The Limber Mind Library > The Little Lebowski

The Little Lebowski!

(1/6) > >>

The Little Lebowski Script
c.c.keiser and The Lennon

We see a young girl of about 15 sitting in her bedroom, she is dressed mostly in black and is wearing way too much black and purple eye liner. She is sitting at a computer typing furiously. Every few seconds she stops and we see the computer screen change rapidly flickering one page after another.
We watch this as once again we hear the voice of Sam Elliot.

               Voice Over

   Well there dudes it's been a while but I have another doozy of a story to tell you about.
   This here story I call The Little Lebowski...since it is more about the daughter of The Dude and Maude than it is about The Dude Himself. Oh The Dude plays his part for sure, as does Walter and the rest of the gang from The Big Lebowski, but the real star is his offspring.

   It's like 16 years later since the Dude and Maude got together and their offspring..a daughter...Geoff Lebowski has just turned 15. Yeah, Maude has named her daughter Geoff..."For All the obvious reasons" according to Maude. Which, unfortunately, seems to be based on an inside joke and only obvious to Maude and a few of her very close friends.

   As for Geoff,...well she didn't mind her name and never though anything of it when she was younger, but attending Private School has changed her attitude about...well...just about everything!
   She was always off scale, spoiled, opinionated and precocious; much like Maude herself, but since turning 14 she has turned Emo. Of course Maude and company thought Geoff "Indigo" and she always tested 'off the charts' so this drastic transformation to Emo Goth has them all beside themselves. Geoff has taken to hacking in a big way and is somewhat famous among the underground computer hackers.

   The Dude is still The Dude, but now has a job as caretaker of the lodgings for Marty. The Dude gets free rent for collecting and maintaining while his landlord Marty is in New York as the President of an off Broadway Theater Group. Marty is doing very well and may not return for sometime to come; if at all.
   One of the other renters is the checkout girl from Ralph's who The Dude is now dating on a steady basis.

   Walter now runs Sobchak Security which hires and trains Mall security guards. But that is just a front for Walter's real business of finding and training private black-ops agents for a International Private Military Company.
   Walter has a Red Phone with a direct connection to "The Big Dick" which he carries with him at all times; even bowling. It only has that one number on it, and Walter drops everything whenever it rings. Walter answers it with a salute and "Sir! Yes Sir!" no matter where he is when The Big Dick calls.
   Walter claims he was waterboarded once when he didn't answer when The Big Dick called on a Saturday!
   Bunny is now married to Walter after Brent and Maude's father, the other Jeffery Lebowski, took the million and ran off to Argentina together. It is rumored they have a doctor there who can fix his legs. There is another rumor he was never really crippled.

   Da Fino...our Brother Shamus...well, he now works for Walter. He stays just out of sight for the most part but is always close at hand. He runs the day to day operations for the Mall Security for Walter and transfers promising candidates for the Black-ops operations.
   And you never would have guessed, but Woo and Blondie are now on The Dude and Walter's bowling team. Woo now anchors the team and out rolls Jesus Quintana just about every time they meet. Jesus is trying to get Woo to join his team.
   Jesus Quintana got his wish and is now a School Bus driver.

   As for Little Larry Sellers...well to everyone's surprise, he became a best selling author and the head writer for a major movie and TV studio.
   After their run in with Walter, the nihilist Uri Kunkel, Kieffer and Franz vanished from the face of the Earth and were never heard from again.

End Voice over:

Just as The Stranger finishes this last sentence we see Geoff's computer screen go white and a 403 error pops up.
Geoff exclaims in a very pissed off tone: Shit!...Fuck!....Shit!

Scene 1

Walter still dressed in his Sobchak Security General's uniform; which looks rather suspiciously like a French Foreign Legion Officer's uniform, burst into The Dudes place screaming.

   Walter: Keep that brat of yours Out of my Computer System! I'm warning you, if she hacks past my firewall one more time there will be Consequences!
   The Dude: What the Fuck Walter?

   Walter: I'm not fooling around here Dude. Big Dick is pissed as hell and heads will roll!
   Tell your daughter she is messin' with the Wrong Fuckin' People here and if she doesn't knock it off she could get hurt. No no ...tell her she Will get hurt! You Do Not want to get Big Dick really pissed. Believe me, he's got connections and people just vanish like they never been born!

   The Dude: What the fuck Walter you moron. You know Geoff doesn't live here, she lives with Maude. I haven't seen or heard from either since her last birthday. Go knock down Maude's door and yell at her!

   Walter: Dude! You know I can't get within 500 feet of Maude since that incident and she slapped a restraining order on me. Hell, I can't even call her on the phone without her calling the cops! The Big Dick doesn't like the local authorities poking around our business.  Besides, Maude doesn't listen to me.
   Maybe she will listen to you Dude. Call her up and tell her Big Dick is really pissed and if Geoff doesn't stop messin' around with our computer system things could get bad; and I mean real bad. There's stuff in there that could get people killed...a whole lot of people.

   The Dude: Fuck Walter, Maude wont listen to me either, not that it would do any good talking to Geoff either. She's as stubborn as Maude. Besides, how do you know it's Geoff getting into your system? It could be anyone!

   Walter: We have our ways of tracking anyone anywhere in our system, but mostly because she left her icon all over our pages. Good thing she only got past the first firewall and didn't do any real damage, but she keeps it up and she could put everyone at risk.

   The Dude: Ok, I will call Maude and see what I can do, but I can't promise anything.
   Walter: You gotta make her listen Dude...people could get hurt. I could get hurt! Big Dick doesn't fool around.
   The Dude: I hear ya, I hear ya. I'll do what I can.
   You ready? We got to pick up Woo on the way to the alley. His car is in the shop again.

   Walter: Again!! Don't know why the fuck he keeps that foreign piece of shit. It's in the shop more than he drives it. Yeah, I got my ball in the Hummer. Fuck it Dude. Let's go bowling!?

The Lennon:
Scene 2:     

The Dude and Walter arrive at the bowling alley and walk through the double doors. They walk along the long strip of freshly vacuumed carpet that sits behind the lanes when The Dude notices in the corner of his eye, a familiar face. The Dude puts his hand out to stop Walter and turns to the left to see Geoff throwing a gutter ball.

   Geoff: Mother****er!! (Geoff screams to the pins still standing... mocking her)

The Dude walks down the steps to the lanes with Walter not too far behind holding a pair of bowling shoes and his ball.

   The Dude: Geoff what are you doing here, where is your mother?
   Geoff: oh... Hello Father, I've come to enlist your help.
   The Dude: Wh- Help with what? What the f*** are you doing here?
   Geoff: I'm here to tell you that I've run away and I need a place to hide for a couple of days.
   Walter: Alright you little twerp, what have you done now?
   Geoff: Is this really going to turn into a interrogation? I came here for your help, if I wanted to be scolded then I would go back to Mother.
   The Dude: Alright we'll hear you out, can we add some games on your lane?
   Geoff: Sure, whatever you want, I'll even pay for your games because I know you're financially inept.


   The Dude: Walter just calm down, we don't want to make a scene here man, this isn't the place, you don't want the cops to be called again, you're already got one warning, one more slip up and you'll be kicked off the league man.
   Walter: *sigh*, you're right, thanks dude. Okay, you little brat, the minute we get back to the dudes place, you're going to get a talking to!
   Geoff: Go suck it Walter.

Walter lunges at Geoff but is grabbed by the Dude just in time.

   Walter: You're lucky your dad is here to restrain me, you'd be in those pins if I had my way.

Geoff glares at Walter and the scene ends.

Scene 3:

The scene begins with the three sitting in the chairs next to the Lanes discussing Geoff's run-away.

   Geoff: Due to my rebelliousness Mother is planning to send me off to a public school in Northern California, she thinks that it would teach me how to respect others if I knew what it felt like to be ostracized for my unique talents. To tell you the truth I hate the idea, the last place I would want to go is the capital, and I have a feeling that is where she is going to send me.

   The Dude: No fuckin' way! You?! Public School!? No fuckin' way. She's just trying to scare you. No fuckin' way would Maude ever seriously consider letting you attend public school. There hasn't been a Lebowski in public school since...well since the fuckin' revolution! That's on your mom's side of the family of course.
   Walter: Reform school's more fitting. Would serve you right you little brat. Stay the fuck out of my computer system!

   Geoff: Hey Walter you call that a computer system!? A 5 year old could hack your firewall. Better go check on your Chinaman. Looks like that fuckin' bus driver Quintana is crawling up his ass. Don't want him to soil himself all over his nice new bowling shoes! Go boy...go fetch!

Walter reaches for Geoff, but the Dude holds him back with an out stretched arm.

   Walter: You little...! Ok dude, you talk to your little monster. I’ll get Woo and Blondie and see about an alley.

Walter leaves and the Dude talks to Geoff.

   The Dude: So what the fuck is this all about anyway? What did you do to get Maude so fuckin' mad?

   Geoff: Nothing really. I mean nothing bad. Just poking around on Walter's system a little. Didn't even mess with it really; just left my calling card to say "Hi" I was here is all. Their firewall is a joke. I did them a favor really. Walter should be thanking me for showing how lame is security is.
   But no, Walter and his Nazi masters had to call the authorities. Frickin' goons from Home Land Insecurity paid Mother and I a visit. They took my fucking computer!!!
   Walter's a bad boy you know. I didn't tell him, but I got past all his shitty security and poked around some of his private stuff before they shut it down. Walter's been a very naughty boy.

   The Dude: Shit Geoff! Homeland Security?! The fuckin' Feds!? You can't do that fuckin' stuff and not expect people to get pissed. It's not like it was back in the 60s. People get fuckin' nuts about security now.
   Geoff: Fuck it pops, you going to assist my or not? I don't need another lecture, especially from You! You were not exactly the model child either. I thought you would understand! But fuck it, if you will not assist me, I know others who will. And without all these fucking questions!

   The Dude: Just hold on one fuckin' minute. I didn't say I wouldn't help, just wanted to know the fuckin' details. You can stay at my place till I talk with your Mother and Walter and see if I can get this whole thing straighten out.
   Damn, Geoff, didn't anyone ever teach you how to bowl?

Walter, Woo and Blondie stroll back over to The Dude and Geoff.

   Walter (eyeing Geoff suspiciously): Dude, we're heading to the bar for some oat soda, coming?

   The Dude: Nah, I'll just order a drink here. I'm going to give Geoff a few bowling lessons.

Off in the background just within Walter's  eyesight Da Fino signals Walter with a slight nod of his head.
Geoff catches the signal in the reflection of the score monitor and bolts before anyone can make a move. She had been sitting so she could keep and eye on Da Fino all along and suspected something was up. She knew better than use the public exits and picked the alley next to the runway that goes back behind the pin setters when she first got there. She bolts down the runway and out the back exit with Da Fino chasing but far behind and lagging more so every second.
Geoff slams out the back exit and vanishes into the night.

The Lennon:
Scene: 4
The Dude just watches as Geoff leaves through the door, knowing that there was nothing he could do to stop her. He turns around and shoots Walter a "What the fuck" sort of look.
Da Fino follows her out the door but comes back inside minutes later panting and holding the side of his stomach.

   Walter: Dude uh, I've got some uh, laundry to do, I'll see you later.
   The Dude: Walter I know what's going on, I'm not stupid okay?

   Walter: I know dude you're not stupid, I've just got some things I've got to sort out.
   The Dude: What about you spying on my daughter? What the fuck Walter? Are you trying to give me a heart attack?

   Walter: No dude... look, this isn't about you anymore okay, this is much bigger than the both of us. You don't want to get wrapped up in this shit.
   The Dude: Walter, she's my daughter, how can I not get wrapped up?
   Walter: ......Good point, okay dude, you're daughter is now a threat to national security, we are going to have to find her and keep her out of trouble before she ends up in federal prison.
   The Dude: But she's under age.

   Walter:  I know that dude, but we are dealing with people who make the rules here, they can bend a few things if they want to.
   The Dude: sigh, fine, what are we going to do?
   Walter: We have to find her, do you know of any places that she likes to hang out?
   The Dude: Maud would probably know more about that than I would, you know that.
   Walter: Alright dude, calm down, this isn't a big deal.
   The Dude: This is a big deal!!

   Walter: Okay, this is a big deal but it's nothing to get stressed over.Okay dude? You're being very undude right now, just relax for a moment and take a deep breath okay dude?

The dude takes a deep breath and relax's.and changes his tone to something more subtle.

   The Dude: okay.. what are we going to do.
   Walter: That's the dude I know, alright here's the plan. We're going to go talk to Maud about where Geoff might go, if we can find the clues then we will find the answer.

   The Dude: Alright, but what about the games?
   Walter: what you think we are going to do that right now? Fuck no, We came here to bowl, and that's what we are going to do. Besides Geoff paid for the games, no use putting them to waste right?

Walter signals Da Fino to leave the alley without him and nods like he knows what he's doing.

   The Dude: Sigh, I guess you're right.
   Walter: Yeahh!! That's the dude I know!

Walter slaps the dude lightly on the back and picks up the ball, and the scene ends.


[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

Go to full version