Markin' it zero, but no new frames

[Father Bubba]

Alright, so here's my struggle.

I'm in school still, which I think is a struggle in and of itself. But that's not the main thing here. The real struggle is the ass hats I put up with at said school. This semester started with promise. I'm behind some credits, so im doing my best to pass. I'm taking an after school coarse that should give me one credit, and im in co-op (a class where you work to make up credit) for some other credits. I was gonna keep my head up and my goals high, and pass this semester with flying colors to graduate this year and finally be able to take 'er easy.

Then, everything said "nah" and took a 180 spin. My biggest goals now are to make it through the day. My grades are slipping, I don't even have a job for co-op class, and the people; OH THE PEOPLE! My first period is filled with 'fuckbois', to use the parlance of our times. Guys that just look to get laid, and really have no other defining characteristics other than being a douche. Second period is Math, which I've struggled with since the damn near dawn of time. Third isn't bad, that's English, which I've always rocked at. Fourth, oh Fourth, that's where it gets bad. It's marketing.

"Marketing, what's so bad about marketing? You get to play FANTASY FOOTBALL in there, Dude!" Ok, so we do. But several problems here. One, I don't know jack shit about football. Two, half of the class (and the half that I sit with) are homophobic. But not the "Oh, I don't believe it, the bible says its wrong" homophobes. The "I don't support homosexuality because gays are gross" kind. The "All gays should be rounded up and nuked" kind of homophobes. This aggression will not stand, man.

I've had a hard time abiding lately, mostly because of this. Chest pains have been getting worse and worse, and I suspect its because of stress. I've gotten back into drawing, and that seems to be helping. I found my old art portfolio with some of my art still in it, and I found several sketch books with old doodles. I watched TBL recently too, which is like being a cat getting pet to me. It always mellows me back out, in the worst of times. I just am having a hard time abiding right now, and I just wanted to know if you dudes had any input. Sorry for making this a fucking essay, I wanted to keep it as short as could be, but it all really takes explaining.

[jgiffin]

Yeah. That's a rough patch, man. You have a worthy goal, though. Gotta just keep your head down, stay focused, and push through it. No other way. Nobody said shit was easy. Or fair. Or fun. Well, some people have said that...but they're fucking liars or Elks Club members or similar nonsense. Do as much as you can for as long as you can, then take a break. When you're not quite ready to start again, make yourself anyway.

Good luck, man. You'll get it figured worked out. Maybe not the way you had planned. But sometimes the point isn't the issue.

[BikerDude]

I'd suggest that you try not to focus on the negatives so much.
It's an easy trap to fall into.
The answer is, as you know, to Abide.
The world will never have a shortage of paraquat and nihilists.
It's best to side step them however you can.
Think of them as characters in your own movie.
All of life is a comedy.
Try to laugh at it when it helps.

Always stay in your own movie. -Ken Kesey

"Always stay in your own movie," a statement uttered by the late Ken Kesey, is one of my favorites. Like all good nuggets of wisdom, it's a gift that keeps on giving: it's continuously instructive; it can be applied to any number of situations; and it speaks to many aspects of our personhood.

What does it mean to you?

To me, it means a lot. It reminds me that I, and I alone, am responsible for my actions. It's empowering: it reminds me that I choose my actions, whether I'm aware of it or not. It's scary: it reminds me that I am the captain of my own ship, so to speak, and am ultimately the only person in charge of my life's direction. If I'm not satisfied with something, the onus is on me, and no one else, to change it.

Most of all, perhaps, it reminds me to be mindful of the degree to which I am ensnared by other people's actions and opinions.

I recently posted a Carl Jung quote on Facebook that said, "Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to a deeper understanding of ourselves." I've worked and spoken with quite a few people whose chief complaints include "other people" being annoying, ungrateful, shallow, self-centered, etc. You probably see it, too. There are memes all over the Internet, humorous enough, which echo the sentiment, "Other People Are The Worst."

LOL.

I agree that other people can be very annoying (haha), for a million different reasons. But I think such annoyances are also, as Mr. Jung implied, an important opportunity to turn one's focus back on oneself, and get curious about the annoyance. (This isn't always necessary, of course, because annoyance is usually just a fleeting experience. But if it's persistent, or if it compounds into frustration and anger and preoccupation, well, that's a lot of energy to be giving to something.) Get specific with yourself: "What is it exactly that is frustrating about this, as opposed to something I can just ignore or leave alone? Why is it exactly that I'm having a hard time just letting it be?"

I've posed these (and similar) questions to my clients, my acquaintances, and myself, and the responses have invariably opened up new and interesting avenues of discussion. A common theme among the responses, however, has been a heightened sense of Justice, i.e., what is Fair and Unfair.

"It isn't fair..."
"I can't believe..."
"Why would she say that..."
"How could he do that..."
"What was I supposed to do..?"
"People always take advantage of me..."
"People are so ungrateful..."

Et cetera.

Okay, folks, it's "tough love" time. I may lose some readers over this, but that's okay. I'm going to say this, because it's not anything I haven't had said to me -- and because it's true:

Most of the time, no one can do anything to you, or make you feel anything, without your permission. Most of the time, you are a willing participant in the experiences of your life.

For some people, those words will feel empowering. For others, those words will feel like an attack.

Listen, I am not discounting the fact that horrible things can and do happen to us. They do. What I AM saying, though, is that many of us become all-too-easily attached to the Victim Mentality. The Victim Mentality represents a kind of fatalism, because at its core are the assumptions, "my life is hard; people always treat me badly; bad things always happen to me; I never got the opportunity to do what I wanted to do; there is no way I can now live my life the way I want to..." Again, 'et cetera.'

The Victim Mentality is a thief. It steals your ability to perceive your own power.

Victim Mentality statements are nothing more than a systematic giving away of power. I'm here to assert there is always a choice. If something is lousy in your life, you can change it. I don't know how, because I don't know you, and I don't know your life. But what I DO know is this:

You have the power to walk away from anything that hurts you, diminishes you, or otherwise makes you unhappy. You have the power to make manifest what you want.

All it takes is a willingness to accept the responsibility implicit in these statements, and the determination to take back the reigns of your life from the Victim Mentality.

[Rev Nicholas Rehfeldt]

I take it you're in high school? So you're still in your teenage years? If so, those are really the roughest times man. My teenage years where pretty hell.

The good news is, the best stuff is ahead of you. Once you hit college age and forward, it gets a lot easier. In college you won't even have to engage people if you don't want.

My personal advice, and this is coming from years of working retail as well... well primarily, realize you are a culture of one. That means you decide for yourself what values and what not, ya know. You choose the ideology that matters. And remember that is for you, and you alone. You don't need to share it with folks. You also don't need to be a dick to people that don't share your world view. Walter of course, has radically different ideological beliefs than the Dude, but manage to get along and even have a friendship.

Secondly, just avoid conflict. This is sometimes easier said than done, Humans have this instinction to always continue the cycle of violence when slighted. Don't. The Dude's head gets shoved in a toliet bowl, but he remains passive and eventually his would be dispatchers move on... Now of course, there is a time and place to let out your inner walter but it's a matter of picking battles and keeping in mind in resorting to violence you still stand to lose even if you win (Walter beats the Nihilist, but at the loss of Donny.)

For the most part, just let people have the last word. As long as your culture of one and peace is maintained, they haven't won.

I had a customer last night at the grocery store I work at. Were in liquidation, like 10 days away from closing. Anyway she comes on my line, and I'm ringing her up while having a side conversation with a coworker. Not exactly the best customer service, but the place is dying. After I tell the customer her total and bagged for her, she snaps at me that "even though your closing you should still pay attention to your customer" and again, theres that instinct to swipe back, but take a small breath and let it go. This percieved slight, especially at the end of a job, isn't worth it. So I just said "Yeaaahhh..." and completed the transaction. Can't engage people like that, ya know? They want a battle, why give it them.

Hope that helps man.

Although, I gotta ask... is "Fuckboi" truly a parlance of our times? Cause it sounds to me pretty much like it would be synonym for twink or ya know, another vernacular for the gay community... and that's cool, that's that's cool. I'm just saying, sounds like an odd term of phrase.

[Father Bubba]

Ok so tonight has been rough as all hell, but I wanna thank you guys and some friends from out of this here community for making everything better for me. I may go through days where the goal isn't quiet clear, or I may not see the point, but in the end, I can just remember the Dude, in Los Angeles. I think of how he would treat this all, and it really would just be to say "fuck it". I am still in High School, 17 years young. I have a whole life to look ahead to. But I cant help but get caught up in rough patches.

And a "fuckboi" isn't a twink, or a bear, or a what-have-you. It's "A guy who tries to get with everyone. A player. A guy who will lie to a girl to make them hook up with them or send pics. They think they are the shit when they aren't. A guy who will only date a girl for their body. A total ass. A guy that will make a girl cry and laugh, and a guy who lies when they said I love you"

But again, thank you dudes so much! I needed these words of encouragement tonight. 

[BikerDude]

Just my two cents but you are really so judgmental.
Go with the flow.
The Dude had no problem with Bunny.
Wonderful woman.  Very free-spirited.  We're all very fond
of her.
Find yourself a cash machine and relax.
Live and let live Dude. If it works for these other Dudes and they are happy then good for them.
As long as it doesn't pee in your cheerios rock on.
That is the way of the Dude IMO.
Live large. That's the best strategy IMO.
Take care of your own happiness rather than being concerned about others.
Just my 2 cents.

But I have to admit that the difficulties people had in High School are a bit of a mystery to me. I had no such issues. I just found it mostly boring.
Maybe it's a generational thing. I was in HS in the 70's.
A much less uptight time.

[resist-the-rush]

dude i dig the subject name. that in itself tells me youre gunna be ok peace

[NiJoDude]

I knew a cool gay dude who took this philosophy. If you don't like it, you can suck my dick. And if you're ok with it, same deal. Retorts with humor are very dude like, and it usually freezes ass hats in their tracks. Keep abiding.