Feeling a little depressed and struggling to abide

[wuliheron]

I fell down a flight of basement stairs at three years old and ended up in a coma for a week. Most people never wake up from a coma after being in one that long. As a result I'm epileptic, have no sense of smell, difficulty remembering numbers and names and so on. That kind of brain damage causes chronic depression and if the damage persists the individual will retreat into a defensible corner and attack anything living that comes near them. If more damage occurs, they curl up into a fetal ball and become totally nonresponsive. Being mentally and physically abused by my parents in bizarre ways since the age of five did not help. However, it did teach me that most people have no clue about what the hell they are talking about including academia who resemble the Three Stooges calling each other stupid, insisting the other guy doesn't know the meaning of the word, and the dictionary is wrong. I've always known the chances of someone finding a miracle for me in my lifetime is almost nonexistent and I have to rely on pulling myself up by my own bootstraps.

Following my own intuition, while diving headlong into reading everything I could about basic science such as physics I invented my own philosophy. Along the way I found some inspirational people such as the Option Institute who bring new meaning to words such as love and, for over 40 years now, have made a mockery of academia and mainstream society merely by loving people and telling their stories. One story is that of the first child in north America, Mimi, diagnosed anorexic from birth.

Despite a loving family with at least half a dozen older thriving siblings, little Mimi never seemed to enjoy eating and, at six months old, refused to nurse. Over the next three years doctors shoved tubes down her throat while she struggled and, eventually, drilled a hole right through to her stomach and inserted a tube to feed her. At three and half years old this little girl who had never spoken a word shoved her hand down her throat and threw up what they fed her. They restrained her after feeding her, but the doctors finally admitted her digestive tract was atrophying and she would not survive much longer. Her mother refused to give up on her and, upon visiting the library, found a book by the Option Institute. After reading the first page she just somehow knew this was the miracle she had been looking for. I had the same experience reading merely the first paragraphs of one of their books although, it was merely one step along my path and not some sort of cure for everything that ails me.

When Mimi went to the Option Institute they did the stupidest thing that everyone else considered immoral and insane. They refused to force feed her and, instead, rounded up 14 volunteers who did 24 hour round the clock two hour shifts with the girl merely attempting to get her come out of her shell and play. After two weeks one of them said he believed he had made a connection so they all agreed he would be the first. He walked into the room with her and ate a banana in front of her. She asked for some and within a week she was stuffing her face at every opportunity. If anyone is interested, they teach a philosophy of unconditional love based on the idea that, "To Love is to be Happy With", to be accepting, nonjudgmental, and embracing. Their books are almost exclusively stories about how they do that and you can read them for free online or buy a paper back from them for six bucks.

[Hominid]

You inspire me dude... really. I respect your tenacity, and tip of the hat to the single most important thing on this earth.  Love.

[wuliheron]

You inspire me dude... really. I respect your tenacity, and tip of the hat to the single most important thing on this earth.  Love.

I never really considered it a choice!

In my twenties I could not figure out why I couldn't bring myself to commit suicide so I said, "Fuck it!" I sold everything I owned, grabbed my guitar, and lived on the streets for the next two years. Best decision I ever made.

After that the question became, "Why do I want to live so much?" Today even that question doesn't matter to me anymore because I have found my path.

[The_Sleevez]

I have had a long fight with depression a lot of ups and downs. One thing that has really grounded me is photography I never really appreciated what was around me until you start looking for photo shots. I started online and found shots I liked then went out to recreate them myself or make my own just playing with the settings and what have you. Changes how you see everything it helps me cope.

[jdurand]

I keep an white LED lamp over my computer monitor aimed at my face.  Certainly helps when I'm in the office for long periods, especially in the winter when it's dark.  The office has a skylight, but if it's dark outside that doesn't help.

[DigitalBuddha]

wuliheron dude, awesome words, mang, awesome words.