My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them  - Mitch Hedberg

We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by. - Will Rogers

Clothes make the man.  Naked people have little or no influence on society  - Mark Twain

Forgive me my nonsense as I forgive the nonsense of those who think they talk sense - Robert Frost

When I get really, really bored I like to get in my car, drive into the city, find a parking spot, and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.  - Steven Wright

In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri.

    - Douglas Adams


There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

    - Douglas Adams


Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.

    - Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Do you know where your towel is?

To quote from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

A towel, it says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitch hiker can have. Partly it has great practical
value - you can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapours; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a mini raft down the slow heavy river Moth; wet it for use in hand-to-hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or to avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (a mindboggingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can't see it, it can't see you - daft as a bush, but very, very ravenous); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.

More importantly, a towel has immense psychological value. For some reason, if a strag (strag: non-hitch hiker) discovers that a hitch hiker has his towel with him, he will automatically assume that he is also in possession of a toothbrush, face flannel, soap, tin of biscuits, flask, compass, map, ball of string, gnat spray, wet weather gear, space suit etc., etc. Furthermore, the strag will then happily lend the hitch hiker any of these or a dozen other items that the hitch hiker might accidentally have "lost". What the strag will think is that any man who can hitch the length and breadth of the galaxy, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through, and still knows where his towel is is clearly a man to be reckoned with.

 

There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.
Epictetus (55 AD - 135 AD)

Once in a while you get shown the light in the stangest of places if you look at it right.
Robert Hunter, Scarlet Bergonias (The Grateful Dead)

I don't like that man. I must get to know him better.
Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865)

The spirit of resistance to government is so valuable on certain occasions, that I wish it always to be kept alive.
Thomas Jefferson (1743 - 1826)

Hey Man, I'm drinking wine, eating cheese and catching some rays.
Donald Sutherland as Oddball, in "Kelly's Heros"

Those who are clever, who have a Brain, never understand anything.
Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne

I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.
Dave Barry (1947 - )

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
Jules Renard (1864 - 1910

You can forget a lot of things, but you cannot forget a woman's name and claim to love her.
Real Live Preacher, RealLivePreacher.com Weblog, October 20, 2003

I have the worlds largest seashell collection. You may have seen it, I keep it spread out on beaches all over the world.        Steven Wright


Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not.
Dr. Seuss (1904 - 1991), The Lorax

Life is like playing the violin in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
Samuel Butler (1835 - 1902)