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General Category => General Discussion => Topic started by: revpurdy on September 19, 2012, 11:19:51 AM

Title: JESUS had a special lady friend
Post by: revpurdy on September 19, 2012, 11:19:51 AM
some new shit has come to lite pointing at the fact that Jesus (Christ) may have in fact been married. wonder if they conceived or where trying to?

article: http://www.telegram.com/article/20120919/NEWS/109199840/1160/SPECIALSECTIONS04&source=rss


regardless in a bad joke i cant help but say i bet the sex was a religious experience 
Title: Re: JESUS had a special lady friend
Post by: cckeiser on September 19, 2012, 12:55:20 PM
"...written in the fourth century...."
Most everything we have been told about The Jesus was written like 400 years after he was supposed to have lived. The JC the Christians worship never existed...he's a fabrication...no more Real than The Dude is.
What little "actual facts" that has been dug up from the history of his time tell us he was actually a Buddhist....it's true...it's on the Internet! 8)
Title: Re: JESUS had a special lady friend
Post by: revpurdy on September 19, 2012, 01:19:49 PM
True I know that as well but don't try exsplaning that to chatlics
Title: Re: JESUS had a special lady friend
Post by: NinthDude on September 19, 2012, 02:05:21 PM
heh , I read about that. What to say..every guy has to relieve himself one way or another !
Title: Re: JESUS had a special lady friend
Post by: DigitalBuddha on September 19, 2012, 04:28:20 PM
No body fucks with the Jesus! ;)

(http://www.rhythmism.com/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=49175&stc=1&d=1219974461)
Title: Re: JESUS had a special lady friend
Post by: Caesar dude on September 19, 2012, 05:07:03 PM
Quote
"...written in the fourth century...."
Most everything we have been told about The Jesus was written like 400 years after he was supposed to have lived. The JC the Christians worship never existed...he's a fabrication...no more Real than The Dude is.
What little "actual facts" that has been dug up from the history of his time tell us he was actually a Buddhist....it's true...it's on the Internet!

Absolutely!

JC is an allegory ... a fable....not one shred of evidence in history to prove he existed.

The dude is more tangible than JC and he's just a made up story too! :)

Peace
Title: Re: JESUS had a special lady friend
Post by: meekon5 on September 19, 2012, 06:50:48 PM
some new shit has come to lite pointing at the fact that Jesus (Christ) may have in fact been married. wonder if they conceived or where trying to?

Actually technically for Jesus to be refereed to as Rabbi by tradition he would have to had been married.
Title: Re: JESUS had a special lady friend
Post by: DigitalBuddha on September 19, 2012, 07:01:05 PM
some new shit has come to lite pointing at the fact that Jesus (Christ) may have in fact been married. wonder if they conceived or where trying to?

Actually technically for Jesus to be refereed to as Rabbi by tradition he would have to had been married.

And 50 or over, as far as I know.
Title: Re: JESUS had a special lady friend
Post by: RevJason83 on September 19, 2012, 08:25:05 PM
Indeed the Jesus is a mystery as is his history. The only "historical" reference we really have of him is a brief, in fact so brief, a mention by Flavius Josephus that it's practically inconsequential, making some wonder if it wasn't a later addition to Mr. Josephus's writings by someone trying to edit history.

Although I totally dig the Jesus' style and would totally dig it if he had a wife.
Title: Re: JESUS had a special lady friend
Post by: Caesar dude on September 19, 2012, 08:38:20 PM
I shall give you a Jesus scenario.

21st  Century..September.

This total dude with long hair and a pretty unkempt beard...kicks off in a church/temple/mosque/synagogue/ etc!

I reckon he'd be crucified/humiliated/stoned/castigated...etc.!

Did not happen!

A fable. A tale. A story. A made up man for a time and place....the bible is darker than a steers tookus at midnight. and full of bullshit!

I could write better sci fi than this! :)

Anyhoo. Peace dudes.
Title: Re: JESUS had a special lady friend
Post by: Hominid on September 19, 2012, 10:19:59 PM
This tells all: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jesus_Christ_in_comparative_mythology
Title: Re: JESUS had a special lady friend
Post by: rhumstruck on September 19, 2012, 10:47:26 PM
Dude, If sex isn't a religious experience, you must be doing it wrong!
Title: Re: JESUS had a special lady friend
Post by: revpurdy on September 19, 2012, 11:50:04 PM
Dude, If sex isn't a religious experience, you must be doing it wrong!

Finnaly some one went with the joke lol
Title: Re: JESUS had a special lady friend
Post by: Masked Dude on September 26, 2012, 05:46:05 PM
Let's assume the Christians are right about him being the literal son of God.
Let's assume he did the wild monkey dance with a chick.

What did he say during orgasm? I'm thinking "Oh, Dad!!!" might spoil the mood for her.

Title: Re: JESUS had a special lady friend
Post by: revpurdy on September 26, 2012, 07:15:23 PM
Let's assume the Christians are right about him being the literal son of God.
Let's assume he did the wild monkey dance with a chick.

What did he say during orgasm? I'm thinking "Oh, Dad!!!" might spoil the mood for her.




LMFAO this will not stand lol


No really other are for kinds of orgasms
The religious: oh god! Oh god!
The positive:  oh yes! Oh yes!
The negative: oh no! Oh no!
And
The fake:oh masked_dude! Oh marked_due!
Title: Re: JESUS had a special lady friend
Post by: Masked Dude on September 26, 2012, 07:38:00 PM
Let's assume the Christians are right about him being the literal son of God.
Let's assume he did the wild monkey dance with a chick.

What did he say during orgasm? I'm thinking "Oh, Dad!!!" might spoil the mood for her.




LMFAO this will not stand lol


No really other are for kinds of orgasms
The religious: oh god! Oh god!
The positive:  oh yes! Oh yes!
The negative: oh no! Oh no!
And
The fake:oh masked_dude! Oh marked_due!

I approve wholeheartedly! :D
Title: Re: JESUS had a special lady friend
Post by: Zen Dog on September 29, 2012, 06:36:57 PM
Well dudes, around that time and place,Canaan,The Promised Land,Israel,Judea,Palestine,The Holy Land,Outremer,Palestine again,Israel again, There were quite a number of Messiahs working the crowds. You see, there was a lot of uptight opinion going the rounds and the reason is this;Way back in the mists of time,these Jewish dudes got into a bit  of a discussion about a number of things and so deep was this that no matter what happened to them they never let go.It's like,the Landlord is managing to chuck them out 2 hours after last orders but they are still discussing the finer points of the Offside rule and failing to notice that they are on the street in the rain.JC may or may not have been real and Davy Crockett may have grinned a bear to death but Christianity was invented by a chap named Paul and that is a fact.
Title: Re: JESUS had a special lady friend
Post by: Zen Dog on September 29, 2012, 06:49:44 PM
Lost my train of thought there somewhere.But there are a number of elements.Oh yeah, the wedding at Cana or where ever.It was customary in that time and place for the bridegroom to provide the beveridges apparently.So who did the lads report to when the refreshments ran out? Water into wine my arse.They are all pished.You could sell them anything.He obviously had a stash for just in case Judas brought a few of his mates.
Title: Re: JESUS had a special lady friend
Post by: Caesar dude on September 29, 2012, 07:20:47 PM
That didn't happen either!! :)
Title: Re: JESUS had a special lady friend
Post by: Hominid on September 29, 2012, 08:28:23 PM
Lost my train of thought there somewhere.But there are a number of elements.Oh yeah, the wedding at Cana or where ever.It was customary in that time and place for the bridegroom to provide the beveridges apparently.So who did the lads report to when the refreshments ran out? Water into wine my arse.They are all pished.You could sell them anything.He obviously had a stash for just in case Judas brought a few of his mates.

It's all fairy tales; regurgitated stories from centuries before.
Title: Re: JESUS had a special lady friend
Post by: Caesar dude on September 29, 2012, 08:31:54 PM
Quote
It's all fairy tales; regurgitated stories from centuries before.

Dude!!! :)
Title: Re: JESUS had a special lady friend
Post by: Zen Dog on October 02, 2012, 03:27:02 AM
The Holy Blood and the Holy Grail dudes. It's all in there.
Title: Re: JESUS had a special lady friend
Post by: meekon5 on October 02, 2012, 09:14:54 AM
The Holy Blood and the Holy Grail dudes. It's all in there.

Actually the Holy blood and the Holy grail is a very poorly argued and based on an earlier text (which is why they failed to sue Dan brown (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/4886234.stm)).

One of the major premisses "The Priory of Sion" (Prieure de Sion) is actually a joke created by a sixties surrielist, so actually a surealistic joke.

Quote from: Wikipedia

The most controversial is a fringe fraternal organisation, founded and dissolved in France in 1956 by Pierre Plantard. In the 1960s, Plantard created a fictitious history for that organisation, describing it as a secret society founded by Godfrey of Bouillon on Mount Zion in the Kingdom of Jerusalem in 1099, conflating it with a genuine historical monastic order, the Abbey of Our Lady of Mount Zion. In Plantard's version, the priory is devoted to installing a secret bloodline of the Merovingian dynasty on the thrones of France and the rest of Europe. This myth was expanded upon and popularised by the 1982 pseudohistorical book The Holy Blood and the Holy Grail and later claimed as factual in the preface of the 2003 conspiracy fiction novel The Da Vinci Code.

After becoming a cause c?l?bre from the late 1960s to the 1980s, the mythical Priory of Sion was exposed as a ludibrium created by Plantard as a framework for his claim of being the Great Monarch prophesied by Nostradamus. Evidence presented in support of its historical existence and activities before 1956 was discovered to have been forged and then planted in various locations around France by Plantard and his accomplices. Nevertheless, many conspiracy theorists still persist in believing that the Priory of Sion is an age-old cabal that conceals a subversive secret.


Sorry but the Holy Blood and the Holy Grail is very poorly researched and put together.


Title: Re: JESUS had a special lady friend
Post by: meekon5 on October 02, 2012, 09:22:51 AM
though there are other inferences.

As I've said before to be called Rabi Jesus would have had to "Known" a women in the personal sense.

There are also references to the gospel according to Mary Magdalene in the Nag Hamadi Library (http://gnosis.org/naghamm/nhl.html), which also includes a reference to the gospel according to Thomas the Doubter as well.

See the interesting bits of the bible where in the uncompromised first draft.

;D
Title: Re: JESUS had a special lady friend
Post by: Zen Dog on October 03, 2012, 05:30:08 AM
M5,I said it was all in there.I didn't say I believed it.After doing my own research I disposed of the tome years ago.Nowadays,I prefer Terry Pratchett for reviewing the human condition.He's much more believable.
Title: Re: JESUS had a special lady friend
Post by: meekon5 on October 03, 2012, 05:56:43 AM
I hear you  Zen Dog. It's just one of my "joneses" whenever Holy Blood, or Da Vinci Code, is mentioned.

There is also some very interesting archeological evidence that seems to suggest that Jehovah had a female opposite in very early versions of Judaism.

Which goes back to my own personal theory that (misogynistic) monotheism is a corruption of religion that stems from Tutankhamun's father, Akhenaton (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Akhenaten) who declared himself the one (and only) god (http://ancienthistory.about.com/cs/egypt/a/locegyptmonothe.htm) above all others.
Title: Re: JESUS had a special lady friend
Post by: milnie on October 03, 2012, 05:32:49 PM
M5,I said it was all in there.I didn't say I believed it.After doing my own research I disposed of the tome years ago.Nowadays,I prefer Terry Pratchett for reviewing the human condition.He's much more believable.

Pratchett certainly has some entertaining views on the human condition. Shame he's not long for this world I fear. He's pro-choice for self termination and as his illness progresses, may soon be taking a one way trip to Switzerland :(

M5, I thought after akhenatons death the people rebelled and started worshiping the old gods ?
Title: Re: JESUS had a special lady friend
Post by: Zen Dog on October 04, 2012, 12:36:05 AM
I wouldn't have thought all of them converted back.Maybe they were the "Hebrews"!  The Hyksos were semitic and they are the only recorded people who were 'thrown out' of Egypt.Apart maybe from the Nubians.The Jews largely originated in Canaan but the place was a crossroads of cultures.Ba'al,the main god of the Canaanites was depicted as a bull,the same golden calf that the children of Israel were making when Moses came down off the mountain with the 10 commandments.A variation of ba'al was El.The el in Isra'el whose early consort just happened to be Asharah who equates with Ishtar and Isis amongst others.I think the whole story has a simple origin.The Great Bull of Heaven who makes the thunder etc impregnates Mother Earth with his seed (meteorites)  who gives birth to all life.Pass that story around for a few thousand years tacking bits on here and there and see what you get.The oldest carved figure ever found is of a headless female with big tits.And there's loads of them.
Title: Re: JESUS had a special lady friend
Post by: Zen Dog on October 04, 2012, 12:37:15 AM
So it's all about sex really.Simples.
Title: Re: JESUS had a special lady friend
Post by: meekon5 on October 04, 2012, 08:49:48 AM

Pratchett certainly has some entertaining views on the human condition. Shame he's not long for this world I fear. He's pro-choice for self termination and as his illness progresses, may soon be taking a one way trip to Switzerland :(

I walked past him in the museum a couple of weeks ago. Didn't have the time to stop as i was rushing to a meeting.

:-(


M5, I thought after akhenatons death the people rebelled and started worshiping the old gods ?


Actually isn't it more "After the Priest cast had him assassinated and put his boy child (Tuten) in charge of things, they went back to the more profitable pantheism".

It just seems anachronistic that the majority of religions (not Abraham related, or descended) are pantheistic, yet Judaism is individually monotheistic.

Even the Romans were pantheistic until bloody Constantine converted. Then they followed their very successful campaign of "convert or we'll kill you, rape all your women, and sell your children into slavery, and may very well do that anyway".
Title: Re: JESUS had a special lady friend
Post by: Zen Dog on October 10, 2012, 05:39:13 PM
Yeah.And people say "What did the Romans ever do for us?"