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Author Topic: Bipolar & Dudeism  (Read 4183 times)

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ZoeAbides

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Bipolar & Dudeism
« on: March 20, 2015, 12:53:31 AM »
So you're taking 'er easy, trying to abide all the strikes and gutters.  You think you're throwing rocks when it turns out you can't roll anything but gutterballs.  All of a sudden, your inner Walter pulls his piece and refuses to put the gun away.  You see the disbelief and horror in poor Smokey's eyes, you can faintly hear your inner Dude trying to talk sense into you, but despite the warning that "they're calling the cops, man", your inner Walter just cocks his pistol and keeps shouting louder and louder.

You want to stop.  You truly, honestly don't care if Smokey marks it 8.  But your inner Walter will not let this stand.  You find yourself agreeing with your Walter, and really do think Smokey must mark it fucking zero, no matter what it does to poor Smokey.  And fuck the league office, this isn't Nam, there are fucking rules here!

You get in the car, and outwardly you're calm.  Calmer than they are.  But your inner Dude is full of embarrassment, shame, and remorse.  After awhile, you get tired of putting up with the Dude's bullshit, and you retreat into your inner Walter and go all shomer shabbos with the world.  Isolating yourself and stewing with your aggression.  You get so self-absorbed that you realize your inner Dude has even stopped calling.

So you get some help, get some meds, but you've been in shomer shabbos for so long, you're not really sure how to contact the Dude anymore.  Even Donny won't answer.

So, to get to the point of what I'm blathering about, how do you get your Dudeness back and learn to abide again, when your Walter keeps trying to make everything a fuckin' travesty?

How do you reconcile Bipolar and Dudeism?

PriorRestraint

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Re: Bipolar & Dudeism
« Reply #1 on: March 20, 2015, 10:51:46 AM »
I've noticed that quite a few frequent posters on this forum and on the various Facebook groups have shared their struggles, either current or past, with bipolar and other mental illnesses. This probably has more to do with who is likely to post a lot on Internet forums than a higher prevalence of disability in Dudeism, but even that would make sense if you think about it.

Dudeism is primarily an antidote against status anxiety, letting stress ruin your life, and buying into society's pressure to excel at all costs, to achieve, and to collect money, things, experiences, etc. (at least it's often described this way by Forumdude). People with disabilities often feel left behind and depressed because their mental or physical disabilities prevent them from 'competing' so to speak at that same soul-sucking level, but our culture still makes everyone feel like a failure if they're not business big shots with BMWs. So I suspect that the Dudeist ethos is particularly effective in reframing what success means, from those materialistic/competitive ends, to more the durability of your ease and harmony with life and others, on a moment by moment basis. And that is a goal that is open to a wider group of people, from the educationally and financially disadvantaged to the disabled to other marginalized groups (as well as to the maximally privileged of course).

To address your question Zoe, I believe that a person's dudeness is always waiting under the surface for all the bullshit to be pushed aside so it can reassert it's relaxed ways. So I don't think you need to do much to draw out your dude beyond participating in your favorite dudely activities. Even if you don't feel chill and easy at the beginning, the actions will create those feelings after a while. So take that nap, take it easy, but also steer wide of the mind-limbering chemicals, because you need clarity right now, and to let the stabilizer meds to do their work.

Once your moods have evened out, that's when Dudeism can be most helpful IMDO. Because to prevent another (hypo)manic episode you need to vigilantly defend your daily rhythms, so protecting and prioritizing your sleep above all, but also your eating and physical activity so your body and mind get very used to a steady rhythm and patterns. Dudeism emphasizes keeping your center and prioritizing the day to day over extremes, so the temptations of a manic episode -- the sleepless creativity, the confidence, the million dollar ideas -- should be seen as what they are: the trappings and temptations of achievers, those who stress is sure to grind down eventually. So even being kinda sleepy and even on the meds aligns more with a dudely pace and lifestyle than that manic state.

Dudeism is riskier with depression, since from the outside they can look similar: chilling on the couch and avoiding activity, sleeping a lot, feeling unmotivated and unambitious, too many Js and Caucasians. But since the Dudeist yin yang, dude/Walter is all about balance, I think one should always seek to balance out what feels excessive, since excess (even of chill) seems a major Dudeist no-no. So if you're excessively stuck and down, then let your friends and family push you to do fun stuff with them, find some activity that gets you some sunlight and gets the heart pumping a little. But mostly, stay engaged and effortful around what you're passionate about. Keep developing the individuality that's core to our faith. In order to be yourself you need to know and pursue what means the most to you, to follow your values and passions, even if you're feeling blah or sad.

Sorry to be presumptuous on writing so much but thank you for the opportunity to think more about Dudeism and mental illness. I hope maybe a thought or two will give you something to think about or react to.



So you're taking 'er easy, trying to abide all the strikes and gutters.  You think you're throwing rocks when it turns out you can't roll anything but gutterballs.  All of a sudden, your inner Walter pulls his piece and refuses to put the gun away.  You see the disbelief and horror in poor Smokey's eyes, you can faintly hear your inner Dude trying to talk sense into you, but despite the warning that "they're calling the cops, man", your inner Walter just cocks his pistol and keeps shouting louder and louder.

You want to stop.  You truly, honestly don't care if Smokey marks it 8.  But your inner Walter will not let this stand.  You find yourself agreeing with your Walter, and really do think Smokey must mark it fucking zero, no matter what it does to poor Smokey.  And fuck the league office, this isn't Nam, there are fucking rules here!

You get in the car, and outwardly you're calm.  Calmer than they are.  But your inner Dude is full of embarrassment, shame, and remorse.  After awhile, you get tired of putting up with the Dude's bullshit, and you retreat into your inner Walter and go all shomer shabbos with the world.  Isolating yourself and stewing with your aggression.  You get so self-absorbed that you realize your inner Dude has even stopped calling.

So you get some help, get some meds, but you've been in shomer shabbos for so long, you're not really sure how to contact the Dude anymore.  Even Donny won't answer.

So, to get to the point of what I'm blathering about, how do you get your Dudeness back and learn to abide again, when your Walter keeps trying to make everything a fuckin' travesty?

How do you reconcile Bipolar and Dudeism?

ZoeAbides

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Re: Bipolar & Dudeism
« Reply #2 on: March 20, 2015, 01:51:33 PM »
PR Dude, you've hit the proverbial nail right on the head.  From your post I gather you've suffered with Bipolar Disorder either directly yourself, or close with someone who has it.  You've not been presumptuous at all.

I greatly thank you for your thoughtful post, it couldn't be more on the nose.

I have been steering clear of Caucasians and J's, not just due to prescribed medicine, but also because I lost my job and can't afford them anymore.  It's also hard enough to find a new job that I don't want a piss test to jeopardize that as well.

My psych nurse is also still playing with my meds, and I don't think we've found the right dose yet.  It also didn't help that my last job pissed on my rug, stole it, then left me with a cracked jaw.  To cover their own asses, they couldn't fire me for having to take off work, so they used trumped up excuses which are currently preventing me from getting unemployment while I look for a new job.  Not only that, but they made me look bad (even though my stellar work far outnumbered any poor work), that will also make it difficult to land a new job.

So I'm broke, I'm about 3 months until I'm homeless, I have no income while my past due bills keep rising, and I'm still waiting for my food stamps to come in.  I have no local family or friends, and am pretty much completely on my own.  That's a whole lot of extra stress that my condition really DOESN'T need right now.  That and I'm trying to shift my schedule, because my last job was at night, and you can't find a job when you go to bed at 6 am.  All while the meds are still being adjusted.

I'm getting pretty close to the end of my rope.  If after three months and if I'm faced with being homeless, I'll stop clinging to that rope and hang from it instead.  I don't want to do that, but I may not have a choice.  I can be poor... I CANNOT be homeless.

BikerDude

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Re: Bipolar & Dudeism
« Reply #3 on: March 24, 2015, 10:26:35 AM »
IMO right now your battle is with negative thoughts.
Don't let them stop you from taking a few steps each day in a positive direction.
Keep looking for a new Gig and try to keep your chin up.
Many people have been in a similar position in the past and muddled through.
I think you plan on adhering to  a strict drug policy in order to keep your mind limber is sound.
Don't panic and take a few positive steps each day.
Keep you chin up.
I hope it works out for you.


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