Performing 1st wedding - advice

[dude_jenks]

Well, at the subject says, I'm performing my first ceremony.  Any advice?

[Lillylilla]

By reading this entire content. I feel it is very useful.

[Masked Dude]

I've done a wedding and am being asked to do another one soon. Here's a rambling, and I'll try to organize my thoughts.

1. Check all your local laws. For instance, in my state of North Carolina, I'm legally allowed to perform weddings and sign the form. Anyone ordained through the ULC, however, is not. It is my duty to bring the signed marriage license to the county's register of deeds within 10 days or I get fined. I know that because I researched it and asked. You need to start right now to ensure you do everything legally and correctly. If you need help, I can try to help out. I'm not a lawyer, but I can help out.

2. Ask the couple what they're expecting. I had a couple days to prepare, but I already knew the bride and her mother. I knew they aren't very religious, but they aren't atheists, either. I didn't have time to meet with the groom, so I didn't know how religious he is. So I wrote the ceremony so that it's not religious, but would still fit with religions. If you have time, ask them flat out what they want. Do they want a certain religious feel? No religion? Certain words and phrases omitted (I used "husband and wife," not "man and wife"), and so on.

2a. What will you wear? I already had a minister's shirt, so I wore that. Is it formal? Is it casual? Where will it be held? Will you wear a formal shirt, a polo shirt, an AC/DC shirt?  This may seem frivolous, but it matters. It's their day, not yours.

3. Practice saying your part. As I said, I had no time to prepare. You're going to be nervous. I'd suggest you abstain from alcohol and recreational drugs. If you think a beer won't hurt, you're probably right. But a six-pack and a J won't help you perform the ceremony.

I've got a million thoughts, but those cover the important bases, I think. Maybe I should write a book.

[BikerDude]

I can't fix my typo(s), but you get the gist.

Yeah man what's up with that?
You can't edit posts any more.

As far as marriages....
I'm married and not so sure I believe in the institution any more.
But it beats divorce.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mRCRlx8FwZ4

[EsmagaSapos]

It is only after be accused of being envious that you pivot and claim to not be mad at the guy.
Should I say every emotions while I'm writing? I didn't came here to be a poet man.
Although you used him as an example.
And specifically called him an asshole and said that he was acting like a 12 year old.
Once those view become baggage then you pivot.
It's intellectual fencing.
I used 'us', the only reason I call him an asshole and even mention this is because I like the guy, his my friend. I just don't like when people take the mask thinking no one will notice, that precious time is long gone.
If he has a nicer car than I do and he flaunts it I hate him because he has a nicer car than me and he flaunts it.
It's a natural and honest reaction.
Fuck that asshole.
You are saying we should embrace capitalistic thinking because is our nature?
To cover that up with some equivocating could be called "Christian Guilt". And even if you aren't a christian it's likely to be a part of your mentality.
Yeah sure, I'm a product of my environment, but I know that environment is a creation, is not a reality.
We have built an entire mentality where people are supposed to feel guilty about what comes naturally.
That depends on what you believe is natural. For me natural is spontaneous, goes beyond words and symbols, ideas.
The guy breezes by in a nice car acting like a big shot and you hate him for it.
That's good. It's natural.
Humm, nop, I don't hate him for it, I might petty him, which I know is also a way of superiority, I don't bother, but I know you don't agree. What if I have a considered better, more expensive, faster or whatever car already?
Win instead of simply clinging to the million excuses that we are furnished with to make losing more palatable.
We don't have the same goal, I presume, my winning might be different. Do you know how hard I've tried to look as simpler as a mother fucker can be? Then I realize that instead of trying I should just be.
No one can hold back that tide. And why try?
Might be true, might...

I'm not trying to argue, even so, I believe if you don't argue you don't know your own perspective.

You have to know black to know white.

I just don't like to have the need to say my peace so someone else think I'm not foolish or worthless.

We write because we dough, we want to prove to ourself's and other's we have value.

[RevRiver]

It is only after be accused of being envious that you pivot and claim to not be mad at the guy.
Should I say every emotions while I'm writing? I didn't came here to be a poet man.
Although you used him as an example.
And specifically called him an asshole and said that he was acting like a 12 year old.
Once those view become baggage then you pivot.
It's intellectual fencing.
I used 'us', the only reason I call him an asshole and even mention this is because I like the guy, his my friend. I just don't like when people take the mask thinking no one will notice, that precious time is long gone.
If he has a nicer car than I do and he flaunts it I hate him because he has a nicer car than me and he flaunts it.
It's a natural and honest reaction.
Fuck that asshole.
You are saying we should embrace capitalistic thinking because is our nature?
To cover that up with some equivocating could be called "Christian Guilt". And even if you aren't a christian it's likely to be a part of your mentality.
Yeah sure, I'm a product of my environment, but I know that environment is a creation, is not a reality.
We have built an entire mentality where people are supposed to feel guilty about what comes naturally.
That depends on what you believe is natural. For me natural is spontaneous, goes beyond words and symbols, ideas.
The guy breezes by in a nice car acting like a big shot and you hate him for it.
That's good. It's natural.
Humm, nop, I don't hate him for it, I might petty him, which I know is also a way of superiority, I don't bother, but I know you don't agree. What if I have a considered better, more expensive, faster or whatever car already?
Win instead of simply clinging to the million excuses that we are furnished with to make losing more palatable.
We don't have the same goal, I presume, my winning might be different. Do you know how hard I've tried to look as simpler as a mother fucker can be? Then I realize that instead of trying I should just be.
No one can hold back that tide. And why try?
Might be true, might...

I'm not trying to argue, even so, I believe if you don't argue you don't know your own perspective.

You have to know black to know white.

I just don't like to have the need to say my peace so someone else think I'm not foolish or worthless.

We write because we dough, we want to prove to ourself's and other's we have value.

Am I having an acid flashback, or did this discussion start in Zen Dudeism and end up on 1st wedding?

[Masked Dude]

As far as marriages....
I'm married and not so sure I believe in the institution any more.

I'm the same. Never married, don't want to get married ever, but I love that some find comfort in it. It's a great thing if you love it, but I don't think it's for me.

[Masked Dude]

(stuff was here)

Am I having an acid flashback, or did this discussion start in Zen Dudeism and end up on 1st wedding?

Yeah, somehow he missed the right thread!

[Redux]

Following this as well.  Sorry for bumping multiple 1st time threads fellow Dudeists, just trying to gets some perspective for the upcoming nuptials.  Don't want to come off as a fucking Nihilist or something.