I like to think of myself as being dudely but the reality is that most of the time I'm uptight, selfish and un-loving.
My mum had a stroke two years ago and she is now disabled and can barely speak.
I fly to England to visit her every two months but find I get frustrated, impatient and am generally not that caring or loving.
I particularly hate it when I'm eating dinner and she prods a wrinkly finger in my food and says "what that?"
Any suggestions would be really appreciated. I'm hurting myself and my mum by being so undude but my uptightness has really got a hold of me.
A time of meditation on what is really your feelings deep down inside. Self awareness and honesty is important. Killing would be VERY undude.
I hear you Boston. It's so hard to see your folks so helpless. I dealt with both my mom and my dad in similar conditions. Do you have to come home every two months? Might be easier if you came less often. Do you have other siblings? Who is taking care of her? Is your father still around?
I found it helped to have other people around, sort of takes the pressure off of you to be so attentive and focused on the heaviness of it all. Maybe you can invite people over and get hammered with her on some plonk (she couldn't drink it of course).
Thanks for the replies dudes. Looks like the 'mercy killing' is off for now. My bro' lives near Mum and she drives him nuts so I visit regularly to take a bit of pressure off him. She has carers who visit four times a day. Yeah - you're totally right, I need to programme in some shit for me so I can re-charge. My special lady says I should get a shiatsu (which I believe is a type of small dog).
Sorry, still pretty new here and realize this is an old thread dude.
Went through this a bit with my family as well. Frustrating and stressful. I got feeling shitty like I just lost some money, but then I thought about what a helpless little baby I once was. Those two made a lot of sacrifices and all the times they put up with my shit (sometimes literally) and never smacked me upside the head. The circle of the human comedy keeps perpetuating itself...
Quote from: Boston Rockbury on September 21, 2012, 03:31:06 AM
I like to think of myself as being dudely but the reality is that most of the time I'm uptight, selfish and un-loving.
My mum had a stroke two years ago and she is now disabled and can barely speak.
I fly to England to visit her every two months but find I get frustrated, impatient and am generally not that caring or loving.
I particularly hate it when I'm eating dinner and she prods a wrinkly finger in my food and says "what that?"
Any suggestions would be really appreciated. I'm hurting myself and my mum by being so undude but my uptightness has really got a hold of me.
What do the voices in your head say on the subject?
Quote from: Boston Rockbury on September 21, 2012, 06:49:15 AM
Yeah - you're totally right, I need to programme in some shit for me so I can re-charge.
Ya know that safety briefing they give you before the airliner takes off? They say that in the event of cabin pressure loss, you put your own mask on before helping children and other incompetents because you're no help to anyone if you're unconscious. That's an important life lesson right there.
Another important one came by way of Dirty Harry: A man's got to know his limitations.
If you're not causing harm by the expression of it, there's no shame in being human. Do what you can, man, and let the rest go because the world ain't gonna be saved anyway and certainly not by humans.
I feel you Boston. While you are working on being compassionate and forgiving of your mother, remember to do the same for yourself. As a caretaker its important to recharge and take care of the ole Duder.