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The Dude Lifestyle => Living the Life of the Dude => Topic started by: Uberdude on January 28, 2011, 09:30:07 PM

Title: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Uberdude on January 28, 2011, 09:30:07 PM
Hey brothers,

     I want to let you all know that Caesar Dude will be gone for a bit.  He is having a bad start to the new year.  He has already lost a good friend and his Special Lady is not doing well.  However you practice your dudelyness, please send some good vibes his way (whether it be prayer, chanting, voodoo dance or what have you).  Just get it out there, like in his direction.  Thanks Dudes.

UberDude
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: SenatorTso on January 28, 2011, 10:25:38 PM
Consider it done. The start of 2011 hasn't been the most stellar, but all things considered there's always another brother who needs good vibes more than I do.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Rev. Gary (revgms) on January 28, 2011, 10:32:36 PM
Love and Dudelyness to Ceaser Dude and his.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: DigitalBuddha on January 28, 2011, 11:14:18 PM
Hey brothers,

     I want to let you all know that Caesar Dude will be gone for a bit.  He is having a bad start to the new year.  He has already lost a good friend and his Special Lady is not doing well.  However you practice your dudelyness, please send some good vibes his way (whether it be prayer, chanting, voodoo dance or what have you).  Just get it out there, like in his direction.  Thanks Dudes.

UberDude

Not a problem, dude. Good thoughts and good vibes their way. Thanks for letting us know.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: cckeiser on January 28, 2011, 11:54:21 PM
Sending best thoughts and dude vibes out to Caesar Dude.
Remote Healing works dudes. My very good friend and mentor Dr. Irene Hickman founded the Hickman Healing Foundation of Remote Healing.

Send those vibes dudes! 8)



Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: meekon5 on January 30, 2011, 06:41:57 AM
I will light a candle for you and yours Caesar.

Abide and the world abides with you dude.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: brother_erwin on January 30, 2011, 11:45:24 AM
I too wish Caesar and his Special Lady all the best. May things turn to the better and may he be back here, soon, eating the bear again.
Good vibes are on their way!

Faithfully BE
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: cakebelly on January 30, 2011, 06:17:16 PM
I posted these 2 on the Dudeku thread (for CD) a few days ago; if anyone thinks they are inappropriate I shall move them (from this thread):

For CD;

                 Fear not the bummer,
                 cold-ball rolling in gutter
                 strong dudes also cry.
                                  

                 Dude croons in moonlight,
                 stars sing, do-be-do-be-do
                 Moon abides in clouds.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Uberdude on January 30, 2011, 07:11:35 PM
Cake,

Personally, I think it suits this topic well.  In speaking with Caesar Dude, I feel like he would agree.  I think the biggest reason why he was unwilling to share with you all himself was that he was feeling weird about being weak in this moment.  I believe he will appreciate this sentiment when he returns.  Thank you.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: forumdude on January 31, 2011, 12:04:39 AM
this is beautiful cakes. you've got talent.

Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: forumdude on January 31, 2011, 12:07:27 AM
here's hoping things get easier for caesyar. may a string of strikes be in the stars for you.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: meekon5 on January 31, 2011, 05:24:22 AM
                               
                 Dude croons in moonlight,
                 stars sing, do-be-do-be-do
                 Moon abides in clouds.


That's almost perfect Cake, (almost because perfection only exists with the Gods).
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Vultus74 on January 31, 2011, 10:13:23 AM
*Rises his Glas* a toast for Caesar Dude and his Special Lady , cheers mates.


Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: cakebelly on January 31, 2011, 11:09:50 AM
Thanks guys.

Here's hoping CD can set up his pins again, soon - abide.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Caesar dude on February 04, 2011, 11:55:22 AM
Quote
if anyone thinks they are inappropriate

Not at all Cakes. Thank you for the words.

Thank you guys for all the positive thoughts.

It's been 10 days now since my world was turned upside down. Life is now full of machines and numbers and nurses and Neuro surgeons and in amongst it all is my sweet most precious lady.

Chantelle has been unconscious for nearly eleven days now. She has a serious brain injury which is being controlled in order that it doesn't get any worse...She is being sedated and paralysed, her body temperature is being kept at 33 C, she has a drain in her lung, is on a ventilator and has a dialysis machine keeping her blood acidity levels down....because of all this the doctors and nurses have been able to keep her alive and she is now in a "stable" condition.

We do not know the extent of her initial injury and will only be able to find this out when the doctors start to reduce the life support she is receiving.

Please keep sending those positive vibes dudes...prayers to your Gods and anything else you think that will help her.

Thanks dudes.

CD
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: cckeiser on February 04, 2011, 02:47:38 PM
Quote
if anyone thinks they are inappropriate

Not at all Cakes. Thank you for the words.

Thank you guys for all the positive thoughts.

It's been 10 days now since my world was turned upside down. Life is now full of machines and numbers and nurses and Neuro surgeons and in amongst it all is my sweet most precious lady.

Chantelle has been unconscious for nearly eleven days now. She has a serious brain injury which is being controlled in order that it doesn't get any worse...She is being sedated and paralysed, her body temperature is being kept at 33 C, she has a drain in her lung, is on a ventilator and has a dialysis machine keeping her blood acidity levels down....because of all this the doctors and nurses have been able to keep her alive and she is now in a "stable" condition.

We do not know the extent of her initial injury and will only be able to find this out when the doctors start to reduce the life support she is receiving.

Please keep sending those positive vibes dudes...prayers to your Gods and anything else you think that will help her.

Thanks dudes.

CD
On their way dude...on their way.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: forumdude on February 04, 2011, 10:57:00 PM
What a trying time for you, Caesar. I'm sure I speak for all of us when I say that we wish you all the best fortune in the world.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: DigitalBuddha on February 04, 2011, 11:47:37 PM
Quote
if anyone thinks they are inappropriate

Not at all Cakes. Thank you for the words.

Thank you guys for all the positive thoughts.

It's been 10 days now since my world was turned upside down. Life is now full of machines and numbers and nurses and Neuro surgeons and in amongst it all is my sweet most precious lady.

Chantelle has been unconscious for nearly eleven days now. She has a serious brain injury which is being controlled in order that it doesn't get any worse...She is being sedated and paralysed, her body temperature is being kept at 33 C, she has a drain in her lung, is on a ventilator and has a dialysis machine keeping her blood acidity levels down....because of all this the doctors and nurses have been able to keep her alive and she is now in a "stable" condition.

We do not know the extent of her initial injury and will only be able to find this out when the doctors start to reduce the life support she is receiving.

Please keep sending those positive vibes dudes...prayers to your Gods and anything else you think that will help her.

Thanks dudes.

CD

Dude, immense amounts of positive vibes going your way. Sounds like your special lady is in the right hands.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: meekon5 on February 05, 2011, 08:05:52 AM
Still lighting candles for you both Dude.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: brother_erwin on February 06, 2011, 07:45:57 AM
Sorry to read what happened to your Chantelle. Wish you all the best, a lot of strengh and good recovery. Those neuro-dudes can do wonderful things today, may they work out for your special lady as well.
All the best and take good care of yourself, too!
Faithfully BE
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Caesar dude on February 09, 2011, 11:45:26 AM
Hi guys. Once again thank you all for your good wishes.

Just a quick update: Chit is in a "stable" condition and has improved over the last few days...enough so, that they have removed the drain from her lung and taken her off dialysis. They discontinued the paralysing drugs yesterday and this morning have stopped the sedation.

She is not out of the woods by a long way and the next 48 hours will be crucial in understanding how much damage she sustained during the initial impact.

The positive vibes you've been sending are well received thank you again.

J.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: cakebelly on February 09, 2011, 12:44:53 PM
Glad to hear that there has been an improvement, Dude - keep rolling.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: brother_erwin on February 14, 2011, 01:04:19 PM
How are things going, Caesar? Don't want to be intruding, though.
Faithfully BE
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Rev. Gary (revgms) on February 14, 2011, 03:39:22 PM
Same kinda thing happened to my brother, hope things turn out well for you and your special lady, stay strong, even if you have to rely on others for that strength.

Peace, love and abiding.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Caesar dude on February 16, 2011, 06:22:52 PM
Quote
Don't want to be intruding, though

No worries at all dude.

It's been exactly three weeks now since the accident. Although Chantelle has still not regained consciousness she has improved vastly in her general medical condition...(she is now on no life support other than the ventilator which is only assisting her to breathe.

This is just as tough a time as when she was initially admitted as although she has weathered the initial trauma it now remains to be seen if she wakes up and indeed what is left if she does.

She responds to pain and opens her eyes when she is moved or is given physio not to command yet and there is no sentience as yet

I'm sure some of you know that I have a military background and although throughout the years since I left I've distanced myself from that ethos..and am now a pacifist. The mental strength I gained during operations has remained. I am strong for my lady and believe she will pull through...I can deal with anything as long as she wakes up.

Thank you all again for your good wishes and thoughts keep it going dudes. I reckon a dudely miracle is called for!  ;)

Peace and love dudes.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: DigitalBuddha on February 16, 2011, 06:29:07 PM
Caesar dude, continued positive vibes and thoughts go your way. Great to hear that your special lady, Chantelle, is doing better and is off life support except for breathing assistance. That is a move forward for sure!!  :)
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: meekon5 on February 16, 2011, 06:34:14 PM
Dude you know we all hope and wish for the best for you.

I continue to chanel as much positivity as I can in the hope it helps.

Love and peace to you and yours Dude.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Uberdude on February 16, 2011, 07:53:01 PM
Positive vibes have continued throughout your ordeal.  I'm headed to Lebowski Fest in 2 weeks and I will see if I can get a mass sending of vibes while I am there. 

UberDude
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: forumdude on February 16, 2011, 10:28:54 PM
kudos and dudos to you caesar for being so collected and positive in a time where many would experience only darkness and confusion. dudely vibes are being sent your way from all corners of the globe.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: SenatorTso on February 16, 2011, 10:57:49 PM
Hey CD - checking in to see how things are going. I'm glad that all of us brother shamuses are keeping a light around you and your lady.

Whatever you might need man, know that we've all got your back.

-Senator Tso
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: cckeiser on February 16, 2011, 11:14:08 PM
Got my MoJo working for you and your special lady dude. 8)
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Caesar dude on February 27, 2011, 02:19:24 PM
Hi again dudes.

Chantelle has today been moved to ward as she no longer requires one to one nursing. This is a positive step but unfortunately as she has not regained consciousness we have been told that that she is unlikely to recover or perhaps ever regain consciousness.

She has opened one of her eyes several times without stimulation and on occasion has kept it opened for over an hour....but during these periods she will not respond to commands ie squeezing hands.

I have no idea where that leaves us and I am truly devastated.....The only thing I have left is hope and I refuse to give that or my beautiful blue eyes up.

Thank you for your good wishes.

CD
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: forumdude on February 27, 2011, 09:26:50 PM
Aw man. That's just terrible. So sorry to hear that. I can only speak for myself, but I believe that all of us have been thinking about what you must be going through. It's a minor condolence, of course, but there's a lot of sympathy out here. Let's all hope for some happy and Dudely light and fortune to shine on your tough predicament.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Abideist on February 27, 2011, 10:34:13 PM
 can't imagine what you're goin through.

god bless
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: DigitalBuddha on February 28, 2011, 12:10:06 AM
Hi again dudes.

Chantelle has today been moved to ward as she no longer requires one to one nursing. This is a positive step but unfortunately as she has not regained consciousness we have been told that that she is unlikely to recover or perhaps ever regain consciousness.

She has opened one of her eyes several times without stimulation and on occasion has kept it opened for over an hour....but during these periods she will not respond to commands ie squeezing hands.

I have no idea where that leaves us and I am truly devastated.....The only thing I have left is hope and I refuse to give that or my beautiful blue eyes up.

Thank you for your good wishes.

CD

Caesar dude, much positive vibes, and I am sure much positive prayer, is going up for you and your special lady friend and partner, Chantelle.

I think I speak for all of us when I say that we stand with you and refuse to give up hope. For sure; never give and never except defeat! Tough times don't last, but tough people do. Dude, vibes and prayers that both of you are tough dudes who will make the semis! Always abide, Caesar dude, always abide! And of course, much heart felt sympathy.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: brother_erwin on February 28, 2011, 05:12:29 AM
CD,
I am awfully sorry. I may not have the appropriate words at hand so all I know to say is: May you have the strentgh to abide, both of you, while you go through this. Be sure there are many dudes out there in this small world that are with you, mentally or spiritually.

Take good care, of yourself too, dude!
BE
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Caesar dude on February 28, 2011, 04:54:57 PM
Hi again Dudes and once again thank you for you kind words.

I've just come back from the hospital as now she has been moved they have very strict visiting hours and she is at Addenbrookes in Cambridgeshire which is about two hours away. However they are talking about transfering her back to the Norfolk and Norwich hospital which is ten minutes from where I live. This will make things a lot easier for me and her family.

My work have been brilliant in letting me take all my annual leave over the last few weeks but I have to return to work on the 3rd of March. Ho hum.

Quote
It's a minor condolence, of course,
It's actually a great comfort to me just knowing you guys are wishing her well. Once again thank you.

Peace dudes.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Caesar dude on March 12, 2011, 03:53:21 PM
Hi again dudes.

I'd like to give you all an update on Chantelle's condition.

As Chit is now in her hometown she is obviously receiving more visitors. Tonight one of her best friends came to see her for the first time since the accident....and Chantelle had her eyes open and actually smiled at her. She did this several times then later she smiled for me!

This means so much....it means she is aware of people and herself, can recognise/remember people and most importantly can do something on command...

I am so happy at this tiny step and I needed to share it with you guys.

Thank you all again for your dudely vibes....your mojo and your medicine men keep those good thoughts coming dudes...and hey Banjo dude and any of the other new Reverends...don't feel for a second that you shouldn't comment just because you haven't met me on the forum. I'm grateful for all of your positivity. :)

Dudely blessings to you all.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: cckeiser on March 12, 2011, 04:52:11 PM
Good news indeed dude!
Will keep it all working for your special lady dude! 8)
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: forumdude on March 12, 2011, 08:43:43 PM
Far fucking out man! That's a wonderful occurrence! Hope it's an inkling of lots of better things to come. I can honestly say it's made my morning. You deserve some good news, do you not?
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Abideist on March 12, 2011, 11:38:09 PM
:)
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: DigitalBuddha on March 13, 2011, 01:07:57 AM
Hi again dudes.

I'd like to give you all an update on Chantelle's condition.

As Chit is now in her hometown she is obviously receiving more visitors. Tonight one of her best friends came to see her for the first time since the accident....and Chantelle had her eyes open and actually smiled at her. She did this several times then later she smiled for me!

This means so much....it means she is aware of people and herself, can recognise/remember people and most importantly can do something on command...

I am so happy at this tiny step and I needed to share it with you guys.

Thank you all again for your dudely vibes....your mojo and your medicine men keep those good thoughts coming dudes...and hey Banjo dude and any of the other new Reverends...don't feel for a second that you shouldn't comment just because you haven't met me on the forum. I'm grateful for all of your positivity. :)

Dudely blessings to you all.

Hey man, that is awesome news for sure! Sounds like your lady friend is abiding and getting better, Caesar dude. Still keeping the good vibes coming hers and your way, though dude! But way cool report!!
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: meekon5 on March 13, 2011, 06:54:58 AM
Caesar so happy for you.

Hopefully things continue to improve mate.

I continue to light candles for you and yours.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Caesar dude on April 08, 2011, 04:08:03 PM
It's been a while since I last updated you all with Chantelles progress.

She is now in what the medical fraternity call a minimally conscious state. No longer in coma as she opens her eyes for long periods of time and squeezes hands and blnks in what we hope is response to our voices. She has smiled at me only once since the first time she did it a few weeks ago but it still lightens my heart.

They took away her naso gastric tube two weeks ago and fitted a PEG which means she now gets fed straight into her tummy, (also any drugs she needs go straight in there too which means less risk of infection.

She is breathing well on her own but still has the trachy fitted, they review this every week and are now trying to wean her off.

It's been 10 weeks since the accident and my life has simply been turned upside down. A reality I could never have foreseen.

I am still totally confident that Chantelle will eventually respond in a meaningful manner and will one day speak to me...it will just take time!

Thanks for listening dudes and keep the goods though pouring her way.

Peace dudes.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: DigitalBuddha on April 08, 2011, 07:22:25 PM
Dude, this is all good news. Very glad to here that your lady friend, Chantelle, is doing much better! But, positive vibes still going your way.

Continue to abide, dude!
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: cckeiser on April 08, 2011, 07:54:39 PM
Was just sending good thoughts your way last night dude!
Glad to hear your special lady is getting better. I'm looking for a full recovery dude!
Abide dude...abide.8)
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: brother_erwin on April 11, 2011, 04:11:16 PM
That's some good news indeed, CD-dude!
Thanks for letting us know.
All the best for further recovery!
Take care and abide.
BE
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Caesar dude on May 26, 2011, 08:23:07 PM
Hi again everybody.

Just wanted to tell you guys how things are right now.

Chantelle has been weaned off the trachy tube and is now breathing on her own for the first time in 4 months. This is good but her lungs are weak and as one of them was punctured in the accident she struggles every now and then. This is a worry.

She has now been moved from the neuro ward in the N&N to the Coleman rehabilitation centre in Norwich. Here they will try and stimulate her in as many ways as they can...through physio and other means.

I would love to be able to say that I have seen improvement in her consciousness levels but I cannot. I have felt her squeeze my hand and I have seen her smile but she has not replicated these acts and still does nothing to command.

Some days I think she is listening to me but then the next day she looks vacant.

I'm trying my hardest to be positive and am still being a rock to her parents....but I'm a mess guys.

I'm ok on here...in this land of dude which can make me smile and take me away from the reality of the nightmare I live.

My life is thus.... get up...work 11 hours...come home and shower...go to the hospital....come home and drink beer and sit in front of the laptop....go to bed.... etc.

I do washing  cos I need clean clothes...I throw things in the oven cos I need to eat...but I'm never hungry... (I love cooking and to cook for people) when my son comes round I order takeaway....me and my son cook up a storm in the kitchen...he's 12 and I've been cooking with im since he was 2!

Life sucks...really really sucks....today is exactly one year since we met for the second time and fell in love all over. We were so happy with each other... life was wonderful and we had a future....now I live each day just wishing you could talk to me, just hoping that she will smile for me. I love you my darling. Please wake please come back to me. My heart is shattered and I'm struggling. I miss you so much. Please please come back to me. xxx
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Outer Element on May 27, 2011, 12:00:26 AM
Caesar dude, I feel for you. You really need her to communicate with you, and she can't right now. It's got to be very hard. But she's getting better, little by little. She can finally breathe on her own and she's ready to take the next step of whatever the therapists have in store for her. Both of these things are really good--I hope you can feel encouraged by them.

Even though her recovery is probably happening much slower than you want it to, it *is* happening. Keep the faith, man. It'll get better.


Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Rev. Gary (revgms) on May 27, 2011, 12:08:53 AM
Dude.......<hug>
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: cakebelly on May 27, 2011, 02:30:36 AM
Ditto revgms, Dude - I don't have the words, man so I'll leave it to someone else:

The Darkling Thrush
By Thomas Hardy
I leant upon a coppice gate
      When Frost was spectre-grey,
And Winter's dregs made desolate
      The weakening eye of day.
The tangled bine-stems scored the sky
      Like strings of broken lyres,
And all mankind that haunted nigh
      Had sought their household fires.

The land's sharp features seemed to be
      The Century's corpse outleant,
His crypt the cloudy canopy,
      The wind his death-lament.
The ancient pulse of germ and birth
      Was shrunken hard and dry,
And every spirit upon earth
      Seemed fervourless as I.

At once a voice arose among
      The bleak twigs overhead
In a full-hearted evensong
      Of joy illimited;
An aged thrush, frail, gaunt, and small,
      In blast-beruffled plume,
Had chosen thus to fling his soul
      Upon the growing gloom.

So little cause for carolings
      Of such ecstatic sound
Was written on terrestrial things
      Afar or nigh around,
That I could think there trembled through
      His happy good-night air
Some blessed Hope, whereof he knew
      And I was unaware.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Busmum on June 10, 2011, 11:22:51 PM
I just found this thread CD, as I've been an absentee dude for the last several months... you will abide, because you must xox.

And my favorite quote when all things are dark (camus):

"In the depth of winter, I finally learned there lay within me an invincible summer".

Roll on dude :)
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Caesar dude on June 16, 2011, 04:31:00 PM
Thank you again for all your good thoughts dudes.

@ Outer Element: Thanks man.

@ Revgms: I need all the hugs I can get right now so thanks dude.

@ Cakes: Love the poem and have never read it before so many thanks for the introduction and the thoughts and feelings.

@ Busmum: Thank you very much for the thoughts and the quote.

This is what I feel the dude community is all about and I thank you all once again for keeping Chantelle and I in your thoughts.

Peace.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Pancake Waitress on July 25, 2011, 03:37:26 PM
Oh wow, CD - I also just found this thread (I'm a pretty new Dude), and wanted to let you know that I will also be sending some good juju your and Chantelle's ways. My eyes are welling up reading everything you and your special lady have been through. I really hope that she is healing and progressing nicely, and would love to hear how both she and you are doing, if you have the time and energy for an update some time.

Gah. I just wanted to offer my sympathy, and such. Peace to you.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Caesar dude on July 26, 2011, 05:16:24 PM
Thank you Pancake Dude. Your thoughts are well received.

I haven't updated this thread for a while and on reading through it I realise that I've omitted a few things.

First of all thank you to Uberdude for starting the thread....I was not in the right frame of mind to tell you guys myself and didn't want to seem "needy" if that makes sense.

Also I never explained what happened to Chantelle. She was driving to my place after work at around 23:15 on the 25th January when her car swerved off the road, down a ditch and slammed sideways into a brick wall. She hit her head on the door pillar and her brain moved inside her skull so the bruising (injury) is to both sides of her brain. The brain can never recover from bruising. She was unconscious at the scene and has never fully regained consciousness. Her Gasgow coma scale was assessed as 3 which at first sounds ok but the scale starts at 3 and rises to 9.

Chantelle has been and in fact still is being assessed for consciousness levels on all her senses but unfortunately is not doing too well on these. We will have final results in two weeks.

She is still in a minimal conscious state but opens both her eyes when she is awake although she is almost certainly blind in her right eye as the pupil is constantly dilated. I talk to her and I ask her to blink twice if she understands me....she does this 50% of the time...which as you know is chance.

I still believe that one day she will recognise me and will be able to communicate however limited that may be.

I will never give up on my sleeping beauty and I see her everyday and I talk to her and I hold her and I love her.

Thank you ALL again for your thoughts and your dudely vibes and your presence in  our lives. You are all truly worthy of the name Dude.

Peace Reverends.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: DigitalBuddha on July 27, 2011, 05:25:25 AM
Dude, we're all pulling for you and Chantelle. Constant dudely prayer, meditations and positive thoughts for you and Chantelle.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Pancake Waitress on July 27, 2011, 06:43:27 AM
Oh, CD. I am so sorry for what you and Chantelle are going through right now. She's a lucky special lady to have so much love around her - love can do some pretty incredible things.

I will definitely throw more good stuff your and her way as often as I can, for what it's worth. Keep on abiding, and take good care of yourself. And check in here and ramble as much as you like, if it helps - no one's going to think you're needy, and even if that were the case, well, you're most definitely allowed.  :)

Like DB said, we're here for you, Dude! (Even though I'm kinda new, I'm definitely here for the long haul, for sure!)
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Caesar dude on July 27, 2011, 08:12:56 PM
Thank you again. PW Dude. and of course you DB.... and all of you really.

Love can move mountains I'm sure. I'm doing my best and my beautiful blue eyes is doing hers.

Our story is as romantic as it comes....true love from the start but the Universe conspired against us for many years....then allowed us true happiness for a while and took it away again in a split second.

I have no bad memories of our time when life was "normal" together...not one bad word has ever passed between us...not one argument or misunderstanding...not a cross word.

It's been six whole months...that's half a year...and the world has changed since my lady has been sleeping....I couldn't bring her the poppies that she loves so much...I couldn't give her her 40th birthday present...(if your unconscious on your birthday then you haven't had one ...therefore she's still 39) and I couldn't ask her to marry me on the 27th May as I'd planned.

There's so many things that I haven't been able to do.....but I've shared them all...I've talked to her till I'm bored with my own voice ...I've read to her (I used to read to her before the accident at night before we slept) , books I knew and loved but she'd never heard of, her eyes aren't too good in half light and so she'd ask me to read till she fell asleep...then the next night I'd have to read it all again as she couldn't remember where we'd got to.

I've held her and kissed her and begged her to wake up and come out and play in the sunshine....and I will continue doing this until the day I die....

The words below are from the Proclaimer's Sunshine on Leith.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6BDj4mr0fBc&ob=av2e

"My tears are drying, my tears are drying
Thank you thank you thank you thank you
 
My tears are drying, my tears are drying

Your beauty and kindness
Made tears clear my blindness

While I'm worth my room on this earth
I will be with you

While the Chief, puts Sunshine On Leith
I'll thank him for his work

And your birth and my birth."

And I love my beautiful lady and I am sad...very very sad.

Thanks for listening dudes.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Pancake Waitress on July 28, 2011, 09:38:56 AM
I hadn't heard that Proclaimers song in close to twenty years, I think - and it was always one of my favorites of theirs, and apparently still brings the tears.

That was just so beautiful, Dude. Keep on sharing whenever you feel like it. You've got a bunch of sympathetic eyes and ears. Sending hope into the great Universe that your beautiful blue eyes comes fully back to you soon. I think we all greatly look forward to reading about that happy moment!
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: meekon5 on July 28, 2011, 11:57:34 AM
Argh! I can't read it without hearing them sing it.

Help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Caesar dude on July 28, 2011, 01:52:20 PM
You're beyond help Meekon! :)

Glad I could put a tune in your head though.....I would walk 5 thousand miles to see your face right now dude!

Peace Brother.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: meekon5 on July 29, 2011, 09:57:48 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ua8lypAG5Fw

Actually performed by Ranger Danger and the Danger Rangers.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Leopoldrose on July 31, 2011, 08:39:33 AM
Caesar Dude,
I am thinking of you and your special lady friend.

Health, hope, and happiness my friend.

Keep abiding.


Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: meekon5 on August 01, 2011, 07:49:38 AM
You're beyond help Meekon! :)...

There was help, no one told me that (probably too late now)!
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Andrea Da Fino on September 01, 2011, 04:19:56 AM
CD, sorry about what's happened to both of you. And obviously I hope that everything will improve. Life sucks at times but I must say that your dudely way of dealing with it is an inspiration. Abiding when everything goes well is pretty easy, doing it when lightnings strikes is another matter.

My best wishes and good vibes to both of you.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Rev. Ed C on September 01, 2011, 07:10:16 AM
Oh my :(

I had no idea about any of this.  I missed this whole thing in my absence and never got around to delving when I got back to the forum :(

I notice there's not been an update in over a month and I hope this can only be a good thing, CD.  My heart goes out to you, and especially Chantelle in this time.

Ed
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Caesar dude on September 05, 2011, 04:06:19 PM
I've decided to continue as a member of this dudely forum...and not a little of this decision is due to the peace and love and good thoughts from you all on this thread.

Quote
This is what I feel the dude community is all about and I thank you all once again for keeping Chantelle and I in your thoughts.

Despite Meekons clear attempts at trolling and misdirecting.  ;)

I thank you Revs Ed and Andrea for your comments.

Now I need to update you on Chit's progress:

We were told six weeks ago that Chantelle would not recover any more than she already had. I was told this by 6 different health care experts form Neuro surgeons to Physiotherapists everyone had the same opinion even the cleaner! ;) Fuck them!

Within days of being told this devastating news Chantelle had an eye test/eeg which proved that the neuro network twixt her retinas and visual cortex were intact this indicates that as long as the visual cortex is intact then she should be able to see.

Knowing that she could see me when she was awake rejuvinated my hope and therefore I continued to talk to her and show her pictures and read to her etc....slowly slowly oh so fucking slowly she started to respond....sometimes by double blinking...now 80 to 90% percent of the time when I ask her questions.....much more than chance!

I then asked her to start moving her right hand/thumb in response to my (very simple) questions.... she does this around 60% of the time.

Then a bit of a breakthrough. Two weeks ago I was having my usual one sided conversation when I asked her if she could practice smiling for me (she can frown and show discomfort and displeasure, therefore she should be able to smile) The next day I received a text from her mother in which she said Chantelle had smiled at her (young, good looking) physiotherapist! :) The next day she smiled for her mother....and the next day she smiled at me as soon as I walked in....she continues to smile when asked! :)

Today Chantelle has been moved away from the hospital to a neurological care home nearby where she will continue to receive physio and other treatments. We are allowed to come and go as we please and can even decorate her room and put her personal effects in there.

We still have a very very long way to go but these little victories although tiny are massive in their implications.

My sister sent me this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rt49NWfH4ac&feature=related (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rt49NWfH4ac&feature=related)

My own words aren't needed.

Thank you ALL again for your thoughts and dudely vibrations.

In Peace and Love dudes
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: DigitalBuddha on September 05, 2011, 04:27:23 PM
All VERY cool stuff, dude. Good to hear that your wife and special lady friend is making progress. Will, of course, continue to send out positives vibes and prayer her's and your way. Thanks for the update!

Abide, dude, always abide!
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: meekon5 on September 06, 2011, 10:58:00 AM
Caesar dude good to hear.

And you know I don't mean the trolling it's just in my genetic makeup, it comes with the pointy horns.

Nice to see your still with us.

And my thoughts are with you and yours as always.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Pancake Waitress on September 06, 2011, 11:02:56 AM
Caesar Dude, that is fantastic news all 'round! Been wondering how things were going, and I'm so happy to hear that your special lady is making such great progress!

Pop in any time you're needing a little moral support!
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: meekon5 on September 06, 2011, 11:12:33 AM
At the risk of self publicity I nearly wondered off myself:

http://dudeism.com/smf/index.php?topic=2621.0

But I got better though!

and you'l notice I'm even started trying to divert my own thread there as well (I just can't help it).
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Andrea Da Fino on September 06, 2011, 01:33:42 PM
Far out Caesar Dude, great you went your own way and made improvements those doctors told you were impossible. Great, and again a great abiding example.

Glad you are still in the forum and happy Chantelle is having improvements. F****ng A.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Caesar dude on September 06, 2011, 04:03:41 PM
Thank you all again for your dudely wishes. All these positive thoughts and intentions going her way have to be helping her.

Yes Andrea life sucks but the other option sucks more! At least I still have my blue eyes and I can watch over her and be there for her and help her....she really is special mate...one in 7  billion in fact!  8)

Quote
And you know I don't mean the trolling it's just in my genetic makeup, it comes with the pointy horns.
As for you mate.... I wouldn't have it any other way.... I love the fact we can wander over stuff (even stuff like this) and speak about whatever! It's just like being in the pub!

Peace dudes.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Andrea Da Fino on September 07, 2011, 01:23:19 AM
Mark it 8 CD.  :)
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Caesar dude on September 10, 2011, 05:59:33 PM
Quote
I had no idea about any of this.  I missed this whole thing in my absence and never got around to delving when I got back to the forum

Just found this and though it apt.

"Be kind, Remember everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. "
T.H.Thompson

Peace.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: DigitalBuddha on September 12, 2011, 12:29:21 AM
A very dudely quote.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: milnie on October 24, 2011, 03:23:32 PM
Like many before I have only just come across this and truly wish you and yours all the best. If there's something you need then feel free to ask. It's a bit hollow to say charity begins at home but since this place is home to so many, ..., we're all here for you.
Ironically I am due to get married next year on the 27 may which should have been a special day for you too. I will save a special thought for you.
Hang in there dude. Like the Sunday golfer who gets a hole on one, you'll spend the rest of your life trying to do it again.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Caesar dude on October 24, 2011, 04:55:31 PM
Thanks Milnie Dude.

It's been a while again since I updated everyone on Chantelle's Status.

Tomorrow is my birthday it is also exactly nine months since the accident.

Chit has been in the neuro care home for 6 weeks now. She has her own room and we(her parents and I) have decorated this and put a lot of Chantelle'sown effects in there, her favourite paintings and pictures, some of her furniture and some childhood soft toys.

The wound where the trachy was is healing nicely and physically she is mostly healed, the only physical concern I have is where the skin graft was taken to mend the massive bruise on her shoulder, caused by the seatbelt. It bleeds easily as does the donor site on her thigh. She is on Warfarin to prevent clots but of course this prevents the wounds from healing quickly.

As for her mental capacity, well there are good days and bad days..... sometimes she will sleep all day other days she is alert and attentive. Today was a good day. Chantelle stayed awake all day and was smiling and moving her thumb when asked and also followed her parents with her eyes when they talked to her. She even managed to stay awake for me after I'd finished work... (I don't get to see her until 18:30 on a work day and she is normally asleep by then) and although I didn't get a smile she moved her thumb as soon as I asked her to.

Tonight I played her favourite CD which is a compilation that she calls her "Sleepy CD" She used to play these songs to help her sleep and to get her through some tough times. It was when she played one of these songs to me last year that I realised exactly how much she loved me and what I mean to her...talk about a thunderbolt...the instant I heard the track I knew so many things about her and about us. I felt true love and the deepest compassion for her. I felt in that instance that we had always been and always would be together.

This is the song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6VE6rMq5wmg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6VE6rMq5wmg)

When I heard the track tonight it was as if she was whispering to me through the music and telling me that everything will be ok....

Anyhoo I will keep on keeping on dudes. I love my blue eyes and she will get there....just as I get there everyday...one foot in front of the other, a minute, an hour, a day at a time.

I drove passed where the accident happened tonight...it's 3 minutes from my home...that's all it takes guys, for a world to shatter...

I thank you ALL once again for your Dudely thoughts and kindness.

Namaste
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Andrea Da Fino on October 25, 2011, 01:49:11 AM
As I said before CD you're an example of abiding for all of us. And of many other things too.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: meekon5 on October 25, 2011, 05:50:07 AM
It feels pointless to keep saying it, but all our thoughts are with you, we hope what you hope, we wish for what you wish for mate.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Caesar dude on October 25, 2011, 08:00:51 PM
It's not pointless mate. It lets me know you lot are there and thinking about us.

Do you know it is exactly 153 of my paces from the entrance to Addenbrookes hospital to neuro intensive care unit and that if you drive into the Oak Farm neuro care home at exactly 24 miles per hour you can do a handbrake turn on the gravel that will park you exactly next to the ambulance station. Also I know how to get free parking in the N&N University Hospital.

Things I have learned in the last 9 months! :)
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Caesar dude on December 04, 2011, 07:44:28 PM
I wrote this the other day....thought I'd share.

When I hold your hand now, and you squeeze it when I ask
I don't wish to make it hard for you to or to make it such a task
It means I want you to get better and I'm trying to help you mend
I've been here since the start of this and I'll be there at the end

I'm being oh so patient but sometimes that runs out
That's when I leave and hide a bit and silently shout
You lay there, oh so quietly but your eyes tell me what's right
Like "help me John" or "stay with me" or "please don't say good night"

But I have to leave you everyday no matter what I feel
Cos although this isn't happening, unfortunately it's real
Our lives have just been broken, shattered into smithereens
But I love you forever and remember all our dreams

I will never ever leave you no matter what the cost
Because you came back to me when I thought love was lost
You treasured me within your heart and believed I was "the one"
And I will honour that with you until our time is done.

J. x
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: meekon5 on December 05, 2011, 11:27:33 AM
As always we are all thinking and wishing for you.

I have very little I can say but I hope she pulls through and is back with you soon.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Andrea Da Fino on December 05, 2011, 11:29:12 AM
Me too.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: the d on December 06, 2011, 02:56:25 PM
Beautiful poem/ song, man, strong men also cry. Hope shit works out, positive vibes from uk. :(
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Reverend Al on December 06, 2011, 05:06:48 PM
Caesar Dude,

I am a newer member here and have only just discovered this thread, but I wanted to let you know my most sincere sympathies are with you and your beautiful Chantelle, and that love and positive thoughts are being sent to both of you.

Your love for and dedication to Chantelle are evident in your words.  The doctors might be helping her body to heal, but you are helping Chantelle the person to heal.  Your dedication and presence of mind in these difficult times is truly inspiring.

Peace and love.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Caesar dude on January 15, 2012, 11:39:57 PM
It's time to update you guys on Chantelle's situation. Next Tuesday (25th) will be exactly one year since Chantelle started her big sleep. I won't be in any fit state to write then and tell you what's been happening so I'm doing it now.

I've just read through all of my posts in this thread and every word and every emotion feels to me  as if everything happened an hour ago...it's very raw and it hurts.

I indicated that Chit was smiling and responding when she first moved to the care home....unfortunately shortly after she moved there she was rushed into hospital with a suspected pulmonary embolism (she was coughing up black blood and was very distressed....they also suspected she had some sort of seizure....

(I was actually sitting in my promotional interview at the time) anyhoo I rushed to A&E where I found her to be quite calm and looking fairly ok....I'd only been there a few minutes when she started coughing and spitting out blood...probably not good..however I could see the blood was fresh and bright and not dark  blood as would be expected from a blood clot on the lung, I opened her mouth to ensure she could breathe and seen that the inside of her mouth was cut...I called the doctor over and together we diagnosed that she had actually bitten her lip and the blood must have accumulated previously before she coughed! She can't spit and would clearly not have wanted to swallow! So.... after a few hours of observation they decided that she was ok and sent her back to the care home. All good.

However Chantelle was clearly fairly traumatised by these events and decided to go back to sleep for a week!! She would open her eyes occasionally look around then shut em again...no smiles...no thumb movements!

After a week we noticed that she wasn't opening her left eye at all and when I opened it I could see it was extremely red...off to the eye clinic! Chantelle suffers from dry eyes at the best of times and the clinic found that crystals or filaments were growing on the eye and the eyelid which must have been immensely painful. They prescribed drops and creams which were duly administered every two hours causing her distress and pain as every time they opened her eye these filaments would scratch the surface of her eye I cannot imagine how much that must have hurt her. This went on for about six weeks until they finally got the correct creams and drops. Obviously while this was going on she didn't want to open the other eye either...so unfortunately all further progress stopped...if she cant see she's not being stimulated and the pain must have driven her to distraction anyhow.

On top of all this we noticed that she was putting on weight, she is 5'1" and normally weighs between 8 to 8 and a half stone...we asked for her to be weighed and found that she was now 10 Stone!!! That's a lot for a wee lass...turns out they were giving her too much high protein food! So the dietician has now dropped some of the feed they give her!

All of these setbacks have combined and we are now back to where we three months ago.

However it's not all doom and gloom. Tonight I read to her and she had her eyes open and she moved her thumb for me again after a lot of persuasion and cajoling and basically bullying!  :( Those smiles are going to be hard get back but I'll keep trying.

I've been in tears all day dudes, it's getting close to that one year point and her stuff is still where she left it in my bedroom. Her toothbrush is still next to mine and the little things she did are evident everywhere in my flat. I have to accept that she's never coming back here to live and maybe never at all. It doesn't mean that I have given up on her regaining some sort of life with me but it just cannot be remotely the same. That sits hard with me but is a truth which I have not wished to confront before.

I love my beautiful lady and will always be here for her for as long as she needs me. I will always look after her and cherish her and support her and her family in every way I can and maybe one day she will be able to tell me again that she loves me.

This is as hard today as it ever was on day one. I can't go near her house or the road the accident happened, I can't even go to her parents house as doing so reduces me to an absolute mess.

I'm fucking fantastic at work when I can throw myself into the mundane nonsense and forget that I have a personal life. I've been fine here on the boards where I can use my juvenile sense of humour to distract me. I'm fine with my son when  he's around as he's such a positive lively individual and I'm fine when I've had a skin full and can sleep for several hours without interruption but I'm not fine dudes....not fine at all.

Thank you for reading and thank you for being dudes.

Peace.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: DigitalBuddha on January 15, 2012, 11:54:26 PM
C dude, your openness and honesty is inspiring; seriously dude, very touched deeply here by what you have been sharing. Hang in there, you're a brave dude. Still continuing positive vibes and prayers your way for your special lady friend and yourself.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Andrea Da Fino on January 16, 2012, 12:46:35 AM
Well CD, I'm pretty much speechless and impressed by your determination to stick with her in these hard times, hope the parlance is correct. So I'll just say that both of you are in my thoughts.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Hominid on January 16, 2012, 08:23:40 AM
You're an inspiration dude - thanks for being as transparent as you are, and sharing your guts with the rest of us. Makes me appreciate what I have, that's for sure.

Peace and love dude...
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: meekon5 on January 16, 2012, 08:44:47 AM
I can not even begin to imagine what this feels like.

To have a loved one taken away is bad enough.

To have a loved one held in a state so close to you, but so far away you can no longer communicate properly, must be absolute torture.

Thank you for sharing this, and as always my hopes and prayers go out to you both.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: forumdude on January 16, 2012, 01:27:45 PM
Sorry to hear that the road continues to be so rocky, Caesar Dude. It must break your heart to see her struggle and suffer. We can all only hope that some day she will be able to tell you how much it has meant to her. You're an example to us all.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: kev dude on January 16, 2012, 04:24:30 PM
It's time to update you guys on Chantelle's situation. Next Tuesday (25th) will be exactly one year since Chantelle started her big sleep. I won't be in any fit state to write then and tell you what's been happening so I'm doing it now.
I've just read through all of my posts in this thread and every word and every emotion feels to me  as if everything happened an hour ago...it's very raw and it hurts.

I indicated that Chit was smiling and responding when she first moved to thecare home....unfortunately shortly after she moved there she was rushed into hospital with a suspected pulmonary embolism (she was coughing up black blood and was very distressed....they also suspected she had some sort of seizure....

(I was actually sitting in my promotional interview at the time) anyhoo I


rushed to A&E where I found her to be quite calm and looking fairly ok....I'd only been there a few minutes when she started coughing and spitting out blood...probably not good..however I could see the blood was fresh and bright and not dark  blood as would be expected from a blood clot on the lung, I opened her mouth to ensure she could breathe and seen that the inside of her mouth was cut...I called the doctor over and together we diagnosed that she
had actually bitten her lip and the blood must have accumulated previously before she coughed! She can't spit and would clearly not have wanted to swallow! So.... after a few hours of observation they decided that she was ok and sent her back to the care home. All good.

However Chantelle was clearly fairly traumatised by these events and decided
to go back to sleep for a week!! She would open her eyes occasionally look around then shut em again...no smiles...no thumb movements!

After a week we noticed that she wasn't opening her left eye at all and when I opened it I could see it was extremely red...off to the eye clinic! Chantelle suffers from dry eyes at the best of times and the clinic found that crystals or filaments were growing on the eye and the eyelid which must have been immensely painful. They prescribed drops and creams which were duly administered every two hours causing her distress and pain as every time they
 opened her eye these filaments would scratch the surface of her eye I cannot imagine how much that must have hurt her. This went on for about six weeks until they finally got the correct creams and drops. Obviously while this was going on she didn't want to open the other eye either...so unfortunately all further progress stopped...if she cant see she's not being stimulated and the
pain must have driven her to distraction anyhow.

On top of all this we noticed that she was putting on weight, she is 5'1" and normally weighs between 8 to 8 and a half stone...we asked for her to be weighed and found that she was now 10 Stone!!! That's a lot for a wee lass...turns out they were giving her too much high protein food! So the dietician has now dropped some of the feed they give her!

All of these setbacks have combined and we are now back to where we three months ago.

However it's not all doom and gloom. Tonight I read to her and she had her eyes open and she moved her thumb for me again after a lot of persuasion and cajoling and basically bullying!  :( Those smiles are going to be hard get back
but I'll keep trying.

I've been in tears all day dudes, it's getting close to that one year point and her stuff is still where she left it in my bedroom. Her toothbrush is still next to mine and the little things she did are evident everywhere in my flat. I have to accept that she's never coming back here to live and maybe never at all. It doesn't mean that I have given up on her regaining some sort of life with me but it just cannot be remotely the same. That sits hard with me but is a truth which I have not wished to confront before

I love my beautiful lady and will always be here for her for as long as she needs me. I will always look after her and cherish her and support her and her family in every way I can and maybe one day she will be able to tell me again that she loves me.

This is as hard today as it ever was on day one. I can't go near her house or the road the accident happened, I can't even go to her parents house as doing so reduces me to an absolute mess.

I'm fucking fantastic at work when I can throw myself into the mundane nonsense and forget that I have a personal life. I've been fine here on the boards where I can use my juvenile sense of humour to distract me. I'm fine with my son when  he's around as he's such a positive lively individual and I'm fine when I've had a skin full and can sleep for several hours without interruption but I'm not fine dudes....not fine at all.
Thank you for reading and thank you for being dudes.


Peace.

Hey C Dude, I hope I'm not imposing, I've only been on here five minutes but read your whole thread, I don't know what to say, but just wanted to try and offer some sort of support, keep fighting alongside your lady, peace.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Caesar dude on January 17, 2012, 05:03:22 PM
Thank you again Dudes for your kind words and compassion towards Chantelle and I.

It means so much to me that you are all thinking of her right now...I've just seen how many times this thread has been read and that is slightly overwhelming!

I know that a lot of people read but don't post and to those dudes I thank you also.

I'm not special in any way and believe me maybe even  ten years ago I would have run a country mile away from this situation...but then I wasn't with the right person. It's taught me a lot about myself and what I'm capable of.

@ KevDude Thank you for taking the time to wade through my posts here. You could not possibly impose and that goes for any dude who wishes my lady well.

Meekon...your words say it all.  This is something that I could not possibly have foreseen and would never wished to have imagined happening to anyone. You are a good man sir.

@ Hominid Thank you dude. I spend a lot of time now speaking to people when I hear them bitch about their loved ones. I'm very very lucky in one sense.  I know that Chantelle and I love each other very much and that in our time together before her accident that there is nothing I would have said or done differently with her. Never a cross word or raised voice, never an argument or misunderstanding. Always a kiss when we woke or met each other after being apart for even an hour and another when we said goodbye. We laughed and played together every moment we were with each other and that is so precious to me because ALL my memories are unspoiled. Be thankful for sure with what you have people.

@ Andrea Your parlance is, as always correct! Don't be so hard on your English dude...if I didn't know you were Italian I would never know. You are very kind but the decision to stay with my blue eyes wasn't even a decision. How could I leave her when she needs me more now than she ever has before. I love her unconditionally...these may be tough conditions...but hey...if you just say "I love you" when the times are good and then fuck of when the the going gets a bit hard then it isn't love surely. Thank you Andrea for your thoughts and good wishes.

@ DB I'm not brave dude. not at all. I'm a bit of a mess really...this hurts like nothing I've ever been through before. It helps immensely for me to be able to write what I'm feeling on here but I apologise now if it upsets people because I realise that by sharing that it possibly could. I thank you for your compassion man.

Which brings me to Forum Dude. Thank you for your words. But if I am inspirational then what does that make you? If you hadn't made this website I would have no place to share these thoughts. If you hadn't been inspired to get a collection of dudes from every corner of the world to gather on your rug where would I have met such a vast number of similar thinking folks to myself? People that understand me without judging, people that are as laid back and well rounded with no pretensions and no hidden agendas. I see here in these forums a bunch of very good people. This is your doing mate. I thank you for your example.

Peace and love dudes.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Caesar dude on January 24, 2012, 07:03:05 PM
Today is exactly one year since my sadness began. I may smile but the pain never goes away. My beautiful blue eyes stays mostly asleep but I am here to watch over her and ensure she is safe. Kisses don?t seem to work on my sleeping beauty but I will keep trying. If you have ever met Chantelle then you will know what a wondrous spirit she has. If you have ever heard her laugh or watched her bounce into a room or watched her kick as she left it then you will understand why I love her so much. My lady can out sparkle a frosty day and can make the dullest moment shine. I can never tell her enough how beautiful she is. Come on my darling. It?s time to come and play again. I love you sweetheart and will never give up.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Leninrocks244 on January 24, 2012, 08:29:10 PM
It's time to update you guys on Chantelle's situation. Next Tuesday (25th) will be exactly one year since Chantelle started her big sleep. I won't be in any fit state to write then and tell you what's been happening so I'm doing it now.

I've just read through all of my posts in this thread and every word and every emotion feels to me  as if everything happened an hour ago...it's very raw and it hurts.

I indicated that Chit was smiling and responding when she first moved to the care home....unfortunately shortly after she moved there she was rushed into hospital with a suspected pulmonary embolism (she was coughing up black blood and was very distressed....they also suspected she had some sort of seizure....

(I was actually sitting in my promotional interview at the time) anyhoo I rushed to A&E where I found her to be quite calm and looking fairly ok....I'd only been there a few minutes when she started coughing and spitting out blood...probably not good..however I could see the blood was fresh and bright and not dark  blood as would be expected from a blood clot on the lung, I opened her mouth to ensure she could breathe and seen that the inside of her mouth was cut...I called the doctor over and together we diagnosed that she had actually bitten her lip and the blood must have accumulated previously before she coughed! She can't spit and would clearly not have wanted to swallow! So.... after a few hours of observation they decided that she was ok and sent her back to the care home. All good.

However Chantelle was clearly fairly traumatised by these events and decided to go back to sleep for a week!! She would open her eyes occasionally look around then shut em again...no smiles...no thumb movements!

After a week we noticed that she wasn't opening her left eye at all and when I opened it I could see it was extremely red...off to the eye clinic! Chantelle suffers from dry eyes at the best of times and the clinic found that crystals or filaments were growing on the eye and the eyelid which must have been immensely painful. They prescribed drops and creams which were duly administered every two hours causing her distress and pain as every time they opened her eye these filaments would scratch the surface of her eye I cannot imagine how much that must have hurt her. This went on for about six weeks until they finally got the correct creams and drops. Obviously while this was going on she didn't want to open the other eye either...so unfortunately all further progress stopped...if she cant see she's not being stimulated and the pain must have driven her to distraction anyhow.

On top of all this we noticed that she was putting on weight, she is 5'1" and normally weighs between 8 to 8 and a half stone...we asked for her to be weighed and found that she was now 10 Stone!!! That's a lot for a wee lass...turns out they were giving her too much high protein food! So the dietician has now dropped some of the feed they give her!

All of these setbacks have combined and we are now back to where we three months ago.

However it's not all doom and gloom. Tonight I read to her and she had her eyes open and she moved her thumb for me again after a lot of persuasion and cajoling and basically bullying!  :( Those smiles are going to be hard get back but I'll keep trying.

I've been in tears all day dudes, it's getting close to that one year point and her stuff is still where she left it in my bedroom. Her toothbrush is still next to mine and the little things she did are evident everywhere in my flat. I have to accept that she's never coming back here to live and maybe never at all. It doesn't mean that I have given up on her regaining some sort of life with me but it just cannot be remotely the same. That sits hard with me but is a truth which I have not wished to confront before.

I love my beautiful lady and will always be here for her for as long as she needs me. I will always look after her and cherish her and support her and her family in every way I can and maybe one day she will be able to tell me again that she loves me.

This is as hard today as it ever was on day one. I can't go near her house or the road the accident happened, I can't even go to her parents house as doing so reduces me to an absolute mess.

I'm fucking fantastic at work when I can throw myself into the mundane nonsense and forget that I have a personal life. I've been fine here on the boards where I can use my juvenile sense of humour to distract me. I'm fine with my son when  he's around as he's such a positive lively individual and I'm fine when I've had a skin full and can sleep for several hours without interruption but I'm not fine dudes....not fine at all.

Thank you for reading and thank you for being dudes.

Peace.

Dude.... I'm tearing up from reading this, too. I couldn't imagine watching anyone I loved more than my own life to go through such hell. My heart and my thoughts are going out to you, man. For my own sake, please try to keep your spirits up.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: kev dude on January 25, 2012, 06:47:06 AM
Today is exactly one year since my sadness began. I may smile but the pain never goes away. My beautiful blue eyes stays mostly asleep but I am here to watch over her and ensure she is safe. Kisses don?t seem to work on my sleeping beauty but I will keep trying. If you have ever met Chantelle then you







will know what a wondrous spirit she has. If you have ever heard her laugh or watched her bounce into a room or watched her kick as she left it then you will understand why I love her so much. My lady can out sparkle a frosty day and can make the dullest moment shine. I can never tell her enough how beautiful she is. Come on my darling. It?s time to come and play again. I love you sweetheart and will never give up.

Stay strong man, your doing great, a year into this shit fight now and you both will be stronger than ever, dude vibes on their way to you.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: DigitalBuddha on January 25, 2012, 08:23:13 AM
Today is exactly one year since my sadness began. I may smile but the pain never goes away. My beautiful blue eyes stays mostly asleep but I am here to watch over her and ensure she is safe. Kisses don?t seem to work on my sleeping beauty but I will keep trying. If you have ever met Chantelle then you will know what a wondrous spirit she has. If you have ever heard her laugh or watched her bounce into a room or watched her kick as she left it then you will understand why I love her so much. My lady can out sparkle a frosty day and can make the dullest moment shine. I can never tell her enough how beautiful she is. Come on my darling. It?s time to come and play again. I love you sweetheart and will never give up.

Pulling for ya, C dude! Hang tough, more prayers for you both!
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Caesar dude on January 25, 2012, 08:41:30 PM
Quote
I'm tearing up from reading this

Stop it man. I've cried enough for a thousand men. But I thank you for your compassion,

I've had a really tough couple of days to be fair. Chantelle's mother is in pieces and I've been holding her together as much as I can then running home to hide in my cave. I'm not strong ... not strong at all.

I don't know if you dudes know of a band called Snow Patrol but Chantelle and I used to play them every night. We made love and went to sleep with there songs in our minds and hearts.... I haven't listened to them since the sadness but last night I forced myself to and rediscovered this track. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fk1Q9y6VVy0 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fk1Q9y6VVy0)
(sorry about the ads. Fucking Vevo!) The song is so poignant and has so much meaning to me now. I'll play it to her tomorrow.

I'm so touched by all your good wishes and heartfelt thoughts to my good lady and I thank you. It's good to know you're all thinking of her.

Again I'm sorry if by posting my feelings here it upsets any of you...if it does.then please just don't read this thread. I know it's maybe not quite what a new dude may want to see when he comes to this Forum.

Peace dudes.





Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Leninrocks244 on January 25, 2012, 10:42:18 PM
CD, it's totally ok to express your feelings on here man. We're all here for you to give you dudely comfort and peaceful vibes.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Caesar dude on January 25, 2012, 11:12:13 PM
I feel exactly the same way as I did when I asked a fellow dude to inform the board about what was going on in my world. Needy.

I've never had to ask for help or assistance from anyone before and I'm trying not to ask for anything now other than folks to listen to what is going on in my life right now.

I just think that as this goes on you will all get bored with reading my shit and become numb to it. Hey it happens man.

This is an outlet for me...a place where I can pour my heart out and maybe express how fucking difficult this actually is.

I'm sorry..really sorry that I chose this place to do that.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Leninrocks244 on January 25, 2012, 11:56:20 PM
I think I speak for all of us when I say that we're always keen on listening to each others' problems and even more keen on helping one another out.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: DigitalBuddha on January 26, 2012, 02:11:03 AM
I think I speak for all of us when I say that we're always keen on listening to each others' problems and even more keen on helping one another out.

Fuckin' eh.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Caesar dude on January 26, 2012, 06:40:42 PM
Here's one!

I lost my dude completely today and my inner Walter came flying out,

Chantelle was a checkout girl at ASDA. They sent her a letter saying they wanted to meet with her to discuss her progress as she hasn't been to work for a while! They sent it to her address and her mum opened it...I went fucking ballistic for 20 minutes this morning on the phone to this dumb bitch. MY two staff left the office but could still hear me with the door closed half way up the yard!

I ripped her a new arsehole and dudes I'm not sorry!

Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Leninrocks244 on January 26, 2012, 10:04:37 PM
I would've shown her what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: hannahdude on January 26, 2012, 10:40:09 PM
going 'walter' is totally dude, i think, as long as your reactions are authentic and i believe you are a authentic, deep feeling man, mang.
peace to you and your lady-friend always.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Caesar dude on January 27, 2012, 05:54:38 PM
Thank you Hannah dude. Kind words.

This the letter word for word:

Dear Chantelle

We hope that you are making progress in your recovery. As we haven't seen you for a while we would like to meet with you to see how you are.

If possible would it be convenient to visit you on,

Date: Monday 23rd January 2012
Time: 11:00 am
Your Home

If this is not possible please do not hesitate to contact me.

Kind regards.

Lisa XXXXXXXX

PEOPLE SERVICE MANAGER

This woman actually knows Chantelle's situation. So it's not as if she doesn't understand the situation and has just generated a standard letter!

When Chit's mum called her to try and explain that Chantelle couldn't possibly "meet her" and certainly in her home (where the letter was addressed) the woman was extremely pushy and tried to bully her into arranging a meeting at her mums house!

I told the woman(amongst other things) that I will meet her in her office at a time of my choosing and when her manager is present.

Still fucking angry!!!
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: meekon5 on January 27, 2012, 06:40:09 PM
Here's one!

I lost my dude completely today and my inner Walter came flying out,

Chantelle was a checkout girl at ASDA. They sent her a letter saying they wanted to meet with her to discuss her progress as she hasn't been to work for a while! They sent it to her address and her mum opened it...I went fucking ballistic for 20 minutes this morning on the phone to this dumb bitch. MY two staff left the office but could still hear me with the door closed half way up the yard!

I ripped her a new arsehole and dudes I'm not sorry!



I don't blame you.

The thing you do next is write a complaint to the managing director. Now we all know the managing director won't actually see the letter but the army of flunkies around them to protect them from such contact will make the life of whoever you name in the letter living hell.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Caesar dude on January 27, 2012, 07:03:40 PM
Fucking hell your a genius! I thought I'd see if I could find the MD of ASDA so googled it and here's what I found! http://www.ceoemail.com/ (http://www.ceoemail.com/)

I have got his email address (my preferred method of contact) and am just about to send out my shitogramme right now!

Cheers dude!

Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: meekon5 on January 27, 2012, 07:13:41 PM
;D

I'm not a man to piss off.

I bear a grudge for a long, long time.

And am very very resourceful.

Probably best to write the e-mail then leave it for a day and have a look at it then send it when your happy with it.

;D
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Caesar dude on January 27, 2012, 08:15:35 PM
Probably! I hit send before I came back here. I've pm'd you!
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: brother_erwin on February 05, 2012, 11:38:45 AM
caesar dude,
have only just now read your up-date. I'm very sorry to read about the complications and the shit from her employer.
I would like to express my deep respect and admiration for you, for how you stand by your special lady. It's wonderful how you care for her.
Take care, man, and of yourself, too!
BE
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Caesar dude on February 08, 2012, 07:15:21 PM
Hey there Brother Erwin.

Thank you for your thoughts and caring towards me and my very special lady.

I'm gathering myself dude. I've been in some fairly awful places over the last year. I've finally applied myself to my living room and today I now have a space that I could allow another human being into...other than my son who accepts me totally. (just as well dudes)

Chantelle had an annual check up on the 28th Jan and physically couldn't have been in better shape. I was delighted....that was Friday at 11:00 am. I was with her Friday evening..all good.. I went to see her on Saturday morning and was immediately concerned as her breathing wasn't right and she was slightly off...I made them call the GP (which the nursing staff were reluctant to do as it was a weekend) Turned out she had a chest infection...this is what will kill her if she doesn't improve.

It took a week before they would prescribe antibiotics again at my insistence!

I feel like I have to fight for  everything.

The other night because she was so poorly I stayed long past my normal hour and was quietly holding her hand and watching a movie with the lights down low as they would be when It was her sleep time. When the door was burst open and the main lights turned on by a "carer" who was talking loudly over his shoulder! I again went ballistic and tore him a new arsehole...wtf!!? This is me a dudes dude..I don't do angry and I tend not to get upset...I explained to him that maybe Chantelle is not aware of everything that is going on around her but she is a human being and certainly deserves more respect than that and is this what they do every night when I'm not there to see it?

Sheesh... am I wrong? Am I? I'm beginning to doubt myself!

My lady doesn't have a voice right now and I know I have to stand up for her...but I feel like I'm doing it all the time at the moment.

I'm tired dudes...so very very tired.

Peace.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: DigitalBuddha on February 08, 2012, 09:15:07 PM
Sheesh... am I wrong? Am I? I'm beginning to doubt myself!


No, dude, you're not wrong.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Leninrocks244 on February 08, 2012, 11:01:39 PM
You're not wrong at all, dude. That paraquat crossed the line. He upsets a peaceful moment with you and your special lady, it's perfectly acceptable for him to be in a world of pain.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: meekon5 on February 09, 2012, 07:46:26 AM

Sheesh... am I wrong? Am I? I'm beginning to doubt myself!

My lady doesn't have a voice right now and I know I have to stand up for her...but I feel like I'm doing it all the time at the moment.

I'm tired dudes...so very very tired.


Unfortunately what happens when we are not around to see it in hospitals is appalling. here in the UK there have been a number of cases to do with "retirement homes".

At th risk of going all left wing on you, this is what happens in a capitalist society, those without voices become regarded as of a lesser worth. They are too easily pushed down to the bottom of the pile, and left there to try to fend for themselves.

You are not wrong.

I can see your worry that this is how they have been acting when no-one else is around, like any of these things it is a basic human right to expect to be treated in a certain way no matter what your condition is.

Keep strong (as hard as that is), you know we are all behind you dude.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Caesar dude on February 09, 2012, 04:28:40 PM
I've got a video camera disguised as an alarm clock...I'm going to set it up in her room on Saturday. I hate to do this but I want to see exactly what happens through the night.

It's motion sensitive and very discreet.

I'm sure my fears are groundless but then again.....
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Leninrocks244 on February 09, 2012, 11:28:53 PM
I honestly don't blame you. It's always good to keep an eye open.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: milnie on February 10, 2012, 10:48:11 AM
just be careful you are not opening yourself up to litigation should you use footage from the camera as proof of maltreatment. no doubt they would claim use of concealed monitoring equipment not under ownership of the hospice breaches various conditions and staff rights and could risk failure of life support equipment (similar to the mobile phones on planes nonsense).
last thing we want is for you to get into any legal arguement that could jeapordise the care. Is she in a NHS care facility or private?
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Caesar dude on February 10, 2012, 11:19:13 PM
If I found any sort of maltreatment then justice would not be sought be through any court my friend, and no litigation would be necessary...other than from the injured parties.

It would be meted out swift and sure and effective.

I'm not looking to use the footage in a court of law...although I'm sure that would be used in my defence as I would keep the camera rolling.

It's a private care facility and Chantelle is a "client" everything in the room belongs to "us" ie Chantelle her family and I.

No legal arguments would ensue unless I were to be sued for brutality.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: milnie on February 11, 2012, 04:19:14 PM
Read you clear dude. You have my support whatever you choose. I'll try and keep the negative waves in check.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Caesar dude on February 14, 2012, 09:00:55 PM
Sorry Milnie,

Wasn't meaning to sound harsh. I know you have my back dude... as I said before I'm feeling some undude vibes right now and trying to keep a lid on it all.

Here to lighten the mood a tad.

For valentines day and every day in fact.

I met you at day break on an August morning..daylight catching your beautiful red hair which outshone the sun reflecting from the cornfield of gold we were standing in...the beauty wasn't just there in your face or the countryside but in those beautiful blue eyes and that smile.... smitten...bowled over and instantly in love is where I fell.... Cupids arrow indeed my friend. That field will always be there as will I my beautiful lady. I love you Chantelle. x

Peace.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Caesar dude on April 06, 2012, 09:13:49 PM
And so the tragedy goes on...Chantelle continues to sleep...meanwhile in this year...her grandmother has died...my ex partner's grandmother has died....Chantelle's mother's best friend Nigel died suddenly from leukemia and now today, Nigel's son has been killed in a motorbike crash.....his wife Sarah has visited Chantelle consistently despite the pain of losing her husband.

I just don't know dudes...I just don't know....
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Hominid on April 06, 2012, 09:19:16 PM
Dude, I feel your pain.  I've also had a number of people I knew pass away in a short time - makes you shake your head, wondering if there's something in the water...

Stay strong man    - every day above ground is a good one.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Caesar dude on April 06, 2012, 09:33:36 PM
Quote
every day above ground is a good one.

It doesn't feel like that today mate I can tell you....
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: DigitalBuddha on April 06, 2012, 09:56:31 PM
And so the tragedy goes on...Chantelle continues to sleep...meanwhile in this year...her grandmother has died...my ex partner's grandmother has died....Chantelle's mother's best friend Nigel died suddenly from leukemia and now today, Nigel's son has been killed in a motorbike crash.....his wife Sarah has visited Chantelle consistently despite the pain of losing her husband.

I just don't know dudes...I just don't know....


It's days and seasons like this that if you try to make sense of it all you just wind up driving yourself crazy. It doesn't always make sense, it doesn't have to, life that is, it just is. The best thing to do is keep on abiding and looking forward to what is over the horizon. The point of living is to live and abide. IMHO.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Caesar dude on April 06, 2012, 10:15:11 PM
My point of living is to watch my beautiful son grow...he's a young man now of 13 but looks 16 and has the attitude of a 24 year old . He started playing keyboard a year ago and has now saved and bought his own piano...I caught him playing this the other day

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o0VwTw1eZ1k (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o0VwTw1eZ1k)

by ear and when he thought no one else was in the room

He's really rather good. Chantelle would have loved it....the bit from 10 seconds in is a bit tricky and then it gets harder!! but he just knows how to play. I'm in awe.

He keeps me straight in a world full of shit.

Peace
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: DigitalBuddha on April 07, 2012, 12:12:56 AM
My point of living is to watch my beautiful son grow...he's a young man now of 13 but looks 16 and has the attitude of a 24 year old . He started playing keyboard a year ago and has now saved and bought his own piano...I caught him playing this the other day

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o0VwTw1eZ1k (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o0VwTw1eZ1k)

by ear and when he thought no one else was in the room

He's really rather good. Chantelle would have loved it....the bit from 10 seconds in is a bit tricky and then it gets harder!! but he just knows how to play. I'm in awe.

He keeps me straight in a world full of shit.

Peace


Cool that your son is into music. Far out, man. And some day, perhaps Chantelle WILL hear him play.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Caesar dude on May 27, 2012, 08:58:51 PM
So once again if anyone here cares to listen is an update on Chantelle's condition.

Blue eyes has started to become more awake not more alert or attentive. She looks around the room a lot more and now moves her head occasionally towards something that she wants to see...that doesn't extend to the fact that someone may walk in the room and she will look at them.

She will stare intently at the TV as if she is watching it and will sometimes look at me as I'm talking to her as if she is hanging on my every word....but will just as easily drift away and lose interest.

She has also started to become a lot more vocal in as much as she makes some noises with her throat or moaning sounds which are as far from communication as silence can be and indeed are at times distressing to hear.

Everyday I wish for more and every day I become more and more disheartened.

16 months in and my hopes are fading dudes.

I wake up every day with sadness and fall asleep with the same bedfellow.

Peace.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: DigitalBuddha on May 27, 2012, 09:25:33 PM
Hey C Dude, I don't know the total history of your special lady's condition, but it sounds like she is making some progress. Am I wrong? I don' think you have posted anything before in that kind of detail about her looking around the room, watching TV or being more awake. To me, dude, it sounds encouraging.

Hang in there, dude. It isn't over until its over.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: cckeiser on May 28, 2012, 12:03:14 AM
You need to Believe dude...it's the Thoughts that count. 8)
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: meekon5 on May 28, 2012, 06:36:06 AM
There is very little way we (I) can even begin to comprehend how you feel. But is your sadness only an aspect of your impatiences. You may only see it as little improvements because you are there day in, day out. We on the other hand (who only get the occasional update) see her improving by leaps and bounds. From what you describe today, compared to previous missives she has made huge improvements.

We are as always putting our hopes and whatever perception of prayers (we each have) at your disposal, always with the hope she gets ever more better.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Caesar dude on May 28, 2012, 04:24:44 PM
Thanks dudes.

I know you are right of course. If I go back to this time last year I can see that there has been a lot of improvement albeit on a small scale.

I'm just a bit overwhelmed at the moment and don't seem to have any life outside work and the care home. I guess I just need a break.

Thank you again for keeping us in your thoughts.

Peace.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: milnie on May 28, 2012, 04:55:16 PM
Mate, we're here 24/7. All hopes and prayers are with you. I have been wondering how you and her care service are getting on. At the start of the year there were a few issues?
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: DigitalBuddha on May 28, 2012, 06:40:09 PM
Thanks dudes.

I know you are right of course. If I go back to this time last year I can see that there has been a lot of improvement albeit on a small scale.

I'm just a bit overwhelmed at the moment and don't seem to have any life outside work and the care home. I guess I just need a break.

Thank you again for keeping us in your thoughts.

Peace.

C dude, get out and about, get yourself a lane, have a few brews, take it easy for a while; all dudes need to do that once in a while and you deserve it, mang.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Rev. Gary (revgms) on May 29, 2012, 09:43:06 AM
Got two thoughts here. DB is right, when it becomes too painful you have to take your self out of the situation for a spell, take a break, regroup. It is better to spend less time while more present, than to be in the room but not truly there.

Second, what helped me through some similar times was remembering that each moment, for every one of us, is a stolen moment from the void. What is guaranteed is disintegration, impermanence and change, what's no guaranteed is our next breathe. That's why every single second is a gift, every heart beat stolen from impermanence, precious and beautiful, even our suffering is rare and amazing. If you are feeling scared or pained, that's good news, it means you are alive and aware to feel it.

Hang in there bro, take comfort in the abiding love that is all around you, even in the darkest hours.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Caesar dude on June 05, 2012, 04:17:51 PM
Thank you Milnie for your words and thoughts...I know you're busy right now! :)

DB...cheers mate you are so right...it's what I need I few beers a few laughs...my trouibles won't be over but maybe I could lighten the fuck up for a while?

I've got 4 things I've been in invited to this weekend. A bbq with about 12 girls and three males. A night out with some fire show circus girly performers, a night of smoking some ganja with my ex neighbours (good people!) or a dinner party with a couple of old friends and some other couples....choices choices!

I normally turn all invitations down but this weekend shall be different. Can we have a poll and see which one will serve me best!? ;)

Peace dudes and thanks....
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Caesar dude on April 02, 2013, 08:33:36 PM
Just a quick update....

My beautiful lady sleeps on despite my cajoling her to come out and play.

There hasn't been any real improvement in her condition but as always I am hopeful!

She seems to mumble in syllables when I ask her questions...but this may be wishful thinking and she does seem to be aware of when I enter the room but who knows?

There have been a few documentaries recently on patients with similar conditions using FMRI to assess consciousness. I hope to get her on these trials but it takes time and getting the attention of the right neuro surgeons!

I still spend every evening with her and her parents visit in the daytime so she is rarely without someone around to reassure her and tell her she is safe.

The nights for me are hard...so hard. But maybe one day I will get my miracle. I believe we are all entitled to at least one miracle per lifetime!

That's right surely!

This is a picture of her when we went camping in Norfolk it was around 09.00 and then it got REALLY HOT!!!

https://fbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/164315_10150101552106318_4233049_n.jpg




Peace dudes
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Hominid on April 02, 2013, 10:28:57 PM
You truly are an inspiration dude - your patience and love know no bounds. The world's a better place with you in it!!!
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: DigitalBuddha on April 02, 2013, 11:06:12 PM
C dude, you are a true dude indeed. We're all pulling for your special lady friend.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: RighteousDude on April 03, 2013, 03:27:46 AM
There's no telling why life brings us the things it does, but my fondest hope is that it also brings you that miracle you're looking for.

For what it's worth, I've talked with friends who've been in that long sleep and they say that they were often aware on some level of things going on around them, but had no awareness of the passing of time so they didn't know if this thing and that had meaning or were connected somehow. It seems important to just be there. No matter where you are on the journey or where it leads, it's always best to have someone along.

Remember to take care of you, too, man. When the weight of the world is on your shoulders, you can't afford to become exhausted and drop the thing. It's better to set it down gently from time to time so you can regain your strength.

The three of you are in this Dude's thoughts, man.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: milnie on April 03, 2013, 04:10:58 PM
Thanks for the update cd. As always our rhoughts go with you and your special lady friend
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Easy McRider on April 29, 2013, 04:10:54 PM
Well Caesar Dude, I've been on here a wee while but only just found this thread and read it through. It's all awful what's happened and is happening, but what does shine through is you caring for and watching over her day in day out... Don't forget to care for yourself, as you both need you too.
                             Good vibes to you both and keep abiding dude...
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: RevKHyler on April 29, 2013, 04:18:12 PM
Just know that we're here for you and your Special Lady. Keeping you in our thoughts and sending you both supportive energy.  We'll all 'abide' with you in this. (You are both in my prayers.)
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Caesar dude on April 30, 2013, 06:35:31 PM
Thank you Easy Dude and Chaplain K.

Your comments, good wishes and prayers are very welcome and well received.

Thank you for taking the time to read the thread all way through, it's a raw account and I think I would struggle taking it all in!

So as I'm here. An update! :)

Chantelle has become much more vocal recently, however she has also had several chest infections, (I'm sure I've mentioned this before but this is what kills most people in her condition!)

Being more vocal, moaning to be fair, could be a reaction to pain or discomfort. It's still good though as it shows a reaction which hasn't been happening before! It distresses me and her parents though as I'm sure you can imagine!

I do seem to be able to hold mumbling "conversations" with her though. I say "I love you" she mumbles mmm mmm mmm! Hey I'll take that! :)

There's a dude on here who is coming to visit in few weeks and going to try some sound therapy with her. I've had a personal experience with an Australian Aborigine and a didgeridoo which calmed me down a bit for sure! So I'm looking forward to the experience.

Today we were told that Chantelle has been allowed another year in the care home.....lots of red tape and government crap you know!? So that's a victory in itself.

I tell her everyday she is safe and now at least she is for at least one more year.

Once again I want to say thank you to all of you dudes who say prayers, light candles. or even just hold a thought for us. It keeps me strong and makes life a little bit easier for me, knowing that there others out there who don't know us but are bowling for us.

Thank you all dudes.

Peace.

Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: DigitalBuddha on April 30, 2013, 07:54:23 PM
Still hanging in there for you, C dude! Continue to abide!
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: RevKHyler on May 01, 2013, 07:27:24 PM
We're here for you; that's what Dudes do for fellow Dudes. My prayers continue to go out to you and your lady.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: meekon5 on May 08, 2013, 07:42:46 AM
As always my thoughts and heart go out to you (as most other members do).
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Caesar dude on May 31, 2013, 04:29:41 AM
So here we are in this dudely community and yes it's mostly an electronic affair!

And yes I hear your sympathy and I appreciate your heartfelt words.

And I thank you. Each and every one of you.

But then there are the dudes who not only read and sympathise but reach out a hand from across the miles.

Then there is the man who drives a 500 mile round 7 hour trip to come and spend an hour with my lady and I.

A man who having driven for three hours doesn't even have a cup of tea but sits and chants and gives counsel.

In my life I have met many men. Some of them warriors, some of them priests.

Three days ago I met a warrior priest. A dudeist missionary. A man amongst men.

Thank you sir. Thank you indeed. Not just for the time you spent with me and my son and my lady but for all the time you spent on the road and your compassion and your understanding.

A wiser man than me once said something along the lines of "whatsoever you do unto the least of my people that you do unto me." Those words have always worked for me.

Thank you Dude for doing what you did. Thank you from my heart and on the behalf of Chantelle and Callum. You are a good man.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: milnie on May 31, 2013, 05:49:26 PM
The reward is truly in the deed dude. Whether its wanted or not I doff my cap to your unnamed dude and thank you both for inspiring me to be a better dude
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Havazhyol on August 27, 2013, 05:41:36 AM
Caesar dude,

I'm a newbie here. I just read the whole tread, and I'm devastated by your story, but also pleased to witness such humanity and caring you found here.
As all the dudes here, whether they wrote upon this topic or not, I send positives vibes to you, your son, and your blue eyes.

If a similar disastrous event ever occurs to me, I hope I will be 1/10 time as strong and brave as you are.

You are an example for all of us and a wonderful man.
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Easy McRider on August 29, 2013, 09:23:31 AM
I come back to this thread in hope of good news. I'll take the view that no news is as good as no bad news. Still, more good vibes your way CD...
Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Bo Abides on August 31, 2013, 05:10:49 AM
Hello Caesar Dude,

I'm new so only just recently saw this thread (this thread is a part of why I joined)  it really touched me (I cried a lot for all that you, Chantelle, her family and your son have been through) I have been in your shoes before when my ex died from a heart attack and I saved him, he suffered severe brain damage and for a long time the Drs said he would either die or be a vegetable, it wasn't easy even though we were no longer in love, I still loved him very much the marriage was over but he needed somebody to love him and be there for him...

I have no clue how things work where you are but I hope that she is getting all the therapy, speech, physical, cognitive etc. sorry it's been awhile so I can't remember all the different therapists we had parading through his room.  Sometimes there is not much you can do but to sit by helplessly, cry and bargain with gods, I did plenty of bargaining, laying on of hands prayers, he was on prayer chains all over the world. Drs thought I lost my mind because I kept telling them they were wrong he would get better. In the end we got lucky, he came out of the coma, was just partially aware for awhile and I seemed to be the only one who noticed, he wouldn't squeeze the drs hand he would squeeze mine and he wouldn't do it if other people were around, he had no pain response at all, no smiling no eye blink communication, they were ready to ship him off to long term care and end all therapy. But we got lucky again and he started to be more awake and responsive finally he was coma free but had to relearn everything - he had total amnesia - he didn't know how to swallow, when he saw himself in a mirror he looked terrified he thought somebody was spying on him, I had to try to explain how mirrors worked and that he was the man in the mirror,  he knew so few words so communication was difficult, he did lots of grunting. The first sign of his memory coming back was thanks to a friend who came in smelling of cigars and scotch, Ex took one whiff of him and said "Jackie!"  After that I started bringing in things for him to smell, roses, herbs from the yard, his deodorant, my deodorant, perfume, a bag that smelled like good weed, whatever I could think of that might jog memories and I think that helped.  I wonder if something like that would help your sweet lady Chantelle. Funny thing about the empty bag of weed - after that he became a chatter box bragging to the NAs "I know this guy who can get the kind man, just tell me how much you want, we can go get it right now man. Come on let's go!" Then he would attempt to jump out of bed, he had to have restraints once he was out of the coma he wanted to go everywhere but he was very weak and didn't know how to stand or walk. Luckily he made enough progress to go for rehab!


I'm glad you set up a camera, I was very lucky when DH was in the Stanford University Cardiac center that they allowed spouses to sleep in the room, some of the things the NAs did would really piss me off, like if I went out for a break when I came back they'd have a scary movie on in his room, so then I'd go Walter on their ass and ask them how the hell would you like it if you were in an altered state of consciousness while some douche bag was watching a loud scary movie?!?!   Fuckers! Another time I came back from a quick walk and found a NA trying to reinsert his fucking feeding tube, almost punched that fucker, need a dr and an xray to make sure it goes in right not some idiot who is supposed to keep him from painting with pooh, how the hell did he get it out anyway, fucker wasn't watching him he was watching a fucking scary movie. No offense to any NAs out there, but some of the ones assigned to Ex were idiots!

When Ex was transferred to  a traumatic Brain Injury Rehab hospital I saw so many patients with so many different levels of consciousness and brain function  some who had been given up on by drs years before and some of them made what I would consider remarkable recoveries. One dude I was told only had slight function in his brain stem the rest was gone, but I watched him as he watched his favorite baseball team on tv, Ex moved across the room and didn't realize he was blocking the dudes view, I read his eyes they looked desperate trying to see around Ex so I told Ex to move out of his way then the dude smiled really big, his mom was there, we all started crying because it was the first time he showed any sign of being there,  then the dude started crying too. Shoot thinking of that made me start crying, I often wonder how that dude is now and send him and his mom positive thoughts even though I forgot their names years ago. 

This is real hard to say and you might not want to hear it, maybe you have already been told nobody warned me about it - when she improves she may not be the person you knew, she might be but there's the possibility she may be very different.  when I brought EX back home he was so different - happy, carefree Mr Fun, slightly dangerous due to memory and perception issues for the first year. Then he reverted back to his old depressed state of being, then he got worse - he hated me for saving him, despised me for running the business, taking care of the bills. He was clumsy, he broke things accidentally and on purpose, he'd throw things at me, he became suicidal would often threaten to kill me and then himself. Sure we had troubles before his brain injury but we were still civil to each other he was a dear old friend, during his first happy year back I thought I could live with this man forever, I was so wrong, if I had stayed one or both us us would have eventually died. I lived for 7 years walking on eggshells wondering everyday if he would be alive when I came home from work or if he might be waiting to kill me... 
Now to give you an example of a brain injury really bettering a person- one of the guys in rehab with EX was always smiling, cheerful, sweet and a joy to be around, his mom and I were talking one day when she shocked me with the story of how he was injured - he was doing a driveby shooting (the guy he shot died) he took two bullets to the head, she said he was one of the scariest guys on the street and now he was sweet as a lamb. Also I knew a woman who was a total bitch then had a stroke and was a wonderful human. TBIs can cause big personality changes I was not prepared and wished that somebody had told me...

I hope that you not updating this means that there is good news, that she is making progress and you are too busy to update. Maybe you are taking a well deserved break from the situation, you deserve one! I'm sure Chantelle would agree, take care of yourself dude, take a vacation, do something for yourself, she knows you love her, she loves you too, but while she's sleeping take some time for yourself so you don't go insane like I almost did. Consider therapy, there is no shame in getting help dealing with this sort of crap! It's fine to cry, curse god, bitch about the whole damn mess, let it out, it's not fair, it sucks! do whatever you need to do to make it through - you've got my support (I know I'm just a noob but I still care!) and of course you have the support of dudes more dudely than I.

And one more thing, sorry can't stop myself , please do not take any offense - I mean this from the bottom of my heart - Do not give up yourself and love, it's been a long road, if somebody else comes along take the chance on love again.  Chantelle  loves you, I bet she would understand. If I was in her place I would be fine with DH falling in love with somebody else, people need people, they need to feel love and find happiness.  I would not want DH to go through such hell as you've been through for so long all alone, I would want him to find love, companionship, I'd still want him to visit, I'd even be fine with him bringing a girlfriend to visit.  Of course that's just my opinion, do what you need to do, do what makes you feel good about the situation. 

Sending lots of positive thoughts, prayers and ((((HUGS))))) your way!

Title: Re: Dudes in need of dudelyness...
Post by: Caesar dude on September 09, 2013, 11:01:22 PM
Bloody hell Bo...but thank you ! You certainly don't believe in brevity do yah? :) Thank you also Havazyhol much appreciated.

I haven't posted recently on this thread because to be frank there is very little to report. Chantelle remains unresponsive for the most part. I wish there was more to say but there isn't really. She mumbles occasionally when I speak to her but not so much that I can say that she is aware of me..although she does it more for me than her parents. So maybe that's something eh?

I'm still here for her and miss her more than ever. I see her every night still and talk to her and tell her about my life...all the silly things and all the boring things and all my fuck ups...she'd like that! :)

She's beautiful and I love her and I still will not give up. I read to her and play her music and tell her silly jokes and stroke her face and kiss her. Maybe it's doing some good eh?

Thank you again for your good wishes and your kind thoughts dudes.