Staying dude while quitting

[thevideoartist]

So I've been working this shitty job for years and dudeism finally inspired me to quit.  Saying fuck it was great and since then I've actually been able to find a better paying job with better co-workers, better hours, better pay, I get more time with my little lebowski now and my special lady and I couldn't be happier about that man and I've learned that takin er easy not only can lead to some good things but when it doesn't, can't be worried about that shit... Life goes on man.

But here's my point dudes...

I used to do a jay every day to help treat some pretty crippling anxiety and depression... Not a ton just a modest amount and only for about 9 months or so so I'm hardly a burnout.  Booze helped keep me chill sometimes too but I mostly owed it to the herb.  I thought the depression was just the stress talking but then, since my life is looking a lot better, I decided to quit for a bit.  Since then I've been really struggling to find my center, being dude is really difficult without Mary Jane.  The worst part is that there's no reason... There's no FUCKING reason why I should feel down in the dumps.  I can't complain man... and yet I do.  And I snap at people again, and I get overwhelmed and get tangled up in all the strands in my head, ones that I know are bullshit and should go by the wayside.

Anyone else dealt with this?  I had taken prescribed anti-depressants in the past but they fucked up my life and made me a lot worse (plus I thought they were just treating me temporarily because one of my parents had just died... Didn't realize they were trying to keep that prescription going throughout pretty much the rest of my life with no previous evidence of chemical necessity), weed kept me sane without destroying my will to live like Celexa did.  I don't really trust pharma since they seem to be more in the business of keeping people sick especially with mental health and when I quit, there were no side effects to getting off their shit... In fact I felt better than when I was on it.  However, I've been off the green bud a month now and still all I want to do is just burn one and not feel so crazy anymore... Or at the very least let it remind me that some things just don't matter.  I tried just drinking a little but now it makes me worse as opposed to when I'd have a caucasian with weed also in my system... Which makes sense from a scientific standpoint.

Any ideas on staying dude while staying sober?  If not I may just have to get a modestly priced amount and resume self-medicating the natural way.

[SagebrushSage]

*deleting old posts*