Advice...

[AJ_86]

I dunno what it is about me, but I tend to be that friend everyone kind of leans on when they have a problem.

A co-worker at the grocery we work at being worried about what people say behind his back about him being slow and not knowing where shit is... a girl worried about her boyfriend and sex... another girl who was in that whole 'self-harm' angst scene... a guy who could only be happy if he was with someone who was always on the go, pulling him along... a closeted homosexual who didn't know whether to stay in or not, because of family... a Christian who was having doubts about their faith... a girl not sure whether or not to break it off with her fiance during a really rough patch... a smoker, not sure if they could kick the habit... a party girl who would just leap from guy to guy in search of attention... a college student realizing they're in WAY over their head and are on the verge of imploding...

They have all come to me over the years for advice when things go sideways. It's a weirdly gratifying thing, to be thought of as someone who knows their shit... and sometimes annoying, being the sounding board for their problems when I have my own share.

I tend to always handle it the same way. They spill it all at my feet and then I kind of guide them through it a second time. Stopping here and there and getting them to analyse it themselves. Ask a couple questions, get them to think about stuff they did or said or what others did or said and figure out what it is they want out of the situation. A lot of times, it comes down to a variation on: "You have to do what is best for you. What is it that would make you happy? Where is it you want to be? Figure that out... and make a plan to get there. It might be rough, but no one else can do it."

Sometimes it takes like five minutes. Other times, it's weeks of little talks. Sometimes they listen. Sometimes they don't. I have noticed those that do listen all seem to be happier and more relaxed... and the ones that chose to keep going like they were are kind of stressed and miserable. And, unfortunately, I heard recently that one had decided the only way out was with two bottles: one filled with pills and the other with vodka. Never a good day, when you hear about that happening to anyone. Especially a friend.

I try to help where I can, but I'm just a guy in his late 20s working a crap job and trying to make the best of it. Is it the same with any of you? People asking advice, like you have some sort of higher knowledge?

[Reverend Al]

I can't say this has happened to me consistently, but after asking others about it I've come to the conclusion that it has happened to me more often than it happens to most people.  Like you, I tend to not give advice outright.  First, because I'm at least intelligent enough to know I don't have all of the answers; second, because I don't want to take on the Karma (or the blame) that could result if they were to follow whatever "advice" I might give them and it makes things much worse.  Instead, I also try to get the "solution seeker" to talk it out, think it through, and sort it out for themselves.  Most of the time they're just looking for someone to tell them it's okay to take the "easy" way out, which is rarely the proper solution to their problem.  And quite often the person looking for advice already knows the solution to their problem and they're simply looking for confirmation that it is the right thing to do, regardless of how difficult that solution might be.  And then there are those who truly have not even the slightest clue how to get themselves out of whatever the situation is.  Regardless of their reasons for approaching me, in my experience more often than not they just needed someone--anyone--to talk to about their problem(s), and weren't even looking for advice; they just needed to "get if off their chest".

[jgiffin]

Apropos of "I'm just a guy in his late 20s working a crap job and trying to make the best of it" -  have you considered pursuing work in psychology/psychiatry? Sounds like you: (A) are doing stuff for free that people are willing to pay good money for; (2) are not bad at it; and (C) don't mind doing it.

[BikerDude]

If you enjoy it then there's not problem.
If you feel you are being used then kindly excuse yourself from it.

Personally I find that a lot of people enjoy drama.
And they usually don't want resolution even though they might believe that they do.
They want to populate their time with self absorption in "problems".

If you are of the dramatic ilk then let them vent to you.
If not then play it cool and duck it.
"Yeah, okay, but see, the Dude....."
Etc...
If people perceive that you are a willing audience for their issues then they will spew at you.
If not then they won't.

[Masked Dude]

I'm that guy, too.

But as much as I can guide others, I can't solve a lot of my own shit.