how do I tell someone NO to their wedding plans?

[Rev Dave Man]

I have a very good friend who asked me to officiate her wedding. The problem is that the guy she wants to marry is quite frankly, TOXIC.  They are in constant turmoil, fighting all the time, and the overindulgence and excesses in their uses of various drug regimens is not only unhealthy, it's more than likely going to lead to really bad times. The guy treats her like total shit and the last thing I want to do is marry them and make her feel like now she has to abide with the whole "till death do us part" thing when in reality, she should have parted with this guy a long time ago.  But at the same time, I definitely DO NOT want to hurt her feelings or have her angry with me.  She knows how everyone feels about her being with this guy and the reasons why have been spelled out very clearly.  But we all know at least one person who feels the need to stay with someone even though there's really no clear reason why they would.  Any thoughts on how i tell her NO?

[Masked Dude]

The way I see it you two basic options: Truth and Lie.

On the Truth side, you have:
Tell her how you feel about this guy. You can be as tactful or tactless as you can and want, ranging from "I just can't see you two really being good for each other" to "He's shit." Now, from what you are saying, the latter isn't really an option.

On the Lie side, you have:
"Well, you see, I'd have to look into the legalities and the ins and outs and probably get a letter of good standing. I wouldn't want to mess anything up, like did you know in Vegas you gotta take a class before officiating weddings?"

To be honest, if you don't do it, you're going to hurt her feelings. Me personally? I'd just flat out say I'm not comfortable with them being together. I'd suggest not saying, "You shouldn't be with him," but more like they as a couple may not be good (mention the drugs) or that she could do better. Someone once told me you can have one spouse with a substance abuse problem, but two with is big trouble.

[BikerDude]

Several factors come into play here.

1.Will there be an open bar?
2. Is the wedding on Shabbas? I've told those fucks down at the league office...

Fuck it Dude.
It's not your cross to bear. If they want to tie the knot who is to say any different.
Abide.
What are you a park ranger?