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Author Topic: YOU CANT FIX STUPID...  (Read 11566 times)

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DigitalBuddha

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YOU CANT FIX STUPID...
« on: February 28, 2007, 10:29:20 PM »
:: YOU CANT FIX STUPID...

Eighth Place In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in
two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide
sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

Seventh Place A 49 year old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally
zoned when he ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on
his daily run.

Sixth Place Buxton , NC : A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep
hole he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-
goers said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from
the wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom
Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of
sand. People on the beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and
shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of
Woodbridge , VA , but could not reach him It took rescue workers
using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200
people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

Fifth Place Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA , as h e
fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was
burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had
placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of
his skull as he hit the floor.

Fourth Place, Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville , Del , as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded
with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

Third Place, The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree in Washington, DC appeared to be the robber's first (and last), due to his lack of a previous record of violence, and his terminally stupid choices:

1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms; A gun shop specializing in
handguns. 2. The shop was full of customers - firearms customers. 3.
To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked police
patrol car parked at the front door. 4. A uniformed officer was
standing at the counter, having coffee before work. Upon seeing the
officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up, an d fired a few
wild shots from a target pistol.

The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the police officer
with a 9mm GLOCK 17, the clerk with a 50 DESERT EAGLE, assisted by
several customers who also drew their guns, several of whom also drew
and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by
Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge
cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot
wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No
one else was hurt in the exchange of fire

HONORABLE MENTION Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover
township, NJ, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-
stick of dynamite blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM,
the bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window
to see what would happen, but apparently failed to notice the window
was closed.

RUNNER UP: TACOMA , WA . Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee- jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of
the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope.

Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that
a coil of lineman's cable lay near by. One end of the cable was
secured around Bi ngham's leg and the other end was tied to the
bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore
his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the
icy salt water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can
say" said Bingham, is that God was watching out for me on that night.

There's just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.

AND THE WINNER. Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt
(Paderborn , Germany) fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of
animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes
before the plugged- up pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated
the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated
Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive
oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. "The sheer force
of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the
groun d where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the
elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him" said
flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. With no one there
to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a
watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to
be just one of those freak accidents that proves...


"Shit happens."

freezy

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Re: YOU CANT FIX STUPID...
« Reply #1 on: February 16, 2008, 09:51:20 PM »
Timothy Treadwell
He and his girlfriend were eaten by grizzlies...go figure
But he does look like a dude
If ignorance is bliss, I am the happiest guy around

chalupa

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Re: YOU CANT FIX STUPID...
« Reply #2 on: February 26, 2008, 05:31:28 PM »
:: YOU CANT FIX STUPID...


HONORABLE MENTION Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover
township, NJ, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-
stick of dynamite blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM,
the bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window
to see what would happen, but apparently failed to notice the window
was closed.

I seem to remember the Dude had a similar problem.  His car didn't blow up though.  He just ran into a dumpster.

DigitalBuddha

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Re: YOU CANT FIX STUPID...
« Reply #3 on: February 28, 2008, 01:26:48 AM »
:: YOU CANT FIX STUPID...


HONORABLE MENTION Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover
township, NJ, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-
stick of dynamite blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM,
the bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window
to see what would happen, but apparently failed to notice the window
was closed.

I seem to remember the Dude had a similar problem.  His car didn't blow up though.  He just ran into a dumpster.

Ha!! Yeah, C-dude, that's right. It just goes to show you that a lit J in the car is a lot safer than a lit stick of dynamite! I wonder if it blew up between the Stiller's leg? It sounds like he was unable to put it out with beer.

chalupa

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Re: YOU CANT FIX STUPID...
« Reply #4 on: March 03, 2008, 02:35:36 PM »
Or maybe he didn't have a beverage in the car?  That could be a lesson learned from the Dude.  If you're gonna break the law by partaking of controlled substances while driving, you might as well have a beverage in case you get thirsty.

DigitalBuddha

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Re: YOU CANT FIX STUPID...
« Reply #5 on: March 06, 2008, 08:35:29 PM »
Or maybe he didn't have a beverage in the car?  That could be a lesson learned from the Dude.  If you're gonna break the law by partaking of controlled substances while driving, you might as well have a beverage in case you get thirsty.

Fucking a, I agree, C-dude. I would say it this way.......................

If they're going to pee on your rug, be dude-like and stay house broken! ;D Is this...what day is this??

TheGermanNihilist

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Re: YOU CANT FIX STUPID...
« Reply #6 on: October 24, 2008, 06:48:03 AM »
Is this shit REAL?! Thats fuckin awesome! I was in Paderborn in April for a concert..

 

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