Little Lebowski Feedback

cckeiser · July 22, 2010, 03:19:38 PM

It's not too late dudes!

What we got here is the first draft. Lots of work to do yet to get polished up. Still time to work in a thing or two if you have any suggestions.
Could even work in a another scene maybe...if need be.

But in any case, we hope you enjoy our little project!

The Lennon · July 23, 2010, 09:22:43 PM

Did you guys like the ending?

jjvicars · July 25, 2010, 01:51:37 AM

It ends rather abruptly. Did you guys lose interest? I hope not. What was Richard's side of the story? Supposedly he's been hypnotizing everybody, but why? And why did his brother's death cheat him of his victory? Why was he after Geoff of he didn't believe in the prophesy? Did I miss a post?

Zen Dog · July 25, 2010, 09:47:21 AM

I discovered it last night and read it from begining to end.
Awesome, excellent, absolutely outstanding,when is it released?
One minor query though.
If the Stranger is uncle Oliver and part of the action,how come he breaks the fourth wall in TBL?
As the narrator he talks to the camera/us.
Surely for continuity TLL should also have a narrator.Consistency might indicate the same one,but not necessarily.But to kill off the original one in the sequel........damn I lost my thread there but you know what I mean.

Zen Dog · July 25, 2010, 09:58:24 AM

Oh yeah, apparently he wasn't too keen on cuss words,so 'shithead'!?

Stay excellent dudes

cckeiser · July 25, 2010, 02:24:36 PM

Yo dudes!

Excellent points all!
That was only the First Draft, and we are going back through the entire script one scene at a time for editing and rewriting. I reworked the first few scenes already and just waiting on a review.
So now is the time to get your critiques and suggestions in so we can work them into the script in the Second Draft.

cckeiser · July 25, 2010, 02:54:59 PM

Quote from: Zen Dog on July 25, 2010, 09:47:21 AM

If the Stranger is uncle Oliver and part of the action,how come he breaks the fourth wall in TBL?
As the narrator he talks to the camera/us.
Surely for continuity TLL should also have a narrator.Consistency might indicate the same one,but not necessarily.But to kill off the original one in the sequel........damn I lost my thread there but you know what I mean.

I considered that as well.
In TLL I'm saying the narrator is Richard.
They were twins and both raised in Texas.

The Stranger was Oliver, the narrator Richard!

(I have changed my mind on this. I think Richard should be both the Stranger and the narrator for Both TBL and TLL!) added 8/19/2010

But there is nothing wrong with breaking the fourth wall.

cckeiser · July 25, 2010, 03:23:10 PM

Quote from: jjvicars on July 25, 2010, 01:51:37 AM
It ends rather abruptly. Did you guys lose interest? I hope not.

Yes and no. But we each have other projects that need attending. It's supposed to be a script for a movie, not a novel. I think it is long enough already.

Quote
What was Richard's side of the story? Supposedly he's been hypnotizing everybody, but why?

Actually, it was Oliver who was hypnotizing everyone. Oliver used his "gift" to swindle and con everyone to his advantage.

Quote
And why did his brother's death cheat him of his victory?

Sibling rivalry! It started when they were very young and just got worse as they got older. Richard's battle has always been against his brother Oliver, and Oliver's against Richard. It was part of their curse. It didn't matter what one of them had, the other one wanted it.
Oliver almost always won. This time Richard was about to win, but Oliver's death cheated him of his victory. To Richard it didn't matter if he won if he couldn't flaunt his victory in Oliver's face.

Quote
Why was he after Geoff of he didn't believe in the prophesy? Did I miss a post?

Richard wanted Geoff so he could take her away from Oliver and tell her the "Truth" about Oliver and the Lebowski family.
Geoff was just another contest between the brothers. If one wanted her, the other had to take her away. Sibling rivalry!! Richard also wanted Geoff for her votes.

The Prophesy was Richard's distraction to get everyone's attention elsewhere as the real trick was being preformed.

For our story, The Prophecy was needed to complete our mashup!

Zen Dog · July 26, 2010, 12:35:41 PM

I hope you can get the picture made before it's to late.Jeff,John and Sam ain't getting any younger.

cckeiser · July 26, 2010, 01:41:10 PM

Quote from: Zen Dog on July 26, 2010, 12:35:41 PM
I hope you can get the picture made before it's to late.Jeff,John and Sam ain't getting any younger.

Yeah, we may need to have them all cloned. 8^)
Either that or...have you seen what they are doing with computers these days? Real life like...

Zen Dog · July 27, 2010, 02:18:15 PM

But could you replicate Sam Elliotts distinctive voice?

The Lennon · July 27, 2010, 04:04:29 PM

Hey Dudes, heads up. Because cckeiser and I both had conflicting views on the ending of the story, we both agreed it would be great to let the community here decide on which ending they liked the best. When you decide which one you liked more, go to the poll that is set up. The ending with the most votes will be the ending we both decide on. Please read both and vote.

cckeiser · July 28, 2010, 12:40:04 AM

Or...if you do not like any of our choices...write one of your own and post in here if you like.

cckeiser · July 29, 2010, 11:09:45 PM

"Additional info:
From the Old French form of the Germanic name, Geoffroy, meaning "God's peace".

Geoffrey may also be derived from Germanic elements meaning "peaceful place," "peaceful traveler," or "pledge of peace."

Shagbeard · January 12, 2014, 05:35:25 PM

Not sure if this was mentioned... If this does not get filmed, it would make for a great graphic novel. Many movies they are making now are originally graphic novels or comics from Dark Horse. I think it would be great, but that is just my opinion