Howdy dudes,
How do you all deal with your anger? I've noticed as I've gotten older that I have a really short temper, and that really small shit seems to bother me the most. Frankly, I hate feeling g angry all of the time, but I can never find a way with dealing with it. What do you think?
What would the Dude say? "Yeah, fuck it man. I can't be worried about that shit. Life goes on, man." You gotta choose not to be pissed. I know it's easier to say than it is to do. Just don't sweat the small stuff.
I like to try to get it out as soon as it starts to crop up and, preferably, at whoever inspired me to be angry. Get to it right away, then it's dealt with and ceases to be an issue. If I don't get right on it with the right person(s) it sits dormant within my battered psyche and comes out sideways at a later time at the wrong people.
This is actually the real best use of the Dudeist Holy Canon.
I also tended toward rage.
The trick is to perceive the shit that ticks you off as less important.
Sure! Fuck it! That's your answer! Tattoo it on your forehead! Your
answer to everything!
Quote
Yeah, man! Fuck it! I can't be worrying about that shit. Life goes on!
I deeply struggle with road rage myself...
So far I try to just relax and enjoy the ride. Music, books on tape... digging the scenery. Making sure I have plenty of time. Trying to keep things spaced far enough apart to take it easy without cramming too much into my schedule at any given time. Taking different routes keeps me interested in the scenery too.
Having stuff you can pull into your mind to handle it works good to... like BikerDude said. Not letting much time go buy before you get over it somehow is also a great practice like LotsaBadKarma said.
QuoteDude-phesians 4:26 Be ye angry, and un-Dude not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath
Anger is a legit feeling that's there for a reason. We just need to impose a scale on it that keeps us from going over the edge with what we do with it.
Mind over Matter... Don't Mind it won't Matter...
There is another slow growing "religion", similar in some ways to Dudeism, different greatly in others, called C'Thia. It's based around the Vulcan philosophy in Star Trek but applied to the real world (they don't want people wearing Spock ears or anything dumb like that).
Anyways (rambled a bit there), one of the phrases/teachings that they utilise is:
"There is no offence where none is taken."
I like that.
A lot of the time I/we get angry it's more our over reactions rather than the intent of others.
So, I've kind of added that phrase to my own Dudeist philosophy. I get/stay angry a lot less when I think of that phrase.
Anger is my biggest adversary. The tendency to Walter is strong with this one. The easy answer is to remove as many things from your life that cause anger as possible. And, yeah, that helps. It helps a lot. I mean, if you don't, you're essentially a willing participant in your own frustrations - so don't bitch about it. But most of us will be left with a lot of things we can't readily eliminate.
I'm trying to better handle those remaining frustrations. Drinking didn't work. Well, it did but only for a while. And the whirlwind of shit it reigned down was probably worse than the symptoms it temporarily alleviated. Reclusion was okay. But, at a certain point, you risk losing the good along with the bad by withdrawing from so much. Giving voice to the demons can help - whether it's yelling at the source of the frustration, venting with a friend, or even posting on the interweb. But, again, the relief is palliative, at best. And so much more remains.
The uncomfortable truth is that long-term, sustained, genuine anger probably (invariably?) signals the need to make one or more more significant (read: painful) changes in your life. Confronting that is tough. I often approach some semblance of this truth only to turn away from weakness, embarrassment, guilt, or laziness. It gets harder as I age. I suspect it does for everyone. Taking the first punch is easy. You don't know how much it's gonna hurt. After that, well, you know. And it's harder to take it, let alone ask for it.
Anger's author is fear. It's a Darwinian thing; our perceived threats initiate a fight or flight response that subconsciously starts as fear, then in microseconds turns into anger. It's the "perceived" part that is KEY. So, by some simple conditioning, we can help our brains interpret perceived threats differently. This is very effective...
- Take 5 deep breathes every hour.
- Suck on candies a couple times a day.
- Keep VERY well hydrated.
- Start meditating once a day, minimum 5 minutes. 20 is awesome. This keeps the chattering monkeys quiet, and encourages mindfulness.
All of these things affirm your subconscious that there is no immediate threat; that life is good, and you can just - like - take it easy man. Do this for a week and you'll be a different person. It was absolutely life changing for me. No more anger... A spin-off effect is that those around you will will be very grateful. Ask my special lady.
"Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering" Yoda.
There MUST be a like button that can be added to this forum...
I am new to Dudeism. I must say the "take it easy" philosophy is quite appealing. Being Dude like is quite difficult for me. I grew up a military brat, and spent the majority of my life seeing things in black and white - hence, I was quick to anger.
One principle I like to apply to any situation is Occam's Razor - "The simplest explanation is usually the truth". So I usually will dig to the root of a problem just to find out it is small shit. Walk away man!
Another truth I have found with age is that everything is small shit. So Fuck It Man!
For me I do 1 of 2 things depends on where I am and the situation. Most of the time if something or someone pisses me off I walk away, calm down and return to the situation to resolve it. Other times I go for a drive to calm down.
I can't wait for my next beer
*deleting old posts*
Recognition of the emotion, is usually the first step in anger management. Consider what is actually important enough to get angry over and like others have said, taking a step back and breathing, reduces stress levels, but repetition is the key, self control takes time.
If only the federal government could catch up and make doing a J legal, that helped solve many of my anger issues before I started working for the man and had to quit.
*deleting old posts*
To be honest dudes, I'm glad I found Dudeism.
The reason why is because I was just such a rage-filled miserable fucker all the time.
The reason why that was is that I served for 6 years in the Army as Military Police. I spent a year in Iraq. 7 of those months at a checkpoint where terrible shit could and would sometimes happen. The balance was spent dealing with detainees.
I came back to the states ready to start a family with my wife and get a decent job and buy into the American Dream.
I never gave myself a chance to reset from that hellhole and just hit the ground running.
Within that year, we had two miscarriages, the awesome biotech job that I had moved to Germany and I found out that my eldest son (who has lived with me since he was 2) is mildly autistic.
Meanwhile, I'm dealing with all of this by drinking all of the Smirnoff.
So...one of my buddies gets me a job as an armed guard, nice hourly rate. I proceed to drink myself out of that job.
BTW, I didn't mention that we have an infant daughter and our youngest son on the way.
Luckily after a couple of months I found another armed guard job. I lost that one too.
So, to fast forward to the present (8 years later) I had reached a turning point. I've lost jobs, been to jail (DUI), almost lost my family, been homeless, etc. and still blamed everyone else. After reading The Dude Manifesto and farting around the site I realized why I was being such an unDudely asshole; such an angry, inflamed, puckered, bleeding asshole:
I bought into the bullshit.
I allowed material things and economic success to define me.
So yeah, I'm a recent convert but this shit has been pretty eye-opening. My Anger comes directly from Fear; and as we learned in the most excellent film 'Dune' - fear is the mind killer.
So basically, yeah I have goals but I dealt with the here and now today not by getting angry but by playing Chutes and Ladders with the Little Dudes.
You can't change the past. So why live there and get angry about your mistakes and fuck up your present mang?
Sorry for the long post. Where's the bar?
MjCody,
Thank you for your service! Glad that Dudeism is helping you out, Man! Quite a few others, Myself included, came to embrace Dudeism under circumstances similar to yours. As the Dude says "Fuck it, Man. Life goes on" It's never too late to turn things around so welcome to the forums and the bars over there!
Nice!
How comical and bliss life would be if we could look at stupidity for what it is, but that can edge one toward narcissism. To buggery with !@#$%'ery.. Devour it with a smile and become a strong minded dude <3
After an episode of letting anger get the better of me, I tend to find myself in a state of self pity once reflecting on my actions. This could hinder my capability of learning from the situation and therefore the same mistake will repeat itself until I find the hidden gem of wisdom that works for me next time.
n relation to your question, I'm a big fan of the 'its less important' approach, contingent the amount of bullshit you are exposed to. Put on a pair of sunnies Dude, and try not to laugh too hard at the foolish behavior causing you to get peeved-off. Nobody attacks the guy with the cool shades on.
Fuck it, life goes on man, can't be worried about that shit!
Anger is a strange thing. Sometimes I manage to get rid of it by turning my mind to bare facts and throwing away any opinions. And sometimes I feel like somebody who took some pills and cannot react properly, even though I use no such things. I know I am behaving like an idiot and I cannot help it.
If you are short temper person then try to control your anger by yourself. Read books or watch comedy movies, it will calm your mind. Think positive, because anger affects your health as well as relations with your family members. Mac Coupon Code (http://mac%20coupon%20code)
Anger is a big problem in my life. I've gotten better at recognizing what brings it out but so far the effect of realisation has been minimal.
With me anger is largely ego based. If I feel as though I'm being treated as lesser or lighter than I am my back gets up and the fangs are bared. One of the things that appeals to me about The Dude is his almost complete lack of active ego.
As I read and hear more I hope to achieve that degree of ego suppression.
I'm happy to know others here have the same struggle because I was hesitant to become ordained because of my unDudely tendency to anger.