Needing to get some stuff off my chest

[AspiringDude]

Strange, that I post it here, of all places...
I am, once again, in love. Unfortunately, that has rarely ended well for me. I always seem to fall for the girl I cannot have....and I seem to lack that special something that makes people stand out.
I sometimes feel as if I have so much light, joy and love inside me...but I cannot show it. The only thing that comes to the surface of myself is the darkness...the grief, the fear, the anxiety, the anger...it is as if I am smothering myself.
Has anyone ever felt like they wanted to tear their own heart open just so they could show the world the true core of their being?
That's me, every single moment of every single day.
I sometimes feel so fragile...as if the first touch of the world has shattered my soul into a million pieces and the cracks just won't heal. The coldness, the stress, the spiritual emptiness...it has driven a hole into my soul and into that hole seeped only anger and misery.
I sometimes wonder how much more I can take before I crumble to dust...

And now, there is this girl...she's actually been a somewhat-distant friend but someone I always cared deeply about. Last year, I tried to get closer to her, unfortunately I was stinkin' drunk at that time and confessed my feelings for her back then. She said that right now, she was looking for more stability than I could offer. I accepted it - I am fairly used to rejection - and we stayed friends. Now, all of a sudden, she's asked me if she could come over...and all the anxiety, the butterflies...it's all coming back and throwing my life in turmoil...

I don't know why I wrote this but I had to put it somewhere...it's better than bottling it up inside.

[MindAbiding]

Hey Dude,

Glad you could unload your troubles here, man. We've all been somewhere in your neck of the woods -- it is damn hard getting love to click, man, but the good news is that it only has to happen once (or maybe twice or three times).

Like lots of things in life, I think a limber approach to things helps. Sounds like you naturally gravitate toward an uptight way of approaching the prospect of love and rejection. I know the feeling well, Dude, I've been there. But, it's easy to undermine your chances by having a nihilistic attitude or by thinking that things need to happen in a certain way. You gotta let the thing grow in its own time and not be too uptight about how it all turns out. Have some fun, man and stretch your limits. You'll feel freer to explore your feelings and your lucky lady will find your new confidence attractive.

Easier said than done, I know, Dude. But try taking a "fuck it" approach to the whole thing. Not "fuck it, I don't care," but "fuck it, if it's right it's right." Baby steps, man. Just inject a little fuck it into the whole situation. (This is quickly becoming a double entendre.)

Good luck, Dude!

[Rev. Gary (revgms)]

Yeah man, MA is right, ya gotta say fuckit, not about love or the other person, but say fuckit to your own expectations, those are yours, you control them even if it now feels like they control you.

[Hominid]

Wise words dudes, wise words.  The biggest thing for me is that you shared so openly and honestly.  If it's meant to be, it won't take much for this special lady to see your real core - the fact that you know where to place your trust will be very attractive and sexy to the right girl, trust me...

[Hominid]

BTW revgms, good to see you back.

[ProudDogWeather]

Strange, that I post it here, of all places...
I am, once again, in love. Unfortunately, that has rarely ended well for me. I always seem to fall for the girl I cannot have....and I seem to lack that special something that makes people stand out.
I sometimes feel as if I have so much light, joy and love inside me...but I cannot show it. The only thing that comes to the surface of myself is the the fear, the anxiety,  ...I am fairly used to rejection

Every word you see here man is me I am like you well the parts here that you read but than I think to myself the human race has been around for .001 million years on an earth that is 4.5 billion years old while human life is let's say 80 years so honestly unless you destroy the earth nothing you do really matters and even if you did destroy earth nobody would be left to care so any small decision you make  or youn know if you get shot down " fuck it " you got 80 years to find someone to find that special thing inside you even if you can't find it yourself and honestly who cares in China they can't remember off the top of there head who was ahead of the first dynasty I can't even remember the 18 th president so what I'm getting and you guys by this point are like Walter at the play shut thE FUCK UP Donny... Just like don't worry man don't over think it be like fuck it sure I'll come over want me to pick up anything no ok you know if shit happens it happens anxiety is hard to keep down but dude it out and fuck it

[ProudDogWeather]

and AD tell us how it went if you feel comfortable talking bout it but we're all dudes here no one will be a dick about it man