Hey guys. Sorry that I almost pop out of nothing, but I'm having a rough time and I need some dudely vibes to overcome all of this.
My girlfriend just left me a few days ago, a bit more than a week. I'm not going to say that everything was her fault (of mine), I think we both had part of it, but... I truly loved her and I was always open for fixing things between us. We had this... promise that, if we had some problem we were going to talk about it and find a solution, and I kept my promise. But she didn't, she never told me that something about me troubled her and then told me when it was too late. And fell in love with someone else.
She actually lives in another country, but we loved each other so much that she was willing to come here to live with me. I miss her a lot, we had so much in common that I can't do or watch or think of anything without thinking about her. I have gifts that she gave to me all around my home. But also a part of me thinks that we may be better like this, because all that stuff about leaving all behind and traveling to another country gave us both too much problems, specially for her. And if I had the chance to be with her again, after this, I don't think I would take it. She already broke my heart once.
But I also miss the good times, the happy memories I have with her before all this shit happened. Part of me wants to hold onto that memories and take whatever she still has to offer to me; her friendship or whatever, maybe try to get her back with me. The other part of me, though, wants to just vanish from her life, cut all the possible means of communication with her and slowly get over it. I don't know what to do :-[
Quote from: GamerDude on February 20, 2012, 12:38:38 AM
Hey guys. Sorry that I almost pop out of nothing, but I'm having a rough time and I need some dudely vibes to overcome all of this.
My girlfriend just left me a few days ago, a bit more than a week. I'm not going to say that everything was her fault (of mine), I think we both had part of it, but... I truly loved her and I was always open for fixing things between us. We had this... promise that, if we had some problem we were going to talk about it and find a solution, and I kept my promise. But she didn't, she never told me that something about me troubled her and then told me when it was too late. And fell in love with someone else.
She actually lives in another country, but we loved each other so much that she was willing to come here to live with me. I miss her a lot, we had so much in common that I can't do or watch or think of anything without thinking about her. I have gifts that she gave to me all around my home. But also a part of me thinks that we may be better like this, because all that stuff about leaving all behind and traveling to another country gave us both too much problems, specially for her. And if I had the chance to be with her again, after this, I don't think I would take it. She already broke my heart once.
But I also miss the good times, the happy memories I have with her before all this shit happened. Part of me wants to hold onto that memories and take whatever she still has to offer to me; her friendship or whatever, maybe try to get her back with me. The other part of me, though, wants to just vanish from her life, cut all the possible means of communication with her and slowly get over it. I don't know what to do :-[
That's a rough one man. No offense meant but you sound young, so let me try to offer some of my experiences in these matters. It's supposed to hurt man- you cared for someone and that hurt means it meant something. That's cool and very Dudelike. That said, it sounds like a real mess to begin with being you were so far apart, and some things just won't work. I understand about having materialistic memories around your place, that's hard man, but you gotta put that stuff away(doesn't mean throw it out), have a caucasian, and get on with your life. You said she's already moved on, well don't waste time on someone who won't waste time on you man. Things will get better with time, and you'll find the right lady friend for you man who will be your better half.
Take 'er easy Dude, I know that you will!
Thanks a lot for your answer =) I'm 22, this was actually my first relationship. We were together for two years. It's strange and difficult because she still wants to talk with me, but as a friend or something. And it hurts because I still like to talk with her about all those interests we shared, even though she loves someone else now. It hurts if I talk with her and it hurts if I don't.
But you're right, it wasn't a good idea after all because of the distance, but two years ago we thought that we could do anything we wanted if we loved each other enough. I guess I'll just try to take it easy, go with the flow and see what happens without trying to push any result. I can't worry about something I can't control.
No problemo man. Just hang in there man it will get easier with time. Being friends with someone you care for romantically but can't be with is torture and from my experience I don't think it is possible. No matter what the intentions, eventually hurt will be inevitable. Someday another lady friend will come your way and say "love me". Life's filled with strikes and gutters, it's up to you on how you handle em man. Put on some Creedence, have a caucasian and think about tomorrow being a new day.
Well man, I'd really like to try and help you with this but I'm reeling over the same situation myself. Well, kind of, except she lived about 800 miles east of my private residence in Chicago. Moved out there for school a couple years back, dumped me before I even got there. I fell into a deep suicidal depression which developed into a deep, deep hatred for her and pretty much people as a whole. She's one of the reasons I started looking into Dudeism. I have enough anger and rage in me to fill ten men... This isn't good for my health, physically and mentally. I just need to keep it in check or else I become an unhealthy combination of the Sheriff of Malibu, Walter, and the Nihilists. So I'm probably not gonna be any help, man. Sorry dude.
Yeah same here. I started with Dudeism before she left me but it was partially because of all the problems I was having with my relationship with her, the stuff about the distance and the traveling and having to move with her after seeing her a month per year for two years. I'm trying to get over it but she insists on talking with me and that makes it harder. I guess I still love her even if I know that our relationship wasn't going to work. Even if you can't help is kinda good to know that you're not alone with this kind of stuff. So I hope you can make it through all that shit, too.
Quote from: GamerDude on February 24, 2012, 12:07:28 AM
Yeah same here. I started with Dudeism before she left me but it was partially because of all the problems I was having with my relationship with her, the stuff about the distance and the traveling and having to move with her after seeing her a month per year for two years. I'm trying to get over it but she insists on talking with me and that makes it harder. I guess I still love her even if I know that our relationship wasn't going to work. Even if you can't help is kinda good to know that you're not alone with this kind of stuff. So I hope you can make it through all that shit, too.
You need space and time to heal. Break off all contact for right now and then see how you feel after you get over it. Ignore every call, every text, every email. You have no obligation to talk to her consistently now that you two aren't dating. I've only recently done that, except every time she calls I go into a blind rage and start breaking shit. And I do know how you feel, and that kind of distance only makes things hard when you love each other.