Rolling with the verbals

[Rev. Ed C]

It is a sad fact of life, especially here in the UK, that people like me, who stand out in a crowd, are often the subject of verbal abuse from random member of the public when walking down the street.  Over the years I've simply let these moronic heckles roll off me, for the most part, because these people are clearly sad examples of how the Care in the Community system has yet again failed, and they usually have no frame of reference.

Common heckles in the past are mostly in reference to Jesus.  If I felt that these morons would benefit from some correct information I'd happily explain that if Jesus had my hair and skin colour he'd not have lasted five minutes out of the womb in Nazareth, and that despite the odd myth that Jesus had a long beard, it's really fuckin' hard to find a picture of him with anything but a short beard.  But,you know Christ was one of the greatest dudes in history, so, no real biggies.

Other comparisons have been to great British dude and part-troll comedian, Bill Bailey.  Again, not really anything to break my spirit, as opposed to lift it.  And of course, Gimli, which to be is only another mark of honour to be treasured (having modelled myself on the dwarven look anyway!).

I've often laughed when I've been heckled by groups who single me out as different whilst the core value of their social group is to be different.  Emos, punks, etc, who all attempt to stand out from society as individuals by... er.. conforming to the style of their own group... And these people comically want to try to make me feel bad for being a true individual.  Laughable.  Ha... ha!

However, despite all of the idiocy and light ribbing I've received over the years, last night I managed to receive the most vehement, and bloodcurdling indictment of my being from the window of a moving car whilst walking home.  Now, the method of delivery and the war-cry like fervour in which it reached my ears was not the issue, and nor was the sentiment, but it was the time and place that got me.  I don't mind that it happened, but it was rush hour and after the schools had kicked out, and as such, the obscenities of the message felt highly in appropriate, especially as there was a small child in sight of me at that time.

So, was it really crossing a line in not my personal sand (I mean, fuck it, whatever man), but a line in the sand of setting a good example for children?

And, if you're interested in what as screamed at me, prepare yourself for the level of profanity, in case I inadvertently offend:







"FUCKIN' HIPPY CUNT"



Proving, once again, that contrary to popular American belief, eloquence is not taught in public schools here in the UK

[meekon5]

I remember seeing Bruce Forsyth interviewed and he was asked about how he deals with hecklers so well. he said he was taught to always have a few come backs memorised but to use them and adapt them to the situation.

My last similar experience went something like this:

inbreed: "Oy mate you need to get a shave!"

me: "come back to me when you've grown some pubes!"

inbreed (starts to say): "I've got more down there than you will ever have!"

me (interrupting half way through): "That's not what your mum said to me last night!"

inbreed (as I walk away): assorted expletives having realised that I had just not only insulted his manhood but also suggested hs mother was of a certain profession.

[Rev. Ed C]

I do love the insinuation that I need to shave, considering the people that say it look like they're not old enough to need to.  I mean, who are they idolising with this image of the cleanshaven man?  Most likely footballers and other assorted 'hardmen' of the modern era.  Of course, they don't really hold a candle to the hardmen of days gone by, like the celts, the norse, and other such assorted manly types.  I'd really, really, really like to see Danny Dyer and Wayne Rooney face up against a couple of long-beareded, long-haired barbarians in a cage match

I guess my usual tool is to ignore life-hecklers, because I really can't be bothered to even acknowledge that what they've said was even worth hearing. I usually keep talking over them if I'm with someone, which really pisses them off when they think I've not even heard and their best efforts at trying to make me feel ashamed of myself haven't been worth the breath they've expended (which of course, they never were anyway )

[Lao Dude]

Quoteth the Dude..upon being upbraided and called a jerkoff.

"I'm sorry..I wasn't listening."  (careful of flying coffee mugs, however).

Or, the now well-worn: "Hey..that's just like your opinion man."

I've also found one way to confound idiots like you've mentioned is to simply throw a non-sequiter at them. Then, they will assume you are a dirty hippy and a bit eccentric..so win-win for everybody.

Some Dudeists non-sequiters

1. yell real loud either "OVER THE LINE!" or "SHOMAR SHABBOS" (or the famous Sandy Koufax tirade).
2. "I am the walrus" in response to anything they say.
3.  "Does the female form bother you?"
4. "Careful, man there's a beverage here."
5. "Must be exhausting" (as you look at them in pity).
6.  "You're obviously not a golfer."

or maybe, best...just a simple, "The Dude abides."

Consider these snide attacks as an opportunity for performance art.  That's what I do with telemarketers.

[Outer Element]

If you're worried about a child having witnessed something like this, how about turning to the child and saying something like, "they were wrong to say that to me," or "no one should tell someone else they're bad." Something simple and straightforward that would convey to the child that you do not feel ashamed, even though others want you to, and that the problem is with the bullies, not you.

Maybe think of some kind of message that you would want children to take with them and apply to similar situations that they might encounter in the future? Bullying is a huge problem in schools and kids need to learn positive responses to it.

[Rev. Ed C]

Thanks guys

It's never really been a problem for me, i just roll with it and ignore.  It was more of a moral question, regarding the time and place and the potential witness.  It's not the sentiment that was the issue, it would have been beyond the child's understanding, and that would be an issue for the parent/guardian with them, not my place to step in.  It's the imitation of the language that's a bigger issue, as so-called taboo words become more prevalent amongst the youth of our culture.

Call it a question of moral turpitude

[Outer Element]

Ok, so you weren't asking for advice, just for confirmation--sorry about that. Yes, I agree--very much crossing the line. Kids witness crap like that and imitate it and perpetrate it all the time. A good case for an adult saying something at the time it's happening, which is why I jumped on board with that. It takes a village to raise a child, does it not? (but definitely not Fox News, which reminds me of this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQBMHh4kv-A&feature=related)

For the record, I'm sorry that you catch shit like this, mang, but glad you can swing a bit with it.

[Rev. Ed C]

No worries man, thanks for your concern.  That's the trouble you have when you're born with auburn hair.  Even my main man, Mr Warren Zevon ragged on me a bit with the line "They treat you like a redheaded stepchild".  But I forgave him

The long hair and the long beard don't help, but I fly my colours and my follicles in the face of the undude.  I'm big enough, hairy enough and dude enough to handle it.

Pick on me, but leave the fuckin' 8-year olds out of it

[meekon5]

The major problem with your average Neanderthal is if they don't understand something they tend to hit it with a big stick until it goes away or stops making the noises it doesn't understand.

[Tripnastic]

I don't know.  I've been called a lot of things, had a lot of things screamed at me, etc...  I guess I don't really care enough to..well...care.  So what?  I may not like it I suppose, but answering them in any way puts me there with them.  As long as I can keep on doing what I'm doing, I really don't care.   Just gonna keep on walking down the street.  I don't know these people, don't know why they do what they do, and since I don't sit on a bench with a gavel, I don't judge.   If it makes them feel good about themselves to call me a name, cool, glad I could help brighten your day a bit, I have enough self confidence to take it.

So I guess in answer to the first post, my moral line in the sand would have to literally be a physical line.  If a child were with me, and I don't react to that nonsense, hopefully they'll realize not to react to that nonsense either.

[Rev. Ed C]

So I guess in answer to the first post, my moral line in the sand would have to literally be a physical line.  If a child were with me, and I don't react to that nonsense, hopefully they'll realize not to react to that nonsense either.

Fuckin A'man, brother.  A bit of responsible parenting/guardianship goes a long way in this world, and alas, there's not always enough of it to go around.  If we can take that attitude and outnumber the shouters and screamers and other socially irresponsible undudes, we might just be able to help society on the way towards a Dudetopia afterall