Beginning the journey man

[This Dude Abides]

Morning Dudes,  I gotta admit I found this web page awhile back.  I popped in here and there, always making sure not to step on the carpet and mess it up.  But events as of lately have made me sit down, take a look a where my life is going and realize...  I'm doing it all wrong. 

I'm 28 years old, working 80-100 hours a week, stressing about every little thing in my life to the point that I'm losing the hair and recently discovered that the mild case of indigestion I had from cold leftovers in the break room at the job was actually a minor heart attack (That I continued to work through because I didn't have the time to go to the doctor)

It was last night that changed my outlook though.  I had gotten home from an actual 8 hour day...  Well 9 really.  I had changed out of my uniform and just kind of sat down in the living room before I began to do the usual "around the house" type stuff.  Reflecting on the events of the past few weeks and exactly what was going on in my own little world.  I was sitting in a dark room, worrying about the things I had to do on Friday.

Wait...  Why?  Why am I worried about this?  Worrying about all this stuff has gotten me where I am now.  Screw it, I'm done thinking about work, worrying about work and stressing over every little thing in life.  I'm just gonna sit here, and let things happen as they happen. 

Now, don't get me wrong, I've said this before and it hasn't gotten me very far, not long after I'm right back to where I was in the beginning.  However, this time is a little on the different side, especially with the health scare.  Instead of getting up to go check e-mails and plan my week I stood up, poured a glass of scotch and sat back down in the chair, flipping on the TV. 

Scrolling through the channels I found the Big Lebowski playing.  It is one of the very few movies that I will not change the channels on when I scroll past it.  Shawshank Redemption I think is the only other one.  I sat, I drank, I watched and didn't worry, think, or have a care in the world for the first time in a long time.

But while watching, I realized I actually envied The Dude.  Well not when he got his carpet ruined.  Or the new carpet taken or anything like that, but in the sense that, hey, let it go, whatever happens will happen.  I've read up on it more while I sit here before my next meeting at work.

Normally, I'd be pacing the office, reading note cards, and setting every minute up in my head.  However.  Today.  On the first day of my journey?  I'm sitting here writing this.  Reading up some more Dudeism.  Twice today already scenarios have come up that would have sent my blood pressure up.  First one?

"Sorry, but that's really not my problem or department.  You'll need to talk to Bill in the Facilities department"

Scenario 2?

"OK, it happened, I'll fill out the forms that I have to fill out and we go from there"
"Wait, you're not stressing out about it like usual?"
"I know, it feels good"

I know it's only the beginning of the journey.  That I'll have many nihillists to try to stray me from the path...  But, while it may be only my opinion...  Think it's time for a change for the better. 

Think I'll take half the day off, go bowling...

[MindAbiding]

Morning Dudes,  I gotta admit I found this web page awhile back.  I popped in here and there, always making sure not to step on the carpet and mess it up.  But events as of lately have made me sit down, take a look a where my life is going and realize...  I'm doing it all wrong. 

I'm 28 years old, working 80-100 hours a week, stressing about every little thing in my life to the point that I'm losing the hair and recently discovered that the mild case of indigestion I had from cold leftovers in the break room at the job was actually a minor heart attack (That I continued to work through because I didn't have the time to go to the doctor)

It was last night that changed my outlook though.  I had gotten home from an actual 8 hour day...  Well 9 really.  I had changed out of my uniform and just kind of sat down in the living room before I began to do the usual "around the house" type stuff.  Reflecting on the events of the past few weeks and exactly what was going on in my own little world.  I was sitting in a dark room, worrying about the things I had to do on Friday.

Wait...  Why?  Why am I worried about this?  Worrying about all this stuff has gotten me where I am now.  Screw it, I'm done thinking about work, worrying about work and stressing over every little thing in life.  I'm just gonna sit here, and let things happen as they happen. 

Now, don't get me wrong, I've said this before and it hasn't gotten me very far, not long after I'm right back to where I was in the beginning.  However, this time is a little on the different side, especially with the health scare.  Instead of getting up to go check e-mails and plan my week I stood up, poured a glass of scotch and sat back down in the chair, flipping on the TV. 

Scrolling through the channels I found the Big Lebowski playing.  It is one of the very few movies that I will not change the channels on when I scroll past it.  Shawshank Redemption I think is the only other one.  I sat, I drank, I watched and didn't worry, think, or have a care in the world for the first time in a long time.

But while watching, I realized I actually envied The Dude.  Well not when he got his carpet ruined.  Or the new carpet taken or anything like that, but in the sense that, hey, let it go, whatever happens will happen.  I've read up on it more while I sit here before my next meeting at work.

Normally, I'd be pacing the office, reading note cards, and setting every minute up in my head.  However.  Today.  On the first day of my journey?  I'm sitting here writing this.  Reading up some more Dudeism.  Twice today already scenarios have come up that would have sent my blood pressure up.  First one?

"Sorry, but that's really not my problem or department.  You'll need to talk to Bill in the Facilities department"

Scenario 2?

"OK, it happened, I'll fill out the forms that I have to fill out and we go from there"
"Wait, you're not stressing out about it like usual?"
"I know, it feels good"

I know it's only the beginning of the journey.  That I'll have many nihillists to try to stray me from the path...  But, while it may be only my opinion...  Think it's time for a change for the better. 

Think I'll take half the day off, go bowling...

Welcome, Dude!  May I suggest downloading the dudeism relaxer and setting it for regular intervals to keep away the nihilists in your head.  Look after your health, man!  I don't know what your job is, but I bet it isn't worth your life.  And do stop into the beach community to limber up your mind and let go of any uptight perspectives.

In some way or another we're all aspiring toward the same thing -- it's nice to have fellow meanderers to wander the Trail of Abiding with.

Aw shucks, I'm rambling again!

[Boston Rockbury]

I didn't even know there were 80-100 hours in a week. I never bothered to count them. But that is too many hours to work in a YEAR dude!

Sometimes it IS nihilists or reactionaries that knock us off the path but I'd guess that most often it's achievers who do that and perhaps most often of all the 'inner achiever'. The inner achiever bone is connected to the uptight bone - as the song tells us. Once you get into note cards the game is pretty much up. I think it's fair to say that having a heart attack is probably a message that all may not be quite right. Doctor Dude prescribes a large does of laziness to treat this particular condition.
It's also essential to have a cat or dog to stroke regularly as the chakras in the hands are connected to the heart chakra, so animal stroking is soothing for the heart. Best to combine this with whale sounds and a relaxing bath. Welcome to a whole new way of being dude!

[This Dude Abides]

Appreciate the advice Dudes.  It's going to be a trying path for awhile until I learn to let go of past habits but I'm slowly but surely on the way. 

[MindAbiding]

Once you get into note cards the game is pretty much up. I think it's fair to say that having a heart attack is probably a message that all may not be quite right.

I lost my shit when I read these two sentences.  But, seriously, Dude.  Mark it 0.

Peace, dudes!

[This Dude Abides]

Yesterday was an unbelievable success.  To the point where I went home, was still calm and collected, grabbed a six pack of pint can's on the way home from work, sat down and took a nap for a little while. 

Wasn't frazzled, didn't have the usual nagging headache...  Today will be a bigger test however.  Very high level people coming to do a walkthrough of the job and everyone around me is running around like nut jobs preparing.  Me?  Sitting here, watching a compilation of cat video's on youtube.  Enjoying a beverage, delegating what I can...  It's oddly surreal but at the same time I haven't felt this way during work in a long time.  Usually only get peace like this when I'm on vacation. 

Need to go search for a miniature carpet to pull my office together I think.

[LotsaBadKarma]

Somebody just recently gave me a Buddhist quote that goes "confusion is the first step to enlightenment". I think you are on the right path. I have recently been undergoing a similar awakening. I retired from my old job in '98 but am working full-time in a different field. I wonder about working "for the man" as it were. Part of my problem is that I fell for the whole American dream thing, buy the house, etc., and find that I am now a slave to all of it. Figuring out how to get free of it is the challenge for me because of my "commitments".
I applaud you for making the inroads that you have. Keep us posted.

[This Dude Abides]

Somebody just recently gave me a Buddhist quote that goes "confusion is the first step to enlightenment". I think you are on the right path. I have recently been undergoing a similar awakening. I retired from my old job in '98 but am working full-time in a different field. I wonder about working "for the man" as it were. Part of my problem is that I fell for the whole American dream thing, buy the house, etc., and find that I am now a slave to all of it. Figuring out how to get free of it is the challenge for me because of my "commitments".
I applaud you for making the inroads that you have. Keep us posted.

Oh don't get me wrong, I'm trying to break the chains of the American dream.  At 16 I started work, 2 part times, a full time job and high school.  Did this to support my family when my Grandmother passed away.  From then up until now I've never actually worked a 40 hour week.  My minimum has probably been 60 hours at least. 

As of late I've been doing the best to get out of the hole I dug myself with Credit Cards.  I'm trying to get out of the hole I dug when I went out and bought my Harley.  Trying to get out of the hole that comes around 4 times a year when I have to pay the property taxes.  However, since I've flipped my mental condition I've kind of taken a different view on the way it works

"I can have the Bills, I can deal with the job, but it doesn't have to stress me out."

I used to stress each month when the bills were due, do I have enough to cover them all, will I have to put off one to afford the other?  Used to give me sleepless nights to be honest.  Now?  I can cover these, no big deal.  This one will be tight but I'll just make a call, see what they say.  They work with me?  Great.  If not?  Oh well, I'll figure it out next paycheck is all. 

It's almost as if that I've stopped being able to care about it.  Perhaps from all the years of dealing with this from a young age I've just burnt out that portion of the brain in a way lol

[MindAbiding]

Nice, Dude!  A word from the unwise:  Be patient with yourself through this process.  You'll likely find that your new-found "fuck it" attitude slips from time to time, plunging you back to the mental habits that you're trying to overcome.  Something will happen and you'll feel very undude; you'll quickly snap back in to old ways of thinking, and have doubts about the value of a limber mind.  At least, this happens to most people when they try to take a new perspective on things. 

Just remember that when this happens nothing is fucked!  The goddamned plane has not, in fact, flown into the mountain.  These are just old habits reasserting themselves.  Years and years of conditioning that has a pretty firm grasp on the ole neural architecture.  The thing to keep in mind is that, first off, this is natural, man -- it's just what minds do and there's no reason to lose your cool (you don't have to believe everything you think, as a wiser fella than myself once said).  Second, these are the exact moments that provide you with opportunities to really abide.  Slipping into old habits is not a bad thing, in fact, it's the greatest teacher if you can recognize you've done it and do some kind of yoga to increase the chances of conceiving an abidist mindset.  You know, man?

[BrotherShamus]

I'd like to point out how beautiful it is that at this crucial moment in your life, you happen to stumble upon The Big Lebowski. I think thats pretty cool. I mean, its been coming on TV a lot recently, so its not some magical event, but its pretty crazy that your answer you needed just appeared like that.

Just sayin

[This Dude Abides]

Yeah, the dude works in mysterious ways I guess.  First to have put the show on, and if you want weirder, letting me work the first 9 hour day I've worked in the past...  3 months, so I was actually home to catch it and the message. 

I'm gonna be 100% honest in the fact that I'm waiting to revert into my old train of thought here and there.  But so far I haven't.  I work my day, leave when I'm supposed too, go home, relax.  I did a little gardening yesterday and changed my belt on my car.  Didn't think about anything work related. 

I wake up I'm not tired, I don't get that underlying feeling of dread while at work anymore, I don't get the headaches like I used too...  I feel fantastic.  Dudeism...  A way of life that may have just extended mine lol

[LotsaBadKarma]

For myself, in the past, I would allow myself to be put into inconvenient situations like getting called in for extra shifts. I would feel resentful about this until the point where I got into an argument with a co-worker one day about not me not thinking that she was holding up her end on the job. She simply stated "I don't run for this place any more" which was profound for me. The place we worked had a policy of under-staffing. We would work short until someone got burned out enough to quit. If we lost 3 people they would hire 2, lose 2 hire 1, lose 1.....Fuck it! What she said kinda snapped me back to reality. At that point I saw that it wasn't the workers who weren't holding up their end but the admin that wasn't holding up theirs! At that point I stopped running and started to rely on my caller ID. I always get my job done and I don't leave unfinished shit for the next shift to fix but when they're looking for somebody to kick in an extra 12 hours, well, "phone's ringin', Dude". Just don't expect me to get up and answer it.

[Father Dude]

I work in an Emergency Room. Let me tell you, those fascists are something else.

Luckily I am not clinical or I would be stuck there forever or in a place like it. I leave in June but a few months back I realized I was hitting a dead wall. The worry that would accumulate after each shift would send me spiraling deeper than usual into the friendly drink. I felt bad, looked bad and felt trapped.

Then it hit me.

It doesn't fucking matter. I thankfully leave at the beginning of June to transfer to a 4 year college. There I'll be doing I.T. work and catering, neither of which I consider terribly horrid jobs. Even if they were I know that it can't be that bad. I agree with you, I envied the dude. He had his rug, his house, various knick knacks.

Really that's all I need. I think I'll end up teaching and as long as I have my motorcycle, a car that doesn't break down too often and vinyl records abound, I'm happy.

Keep on it dude, it'll pan out and maybe that opportunity to do that classic job. That "if you love your work you never work a day in our life" job.

[RighteousDude]

I work in an Emergency Room. Let me tell you, those fascists are something else.

Hospitals are dens of evil. Apparently, in order to succeed in a career in a hospital you have to have a mental age of 12 and be mean as hell.

[mrpaddy]

Great thread, man. Enjoyable read. Always nice to hear from people in high-pressure jobs and lives who "hear the call" of Dudeism. I was much the same as you, This Dude Abides - working way more than I was getting paid for, constantly stressed about credit card bills, rent bills, every other kinda bill... but now? I still have the same job - but I work my day, do my best, then when I'm gone I'm gone. No take-homes. I still have bills - in fact, the bills have got worse lately, it's looking like for the next month or two I'm going to have just enough coming in to pay my rent, pay my debts, pay my bills, and have about 1/4 of what I need for food etc. But y'know what? Fuck it. Can't do anything about getting into that situation. Can't do anything to get out of it other than just "give zem ze fockin' money". And if the alternative is stress and worry and bigger debts to sort out next time? C'mon, man, we're ending things cheap here.

So from the bottom of my heart, dude, good luck with making the change. I honestly think it may be the most important one you make in your life. And I think you'll find (well, you already have) that there's a great community of dudely brothers and sisters on these-here boards who will keep your spirits up and help you keep your mind limber.