Well, Dude - I can, of course, only speak from experience: I think I had my first J when I was around 16 - I didn't come up for fresh-air 'til my early twenties. We all get those vibes from time to time - your inner-dude is telling you to lay off for awhile. I used to view, in those far off days, herb as purely recreational which of course, it ain't. Oh yeah, we can surf the THC wave with joy, bliss - what have you - and that's cool, that's cool - but in our high spirits we tend to forget that herb is used for gentle introspection, which requires fresh input from the big bad - you know,  world. We miss a lot of shit when we are shit-faced, important self-development stuff - we can't really move forward when we medicate ourselves into a stupor (which I was only too guilty of). Shit, not managing to say what I want today - you of course, know all that stuff. I guess what I am getting at is that hedonism is all well and good; but our minds will rebel, after awhile, and mirror all our inner discontent back at us when we spark up. Herb, just like any other drug can be abused - it probably ain't a popular viewpoint but it isn't supposed to be used everyday. When the vibe is negative it just means it is time to find yourself again - it's time to get lost in something practical. It can be a cold step to take - but learning something new or revving up on a creative project can be just as joyful as a thc high (well, nearly). When you are more content with your lot (that is to say you feel you have taken care of business) then the positive high will come back. Don't get me wrong, in my view herb is a celebratory drug - but it works best when your inner-dude feels there is something to celebrate or reflect, with joy, upon.

Also, and this again is just my opinion, alcohol just fucks up the herb high; it is a depressant  - don't mix your highs. Rastafarians sip red wine with their herb - but they don't get drunk. All this caucasian, oat soda and J stuff is all well and good (from time to time) but it does not serve the herb or ourselves well.

Anyway, Dude - sorry, this probably doesn't help - my perspective may just be an age thing and the fact that I am a Dad. When the kids are away with grandparents. maybe we will get out the pipe again ('cept we have nothing to put in it  ). My spouse had a near-death motor-bike accident some years ago and her joints and muscles are fucked; she's suffering at the moment and herb is the only thing that helps - roll on spring break (kids will be staying with their grand parents).

Here's a vibe about getting lost in your work (Sufi-like ): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jR67nIhLaBg

Dude, reading your experience is almost like looking at an entry from my own journal two or so years ago.  I think almost ALL of us have been where you are at this point.

Cakebelly is absolutely right-on.  Sometimes, one can fall into the trap of smoking up just for the sake of the high (or out of boredom) instead of using it as an enhancement for day-to-day activities.  I'm not saying this is what *you're* doing of course, but this is something I myself have done and it always ends in burnout and, as you said, self-loathing/bad feelings in general.

I'd suggest you take a break from smoking for a while, have some personal time to process and filter any negative energies, fears, or day-to-day BS that one can't really deal with properly in an altered state, then you'll find, next time you smoke up in a *happy*, *contented* mood, that all the abundantly warm, positive feelings the herb can bring are back at your grasp.

"Yea i see that as good advice. I need to handle my shit and get to a point where i don't have to focus on my problems. I still don't know how that will help with looking back on things, but I suppose I'll accept my plot in life eventually ( as soon as I figure out where that is ), I don't really have a focus or goal. Maybe it's time for some ambition.

It seems undudely to give a damn about it all, when I'm really passive and just let it be about so many things and confront issues when they happen. But all this time i'm not really paying attention to the direction I'm going, and I keep hitting walls. When i could have a plan of action to avoid them...? I think i'm making sense.

Basically i think i'm going to try and do something instead of just being something. Which really isn't the dude in me at all. I'm pretty confused about it.

I see that their are bigger fish to fry and larger problems than my own, so i usually don't worry about my own shit.

Why I only think about it so intensely when I'm high, i have no clue. But it's almost like it's telling me to pull my head out of my ass, because when I'm sober I really don't feel pressured to do anything."


It ain't undudely to give a shit - and it certainly ain't uncool to have ambition. Even worldly ambition (it's how one goes about fulfilling that ambition that counts). Personal evolution nearly always comes with a hearty serving of pain (spiritual/physical) - you will be  reborn many times over before you get to my age, Dude. You'll be carrying a few scars, too - all of which will have taught you something about being you. It's a process of becoming. Same thing happened to the Dude (if we wanna use the movie as an example) - he hadn't perfected the art of abiding, either. He had to go through a ton of shit before he delivered the line "the Dude abides", did he not? I think before we can hope to approach the near-mythical state of 'abiding at one with the universe' you have to learn how to abide with yourself (not that I can lay claim to that state). Lotta ins, lotta outs on this narrow lane, Dude - you'll be waylaid by nihilists and paraquats at every turn (bummer) but those fucks   will have a lot to teach you, too - sometimes a lot more than a friend can teach you.

     Self-disgust
     Gnaws at the root of being, and doth hang
     A heavy sickness on the beams of day,
     Making the atmosphere, which should exalt
     Our contemplations, press us down to earth,
     As though our breath had made it thick with plague.
     Cursed! accursed be the freaks of Nature,
     That mar us from ourselves, and make our acts
     The scorn and loathing of our afterthoughts?
     The finger mark of Conscience, who, most treacherous,
     Wakes to accuse, but slumber?d o?er the sin.
                  (Christopher Marlowe)

Woah man, how you should or shouldn't feel is just like, an opinion dude. just relax and let whatever comes come.

hey thanks bro.

well, buddha, an awesome dude basicly taught that this feeling of "emptiness" is usualy caused by wanting stuff. and stuff is like, made up dude. some guy tells you that they have a job or a lot of something or accomplished x,y and z is just in their head bro. it is said that what can be said to be the dude is not the true dude, 'cause like, everything is just an opinion. you're free to like, enjoy yourself mang, no path to follow, just remember that in general, people are UNDUDE and they will be all dickhead about it. or I dunno man, do what you please...

Also consider the words of bill hicks, another great dude. go to youtube and type in "It's Just a Ride"

hmm, well, best I can say is, it's nice to wake people up to their delusions, but not stress if you can't, equanimity is very dudely.