of course i know all of the arguments for and against... and how he needs to make his own mistakes, etc... but dammit, that's my baby boy, and blah blah blah blah, he's too young! >:(
Face it no woman will be good enough for your little boy.
It's a Freudian thing ;D
Quote from: meekon5 on July 20, 2011, 11:16:13 AM
Face it no woman will be good enough for your little boy.
It's a Freudian thing ;D
it doesn't even need to be a freud thing-- you are absolutely correct... but it would probably help if she were more likable :P
How old is your son?
I got married at 20....and I so wish I could say it was a great idea but it really wasn't....tried at it for ten years though....
You can only be there for your little dude and help him when it all goes tits up cos if he's pussy struck then there is no hope!
Good luck Busmum...we're all here for you when you need to vent.
Peace and love.
Will you be performing the ceremony? ;D
Quote from: Caesar dude on July 20, 2011, 03:02:09 PM
How old is your son?
I got married at 20....and I so wish I could say it was a great idea but it really wasn't....tried at it for ten years though....
You can only be there for your little dude and help him when it all goes tits up cos if he's pussy struck then there is no hope!
Good luck Busmum...we're all here for you when you need to vent.
Peace and love.
thanks c-dude... he's 21, and more than a little pussy-glamoured, i suspect :P his dad and i did pretty much the same thing, and it surely ended about as ugly as it gets for "first loves"... which is why, i suppose, i'm having such a negative reaction.
whatever happened to just shacking up with that special someone? did the 60's and 70's teach us nothing? :o
Quote from: Dirty Hippie on July 20, 2011, 06:15:43 PM
Will you be performing the ceremony? ;D
hahahaha-- we asked, and were handed our hat quite nicely by the (dreaded) new DIL. we are bandying about the idea of turning up in full dudiest regalia, however :D
I'm currently a 25 year old "shacked up" with my 29 year old special gentleman. But we're planning on getting married. As someone who's closer to that age range, I still have to agree with you. I had no idea what I wanted when I was 21.
I suggest to everyone who wants to get married to live together for at least a couple of years. Me and mine have lived together for three years and we've grown accustomed to the different quirks we each have.
My mother didn't approve of my brother's marriage (he got married when he was 19), called it "playing house". Of course, now they have a kid and are overall bums, which I could care less about except there's a baby in all that.
Hopefully your kid is smarter than all that, and that somehow you all find peace with each other. Best of luck, Dude.
My mum married at 17, divorced 21 years later.
I married at 23, separated at 24, divorced at 29.
You cant tell a child the fire is hot, the child has to burn themselves to understand properly. Just hope they don't get burnt too badly.
Quote from: meekon5 on July 22, 2011, 05:52:58 AM
My mum married at 17, divorced 21 years later.
I married at 23, separated at 24, divorced at 29.
You cant tell a child the fire is hot, the child has to burn themselves to understand properly. Just hope they don't get burnt too badly.
sigh... i know meeks. i do hope all the best for them, bless their little hearts... i remember how incredibly idealistic i was at that age, and how i thought i could make everything work out because i was in looooove!
i'll have to reserve the mother bar's perogative to snatch his ass away from the fire by the scruff of the neck, if he looks like he's taking a high dive 8)
Quote from: A.B. Dude on July 22, 2011, 03:50:05 AM
I'm currently a 25 year old "shacked up" with my 29 year old special gentleman. But we're planning on getting married. As someone who's closer to that age range, I still have to agree with you. I had no idea what I wanted when I was 21.
I suggest to everyone who wants to get married to live together for at least a couple of years. Me and mine have lived together for three years and we've grown accustomed to the different quirks we each have.
My mother didn't approve of my brother's marriage (he got married when he was 19), called it "playing house". Of course, now they have a kid and are overall bums, which I could care less about except there's a baby in all that.
Hopefully your kid is smarter than all that, and that somehow you all find peace with each other. Best of luck, Dude.
thankee AB... the boy-child is very smart... but does lack a certain pragmatic grip on common sense :D
they have co-habitated, but for a short time only, in my mind (a year or so)... i fear they will introduce a kid into the mix too, and while i know my baby would be an excellent care-giver... i just wish he would take a little more time to figure out what his life holds for him; your point about the person you were at 21 is well stated , indeed.
Quote from: Busmum on July 22, 2011, 09:15:24 AM
... the boy-child is very smart... but does lack a certain pragmatic grip on common sense :D...
I work with a lot of people like that here, they may have three PhD's in micro scrotum biology (or what ever) but I would trust few of them to run their own baths, and most wear slip on shoes (due to the lace-hand-eye interface problem).
We don't really become Self-aware till we're in our 50s.
That is when the testosterone haze we men have been existing in since age 13 begins to wane. That is if you're lucky!
Of course...by then it's way too late to do much of anything about all the frickin' screw-ups we committed on our life and the life of others.
Elmer Fudd had it right when he said..."We are Not Rational Creatures...we are Rationalizing Creatures!"
We rationalize everything to justify our desires. 8)
Hi Busmum,
I know that what you are feeling is normal. Heck, my mother said that about my brother Rick, her oldest son. I could only imagine if the youngest boy had married. Mom's are always hesitant to have their sons marry. I heard this phrase once. A son is a son until he takes a wife, a daughter is a daughter for the rest of her life. You never know, this might be a good thing. I think maybe you are thinking how much you are going to miss your son but then I'm not a parent. However, I will say this, my brother ended up being an excellent husband to his first wife and it was all due to how he was raised. My father left us so he learned what not to do. Diana, my brother's first wife ended up getting so sick and she passed away. But she had been fed with tubes for the last ten years of her life and also had a catheter and an ostomy bag. She suggested he divorce her but he wouldn't. He loved her. I don't think that my mother would have liked anyone my brother's married only cause they take her place. But I would encourage you to do one thing. Spend some time with your future DIL and make friends with her. My mother didn't like my brother Lenny's wife and it caused alot of hurt to Janet and Lenny would never have her visit with him which hurt my mother but then my mother was difficult. She was difficult even for her daughters. But if you have a hard time accepting your DIL, your son probably will not see you alot because that's his wife. When I dislike people, I try to get past it by spending time with them and getting to know them. It causes me to get beyond my dislike. Usually for me, it's because of jealousy. So, I try to get past it. I hope this helps you out. Granted, I'm not a mom but I observed alot of things with my mother. My mother has since passed away and she never really got past her difficulty with Janet. My brother Rick remarried and my mother had met his next wife after Diana passed. She loved Antonella and I think she was at the wedding in spirit.
I hope this helps.
Heidi
Hey Busmum,
It's life man. How would the Dude handle this space. Don't sweat it and the whole thing may surprise you. I married at 23 and 26 years later we have twin 22 yr old Dudes and a beautiful 18 yr old Dudette. Wow what a rush but I wouid do it all over again. Sit back have a beverage and chill man. It's all good.
Cheers,
Ozdude
Quote from: Ozdude on July 29, 2011, 09:07:14 PM
Hey Busmum,
It's life man. How would the Dude handle this space. Don't sweat it and the whole thing may surprise you. I married at 23 and 26 years later we have twin 22 yr old Dudes and a beautiful 18 yr old Dudette. Wow what a rush but I wouid do it all over again. Sit back have a beverage and chill man. It's all good.
Cheers,
Ozdude
Hey Ozdude!
Nice dude. Welcome to our nice quiet beach community dude.
Any rug in the place dude. 8)
Ya gotta take'r easy and step back a bit. Hell, my son got married a few weeks ago and never even TOLD me. I'm over it - it's his life, not mine. I care for him, sure - but smothering only makes it worse. When your son figures out he was just a kid walking into the middle of a movie, maybe he'll wake the fuck up and take the lesson for what it was.
I feel for you Buzzy.
you are all true dudes and sages! i'm sorry i didn't have time to respond in the days leading up to the big event, but i do appreciate what you all posted-- helped me keep my hat on. ;)
here's a mini-slide show of the glorius event:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPxe-ejRpQU&feature=player_profilepage
unfortunately, cakes and i were behind the camera most of the time... :P
Looks as if it was a good time...and on your birthday too. ;D
Here's wish comfort and joy to all. 8)
it was a good time cc... not only did i get to hang with my older kids, but it was a bit of a flashback to my youth, hanging with the dudes from 25 years ago.
funny-- they are all telling the same stories! ::)
i, of course, was delightful and lovely!
hee hee!
Busmum I'm new here and may not be the best to comment on such a personally felt matter.
But, I will keep your family in my thoughts.
You are in my heart as well, being a mother and a recent divorcee.
I know what your dread is.
BACKGROUND INFO: not happy new but real. I met my ex when I was 14 and he was 23. I married him when I was legal age, IE: 18, and divorced him at 47. He just remarried this past week. Only 4 months after the divorce. When I grew up I realized even tho I loved him, felt he was my soulmate, we JUST were not compatible. He finished raising me and did that poorly. There are two (now adult) children from this union.
No one wishes this on their children so, on a positive note, plan their 'growing up'. Help guide them on the way to knowledge as they mature together. Hopefully when the bride and groom fully grow up they will still be in the same 'love' place they are today.
This is what I will foresee for them.
peace
Hi Busmum....Just joining in here. My baby boy got married at 21 (literally got off his flight from his 2nd Iraq deployment, grabbed his girlfriend & headed to the beach & a Justice of the Peace). I really wanted him to wait til he was older, etc but the ONE thing I learned from my previous marriages was that no matter what, the best way to stay in his life was to be the cool mother in law. I'm the Dude of Mothers-in-Law & that has made everyone's lives so much better. The son & beloved bride could have named their kids Shecky, shaved their heads & raised them as Nihilists & I would smile & say "Right on"...because I know that raising any objection would send them running in the opposite direction.
On the upside - they have been married so far for almost 4 years, survived 3 more deployments & given me 2 perfect grandkids. And each one has said to me at different times "Thank you for not telling us what to do & just loving us".
(For the record, I still can't believe they made me a grandmother at 46 yrs old but I forgive them for that :))