I done raised me some dudes, mebbe too good.

[daoist]

This a hyar bein' ma first post, take 'er easy, dudes?

I have two sons of different mothers. I raised them as a single father from ages 12 and 8 respectively. One is 21, the other 18. They're real smart and real lazy. The eldest suffers from pretty severe anxiety and smokes a great deal of weed for about a year now. He's living in our former family home that I've decided to stop payin' the mortgage on since it's upside down and needs a lot of expensive repairs. He's had a couple of jobs since high school and that's about it. I pay the utilities and give him $50 a week for groceries. His mom gives him $120 a month allowance and pays for his iPhone. We figger the bank'll take the house in 2-5 years.

The younger lives with me, my new wife and her 13 year old son about a mile away in an apartment. My new wife's son is a real little achiever and proud we are of all of him. My youngest was living in the same house with my eldest smokin' weed and playing video games too. That is until he had a psychotic episode about a month ago. Looks like it was brought on by smoking too much weed according to the doctors at the crisis center. Fortunately, he seems to have recovered fully and has moved in with us and no more weed. He's looking for a job (nominally) and would like to go to college in the fall.

Now when I was 17-18, I couldn't wait to get the heck out of dodge, get some wheels and some independance. What has happened to this generation? I read that "failure to launch" is common nowadays and nobody wants to grow up?

All my boys want to do is to stay at home and play video games. That's all well and good, but what happens when this ol' dude can no longer abide and gets his ashes scattered? The Dude in me says, "fuck it, they'll work it out." But sometimes, I get some uptight thinking on the subject and have a hard time sleepin'. I love both my boys like nuthin' else, but I'm not sure if/how to act.

[martin]

i hear what yer saying dude, lotta in's and out's there, lotta threads to be thinking about . . .

most important to stay limber and chill, you never know what is around the corner.
 this whole damn human comedy we are all living in is a strange one but i am sure things will work themselves out for the best

my advice is to say "fuck it" have a smoke and put your feet up, what will be will be and if not then it won't.

sounds like your heart is in the right place so with a little dudely luck everything will be fine

peace and love dude

[jgiffin]

All my boys want to do is to stay at home and play video games. That's all well and good, but what happens when this ol' dude can no longer abide and gets his ashes scattered? The Dude in me says, "fuck it, they'll work it out."

I have no (documented) offspring and am, therefore, fundamentally ill-equipped to advise you on this subject.

So, of course, I'm going to advise you on this subject. You answered your own question. A person's behavior generally changes only when he/she is faced with the consequences of his/her decisions. You and your family have, to this point, insulated the guys from the natural consequences of their actions. If and when that stops, they will adapt. Or not. But probably the former. It's tough love but probably easier for them now than after ten or twenty more years of it. Good luck, mang.

[armatage]

Being as ill-equipped as jgiffin, of course Im going to chime in.

I have no (documented) offspring and am, therefore, fundamentally ill-equipped to advise you on this subject.

So, of course, I'm going to advise you on this subject. You answered your own question. A person's behavior generally changes only when he/she is faced with the consequences of his/her decisions. You and your family have, to this point, insulated the guys from the natural consequences of their actions. If and when that stops, they will adapt. Or not. But probably the former. It's tough love but probably easier for them now than after ten or twenty more years of it. Good luck, mang.

That sounds like a sound advice. In other words, you replaced their pee stained rug, which seems right, but in the long run may be harmful. I was a horrible awkward slacker up until my twenties and only dealing with nihilists and fucking fascists taught me how to fend for myself and become who I am now... A higher educated, fit and conscious slacker.

[Sean_McDude1988]

 Eh, I'm no parent but parenting is a passionate topic for me. Children need to live their life. They'll make some pretty far out choices. Encouraging them to search within themselves to figure out their heart's desire is important. I'm all for weed bro but sometimes kids tend to smoke weed when they're stressing which can be very undude. Embracing the moment and allowing stress to melt away, like feeling cold and slipping into a warm bath. Mmmmmm!

 Spend time on teaching them THAT and I think they're pretty set dude. Meditation is so powerful. As long as weed is a chill out thing and not a "run away from life" - thing, they're solid