and leverage to best their opponents...others into crime. Take my brother Richard and I...I started working and running a business barely out of my teens; earned an MBA. Richard on the other hand preferred the Con. He was cursed with the darker side. Always with the lying and cheating...always with the con. Then of course there is the flip side of the curse,...having no ambition at all. There were a few of those soon enough in the second and third generation to inhabit the village. Of course they were family so they were tolerated and put to the best use they could.
   One in particular made a real mark for himself. World history books don't tell of him,..they don't remember...but our history sure does.
   Most of our very early accounts are little more than names and dates and ledger accounts. Records of who grew how much of what and who married whom. Dry records. Interesting to a Lebowski maybe, but nothin' worth tellin' a story about. That is until this here fella came along...the son of a son of a first family...a lazy fella by all accounts...fancied himself a Mystic...smoked a whole lot of the family product we here tell...well this here Dude made a discovery that changed the whole darn thing. Turned the whole darn Lebowski village on its head so to speak...so they sent him on a trip... a trip that would change the history of the whole dang world.
   Yep Princess, you might say this here fella was the very first Dude ever recorded in history.

[The Lennon]

Scene 18:
(The Tourney)

We switch back to The Dude, Walter and Maurice who finally arrived at the bowling alley. The three of them enter the air conditioned alley, lots of people are there.

   Walter: Is it me dude or did we miss something?
   
   The Dude: Hmm?
   
   Walter: There seems to be more bowlers here than usual aren't there?
   
   The Dude: What's your point Walter?
   
   Walter: What day is it?
   
   Maurice: It's Wednesday.

   Walter: Fuck! Dude this is the tournament we've been waiting for!
   
   The Dude: Come on!
   
   The Dude and Walter run off to the desk.
   
   Walter: *Panting* We're here for the tournament. *gasp*
   
   Desk Guy: Well you guys better hurry down to lane 21.

The Desk guy hands Walter and Dude their bowling shoes and they sprint to the lane. They spot Jesus Quintana down at the lanes in his usual purple outfit. Quintana waits with a big smile on his face, and next to him is Woo!

   Jesus Quintana: It's too late mahn, we've already started.
   
   Walter: Fuck you, according to the rules as long as we get in by the 3rd frame we can still enter.
   
   Jesus: no, no, no, those are not the rules.
   
   Walter: Hey can we get a Coach over here!?

A coach hears Walter and walks up to them.

   Coach: alright what's going on?

   
   Walter: I came in before the third frame was rolled, I can get into the tournament.
   
   Coach: he's right guys.

   Jesus: Hey they only have two members on their team, this is a 3 team tournament mahn! I won over your prized Woo mahn, HOO! *Quintana thrusts his pelvis forward making a rude gesture*
   
   The Dude quickly rushes up the stairs.
   
   Walter: Fuck dude what are we going to do?
   
   Quintana: There's nothing you can do you fucks, I win.

Walter turns around and notices the dude isn't there. He turns around a couple times. Trying to find him.

The Dude runs back down the stairs with Maurice not far behind.

   The Dude: Hey man I found our third guy.

   Jesus: Hey man that shit won't work here! He has to be USBC sanctioned, which means he can't play. *The jesus pointing his finger around walking up to Walter* Hah, I fucked you hard there mahn!

   Maurice: Actually I am USBC Sanctioned.

Walters eyes get wide and begin to glow.

   The Dude: He can play man!

The Coach just happened to be listening in on the conversation.

   Coach: It's true, just sign this here Maurice.
   
   Maurice: Thanks.

Maurice signs the paper and they begin bowling.

We see them all bowling, the balls glide quickly over the lanes, strike after strike. Both Jesus' team and Walter's team stay very close throughout the first game, Maurice bowls a near perfect game. Maurice bowls with an interesting style, spazzo and totally unorthodox but gets more strikes than anyone else, 9 in a row to be exact!

It's the last frame and the only two people left bowling are Maurice and Woo
The Dude, Walter and Maurice are all in a circle standing together. The Jesus notices and makes another rude hip thrusting gesture to them. Walter sees this in the corner of his eye and turns around.

   Walter: Fuck you, fuck the three of you!

Walter turns back around facing The Dude and Maurice.

   Walter: Alright it's all up to you.
   
   Maurice: Don't worry guys I got this.
   
   The Dude: If you get a perfect game man, we will win the first game.
   
   Maurice: Chill man, you have nothing to worry about.
   
   Walter: How did you get so good?

   Maurice: I'm a semi-professional bowler, my father was a cab driver and didn't get to spend much time with me as a kid so he dropped me off at the bowling alley often to bowl while he was out working, that's how I got so good. I've been bowling since I was 8!
   
   Walter: Fuck dude, let's kick this pederast where it hurts eh guys?

The three of them put their hands together.

   All three in unison: Yeah!

We move back to Jesus, Woo, and his old partner Liam.

   Jesus: They're up to something, and I don't like it. Do you think we can beat them?
   
   Woo: I'm don't know, their new guy is pretty good.
   
   Jesus: Well you're just going to have to be better! Now go!

Jesus pushes Woo toward the lane, Woo gets up to bowl, he shines his ball and stands up, he takes a deep breath, walks the approach and rolls the ball. It's a strike. But it's the 10th frame so he has 2 more chances to get 2 more strikes.

Maurice gets up next, he polishes with the utmost skill, fast and worthy of the finest.

Maurice stands up and almost trips, the ball moves out of his fingers, it hooks across the lane early and hits the other side of the pocket, a Brooklyn strike!
   
   Walter: Yeahh! Maurice!!
   
   The Dude: Way to go man.

Woo gets up for his second shot, throws it and it's another strike.

   Jesus: yeah mahn, that's how we fuck them!
   
   Woo: one more, I have one more.
   
   Jesus: One more strike and we are almost assured of our victory HOO!

Maurice mockingly gets up, grabs his crotch and yells *Woo!!* he turns around, takes his ball from the ball return and without even lining up he just throws the ball across the lane, *BANG* The ball hits the floor, spins at high speed and gets a loud STRIKE!

   Maurice: mmhmm you want some of this fools?

Maurice turns around fast and smacks his own ass and wiggles it a bit.

Jesus begins to sweat and his eyes get big.

   Jesus: Hey man fuck you!

Jesus turns around and walks to Woo.

   Jesus: this guy is freaking me out, finish this.

Woo gets up, sets himself up on the lane, and throws the ball, it moves a little to far to the left and leaves a 8. The 7 and 10 pins are up. The machine knocks them both down showing the end of his turn.

The score shows that Team Jesus has 850 and The Dudes team has 830 if Maurice makes his final strike on his 10th frame they'll win.

Nobody knows if he'll make it, not even Maurice is sure if he can. He moves closer to the approach but not on it, puts his fingers in the ball and throws it far, the ball spins and spins, moves faster and faster, it hits the pocket and the pins move fast, the ten pin is still up, but the other pins on the other side are still spinning, the 7 pin slides across and hits the 10 pin. It's a strike!

The Dude and Walter give each other a big hug.

   Walter: Hey fuck you Quintana!

   Jesus: Hey fuck you too mahn!

Jesus is infuriated at the loss of the first game, he screams and stamps his feet loudly, he smashes his left hand on one of the chairs and it gives him a sharp pain.

   Jesus: ahhhh!

   Woo: are you okay?

Jesus smacks Woo with his injured hand.

   Woo: ow, what was that for?

   Jesus: AHHHH!

The Dude Walter and Maurice are all watching this scene quietly.

   Walter: I think he's cracking dude.

The Dude raises his eye brows and takes a deep breath, he rubs his hands on his face and sits deeper in his chair.

Jesus walks over to them.

   Jesus: You may have won this round, but there are still two more games, you can't win them all.

   Maurice: That's your opinion.

The Dude looks over at Maurice with an eye brow raised.

The Jesus walks away.

The scene ends.

[cckeiser]

Scene 19:
( The Duddha )

We open once again in great grandpapa Oliver's bed room. Geoff is now sitting in an easy chair next to Oliver's bedside. Oliver's slow Texas drawl is very hypnotic and Geoff is falling under its spell.

As Oliver begins rambling again we slowly approach Geoff's eyes, then, just as they are about to close, we enter into them to see the account Oliver is relating unfold in the back of Geoff's brain.

Geoff is imagining Oliver's story, but she is imagining it using the people she knows. All the characters are taken from her experiences; Walter, The Dude, her Mother Maude and even Quintana and Woo pop up now and again.

We hear Oliver telling the tale, but once we enter into the back of Geoff's brain Oliver's voice begins to fade into the background and the story blooms and comes to life.

   Oliver: Yes sirree, this here Dude fella and his pals often made the long journey to some of the bigger villages to trade the home grown products for other stuff they needed. Well one day a fella at the market,...who just happened to know this here Dude from a time before,... traded the dude a rug he thought was something real special. The friend said the rug came all the way from India and it was woven from hemp, but nothing like any hemp he had seen before.
   His friend also gave the Dude a little of his dwindling supply of the smoking type of hemp he scored from the same fella he got the rug from.
   Well let me tell ya, the Dude was major impressed with both the rug and the bodacious weed this here fella gave him.
   Right off the Dude could see this was not like any kind of hemp that grew around here. The weave of the rug was both stronger and softer than the hemp from his family farms; it really tied that rug together! And the smoke was...well...it was just bodacious! The Dude had never smoked anything like it before.
   The Dude knew a good thing when he saw it, and knew if his family didn't start growing this new hemp someone else would and put them out of business.
   Well he rushed home and called a meeting of all the heads of the family. When they saw what the Dude had they were just as impressed as the Dude was. It was decided right off to send the Dude to the place where this new hemp came from.
   The Dude was to go in secret and buy, beg, borrow or steal as many seeds as he could, and return as quickly as possible before the next planting.
   And so the journey that sent the Dude, who would just so happen meet up with another dude who would change the world, began. The Dude was off to Magadha India and a short stop at a place to rest under an olive tree. And after that...well...the world would never be the same.

(This is where we enter through Geoff's eyes)

Through Geoff's eyes we now have Walter playing Gautama; the Buddha before his mind got limber when The Dude met him under the olive tree one day.

   Oliver: The Dude was there on family business trying to score some of that bodacious hemp they heard about back on their farm.
   The Dude was just out checking the local fields and stopped under the olive tree for a little rest when he runs into this Gautama fella sitting on the other side of the tree trying to meditate. Well the Dude being the Dude just sort of stands there eying this here Gautama fella for awhile till Gautama opens one eye and peaks over his yellow tinted shooting glasses to see who is staring at him!
   
   The Dude nods: Hey there, nice day isn't it? A little hot though...nice under this tree though. What kind of tree is this?

   Gautama/Walter in a polite but short reply: It's an olive tree.
   He then closes his eyes again an attempts to return to his meditation.

   The Dude; looking up and not noticing Gautama had shut his eyes again: Oh yeah, olive huh? Good to eat?

   Gautama/Walter seeing that The Dude is not going to go away decides his concentration has been broken anyway so he might as well talk to this strange looking fella.

So they get to talking and before long the Dude offers some of his potato wine he had brought with him from home to Gautama/Walter, they cut it down with some milk and honey a young girl had offered Gautama and they sat there for a bit just drinking a little, talking a little and smoking a little of the local product...just for quality control.

   The Dude finally asks: So what was that you were doing when I first found you sitting here?
   
   Gautama/Walter: I was trying to meditate Dude. Trying to reach a higher state of consciousness.
   
   The Dude: Meditate huh? Without any weed? You do that a lot?
   
   Gautama/Walter: Yes, quite often. As often as I can.
   
   The Dude: Does it help? I mean do you ever reach that higher consciousness thingee there?
   
   Gautama/Walter: Sometimes...just a little...just enough to make me wish to go even further.
   
   The Dude: That must be tiring? What's there that's so interesting?

Voice Over:
So Gautama/Walter begins to explain his life's quest.

When the Dude finds out this here Gautama fella is starving himself to attain an altered state of consciousness so he could find the reason for all the suffering in the world the Dude says:

   The Dude: "Fuck man, isn't starving yourself just creating more suffering? Why create more suffering in a world that already has way too much suffering? Like man, a much wiser fellow than I once told me the whole purpose of life was to just like live it man. It seems to me we should just like take it easy, abide and do no harm."
   
   Gautama first begins to mildly protest what the Dude has said by muttering: Ah,...but then that would mean that...oh, yeah...why didn't...You know, I think that just may be it!

Voice Over:
And just like that the wheels in his head started turning and churning as if someone had taken hold of his mind and pulled its trigger till it went...CLICK!

Yeah, all it takes is a slight change in perspective to change the whole picture. After years and years of thinking and meditating, it just takes one little change in how we perceive things to change everything in an instant.
All that thinking and meditating...well...that just sets up the stage for comprehension to take place.
Realization comes in a flash; a blinding flash of insight; like getting kicked in the back of the head by a mule...it turns the whole Universe upside down inside out and sideways. In an instant all the pieces of the puzzle just rearrange themselves into one beautiful picture. So beautiful you have no doubt of its truth. You are changed forever and you know from this moment on, there is no going back. The weight of the world is released from your shoulders and you, in that one instant, are now at peace with the Universe. You feel one with it, and realize you have always been one, as a great wave of love washes over you. In that one instant you know you have transcended what you once thought you were into the entity you really are. It is now all so very clear; so filled with love, and there is no going back.

   Gautama/Walter continues: That Would Mean...THAT WOULD MEAN...!! YES!! YES!! I Got It!!

Voice Over:
Now that the Gautama's mind was limber enough to process all the new shit the Dude had laid on him, the lights went on and at that point he rips off his yellow tinted shooting glasses and exclaims: I have been Enlightened! I am Buddha!

In his excitement at finally figuring the whole dang thing out he grabs the Dude by his bowling shirt and exclaims as he carefully puts his glasses back on: Yes Dude I have it all figured out now. Ask me anything...anything at all!

The Dude studies The brand new Buddha for a few seconds; taking note to how he had changed in just a few seconds, and now seemed to be glowing all over and says:

   The Dude: Ok friend, since you offered,...I...and the other Mystics back where I come from, have always wondered what is the answer to Life, the Universe and Everything?
   
   The new; and now radiating, Buddha replies: Ha Dude, that's an easy one. The answer is Fortitude Dude. The answer to Life, the Universe and Everything is...For-ti-tude!

   The Dude; taking another hit on the roach, rolls it around in his head a little before replying: Fortitude?! Yeah man, For-ti-tude. I can dig it!

(We now cut back to Oliver's bedroom just as Geoff is coming out of her trance.)

   We hear Oliver's voice once again: And thar you have it! That is how the Buddha became enlightened and became The Buddha! All because he just so happened to run into The Dude, who was just trying to score some of that thar bodacious hemp!
   
   Geoff; rubbing her eyes with her fists: Damn grand pop! That was some tall tale.
   
   Oliver: Not tall at all Princess...not tall at all...true...every word...well mostly every word...I may have embellished a tad here and there. It's all written down by one of our ancestors shortly after it happened. According to our ancestor, that's just the way it happened. Got lots more tales of this Dude and a few other Lebowski Dudes just like him. Yep, it seems there was a Lebowski Dude mixed up in just about every great event in history.
   Stick around a while and I'll tell em to ya.


We fade to black!

[The Lennon]

Scene 20:
(That's how we roll)

It's the second game and we see Jesus sitting in a chair on his part of the lane staring at the ground, contemplating to himself. His index and middle finger are pushed firmly against his forehead. Liam walks up to him.

    Liam: Hey man, we can beat them, we just need to win the next few games.
   
   Jesus: Don't you think I..... KNOW THAT!?

Jesus stands up in rage, he stares Leo dead in the eyes and is shaking in frustration.

    Liam: No reason to get upset over this, we can do it.

Jesus catches himself before doing something he isn't proud of, he looks to the lanes and then sits back in his seat.

   Jesus: I tell you Mahn, this isn't good, they may beat us again.

Woo comes walking back from the other side of the lane.

   Woo: I put gum on the bottom of one of their bowling shoes while they were out getting a drink.

   Jesus: Good work, now go and sit down before we look suspicious.
   
    Liam: We're sabotaging them?
   
   Jesus: Jyes, we are. Woo did you put the gum on that new pandejo's shoes?
   
   Woo: uhh, yeah I think.
   
   Jesus: you think?!

   Woo: well they all kind of left their shoes here at the same time, I dnn't know who's is what.

Meanwhile we pan back to the The Dude sitting down, he props his leg up on the other crossing his legs, he puts one shoe on and sets his foot down. Then he puts on the other one the same way.

Jesus is watching him from afar.

   Jesus: Well we know you didn't put it on his.
   
   Woo: yeah it wasn't that pair.

Woo pulls out a pack of gum from his pocket and begins chewing it, and safely returns to the gum to his pocket.

We move back now to Walter sitting down putting on his shoes.

   Walter: Well dude, two more games, I'm sure we'll pull somehing off.
   
   Dude: Yeah man, as long as we have Maurice, we should be fine.
   
   Maurice: Yeah man, we should be fine.

Maurice begins putting on his shoes as well. He puts them on pretty fast, stands up and starts walking around stretching his long lanky legs.

We move back over to Jesus.

   Jesus: You fucked it up Woo!

   Woo: uh-oh.

Walter finishes putting on his shoes and stands up and notices his shoe is sticking more to the ground, he looks under it to notice the Gum.

   Walter: How did I get gum on my shoes? It wasn't here when I had left. Dude do you know anything about this?

The Dude is day dreaming and is slightly startled by Walter talking to him.

   The Dude: Wha, huh? uh no man, no idea.

The dude smiles and resumes his day dreaming.

Walter realizes that the only ones who could have done this would be someone who wasn't getting drinks with them at the bar. Walter gets up and walks over to Jesus, Woo, and Leo.

   Walter: You think you can pull this shit at a tournament?
   
   Jesus is looking slightly scared by being found out.
   
   Walter: Do you have anything to say for yourself?
   
   Walter is very calm, like the calm before the storm.
   
   Walter: Hmm? Do you? you? you fucking pedophile.

Walter hit a nerve with Jesus and he gets up and stares Walter down. Meanwhile The Dude finally awakes out of his reverie and notices that something is going on on the other side of lane seating. He walks over slowly to investigate.

   The Dude: What's going on man?
   
   Walter: Stay out of this dude, I've got this handled.
   
   Jesus: Why don't you say that last remark about me to my face, huh?
   
   Walter: I've been waiting a long time to say this.... Fucking pederast, prick, cheater.

Jesus lunges at Walter but is stopped by Leo. Leo begins whispering into his ear.

    Liam: You don't want to get kicked out of the tournament, sticks and stones man.

Jesus stops squirming in  Liam's arms.

   Jesus: Hey fuck you man.

Walter without saying a word takes his shoe off and walks over to the coach and explains to him about the shoe. Jesus walks over to the coach.

   Jesus: He has no proof!

Walter looks at Woo who is ignoring the situation, chewing his gum.

   Walter: See look over there, he's even still chewing the gum, I assure you if you took that gum out of his mouth and compared it to the one on my shoe it would be identical!


   Coach: You guys that isn't sportsmanlike. Can I see the gum please?

Woo takes the gum out of his mouth and the coach gets a napkin, puts the gum on it and compares the two.

   Coach: they are the same, and I can see you have even more there sticking out of your pocket. With the power vested in me by the USBC you guys are barred from this tournament.


   Walter: Cheaters never win.

Upon hearing this, Jesus goes ballistic, he takes a bowling ball and throws it at Walter, but from Walters reflexes that he developed in Vietnam it allowed him enough time to anticipate the ball and dodge it.
Jesus then throws another ball. Walter shuffles quickly over to Jesus in an attempt to grab him, he brings him arm over to Jesus and gets bitten instead.

   Walter: Ahhh!

Walter grabs Jesus' arm and forces him on his back, we see Walter now from the perspective of Jesus' crotch, where we see Walters foot move back and then quickly move toward us. We now see Jesus on the ground grasping his crotch in pain.

   Jesus: AHHHHHH.

   Walter: That was self defense, he had a weapon.

Maurice sees this and comes over.

   Maurice: Hey guys what's going on?

   The Dude: Man our opponents cheated and then bit Walter.
   
   Maurice: What kind of fighting is that?
   
   Walter: The fighting of a sorry excuse for a bowler.

Walter shakes his head


The coaches are now running over and holding Jesus down until the police arrive,

We then cut outside a half an hour later where we see police cars now arriving. The moon is out and it is now night time.

   Maurice: Those were some good games, do you think we beat everyone else with all of our games combined?
   
   Walter: I have confidence that we weeded out the main competition.
   
   The Dude *Half Listening*: You think Maude delivered my weed yet?
   
   Walter: Not sure dude, but I'm more sure that we won that tournament that's for sure. I mean just alone Maurice had a 780 series.
   
   Maurice: Let's go out and celebrate.

   Walter: Where do you have in mind?
   
   Maurice: In and Out Burger sound good...my treat?

The Dude and Walter look at each other, and then look at Maurice.

   The Dude and Walter in Unison: good idea.

They leave the bowling alley parking lot, and as they are driving away we see Jesus getting hauled away by two policeman. He is squirming in rage.

   Policeman: Alright, you have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will-

   Jesus cuts him off: Hey why don't you put this on the record, let them know I told you that you can go fuck yourself mahn, this is bullshit.

The cop takes out his baton and wacks Jesus on the side.

   Jesus: Ahhhh

Jesus is hauled away into the police car and is taken away.

The scene ends.

[cckeiser]

Scene 21:

(Epidudeus)


We see Valentina knock and then enter Geoff's apartment. Geoff is sitting on her king sized four poster bed propped up by several enormous overstuffed pillows. She has a notebook computer on her lap and is typing very quickly. She glances up at Valentina then quickly back to her computer, as she hits save.

   Valentina: Mr Oliver would like to see you...as soon as it is convenient. He is in his study and would appreciate if you joined him there. I will take you when you are ready.
   
   Geoff: That's ok Val, I know where it is. I can take myself...if it's all the same to you?
   
   Valentina: As you wish, but don't tarry too long dear..Mr Oliver hates to be kept waiting.

   Geoff, closing her notebook and climbing off the bed, smiles at Valentina: No problem, I'll be right there as soon as I go potty.

Geoff enters her bathroom as Valentina leaves, but stops when she hears the door close. She turns and peeks her head out to make sure Valentina has gone. Geoff walks over and  opens the small refrigerator next to the bar and removes two bottles of Sioux City Sarsaparilla and wraps them in a hand towel.
Geoff slowly opens her apartment door and peeks out to make sure no one is there, then leaves closing the door behind her. She opens it again and reenters her room, goes quickly over to her bed and recovers her notebook computer. She removes a SD card and sticks it in her pocket as she places the notebook in a desk drawer. She slides a paperclip into the top of the drawer in such a way that it will fall to the floor if the drawer is opened.
Satisfied, she exits her apartment once again repeating her previous cautious exit.

We next see Geoff rap softly on a very large ornate wooden door.

   Great grandpapa Oliver: That you Princess? Come in...come in! I've been waitin'...got somethin' to show you.

Geoff enters the study and crosses over to where Oliver is sitting by a library table with a reading lamp with a rotating green glass shade pulled to his end. He is looking at what looks like a very old and yellowing scroll. He scoots his chair over a tad and beckons Geoff to pull up a chair next to him so she can get a better look at the writing on the ancient scroll. Geoff hands Oliver both of the bottles of sarsaparilla as she slides a chair oven and sits.

Oliver pulls out a bottle opener from someplace under the table where we cannot see and opens both bottles saying "Thankee" with a nod of his head as he hands one back to Geoff.

Their actions look routine, as if they have been doing this for sometime. In spite of their age differences Geoff and great grandpapa Oliver have become friends sharing stories over bottles of sarsaparilla.

   Oliver pointing to the fading hieroglyphics neatly inked on the yellow brown parchment: See here?...this is the document I was tellin' you about...that is the handwriting of our very early ancestor who kept the records of the Labowski family...it's over two thousands years old! Well not this one...this is an exact copy I had made of the original. The original is too fragile to be showin' around. It's under glass in the catacombs way down under our feet.

Geoff bends over the scroll, but its Runic script characters look very strange to her eyes.

   Geoff: What kind of writing is that? Greek? It doesn't look like Greek.

   Oliver; No Princess, this here is the writing of our people...what people today call Old Novgorod.
   Yeah, I can't read it either...very few scholars can...but we have the translations...most all of them.
   This one here is another one about a Lebowski "Dude" like your father...and funny you should mention Greek...cause Greece is where this here tale takes us. This here is one of the oldest stories...except for the one about the Buddha...that we have records of. This here tale is about a Greek fella name Epicurus...another fella in history a Lebowski Dude met up with and changed history.
   Now this tale kicks off pretty much like the other story kicked off...with this here lazy Lebowski Dude being sent by the Family to a far off land in search of a different kind of hemp they all had heard about. Now they sent this here Dude because...well because he was good for very little else...Yep another Dude who fancied himself a  "Mystic" and consuming way too much of the Family product.

Once again we enter through Geoff's eye's as Oliver tells the tale and it unfolds in the back of Geoff's brain, then blossoms into life with The Dude and this time Jackie Treehorn playing the main parts, but Walter, Maude and the other cast of characters mill about and in and out as the scene unfolds.

We see The Dude just arriving by goat cart. He gets out of the cart just a few steps outside a archway leading to a garden. Looking through the arch we can see a half dozen or so people in Greek robes sitting or standing about with a slender man standing in the middle. That man is Epicurus/Jackie Treehorn and he has a lady/Maude by the hand and is looking into her eyes and talking softly. As he is talking he catches a glimpse of The Dude standing just outside his gateway. The Dude is just standing there looking up at the arch and the inscription; written in a language he cannot read, just wondering what it might say.

He is just standing there staring as if to intuit its meaning.
   A man?s voice comes from within the gates: "Stranger, here you will do well to tarry; here our highest good is pleasure."

   The Dude waking from his half trance and a little surprised: Huh?

   Epicurus/Jackie: That what it says...the inscription...what you have been staring at. It says "Stranger, here you will do well to tarry; here our highest good is pleasure." Welcome stranger, I am Epicurus...how can I serve you?

   The Dude: Epicurus? Hey...you're the guy I have been looking for. The bar maid down in the tavern said I might find you up here. I came to see you about the hemp you are growing. They say you have the best anywhere around.

   Epicurus/Jackie: And you are?

   The Dude: Oh yeah...I'm The Dude man. You can call me Dude.

   Epicurus/Jackie: Well Welcome Dude...come on in and tarry. Like the sign says, our highest good is pleasure...and it's our pleasure to have you. Come...come...meet the gang! Relax and dine with us, we can do business later. My friends call me Eppi,...I like your face Dude...call me Eppi.

   The Dude; Well Eppi, thank you...I could use a beverage...where's the bar...you got a bar?
   
   Epicurus/Jackie: Now don't bother yourself Dude...I'll have a servant fetch it for you. The House Wine ok?
   
   The Dude: Ah...you wouldn't happen to have...Ah...yeah Eppi...the house wine will do fine...thank you.

   Epicurus/Jackie: Yes I think you will find it to your liking...here...let me introduce you to my other guests this evening. That striking red head is Maude. She's an Artist. Her work is very Vaginal...if you know what I mean. She posed for that nude statue over in the corner there.  Watch yourself Dude...she likes foreigners...and you would be just her type.
   Over there...that's Quintana and Sobchak. They are both Solipsist and are in a continuous debate as to which one of them is real and which is the illusion.
   
   The Dude: Sounds tiring?

   Epicurus/Jackie: Exhausting, but it can be quite fun to listen to them go at each other sometimes...they can be quite clever in their arguments.
   Over there sitting on the fountain wall is Bunny the Slave girl.

The Dude's eyes widen as he looks at Bunny.

   The Dude: Slave girl...really?

   Epicurus/Jackie: Careful there Dude...careful...she may be a slave, but she is very high maintenance...if you know what I mean. Now here is Joy the checkout girl from the tavern. Ah...I see Woo has brought your wine.
   
   The Dude: Hey I know her...she told me where to find you. Hi Joy! Say Eppi, mind if I do a J?
   
   Epicurus/Jackie: Suite yourself Dude...we are all about Pleasure here. When you are finished out here come into the study and we can talk business. My servant Woo here will show you the way.

We see The Dude and Joy talking as Epicurus/Jackie walks towards the house with Blondie close behind.
As Epicurus/Jackie leaves Maude begins making her way over to insert herself between the Dude and Joy. Maude takes the J from The Dude, takes a hit and gives it back. The Dude nods and smiles...Joy seeing she has been out ranked and out maneuvered turns and walks away.

We slowly fade to webs of gossamer, colored by the washed out tints of the scene we are leaving. The colored strands begin to swirl then right themselves into the next scene as we see The Dude and Epicurus/Jackie sitting in his Study. There are what look like Wine Racks covering nearly every wall, but they hold no bottles. They are really scroll racks and most are filled with what appears to be brand new scrolls, many containing several each, and all neatly tied with different colored ribbons.

   The Dude looking around at all the scrolls: Well Eppi...nice place you got here. You do a lot of reading?

   Epicurus/Jackie: Yes Dude...I do read quite a bit...and write quite a bit as well. That wall over there is where I keep the papers I write...over 300 so far. I'm a Philosopher Dude. When not reading I write on the nature of the things that concern me Dude. Mostly on thinks like pain and suffering and the pleasure that comes in their absence. I think and write about Pleasure Dude.,,and what all that really means.
   I guess there's not much call for my line of work in your hemp business is there Dude?

   The Dude: My Business?...it's not my business Eppi...it's my family's business. I'm just the "Gofor" guy...the guy who goes for stuff the family business needs. It's not My business Eppi...I'm sort of a philosopher myself...a Mystic you might say.
   
   Epicurus/Jackie: A Mystic?...you do much writing then? I would love to see your work.


   The Dude: No...no...don't write...do a lot of thinking...just try to keep my mind limber with a strict regime of alcohol and drugs...you know wine...hemp...and the occasional mushroom...and commune with whatever is out there...whatever comes my way you know.
   Don't try to force it...too tiring...just let it flow through me...a come what may thing...if you know what I mean.

   Epicurus/Jackie: Yes I do Dude. I know exactly what you mean. But unfortunately Dude I have some depressing news for you...we are all out of hemp. I do have a sack of seeds for you to take with you, but Woo has informed me all our hemp has been turned into parchment. That's what I have been writing on the last year or so.

   The Dude: Parchment?...damn Eppi, I thought you guys used papyrus for writing on? Hemp paper...now that's interesting.

   Epicurus/Jackie: Well we usually do Dude, but have you seen the price of papyrus lately? With everyone learning how to read and write these days the price of papyrus has gone through the roof. Had to use my hemp to turn into writing material. I used the good papyrus stationary for official letters and formal writing, buy I use the hemp parchment to write down my thoughts and musings. They are the scrolls with the red ribbons...over there...on that wall there.
   Sorry Dude, but you caught me at an un-opportune time.
   But I was thinking about cleaning house a little...getting rid of some the old writing I have changed my mind about...or wrote differently...there maybe a few hemp scrolls we can roll up and try smoking.
   Let me just go through a few here to see what's on them and I'll set aside the ones I want to keep. I will get more hemp and make more parchment with the next crop. In the mean time we can smoke the rest.

Epicurus/Jackie takes a scroll off the rack and unrolls it reading. Then decides it's not worth keeping and hands it to the Dude saying:

   Here you go Dude...roll this one up and smoke it!

   The Dude: Well thank you Eppi, don't mind if I do...what's it say?
   
   Epicurus/Jackie: This one says "I am The Walrus!"...don't ask Dude...long story...and I was really stoned when I wrote it.
   Here's another you can smoke Dude it says "Those who love...do not fight. Those who fight...do not love. The best way to benefit all,...harm none."
   I rewrote that later as "It is impossible to live a pleasant life without living wisely and well and justly; agreeing neither to harm nor be harmed, and it is impossible to live wisely and well and justly without living a pleasant life."
   Sounds much better that way...without all that fighting in there...don't you think?

We fade back to Oliver and Geoff sitting side by side at the library table in his study. They clink their sarsaparilla bottles together and drain their last sip as Oliver finishes his story.

   Oliver: And there you have it...before they were done the Dude and the other guests pretty darn near smoked all the hemp old Epicurus had on hand...of his more than 300 writings only a hand full that were written on papyrus survived being inhaled by the Dude!

   Geoff: You know..I don't believe a word of what your say, but I sure do enjoy the way you say it. We have been to India and now Greece,...where are we going next?

   Oliver with a twinkle in his eye and a smile on his face: What?...you don't believe it? It's true...every word of it. Just as it was written right here on this here parchment. But I understand, if it's a little much to take...all in one sittin'. By the time you get to half my age you'll understand the importance of it all.
   But; to answer your question, tomorrow we are going someplace really special. We will be going down into the catacombs...deep down into the heart of the Lebowski estate. There's another parchment stored down there I need to show you. It's a Prophecy written over a thousands years ago...and it's the reason you're here Princess. It was written all about you.

Fade out.

[The Lennon]

Scene 22:

(Dude-napped)

Walter, The Dude, and Maurice are now seen at the In and Out Burger, The Dude takes a big bite of the burger and is staring face to face with Maurice, who Walter is sitting next to. They are in a booth. Maurice is dipping his french fries in a small pool of ketchup on a napkin.

   The Dude: Things turned out pretty good didn't they?
   
   Maurice: Yeah Dude, I'm outta jail, I got to go bowling man, I think I won that tournament too! no problems.
   
   Walter: Quintana got what was coming to him.
   
   The Dude: Walter lets not talk about that now man, it's bad karma.
   
   Walter: aww Dude that karma is all a bunch of crap.

Maurice looks out the window and sees a taxi cab.

   Maurice: Hold on guys, I'll be right back.

Maurice gets up and leaves the restaurant, we see him out the window from The Dude and Walters perspective,

Maurice knocks on the window of the taxi, it rolls down, Maurice sticks his head inside and after a moment opens up the door and sits inside and the taxi we see it drive away. Maurice and an older gentleman get out and walk inside.

   Maurice: Hey guys' I'd like you to meet my father.

   Maurice's Dad: The names Jay, nice to meet you.

He extends his hand to Walter who shakes it and then to The Dude.  He stops and looks at him for a second.

   Jay: Hey Have we met?
   
   The Dude: I'm uhh.. not sure.

We flash back to The Dude in the back of the taxi complaining about The Eagles over a decade ago.

Jay snaps his fingers.

   Jay: I know you! You're that fool who ragged on my music!
   
   Maurice: What?! You two know each other?
   
   The Dude: That was a long time ago.

   Jay: Yeah but I remember it like it was yesterday, this fool came into my cab and insulted the eagles.
   
   Maurice: You insulted the Eagles dude?
   
   The Dude: Hey man I had a hard day.......
   
   Jay: I don't care what you were doing okay?.... this is stressing me out, that's it I'm outta here.
   
   Maurice: Wait, wait, dad, these guys bailed me out of jail man.

Jay stops for a moment and looks at the dude in his eyes.

   Jay: You say he was directly responsible.

   The Dude: yeah man, I knew someone...
   
   Maurice: And then we won a bowing tournament together. hoo! *Maurice claps his hands*
   
   Jay: Well then I guess were cool.

Jay extends his hand and shakes it with The Dude.

We see out of the corner of the of our eye. A bunch of guys in swat uniforms running inside the In and Out Burger.

   Swat Guy: Okay, everyone get down!

   The Dude: Now what?

Three of the swat men them run over to the Dude, Walter, and Maurice who are all sitting with their heads pressed on the table as instructed. Jay is on the floor as he wasn't near enough to the booth. The three of them take The Dude, Walter and Maurice to a large hummer parked outside. And as soon as they are pulled in, bags are put over their heads.

   The Dude: Fuck, not again....  man....

We transition out.

We now come from the view point of The Dude as the bag is lifted from over his head. He notices that the three of them are tied to chairs with their hands behind their back.

   The Dude: Man, how long have we been out?
   
   Walter: I counted every minute dude, it's been about 14 hours.
   
   The Dude: Fuck, where are we? I have to use the bathroom!
   
   Maurice: *panicking* I don't know man! I just wanted my dog back!
   
We see someone walking around the three of them.

   A man?s voice: Well Gentlemen, we finally have you.

   The Dude: Wha?

   The same man: You've been on the run for a while, that giant prick Jackie Treehorn has been a thorn in my side for a long time, as well as that she-devil Maude. Welcome gentleman, allow me to introduce myself. I am The Big Dick.
   
   Walter: You..... fucking.... two timing.....
   
   Big Dick: Yes Walter, I lead you along like a little puppy dog. arf arf...
   
   Walter: Son of a bitch!
   
   The Dude: What do you want with us? I have to take a dump!

   Big Dick: You're more important to my plans than you know dude..... yes I've been watching you for a long time, I know who you are. One second.
   
The Big Dick puts the bags over their heads again and we fade out.
We come back in and he lifts the bags as he did previously.

   The Dude: Alright, thanks man.
   
   The Big Dick: I can't have you stinking up the place with piss and shit now can I?
   
   Maurice: hey hey... one question... why am I here?
   
   Big Dick: I don't give a fuck about you!!!

The Big Dick kicks down the chair that Maurice is tied to, he is now on his back.


   Big Dick: ahh sorry, just a little anger streak I have here and there.  You just happened to be with them so my men picked you up.


   The Dude: Uhh man, so why did you kidnap us?

   Big Dick:  *chuckling and pacing from one side of the room to the other* ahh, well I guess there is no harm in telling you..... You are descended from a long line of dead beats in your family that date back over a millennium.

We quickly transition to flash backs of the previous scenes with The Dude and Epicurus as Big Dick explains.

   Big Dick: There have been men on your side of the family who have revolutionized the world in more ways than one, who have changed history and made some of the great religious leaders and philosophers who they are considered today.
   
   The Dude: My side of the family?

   The Big Dick: Yes Dude, we are related. Both of us hail from the original Lebowski families.
   
   The Dude: Huh... you got a beverage man? This sounds like it's going to be a long story.
   
   The Big Dick: *bursting out in rage again* No you fuck!! I don't have any god damn beverages for the likes you!! Deadbeat!!

The Dude is kicked and falls backward on the ground, now in the same position as Maurice.

   Maurice *looking over to the dude*: Does this guy have a hair up is butt or what?
   
   The Dude: ow... This aggression will not stand man.
   
   Big Dick: Good, then you can just stay on the floor.
   
   Walter: You fucker, I oughta ring your neck and hang you from the brooklyn bridge!
   
   The Big Dick: I don't think you're even in a position to insult me, Sobquack

The Big Dick walks over to The Dude and stares at him, we see Big Dick from The Dudes perspective. Big Dick grabs his neck and pulls him back up.

   The Dude: *cough cough* Hey man, uhh how about that *cough* beverage?
   
   The Big Dick: Ughgh, fine, if it will shut you up for one moment!

The Big Dick snaps his fingers and a man comes into the grey room they are in, which looks similar to a holding cell.

   Big Dick: Get him a White Russian.

   Man: Yes sir.
The man leaves the room.

   Big Dick: Now where was I? Ahh yes, you and I are related Dude, your side and my side have played our roles for centuries, now it's time to put it to an end. 
   
   The Dude: Why? Things are looking pretty good as they are now.
   
   Big Dick: Because there is a prophecy.... I have half, and my brother has the other half. My side tells that a Dude will disrupt the plans cursed ones which is my side and prepare them for......
   
   The Dude: Prepare them for what?
   
   The Big Dick: I don't know.... I don't have the rest , the other half is with my brother...

The man returns with the White Russian.

   Big Dick: Ah, feed it to him like a small child, I'll find it amusing....

   Man:...... yes sir....

The man walks over and puts the glass to The Dudes lips as the Dude takes a couple gulps.

   The Big Dick: Let's just say that you are the key to ruining my plans of world domination. that's as far as I know.... now...
   
   The Dude: ......How would I.... do... that...?

   Big Dick: it's a good hunch, your side of the family always seems to ruin my side, ever since a witch cast a curse on us  while we sent someone from your lazy side of the family to get hemp, good for nothing bum, but a lucky one. I have seen records of this as a child of those from your side making bigger steps.

The man leaves and sets the white russian down next to the dude... who is still tied up.

   The Dude: Hey well at least I don't have anger issues man.

Big Dicks head turns red and instead of kicking the Dude back down he kicks Walters chair down.

   Walter: This guys a loony dude, don't listen to him.

Big Dick kicks Walter and walks back over to The Dude.

   Walter: Augh!

   Big Dick: Well, I'm afraid that this loony is going to be keeping you here for a long time. Or at least until I can get a certain possession from the other side of the family. That country bumpkin of a brother of mine has something that I want. Now you will cooperate and do what I tell you so that I can get it..... understood?

   The Dude: yeah man, whatever, can you just untie me so I can get my beverage.... man?

The Big Dick snaps his fingers yet again and the man comes in.

   Big Dick: Untie them, but don't let them out of your sight, I'm locking the door, so the only way in or out is with the key that I have. Understood?

The man nodes and the  Big dick leaves.

The man sits up the dudes chair, and then starts to untie him.

   The Dude: Fuck Walter, how do we keep getting into these situations?

The Dude moves his arms out and grabs the White Russian next to him and begins to sip it.

The man picks up Maurice and begins to untie him.

   Walter *still on the ground*: Fuck dude I don't know, maybe this karma thing you were talking about earlier might have something to it.


The scene fades out.

[cckeiser]

Scene 23:

(The Prophecy of Freyja Seidr)

We open the scene with a flash back to early history.

Voice Over:

We are deep in the forest of Teutoburg in Germania on September 2, 989 CE.
The forest is dense with very old black oaks and the floor of the forest is overgrown with dark green thorny bramble whose blood red thorns glisten in the few rays of sunlight that can penetrate this deep. Here and there bright green ferns grow in small clumps around unseen bogs that add to the discomfort to any who enter too deep. But deep is where the Witch who calls herself Freyja Seidr makes her home...so this is where the Dude must go to get that which he seeks...that which he desires...that which he Must have!
It is said the Witch of Teutoburg Forest has an elixir of Perception given to her by the Old Gods who once ruled this land so very long ago and that this forest was their last refuge. Many say they are still here.
The Dude is driven by forces he does not understand to acquire this elixir, even if it should cost him his life. He was born a Mystic son of a Mystic son, but has not the great sight of his fathers. Having heard of the elixir of the Witch of Teutoburg he has traveled from his home in Braslaw in Belarus to this cursed forest...in search of a Witch no one speaks of but in whispers. Many claim she is a myth told my mothers to scare the wayward child and she does not exist. Only a few will whisper she is real, but will cross themselves at the mention of her name. But the Dude has seen her, if only in his dreams. He knows she is real, and has seen where to find her. She beckons to him seductively taunting him to come to her. She calls him by name through a mist of swirling fog and always he follows. Night and day he follows his dream till it has led him deep into the forest of Teutoburg.
And now he is lost.
The light grows dim and he has lost sight of the almost path through the bramble. It was hard enough to follow in the daylight, but now it is impossible. Funny, but it should only be a little past midday? Has he lost track of time? A song comes floating across the bramble;... a woman's voice soft and sweet. He has heard this song before...in his dreams. But he is not sleeping now...or is he?  Freyja Seidr calls to him...he must follow.

We see the Dude's back fade from view into the fog as he walks through the bramble following the song.


We fade out in a fog and then back in as we see Oliver and Geoff standing in what looks like a stone cave. It is one of the caves that make up the catacombs beneath the Lebowski Estate. There are shelves along one wall containing sealed glass boxes.
Oliver pulls a small glass box out of a crevice and places it on a small round table under an overhead recessed lamp. The lamp cast a dim yellow light that is just bright enough to see by.
Inside the case is the bottom half of a torn parchment. There is a small white label attached to the top of the glass box.

Oliver reads the label.

   Oliver: "...the fate of your family will rest in the hands of a child who reunites the blood line centuries old and carries both the curse of greed and the blessings of fortitude. A child who walks in the twilight and holds the key to bring either salvation or destruction for which side she shall decide to focus."
   That's about you Princess...you my dear...are that child.
   
   Geoff: Yeah Unck...sure...sure it is. You don't really expect me to *Believe* any of this do you gramps? You off your meds again?

   Oliver: No it's true...really is. Yeah, I don't blame you for being skeptical... it's a little  hard to believe,...I didn't really believe it myself at first...but...well...but here you are.
   
   Geoff, looking at Oliver little puzzled: You really believe this malarkey? How do you know the document is even real? Where's the other half? No way, it's real...not about me.

   Oliver: Well Princess, I am not the only one who believes this prophecy is not only real, but is all about you. Both Leopold and your mother Maude believe also.
   The other half...well that's a whole story in itself.
   As why I believe this parchment is the real thing?...well I'm the one who found it...me and Richard...right down here in another tunnel back aways and down another level.
   It's not safe down there any more, all boarded up...leaking and falling down after Richard...well...it's not safe there any more.

   This is going back aways to when by my brother Richard and I were about your age. We were brought here for much the same reason you were...like all the Lebowski children before and since...to be introduced to our history by the head of the Family. That was my grandpapa Leopold back then...my son Leopold is named after him.
   Our father brought us and Mother here for our induction...our Right of Passage into the Lebowski Family. Father returned to the States to take care of business and left Mother, Richard and I here in care of Grand Papa Leopold and the staff. We were only here a few weeks when Grand Papa took ill. A few days later Mother and Richard came down with a high fever as well. It was a virus they called the Madness, that had spread through the area. The high fever caused delusions and could cause brain damage if not taken care of right away.
   Mother and Richard recovered after a about a week. Grand Papa Leopold lingered for nearly a month before passing away. Mother and Richard were never the same.
   It was after the Grand Papa's funeral and everyone...and I mean *Everyone* came...that we found it.
   The Family were all up stairs for the "Gathering" as we call it, we should have been invited to it, but we weren't, so Richard and I came down here to the catacombs to get away.
   It had been a very hot day, and it is always cool down here. Even cooler down below. We went exploring down in the lower level...it was dripping even back then. We found a tunnel not used anymore because of the dampness...it was dark and damp and very cool. But as we entered I leaned against a wall and I guess because of all the dripping it was weak and gave way. A whole section of the stones fell and just missed hitting us by inches. We started running from the tunnel afraid it might cave in, but I tripped an fell. And there it was...laying right in front of my face. It must have been hidden in the wall behind one of the stones...had to have been there for centuries since it was at least that long the tunnel had been used. The whole lower level had been propped up and some sections sealed off hundreds of year ago. That section of tunnels leads under the lake house. No one was supposed to go down there...for just the reason the stones were unstable and could fall without warning.

   I picked up the scroll and ran from the tunnel just as another section gave way right over head. I got out just in time to find Richard glaring at me. He had a long pole in his hands and just stood there with this creepy glare in his eyes staring at me. It was the first time I ever saw that side of Richard, but it wouldn't be the last. It gave me the chills I'll tell you...still does just remembering.... damn...weeyu.
   Well there I go rambling again.

   Well back to this here parchment.. We just stood there looking at each other for a few seconds till Richard saw what I had in my hand. "What's that?" he asked, as he seemed to snap out of what ever evil thing had a hold of him. He seemed back to normal...almost...or so I thought. Right then and there he made a grab for it, but I pulled it away just in time. I had no idea what had got a hold on him, and it was a little unsettling, but I wanted my old brother back. I said "Let's look at it up in the other tunnel where the light is better...we should get out of here anyway before the whole place caves in."

   We came up here...right over there in fact...and unrolled it. Right off we could see it was really old and covered in this here script; neither of us had any idea what it was, but we figured it was something really special and probably very valuable.
   That is when Richard made another grab for the scroll and tripped me at the same time. I held on and the parchment ripped in half.
   Richard once again just stood there looking down at me and my half of the parchment. He had that same eerie glare in his eyes as before. I just sat there, holding my half of the parchment close to my chest, looking back up at him.
   He didn't say a word...just turned around and walked back up and out of the catacombs.
   I sat there...a little stunned and a little scared...not for me, but for Richard. I knew then and there the sickness was still in him... and wandered if he would ever recover.
   It was while I was thinking about all this that I then realized with a shock, that it had been Richard that had tripped me down in the tunnel, and it was he that caused the ceiling to collapse while I was still inside...Richard had tried to kill me!

   I don't know where he got to after that. I didn't see him that night or the next day. I told Father what had happened and showed him my half of the parchment. He said he would have it translated for us, but I was told Richard denied everything, even that he had the other half. Whatever happened to the top half I do not know. Maybe Richard still has it, or maybe not.

   I left that evening with Father. He said Mother and Richard were staying here till they fully recovered. They never did. Mother lived on for 10 years, but I never saw her after that. They say she had the fever again..and went completely mad. Richard remained with her to the end. I was always more like Father and Richard more like Mother...now..even in their madness.
   The last time I saw Richard was at Mother's funeral and than at the Gathering right after.
   When the family board decide not to grant Richard Mother's voting seat on the board he went ballistic. If there was any doubt to his madness, that doubt was shattered when he vowed to destroy the Family business and take vengeance on every one of us.
   He has been true to his word in trying; and has caused us no amount of trouble, but really has caused the business more embarrassment than real harm...but he keep trying.
   I am sure you have guessed by now, my brother Richard is your Big Dick, the one who caused you so much trouble these past few weeks.

   I don't think Richard knows we found an old document from the 10th century telling us who wrote the Prophecy, where it came from, and how it came to be here.
   We will never know what the whole prophecy says without the top half. But then Richard does not know what this half says, and that is our Ace-in-the-Hole!
   He doesn't know it's all about you!
   
Fade to fog!

[The Lennon]

Scene 24:
( Dudejavu)

A black screen transition to the right reveals the three dudes still in The Big Dicks cell, with the guard watching them.

The Dude puts on his sunglasses and lays back, his arm moves behind him and he spreads his legs and gets comfortable in his chair. We move slowly to the right over to Maurice who is sitting with his head in his hands, still moving to the right, we see Walter tapping his feet, he is slouching, and then sits back like The Dude.

   Walter: Well Dude, it's not that big of a deal.

The Dude just looks over to Walter with his sunglasses still on, he doesn't say a word.

Walter looks down on the floor, we pan see from behind Walters perspective, Walter scratches his head.

   Walter: Well Dude, at least it can't get any worse right?

Maurice looks at Walter this time, shooting him a nasty look.

Walter stops again, he takes a big deep breath and groans as he exhales.

   Walter: uahhhhghhhhhhhghhh

The man watching them is in the corner of the room, not saying a word.

   The Dude: Hey man, since were here and all, could you like give us restroom privilages, or like some weed uh, man?

The man doesn't say a word, he just continues to stare.

   Walter: Don't worry about it dude, we'll get out of this.

Walter gets up and walks around the room, he stretches his legs and walks over to the man, Walter looks at the man dead in the eye. And then turns around and farts with his anus pointed at the man.

   Walter: Oh sorry guy. Must have been the beans I had eaten earlier before I got here.

The man holds his nose for a second, he waves his hand to get the smell out of his area.

   Man: *cough, cough*

He still doesn't say anything.

We see a camera staring at them all from behind the three of them. We pan out through the camera and then through The Big Dicks computer screens where we see Big Dick watching them, a man comes from behind him.

   The lackey: Sir the broadcasting time is in 12 minutes.
   
   Big Dick: Good, you know what to say right?
   
   The lackey: Yes sir.
   
   Big Dick: Good.... NOW GET OUT!!!!

The man runs away as fast as he can through a dark corner.

We move back to the Lebowski estate, all of the televisions all change blue, we see the different televisions in the different rooms with a giant 72'' screen out near the kitchen where Geoff and Oliver are eating breakfast.

   Geoff: What's this gramps? Some kind of new show?
   
   Oliver: Ahm not sure Darlin', let's wait and see.

The screen changes now to the man from earlier.

   Richard?s lackey: We want what is rightfully ours, we want the other side of the parchment from the catacombs. If you do not comply we will kill the Lebowski Dude and his friends.

The screen changes to see The Dude, Walter, and Maurice all sitting together in the grey holding cell.

   The lackey: Bring it back to the area in the catacombs where you found it in one 3 hours or they will die.

The screens turn off.

   Geoff: Damn, how did they do that?
   
   Oliver: High tech devices, princess.
   
   Geoff: Well what are you going to do, we have to save my father!
   
   Oliver: Don'tcha worry, we've got protocol's designed specifically for situations like this.

Val enters from inside the kitchen.

   Oliver: Ya'll know what to do?
   
   Val: Yes, we are already on it.
   
   Geoff: What are you going to do Uncle?
   
   Oliver: you'll see princess....

We transition back to The Dude, Walter, and Maurice.

Walter is still walking around, he farts again.

   The Dude: There are other people here man.
   
   Walter: Sorry dude, can't help it.

The Dude looks to the guard, he has his shirt over his nose.

   The Dude: Hey man, can you like open up a window or something?

We scroll around the room, to see that there are no windows.

The man takes out a walky-talky.

   Man: *cough* sir, we have a problem here...
   
   Voice: Yes?
   
   Man: one of the prisoners is passing gas....
   
   Voice: What?.... hold on....

The Big Dick walks in with two other men, they grab the 3 of them and put bags over their heads again, we see things again from their perspective.

They remove the bags and find themselves in a shed, once again tied up to their chairs. The guard from earlier opens up the door to reveal the strong morning sun. We peer outside to see a vast forest.

   Man: We have attached bracelets to your ankles, if you leave a mile out of this premesis, the bracelets will electrocute you until you move back into the safe zone. Got it? Here's a knife.

The man throws a knife on The Dudes lap, who is still tied up.

   Man: have fun. I'd suggest that you stay here though, for your own safety.

The man leaves through the door and we hear the sound of a helicopter take off.

The Dude attempts to move his legs so that he can position the knife closer to his hands so he can cut the rope. Maurice comes to after appearing to be napping.

   Maurice: Where am I?
   
   The Dude: Somewhere out in the wilderness.
   
   Maurice: man, first a holding sell and now this, what the fuck?
   
   Walter: Yeah what the fuck!
   
   The Dude: Fuck, how am I supposed to untie myself?
   
   Maurice: hold on a second

We see Maurice moving his hands around, the ropes just fall off.

   Maurice: Hey!...mine were loose!

Maurice gets up and grabs the knife, and cuts Walter and The Dude free.

Walter looks at his ankle:

   Walter: fuck me dude, we're on parole.

The all look outside at the same time, the move slowly towards the door and peer out, looking left and right. The Dude on the left, Walter in th middle, and Maurice on the right. All three of them walk out into the wilderness, and see the vast forest all around them.

[The Lennon]

Scene 25
(The family Mash up)           


It's dark, we see a control monitor with a screen displaying where The Dudes are on the right. There is a hand next it, we zoom out to see Big Dick sitting watching the monitor and occasionally tapping his hand on a button to change the angle. It clicks to The Dude, then to Walter, then to Maurice, as they cautiously move around the shed. We move toward the monitor as it is focused back on The Dude, as we get closer the monitor shifts to real life.

    The Dude: Well Walter, what have you gotten us into this time?

    Walter: Dude you know damn well that this isn't my fault.

    Maurice: How is it his fault Dude?

    The Dude: Walter got into this whole Big Dick shit way before any of this happened.

    Walter: I apologized Dude, didn't I? I didn't know.

We move toward The Dude who just put his sunglasses on as Walter was talking. The Dude is not saying anything and just staring at Walter.

    Walter: Fuck Dude, don't give me the silent treatment.

    Maurice: It's more important that we get the fuck out of here dudes.

    The Dude: Sigh, yeah man you're right, let's keep looking around.

The camera pans out and then morphs back into the monitor, we see them leaving the shed.
We hear a slight chuckle, but see nothing but the monitor and the hand continually changing the screens.


As we pan out and up to a bird's eye view we see Walter, The Dude and Maurice standing in the middle of a vast forest. We see the shack and a small clearing next to it from where the helicopter took off. We pan up further to see we have been looking at the trio on a large HD screen.
We pull back a little more to see Big Dick still watching them. The man who was watching the trio from earlier comes in.

Man: Are you sure we can leave them out in the forest like that? It's so close to the others.

Big Dick: our signals jam anything and everything within 3 miles of the old estate, not even Oliver can find us.... That's why we have been able to stay under the radar, because we are constantly ON their radar. ha ha ha!

meanwhile we transition back to Geoff and Oliver in a hi-tech looking room.

    Oliver: This is our security office Princess. We are well staffed and very well protected. No one,     not even Richard can get in here without us knowing.

Geoff: How come you haven't found Richard yet?

Oliver: Well if he's plannin' on meeting me down in tha family catacombs, he must be on the property somewhere, unless he is just sending his henchmen ther' to retrieve it from me.

Geoff: So what are you planning to do? You can't go down there in person, obviously you must send some of your henchmen down there.

Oliver: no, he would know I could easily do that, he probably has the catacombs wired and tapin' to keep an eye on us. We don't want to injure yer dad by makin' a mistake.

Geoff nods and thinks for a moment.

Geoff: Well it seems like you have this covered.

Geoff signals for Oliver to come closer so she can whisper something in his ear.

Geoff *whispering*: I'm going to go get you some of that good sarsaparilla, I'll see you soon.

Oliver winks to her as she runs off out the door.

Oliver: Hmm... somethin' doesn't seem quite right...


Val comes in the room.

Oliver: have you found Richard yet?

Val: Unfortunately no... He probably has a good signal blocker so even our technology can't break through it.

Oliver: Damn... that brother of mine has been a thorn in my side for too long.

Val: Do you have anything in mind?

Oliver: Well ah guess I should go down ther' with the other half of the prophesy.

Val: The other half? Why would Richard want you to take it down into     the catacombs to where you found it? He knows it was walled up years ago and it's not safe...he's     the one who had it walled up!

    Oliver: He's mad...insane... he knows I haven't been down there since...since the cave in. He just     wants me to go down there so I will remember how he tried to kill me. He wants the other half of the prophecy but that's not all, .he's playing with me...taunting me...trying to force my hand so I make a     mistake...again. Not This Time Richard! Not This Time!


We move to Geoff who is accessing her laptop.

Geoff *thinking to herself*: The decoding I did earlier from the USB said that he was located here.... Where would he be? hmm... under the radar? That's it, he's able to jam the signal so strongly here because although the estate has the advanced technology, even it can't penetrate something equally strong coming from right next door,.... But where would it be...? I think it's time for me to go...

Just then Oliver walks in to the room, Geoff quickly closes her laptop and turns around to try to hide everything.

    Geoff: Oh hey! So why is it so bad that Richard gets the full prophesy?

    Oliver: If he gets the other half then he'll know that yer' the real force to be reckon with, not yer     father.

    Geoff: But what can I do?

    Oliver:  I told ya what it said, you'll have to interpret it for yerself.

    Geoff: Hmmm... I think I need to take a walk....

    Oliver: Alright princess, don't stray too far ya hear? The defenses are on high alert and we can't afford to lose you.

    Geoff: Yeah yeah... I got it...


Geoff says as she leaves the room, we move toward the window and see her leaving the estate towards the forest.

We move around to Oliver slowly walking out of the room, he has an intense look in his eyes.

Oliver *thinking to himself*: What happened to that Sarsaparilla? .....hmm... I don't like this.

We transition back to Geoff

    Geoff: Well if I'm going to find what's inside, I might as well go to a peaceful place to do it.... a     place like the catacombs.... ha ha ha!

Geoff pulls out the other half of the prophesy from her pocket.

    Geoff: I'm coming dad....

We transition back to the Dudes party, they are now walking around trees.

    Maurice: I hope we find civilization soon, I can't handle this kind of stress.

Geoff enters the area from behind a tree.

    Geoff thinking to herself: "Is this the way I went last time?"

    The Dude: Geoff!

    Geoff: Dad?!

Geoff runs to the Dude and gives him a hug.

    The Dude: Where did you come from? Did the Dick get you too?

    Geoff: Dad his real name is Richard, and no, he wants my grandpa to meet up at the catacombs     here.

    Maurice: Catacombs? I don't like the dead, Dude.

    The Dude: oh well,I guess we'll all just tag along.

    Walter: You will, ahem, need us as guards after all.

    Geoff: Shut up Walter, not even the guy you had tabs on me could out run me, I'm safer than you are.

    Walter *thinking to himself: "I will not get angry, I will not get angry!"

The group starts walking toward the catacombs which are near by. We pan up to see it close in the distance, again the screen shifts to the monitor as Big Dick watches the entire scene.

    Big Dick: This should be interesting....

Big Dick stands up and leaves the room.


The screen turns dark, we hear dripping and the sound of the wind. we move out to see Geoff and the other three looking into the dark abyss that is the entrance to the catacombs.

    Maurice: uh man.. uh... I'm not completely sure about this man.

    Geoff: Come on, I'm used to the darkness.

They all start walking inside.

    Geoff: Hey pops, you got a light?

The Dude searches his pants and pulls out a lighter and hands it to Geoff.
She lights it and walks in front of them leading the way. There is a pile of rubble in the middle of the floor, everyone steps over it, it's pretty high so everyone ducks to get over it.
They continue walking, water is dripping down from the ceiling.
They stop and some bats fly out towards their direction, everyone ducks.

    Maurice: Holy shit, wh-what were those?

    Geoff: Shhhh!!! Who are you anyway?

They are still walking as Geoff is looking at Maurice, she is walking backwards.

    Maurice: Long story...short, your pops got me out of jail.

We see Geoff quickly flash back to the scene between The Buddha and The Dudes ancestor. She smiles and looks at her dad and nods to him. The Dude is smiling too.

They continue to move downward through the catacombs, now at a slant, seeing skeletons and coffins left and right.

    Walter: psst! hey brat, are we almost there?

    Geoff: shut up Walter, I don't even know, we are just going until we find someone. I've never even been this deep before. And we need to keep quiet, this area is VERY old....

We see her now walking towards us, she stops and points to us and screams.
We now move to Geoff's perspective.
There is a man with a skeleton mask on looking very scary.
Geoff and Maurice both start screaming at the man in front of them in fear.

    Maurice: Ahh!! I knew I shouldn't have gone to celebrate before we found out we won!!

All of their screams caused a partial cave in over the man. he falls, his head is still exposed with his arms out, the rest of him there are rocks on him.

    Geoff: Now let's see who you really are!

She takes the mask off of him.

    It's Oliver.

    Dude: Howdy stranger, fancy meeting you in a place like this.

    Oliver: agh.... likewise dude....

    Geoff: Are you okay? Why were you dressed like a skeleton?

    Oliver: Because I didn't want you... to get hurt princess....I thought I could scare you out of here, but I thought you were alone.....
I guess it's appropriate though....argh

Geoff: What is?

Oliver: .that I die here, in the Lebowski burial chamber.

The Dude: I didn't know you were a Lebowski man?.

We now hear footsteps coming toward them, Big Dick with 6 of his black opts men approach them.

Big Dick: ha ha.... wow brother, seems like you're in the same position you were in all those years     ago.... heheh.

    Oliver: Richard.... I can't believe you would be behind something like this!

    Geoff: Richard? this is the brother that took the other half of the prophesy?

Richard snaps his fingers and has his men grab her and search her pockets, they pull out the other half of the prophesy.

    Richard: Ahh at last, now I can read the rest. Men, give me some light here!

Richard pulls out the other half and puts them together.

Geoff, The Dude, Walter, and Maurice are already running back toward the entrance while Big Dick was reading the prophesy.

    Richard: Men grab that girl!!

The black opts men are now chasing them.
We move back to Oliver and Richard.

    Oliver: How did you get down here...?

    Richard: I live in the old estate, it has a passage way to easily get under the second floor.

    Oliver: But what about.... the cave ins?

    Richard: I had some of my men clear out the areas that were blocked off and reinforce some areas,     fortunately it looks like they missed a spot.

    Oliver: yer a no good two timing....

    Richard bursting into his rage again: I'm two timing?!!! You took everything from me!!! Those     seats and votes were supposed to go to me! Do you have any idea the torment I went through!?

The strength of his voice caused another cave in above Richard, he falls to the ground and is knocked out.

    Oliver: heh... well it's just as well.... you and I both meet our demise.... here of all places..... heh...

    Oliver passes out.

[The Lennon]

Scene 26

Everyone finally reaches the light of day and they continue to run into the forest.

  The Dude: *huff huff* where are we going?

  Geoff: back to the new estate!

Suddenly a helicopter comes down, the same one from before with the Lebowski all seeing eye emblem!
The Helicopter quickly lands near the clearing, as the black opts men come running out, someone on the other side of the chopper starts shooting at them.
The door near The Dude, Geoff, Walter, and Maurice opens up, and it's Maude! Along with Leopold!

  Maude: Hurry, grab our hands!

They get pulled up into the Helicopter, as then another helicopter comes rushing out from the other direction, it begins to shoot their chopper! The bullets however aren't doing anything.

  Geoff: What's going on!!?

  Maurice: We're doomed! They got fire power!!

  Maude: Relax, this helicopter is reinforced with bullet proof glass and the titanium is reinforced    with our family technology.

  Geoff: Wouldn't that make the copter heavy?

  Maude: Our technology has had a breakthrough to have strong and light weight steel.

Bullets continue to fly as we still see the other helicopter still trying.
Maude walks over to the pilot with her headset on.

  Maude: Get them now.

We see the pilot pressing a large red button, as a missile comes out of the side of the chopper and destroys the other into bits. The helicopter falls on the entrance to the catacombs.

  Geoff: Nooo!!

  Leopold: What's wrong princess?

  Geoff: *yelling so that Leopold can hear her*: Oliver and Richard are still in there!! There was a    cave in deep inside!

  Leopold: Let's return to the estate, Val is already aware of the passage that Oliver used to get    ahead of you, she will know what to do.

We see the helicopter move back in the direction of the new estate. Suddenly we hear screaming from inside the helicopter.

  The Dude: (screaming in pain) Ahhh the fucking bracelets!! I forgot!

  Walter: Turn the copter Around!!

We transition to black, we now see everyone in the main room of the estate, except for Leopold, Maude and Val waiting to hear from Val about Oliver. We hear Geoff finish telling them about her experiences starting from the morning of leaving Jackie Treehorn's.

  The Dude: Sounds like quite an adventure.

  Geoff: Me? You had more fun than I did, going to a bowling tournament, meeting a new friend in a    holding cell, getting kidnapped. I spent most of my time here in the safety of the estate, hearing    Grandpa Oliver's wacky stories.

  The Dude: I still can't get over that the stranger I met before you were conceived turned out to be a    distant relative. Man, what a trip.

  Maurice: Yeah, it's interesting how everything turned out, I mean if it wasn't for all this happening,    I would still be in jail!

  Geoff: Well you're out, and now let me introduce myself. I am Geoff Lebowski, it's nice to meet    you Maurice.

She extends her hand out to him.
He shakes it.
Val comes in.

  Val: When we had arrived the entire area had caved in. We cleared away the rubble but we didn't    find any bodies.

  Geoff: Richards men must have gotten them....

Geoff gets up and walks over to the wall, she starts crying for her grandpa.

  Val: We need to know what you will be doing as far as the estate goes, the family business needs    you to take the seats of the missing family members.

  Geoff:..... why so soon?....

  Val: It is family procedure.


The family is evenly divided on either side of a long boardroom table.
Geoff is seated on a Queen Anne's chair near, but back from the head of the table. She needs to look down and across the table to see The Dude sitting in the corner of the room abiding and doing a J...being careful to flick the ashes on the floor.
Maude hands Geoff a contract and a pen.

  Maude: Sweetie please sign here, once you do you will own all of the property you see here, as you    are a member of both sides of the family. You will also receive the votes and the seats of your    relatives.

Geoff is sitting and we see her back, we hear grunting sounds from her. As we move around to the front side we see her grasping her wrist, she is trying to stop herself from signing.

Geoff is thinking to herself, we hear her inner dialogue- "Do I choose my mothers side? or the mystics of my fathers side?"

  Geoff: Aghh I just want to live a normal life..... I can't succumb to this feeling to own it all.... I    know I won't stop..... why did I have to be born with this curse....?

  Great uncle Leopold: The world is already yours Princess.

Geoff looks to her mother, but Maude is no help saying:

  Maude: It's up to you darling, it's your choice to make and I cannot...am forbidden to... make it for    you.


Val is standing next to Maude, she whispers in Maude's ear What choice do you think she will make?

Maude *whispering*: Obviously taking the estate, as she is a woman in the family she doesn't have to worry    about the curse the men have.

Geoff hears this and thinks to her self. *Am I really void of this curse?*

She walks over to the table with the document that will give her most of the votes to the family and the seats.

Geoff begins to have a mad look in her eyes, the same as Richard had, she takes the quill that is next to the document and dips it in ink. She puts her hand over it, about to sign it, but then stops.

Geoff sits there thinking and looking at each and every face around the table. But then she sees The Dude...her "Pops"...sitting all by himself in the corner with his sunglasses on, seemingly oblivious to everything that's been going on. The Dude is just sitting there doing a J and...well...Abiding.
Geoff pauses, takes the contract and the pen and walks over to him. She stands in front of him for a few seconds looking him in the eyes. They are communicating without words and the Dude gives a slight nod in reply.

Geoff: I... I can't do it.... this is the wrong decision... I have the curse... I know I won't stop once I have this.

The Dude: You can make whatever decision you want to make.

Geoff: ....

The Dude: I know after all this shit that we went through, Any decision you make will be a good one, I    know it.

She slowly stands up and crosses over to Maude. Looking into her mother's eyes Geoff takes her hand and kisses Maude on the cheek. She then turns and makes her way back to her seat at the table.
She takes the contract and rips it up.

  Geoff: (with authority in her voice) I know what I want to do with my life. Live it as easy going as possible and help people using my knowledge and abilities, not the money that my family has    accumulated through greed and the suffering others.

[We hear One Toke Over the Line begin to play very softly in the background.]

Geoff reaches into her jacket pocket and takes out a pair of Ray-Bans...slips them on, and looking at The Dude, gives her head a pointing tilt in the direction of the open door. The Dude nods again and gets up. They lock arms and make their way towards the open door.

[The music begins to get just a little louder so it can be heard over the clamor beginning to come from behind them as mayhem has broken loose with everyone screaming at each other. There are no actual fights, but there is table pounding, a little shoving and papers being thrown in the air.]

Just as Geoff and The Dude reach the door Geoff reaches into The Dudes sweater pocket and pulls out a J. She holds it up curiously, turning it over and smelling it. Then, just as they have exited the door, she asks:

  Geoff: Hey Pops...mind if I do a J?

They turn the corner and exit the scene before The Dude can reply.

[One Toke Over The Line begins to rock the house and takes us the credits.]



As the credits roll, we see what became of everyone. We once again hear Richard narrating the story. We see pictures of what they were doing as he narrates.

Voice Over:

Well The Dude went on to continue living in the same place he had lived for years, he continued to go out with the cashier girl from Ralph's but it didn't work out, instead Maude came back and decided to try out a real relationship with him.

As a present from Geoff and Maude, she gave The Dude the rug that Maude gave her mother as a memento. It turned out to be the same rug that she had hit him over the head for and had taken back before Geoff was born.

The room couldn't have been tied together any better.

Oh... And The Dude finally got his new stash from Maude, it was good stuff!



Geoff went on to public school, this time by her wishes, and turned it upside down.

She then got bored with it and decided to go traveling around the world to find her inner peace and learn the ways that her ancestors did.
She learned the ways of true magick and eventually became a powerful Mystic. She then was able to eradicate the curse placed on her family using the anti-curse magick she had learned.

Walter had to leave his security job, as Geoff had pulled strings with her mother to put him into the war in Afghanistan as a solider to shut him up about his rants about being in Nam. His army buddies were told that he wasn't old, just really ugly.

Walter surprisingly did very well and won the purple heart for risking his life for one of the friends he had made who had been held captive.

As soon as he was seen as a war hero, Bunny came crawling back to him hoping to get into his good graces. Walter denied her and then pulled his own strings to have her put in the army too.




Maurice finally got his dog Rex back from his ex, with the help of the Lebowski family of course.

He went on to joining The Dude's team to replace Walter. Just the two of them alone wiped out the chances of anyone getting first place besides them.




Jesus Quintana was fired from his job as a bus driver because of the incident at the bowling alley. He then however got a job as the school gym coach for his sports know-how.




Maude, Leopold and Val continued to run the estate and kept their seats. Val had been given a seat for her hard work over the years. The Lebowski family continued to flourish.


They all continued to watch Geoff using their satellites making sure she was okay. Once Geoff found out about it she used her magick so she would no longer be seen by them. Maude threw a fit.



Knox Harrington and Neune became a couple, a strange mis-matched couple that turned surprisingly out very well. They now live together in the bungalow. As a favor for Knox, Maude ordered a robotic toe that attached to the nerve endings of Neune's foot, she was then a ten toed woman again!

[cckeiser]

This is currently our First Draft...some of it is good and some...well lets just say some of it could use a little work...and with some editing will hopefully make it all good!
In the mean time, if you have any comments or suggestions please leave them on the feed back thread.
http://dudeism.com/smf/index.php?topic=1366.30

Thanks dudes!

[forumdude]

Hey you guys got some press! http://superofficialnews.com/announced-the-big-lebowski-2-the-dude-goes-to-washington/#comment-686

[cckeiser]

Now that all the "writing" is pretty much over and all the chapters run together I see no reason to keep this post locked.
I think many of our guests who are reading this do not know there is/was a separate topic for replies.
We are now Open for comment!