What is a dude to do if a loved one is sick and dying?

[TheDudeWhosJake]

I am having a hard time staying dude-like in this particular time of my life. I've only recently joined the Dudeist community and I am still struggling to immerse myself in the life style and mindset. I need advice on what to do during this turbulent time. A family member who I am very close too is very sick, and may not live through it. I am having trouble keeping a cool head as I watch their energy drain and I realize that I may never get to see them return to their original vigor and spirit. My family and friends are able to cry with me and console me through my worst moments, but I find myself returning to my old habits of depression and pessimistic attitude I lived with before I discovered dudeism which helped me to overcome these feelings. Please I know this is a community of good people! I need advice, anything that could help me keep a cool head!

[Rev. Gary (revgms)]

There's no magic one can give you to dispel the fear and pain of loss, all we can do is tell you it gets better, that all things come to an end and that's okay. It is important to acknowledge your feelings give them the room they need to be, forgive them and love those feelings, so they can move on.

We we view things from close up all the dirt and grit of life become more apparent. We know we are all like the leaves of a tree, destined to turn and fall and that's fine, but when it is our turn to change and fall, we see it much differently. When it gets too much, try and back up your point of view, see the person and their life from a higher level, and cherish that.

Most importantly offer as much love as you can muster, we often are the ones who benefit most from caring for others. But remember love is conditionless, don't make your love conditional on the other persons health. Allow yourself to love them whether they are there for you or not.

Not Dudeism per se, but I suppose that is the best advice I have to offer right now. Best wishes and love for you and yours.

[cckeiser]

greetings dude.
That could be me you are talking about. I am dying of lung cancer. had it since 2010...they been treating it since 2011. I had all the radiation i'm allowed and now going through a second round of chemo "cycles"....I'm not doing well dude.....no well at all.
To sum up my over all feelings....I feel like I am way past my expiration date. My right lung...with the cancer...has collapsed so I have no energy and always feel out of breath. They just drained 2.5 liters of "lung soup" out of it on Tuesday which helped a little....but not as much as they were hoping for.
Yeah, I'm dying dudes and I'm cool with it. Life is very hard when you are sick like this. It just doesn't seem worth the bother. I'm pretty much sleeping...or at least laying down...20 hours a day...just walking from one room to another is exhausting, but I need to move every so often or my legs cramp up.
I think being an Idealist helps me deal with my mortality....I really do believe life is just a very persistent illusion.
My advice to everyone....The purpose of life is to Live it. Nothing more. Live life and make good memories....because that is all you will have when you're gone.
As for treating people like me....well like  i said, I am a true Idealist so I may be different, but all I want is space....i do not want to be smothered....I need room to breath and time to let go.
Actually....I really want to see just what the fuck is on the "other side".
So if they cure my, that will be cool, if not well....I had a very nice ride.

[Masked Dude]

I'm in a similar situation. Not as advanced as cckeiser, but dealing with some crap. The way I see it is that we all want to find that answer so we can share it with others in similar cases. As has been said, there is no one path to finding solace just as there is no one path to enlightenment.

Each of us has different brain wiring and experiences. But we all have a few things in common. We all need someone. You can call it prey or pack mentality or human grace, but we can't do anything alone. What you need more than anything now is someone to talk to or cry with or scream at or bullshit with. Online world may help but it's a step past talking to someone through a door.

Human contact is key. I'm not saying hug it out. As I'm typing this I'm sitting outside in the western side of the house spending time with my brother and his bearded dragon. But I'm alone right now. You're alone while reading this. What you need is a face to help you deal with this stuff.

tl; dr Don't go it alone.